


Vitamin B

by Lyson



Category: Death Note
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Other, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-14
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:48:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 120,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyson/pseuds/Lyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after B met L, wanted L, claimed L, after B became L, after B was taken from L – L comes to face the supernatural killer – Kira. L wanted revenge, it would be the sweetest thing he ever tasted, perhaps sweeter than the tastes of... Beyond, L's secret pseudo sacrosanct perversion is the only mistake Kira ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Shy - Cross My Heart I've Sinned

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or its characters
> 
> Warnings: My Stories are explicitly rated for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art: By Lyson on Deviantart

 

* * *

_-So Shy -_

* * *

 

**-** _Cross My Heart I've Sinned-_

* * *

The sound of small footsteps could be heard in the hall, it echoed as the child bolted through the emptiness, slowly getting louder and at its loudest as the child ran past the door of his room, and then it began to fade.

He glanced at the corner of his laptop screen to find it as just after six, someone was late to the dinner hall, whoever the child was, he or she would probably only miss the dull commencement of prayer before eating, which to him seemed like a waste anyway.

L sat hunched in his wooden chair, one leg off, his toes barely touching the ground as he kept his foot tensed in to a point and one leg on pressed to his chest, his toes gripping lightly at the edge of the wood, he was staring at the computer screen that held a statistics chart but he didn't care for his work right then, hence the reason he sat with his eyes wide and unseeing at the bright monitor.

His messy black hair was in disarray in front of his face and he could barely see anything anyway, he took a moment to remember it had been at least five days since he'd washed it last, simply not bothered to tend to it when he bathed, it had oiled out considerably and he discovered upon brushing it back with his hand, that while it frayed out above his head and stuck out in all directions, only a few pieces of the wispy black strands fell into his face.

He absently smiled, very slightly and pinched his bottom lip playfully as he rested his chin on his knee, going back to staring at the screen. He sighed into the silence and his eyes fell on the caramel fudge cake left for him, the slice was half eaten and L had forfeited it for the cherry flavored lollipop, which was shortly discarded in his tea cup along with half the sweet syrupy liquid, now cold.

He was feeling anxious and wanted the sweets, he enjoyed them and even at that moment craved them, but he felt as if he might throw up. He noted the sound of footsteps in the hall again, only these were steady but light, L turned his head so his cheek rested on his shoulder and his eyes, taking on a lazy size, could focus on the door to his room.

As expected a single knock and the door opened, Quillsh Wammy entered carrying a tray and L's dark grey eyes instantly narrowed,

"I feel un well Mr. Wammy." He stated quite quickly and turned his head away from the older man, making sure his face was hidden and his apprehensive expression was not visible.

"I do hate to have this argument with you L, but I assure you it won't discourage me." His voice was so calm and yet authoritive enough to make L's face take on a childish expression of unhappiness and he pulled his other leg onto the chair so his knees were against his chest, burying his face against his knees, his arms rapping around his legs as well, a battle position of sorts, a display of defiance.

Quillsh spared the sixteen year old a glance and only shook his head with a fond smile,

"I have brought you things that you mostly enjoy…" he continued speaking despite L's curling in on himself, "…roast and gravy…some mash, although I know you're not fond of potatoes…and fresh sweet corn…" he looked at L who made a gagging noise.

"You will eat it…I won't leave until you have…" Quillsh again injected the recommended amount of authority into his voice and stood next to the two chairs and table near the window, the food set out on the tray still fresh and warm.

L didn't move for a moment, feeling that Mr. Wammy was watching him he pulled his face in an exaggerated pout and gave an equally exaggerated sigh as he dropped his feet to the ground and stood up, slouching his shoulders the way he had become used to from being in front of his computer most of the time, he walked over to the table and sat in the seat designated with food.

Quillsh folded his arms over his chest, showing L he had no intention of leaving until the plate was empty, L looked at him with his grey eyes slightly sad, hoping he would see the pleading, the smell of the food wafting up into his nose, Quillsh raised a greying eyebrow expectantly and L sunk, his shoulders against the wooden back, his legs straight, this was a sign of exaggerated defeat.

Quillsh had become used to this, once a day L was to eat a proper meal, he had the choice of meal, breakfast, lunch or dinner, and very rarely did L get away with not eating the whole day and merely surviving off sugar, but tonight was no such a rare lucky night as Quillsh had noticed L was not well in the past two days and so had decided he'd most definitely be eating properly tonight.

L raised his thin fingers and took the fork very slowly between his thumb and index finger, making Quillsh smile,  
"You seem especially persistent with your difficult behaviour tonight…" he pulled out the other chair and sat down elegantly, another action to make L realize he was not going to get impatient.

L didn't look at him and stared at the plate as he picked up the knife…two minutes later he'd cut a piece of the roast beef and was chewing it with an expression that Quillsh found it difficult not to laugh at. He was used to L's exaggerated manner of tantrums and unhappiness, the boy was very spoiled and was almost never refused anything he wanted, except when it came to eating.

L's face was concentrated so hard on the scowl that Quillsh was certain the muscles there would be sore later, another few minutes later and two mouthfuls of the mash was gone. Quillsh leaned back comfortably and glanced around the room.

L's room was that of a teen, not typical but not unlike, there was a pair of jeans lying on the carpeted floor, obviously worn at some point and never put into the washing basket for laundry. His double bed was not made, and even though L had a tendency to fall asleep on the carpeted floor before the bed, the sheets and comforter along with the pillows were in a terrible upset, as if he'd been jumping and rolling around in it, the latter was the most likely. The book shelves were neat, but all other cupboard surfaces were covered with papers and files and sweet wrappers, the occasional tea cup, the main desk had L's laptop and it seemed the neatest part of the room, but Quillsh's old eyes noticed something peculiar and he gave L a questioning look suddenly,

"Why are you boxer shorts on the ground?" he asked having noticed that several pairs were lying on the carpeted floor under the set of drawers, and one thing L was meticulous about was his clean clothing, because wearing anything unclean was not something he did.

He was currently poking at the corn in his plate while chewing on a mouthful of meat, and apparently the last of it too,  
"I…didn't feel like wearing any of them…my black ones are all in the laundry basket…" he mumbled around the food in his mouth, staring at the corn as he poked the fork through them individually.

The older man frowned and looked back to the boxer shorts, two blue pairs and one grey, he sighed and looked at the teenager he'd apparently raised as a spoilt brat,  
"L…you cannot be serious…does that mean you forfeited underwear simply because you couldn't find a black pair?" he asked seemingly annoyed.

"I have requested numerous times that you only purchase black underwear for me…" he said stubbornly.

Quillsh found his eyes twitching,  
"You are well aware that underwear is not sold in one color, and very rarely sold individually packed, since I find this is one of your more…unnecessary…requests, I will not walk from store to store to find packs of black underwear."

He stood up seeing that there were few scraps of food scattered on the plate, L's black eyes raised to follow his guardian with feigned innocence as Quillsh grabbed the tray rather hastily,  
"…and as I've said before, if you would like, I will take you out to shop for yourself."

"You know I loathe public Mr. Wammy." He continued to look as innocent as possible with his eyes wide and empty.

"Then you'll wear the bloody coloured underwear." he didn't shout really but his tone was leaving no room for argument and L watched him walk to the door in his perfectly steady strides before he stopped with his hand on the door knob,  
"Also I expect you will clean your room before the week is up…as is out agreement.." he was watching L's face from the short distance, but L just blinked.

Quillsh sighed,

"I'll bring you strawberry shortcake shortly…" he said just audibly and the door shut closed once he'd left. L brought his thumb to his mouth and let it rest lightly between his teeth as his lips formed a smile around it, Mr. Wammy was quite mean when he wanted to be even when trivial things like boxer shorts were involved, but he was still getting his favourite cake for eating the ghastly food.

The taste lingered on his tongue and he stopped smiling, instead he grimaced, he turned on the chair to glance at the bathroom, he'd have a bath shortly and wash his hair, because he was certain he could smell the food in it as he sat there.

* * *

An hour later L was sitting in his bath tub, bubbles overflowing and the hot water practically at the brim of the large bath.

The scene was quite amusing since amidst all the bubbles all that was visible of the teenager was his wet and sharply spiked black hair, lathered with forgotten shampoo, the water could be heard moving as L occasionally shifted a limb beneath the sea of bubbles.

Quillsh had brought him desert and then left him alone, bidding him good night after reminding him again about his room. Over the few months of this deal with Quillsh about maintaining neatness in his room, L had only bothered once, all other times Quillsh had resorted to getting the orphanage staff to do it eventually.

He had no intention of doing it this time either, instead he thought he'd perhaps read a book, he was certain he'd seen a truck delivering new books to the orphanage library that afternoon, he smirked to himself, his eyes widening with excitement, on his shelves were all of his favourite books read over the years, which he purchased to collect, if he found anything refreshing in the library he would be buying new books soon.

The idea made him grin and he leaned back into the bubbled before submerging himself into the soft bubbles.

* * *

He left his room when it was lights out at Wammy's, silence was his favourite sound after all, the only noise was the light pat of his bare feet on the cold floor as he walked, his hands in the pockets of the black sweat pants he wore and a faded grey hooded jacket was pulled over a white short-sleeve shirt.

He hadn't bothered to dry his hair so it was currently still partially damp and falling all over his head and into his face, his grey eyes staring dully ahead as he walked.

He walked slightly hunched, down the first stair case, along two other halls, slight anticipation building as he neared the library…only to stop dead in his tracks and a very stubborn expression of unhappiness settled on his pale features.

There were older kids in the library, by older he meant under seventeen, none reading, L could make out two boys and two girls, it didn't take a genius to figure it out from the hushed talking and lounging on the couches, but he was a genius, so it goes without saying.

He chose to avoid the situation all together and he turned on his bare heels, he'd rather not tell them to get out and risk walking in on anything he'd regret witnessing. He was going to head back to his room but he's feet carried him to the stair case where he went down the final flight of stairs and then into the main hall and he now walked somewhat faster.

The halls were in darkness but he knew the floors so well he walked them effortlessly, he made he's way to Wammy's front entrance and once there, an almost non-existent sigh emitted from him, he would just spend some time outside until he felt like going back to his room.

He pulled open one of the heavy doors and the chilled England wind pushed him back lightly, he hadn't noticed from being inside that it was in fact drizzling, a light pitter patter and the lights on Wammy's ground made the rain drops seem like little silver flashes as they fell.

He stepped out of the inner warmth onto the small entrance arch and a small smile crept onto his face, his index finger coming to rest between he's lips as he thought of going out, he liked the rain, he always had, it always comforted him.

He didn't acknowledge the tiny sniff or the little cough that followed it, even the small headache he had seemed to be ignored; he wouldn't accept that he might have been ill. With renewed vigour he extracted a hand from his pocket and out came a strawberry flavoured lollipop and he unwrapped the tiny candy and popped it into his mouth, his grey eyes looking over the orphanages front grounds, the green grass was slightly muddy and the walls surrounding the property were darker now that the brick was wet.

As he stepped forward from out of the doorways protection the drizzle began falling on him and it seemed heavier now that he was getting wet, it was then he heard a shuffling on the grounds and his eyes automatically darted around the large expanse, scanning for anything suspicious.

It took a moment but L noticed that someone was sitting under a tree several meters from where he stood, there was little light so he could just about make out a silhouette.

For a moment he thought about shouting to the person but that wouldn't be smart if he didn't want to be scolded by Mr. Wammy for being in the rain, so instead he walked down the few steps and into the muddy grass, feeling the squishing between his pale toes and revelling in the feeling, all the while focused on the person sitting and apparently not noticing him approaching.

Once L was just underneath the slight coverage of the tree he stopped, his feet side by side, slightly slouched posture and one hand in his pocket, he brought a hand up to remove the lollipop from his mouth and his grey eyes opened and became round and unblinking in recognition.

The other boy raised his eyes first to look upon his company before his head tilted up and he blinked,

"Hello L." he said with lack of any real tone, much like the way L spoke.

L's eyes averted and he looked around almost as if he were ignoring the boy with slightly lighter grey eyes than his own, sitting with his legs crossed.

The boy didn't say anything and instead continued fiddling with the sleeves of his white shirt, L's eyes settled on him again,

"B, why are you outside in the rain?" he asked before slipping his lollipop back into his mouth and reinserting his hands into his pockets.

"Couldn't I ask you the same question?" he responded and a small hardly amused laugh could be heard from B.

"Indeed, but I asked you first…" L said for no real reason.

B, or Beyond as L also knew him, placed a hand into his black hair and scratched his head, sending the wet clumps of black hair into a new arrangement,  
"I like the rain." He answered in a soft voice, "…don't you like the rain L?" he asked the older boy.

L didn't blink as he stared at Beyond, he did like the rain, but Beyond could not have known that…so for all of the boys natural similarities to L, he didn't want to believe that this could be another,  
"It is strange to find you outside…its unusual of you." B stated and L watched him stand up slowly.

He wasn't fond of the fact they looked so similar, the same black hair, Beyond's unnoticeably shorter and in an equally unkempt manner, the grey eyes, the slim facial features and lean bodily build and complexion too, Beyond was fourteen now if L remembered correctly from when he was introduced to the boy a few years back, yet he was about the same height as L, it was only Beyond's voice that was quite different, it was a lighter voice while L had already come into his slightly baritone voice.

Beyond stepped forward and came to stand in front of L, bringing them eye to eye, he leaned in ever so slightly,

"Is that…strawberry?" he asked with wide eyes and he stared at L's lollipop in the close vicinity, making his eyes cross.

L nodded and while staring at Beyond he's own eyes were crossed too.

"…" Beyond was silent and then he broke out into a very unsettling grin, "Can I have it?"

L blinked,

"No…" he said around the sweet in his mouth.

Beyond's face became unreadable before he shrugged,  
"Okay, well, will you come somewhere with me real quick?" he asked looking behind him and passed the tree he had been sitting under.

L was now feeling cold and the headache he had was slowly getting worse, he didn't know why but he decided to tell Beyond this,  
"I don't feel well, it would be best if I went back inside." He stated and looked over his shoulder to the door that was still open; he would never really consider accompanying the boy anyway.

"I'd take care of you…" Beyond said with a lopsided smile and L looked at him and a faint frowned came over his pale features,  
"I do not require to be taken care of…"

"Yeah I know, I would though…" Beyond said again as if it were just one of those things.

L found himself genuinely confused by the behaviour of the lookalike and he decided to return inside, he turned to leave and started walking away in the direction he'd come from, Beyond didn't follow but he mumbled a 'Night L' and L paused before bringing a hand to his mouth again and he removed the lollipop, he turned and found Beyond standing with his hands in his faded jeans pockets and watching L form just under the trees shelter.

The fact he dressed the same was no coincidence but L usually just ignored it, he looked at his lollipop in contemplation before turning to face B and he held it out lazily for Beyond, he didn't know if the other would take it but he had asked, so why wouldn't he?

Beyond's head seemed to tilt to the side and he quickly approached, his own bare feet making splashing sounds in the muddy grass and once he reached L he took the half eaten lollipop by the stick and smiled,  
"Thank you L." he stated and L did notice how deranged Beyond actually looked when he smiled but he nevertheless didn't care and his thumb settled between his lips before he turned to leave.

He didn't look back until he reached the doors and out of a curiosity he couldn't understand he turned back and his grey eyes opened to stare when he saw that Beyond was still standing there and with his head leaned back so the rain lightly pelted his face…the lollipop stick protruding from between his lips and he was still smiling in his deranged manner.

L's head tilted before it turned away with the rest of his body and he walked inside, shutting the heavy door and walking mud through the entrance hall, his sweat pants were also muddied and wet and left streaks as he walked to the staircase.

His body was cold and his hair was wet and sticking to his face, his nose felt runny and his head felt hot, his toes partially numb, yet as he made his way to his bedroom on the top floor, L found himself smiling about something or the other as he nibbled his thumb, not realizing he also looked quite unnerving when he smiled, just the same as Beyond.


	2. I Want To Succeed

_I Want To Succeed_

* * *

_\- It sometimes feels like a burden-_

* * *

It was after eleven am, L was surprisingly, in his bed, somewhere beneath the heaps of duvet covers, comforter and sheets. He could hear the orphanages children playing outside even through the closed windows of his room, they were quite noisy, this hadn't bothered him much before, but his head felt weighted and stuffy so the noise attributed to the pain in his head.

He shifted beneath the heaps and a few pillows flopped off the bed as he rolled around underneath, ruffling himself terribly and wrapping his T shirt in twists around his lean frame, but he remained in his binds beneath the blanket trying to ignore the noise and the fact he couldn't breathe through his nose.

A single knock sounded and L was aware that Mr. Wammy was talking to someone just outside the door, he hadn't entered yet, the muffled voice was only his but it was in conversation. Once the door opened L opened his grey eyes, they were empty and glazed from the ill feeling that wracked his body and they only managed to stay open after several blinks.

He could see it was daylight from under the comforter, the light was dull through the navy blue covers and L could swear that he smelled sick, he also noted he was lying on his stomach and his face was stuffed into one of his pillows, that was half way under one of his arms.

He didn't move though, he listened as Quillsh walked around the room in soft graceful steps, he heard the tray being set down and then again, Mr. Whammy spoke,

"You may come in…" his elderly voice allowed.

L's grey eyes took on their owl like expression, who the  _hell_  was allowed in his room?

He heard no one enter, or at least he didn't think.

For the brief seconds he was upset, L found he was too weak to make any grand gestures so he settled for groaning, Mr. Wammy seemed to take this as confirmation,  
"Ah, you  _are_  awake…I had thought so." He sounded a little upset.

L didn't know why since he couldn't think for the life of him what he'd done wrong.

He felt movement on the bed and after a short while he saw all of the covers peel back as far as he's shoulders and he was looking somewhat awkwardly from his angle at Mr. Wammy,  
"My my, you look like death L." he said in that slightly angry voice again, "…going out into the rain in the middle of the night is something, logically, I'd expect you to refrain from." He was reprimanding; L was not unfamiliar with this.

He remained quiet since his throat hurt as Mr. Wammy went on,  
"If B had not come and told me you felt ill last night…I may very well have left you in thought that you didn't want to be disturbed…you could've become far more ill if unattended…" he was going on and L felt a strange irritation for the fact that B had told Mr. Wammy, despite the fact it was the better thing to do.

"…you dragged mud all through the halls…" Quillsh paused and then he walked back into L's line of vision, "…seeing as how your pants are on the floor, I am to assume you're not wearing any…" his eyebrows were set in a frown, "…does the same go for underwear?"

L didn't answer and Mr. Wammy took it as a yes, he sighed heavily showing his irritation as he walked over to L's chest of drawers and removed another pair of sweat pants.

Calm as ever, he dropped them onto L's head,

"Put that on for now so you can get up…you will take a bath so I can change your bed covers, then you will be necessarily medicated once you have eaten breakfast and you will remain in bed until such a time as we need to repeat the aforementioned process." He concluded, he had spoken in the tone L knew not to question.

L shifted his body and took the pants off his head, shoving his arms under the covers along with the pants to navigate it onto his legs, he now lied on his back and stared at the bed canopy,  
"Mr. Wammy…where is B?" he asked with a gnawing curiosity to know.

"I'm right here, L."

L paused as he had the pants halfway up his legs and he sat up in a quick movement, his black hair falling all over his head and looking as if he'd been through a tumble dryer, it looked delicate and light. He tilted his head as he focused on B standing against the closed door to L's bedroom, leaning back with one hand in the denim jeans pocket and the other, raised, to hold his thumb between his lips.

Sitting up that quickly had brought a rush of pain to L's head but it did not deter him from staring, in the bright light shining across the room on B's lean form, L saw himself almost identically, he'd never shied away from mirrors after all, perhaps B was to be thought of as a mirror.

"L, please finish so you can get out of bed." Mr. Wammy reminded him as he neatened up L's room.

L didn't take his eyes off B until he suddenly flopped back down onto the bed, the heap of blankets rose and shifted and ruffling could be heard as L moved around very quickly, after a moment he appeared at the foot of the bed and with a certain degree of contortionism he crept off the bed while keeping his head in B's direction and eyes focused on B, who held an amused curve of a smirk on his lips.

"Mr. Wammy, why is B in my room?" he questioned never taking his large round eyes off the younger boy.

"He said he wanted to see how you were doing…" he answered as he lifted the tray, "…I am going back to the kitchens to get you breakfast…" he said and L turned to look at the tray that only held morning tea,

"That's quite alright, tea will do." He said and watched the elder man walk briskly to the door, Beyond stepped away and walked to stand closer to L, who was pale and pasty from being ill,

"I'm afraid it simply won't, L, now go and prepare a bath." He said sternly and left, the door clicking closed behind him.

L stared at the door, the strangest thing about this situation was that Quillsh had allowed Beyond into the room, the only thing L could think of was that Mr. Wammy was angry and this was punishment. He found his nose was clearing now that he stood up straight, but his headache was worse. He blinked and he looked over to B a few feet away, from out of the corner of his eye.

B was now standing with both hands in his pockets and looking at the floor, his own grey eyes round and unseeing,  
"B…why are you in my room?" he asked the teen.

B's head snapped to look at him and he tilted his head, causing he's black hair to sway,  
"I'm here to take care of you…" he stated and walked passed L swiftly, making the air move lightly and the smell of B lingered where he'd passed L, he smelled of fresh apples and rain.

L's nose tingled and he turned his head and body in the direction of B, he had disappeared into L's bathroom and after a second L heard the water running. L's hands had been hanging at his sides, he brought one up and leaned his hand over his chin, three of his fingers pressed to his lips in silent thought, the apple smell persisted and he found himself moving toward the bathroom.

He stopped in the doorway and found B dropping an overly large amount of bubble bath into the water, much like L did usually,  
"After your bath, I can feed you if you like…" he said with a grin and L found himself shaking his head,  
"That won't be necessary…" he blinked.

What the hell was he doing, none of this was necessary! Yes, so he could barely breathe through his nose and his head felt twice the weight, his throat hurt and he sounded as if he was talking with something in his mouth…but still, he'd never needed someone to run his bath, he was sixteen!…was it something to complain about though, or was it the unusual company he had a problem with?

This brought about the question of whether he did have a problem with it at all…did he have a problem with the strange look alike…did he perhaps not mind Beyond's company?

"It's ready…" B informed L and made a mock bow in presentation of the full and overly bubbly bath tub, before L knew it he was walking toward the bath, he paused and looked at Beyond still standing at the bath as well, a foot away. L didn't say anything and after a moment of silence B passed him again and left the bathroom, closing the door after himself.

As L began to undress himself, he inhaled lightly, the air smelled of Beyond, the fresh apples… and the fresh rain air, that smell he was fond of.

* * *

Whilst in the bath L had heard Quillsh return, there was no conversation until he heard Quillsh leave a long while later. The water was beginning to get cold and L started feeling wrinkly, so he decided he'd get out.

He opened the bathroom door to enter his bedroom, he had a single white towel wrapped around his waist, it sat to just below his knees and another smaller towel was hanging over his head of wet hair. He was surprised to find Beyond still there, he was sitting on the floor, like he had been under the tree the night before, leaning against the side of the bed that was freshly made, he's legs straight ahead of him, but his knees slightly bent and he was fiddling with…a clump of weeds?

L was standing a few feet away and Beyond looked up at him, they stared at each other for a moment, Beyond watched L with intense fascination, watching as the drops of water fell from his hair onto his shoulders.

L was not very much bigger than B, in fact if B was right, he may have been the exact same size, perhaps a smidgen bigger, but he doubted it. L watched B in confusion, he didn't know why B was still here…or here in the first place…or why he was playing with a bunch of weeds from the gardens.

As it were, conversation wasn't hard to come by with L's direct approach,  
"Why do you have weeds?" L asked as he walked to his wardrobe to find clothes, he hated that his voice sounded so muffled and that his head was pounding.

B watched him walk until L mentioned the weeds and he turned back to look at what he held,  
"Oh this…it's for you." B said in the voice L wished he sounded like again.

He didn't pause in what he was doing, as he took out a shirt and jeans from where they hung and walked back over to his bed, dropping them both onto the bed, L felt tired and he sat at the foot on his bed, the towel now just on his knees as he sat normally,  
"Why have you brought me weeds?" he asked the logical question, they held no healing properties that he knew of.

The bed shifted and L turned his head to glance over his shoulder, B was crawling on the bed over to L, once he was behind L, he got into the crouching position that L recognized… he sat like that sometimes, did Beyond know this or was it just another of the peculiar similarities?

L stiffened when Beyond's hands rested on his head and the towel that was on his head started to move in a soothing slightly pressured manner, Beyond was drying L's hair, but it felt so relaxing, L's grey eyes dropped to the ground and his lids half closed in acceptance of this contact as the thin hands massaged his pounding head.

As a reflex L's mouth protested, despite how he hadn't stopped the other boy,  
"I am not comfortable with the circumstances of his situation…" he said referring to his almost naked state and Beyond's closeness.

"Is it so?" Beyond asked and L could hear that B didn't believe him.

L said nothing, it wasn't so, he didn't mind at all…and so he left it at that.

"You know L…a while ago I saw you sit like this…" Beyond started to say and L simply remained quiet, his shoulders relaxing as he slouched forward slightly, "…I started doing it too…and I found that when I sit this way…my thoughts are so much clearer…" Beyond informed him.

L noted this with a dull 'hm' as a response, Beyond's knees were against his back and as he moved he's knees pressured against L's back and it was like killing two forms of tension in one go, along with the way Beyond smelled it was pure luxury.

"Is that the reason you sit that way L?" he asked curiously.

L's eyes opened and rolled up to the ceiling as he thought of an answer, why did he sit that way?

He knew it was comfortable and although he'd never considered it, he figured there was a good chance he did comprehend things a reasonable percentage better than usual,

"I believe, Beyond, that it is for similar reasons." He answered.

Just then the door opened and Quillsh stepped in, he paused briefly seeing the predicament, Beyond was drying L's hair and L was not only half asleep from the action, he was allowing it. Beyond's hands paused and he removed them from L's head, moving nimbly, he stepped off the bed and stood at the side.

Quillsh snapped back to reality and he walked the rest of the way into the room, L was now back from he's relaxed state and he pulled the towel off his delicate but catastrophic disarray of spiked hair.

"I've brought you breakfast…its cereal, a glass of milk, orange juice and a bowl of strawberries." He informed.

L stared at him as he sat slouched, the pounding in his ears were returning as he started to feel cold, it had started to become over cast outside and the temperature seemed to have dropped.

"B, will you see to it that L eats everything?" Quillsh said to Beyond who seemed noticeably startled by the request, he had offered to help, but to be asked felt so much better.

"I will see to it Mr. Wammy." He answered cheerfully and with that unsettling happy smile plastered on his pale face, L was staring at B now, Mr. Wammy was trusting his care to a fourteen year old, what did he think of L?

Quillsh nodded and started to leave,

"If you need anything L…you know to call me." He stated right before he left L alone with B again.

Silence ensued and it dawned on L as he stared at B, that he hadn't yet told Mr. Wammy he was unhappy with the arrangement, but L knew it was because he wasn't unhappy at all. B's company didn't bother him, he'd never realize it, but in all these years, on rare occasions when he'd been in the same room with B, for even just a few minutes, he'd never had a problem with it.

L stood up and picked up his jeans, he pulled it up under his towel, buttoning and zipping it, the towel fell to the floor, L proceeded to pull the white long sleeve shirt over his head and once he was dressed, still without underwear, he stepped onto his bed until he was at the top and crouched down, leaning against the large arrangement of pillows, he looked like he was embedded into the pillows. B had been watching him and once L was settled into the pillows, B picked up the towels from the floor and disappeared into the bathroom.

L's had been watching him but he now looked to the weeds, that were placed in their neat bunch on the bed, he stretched his arm and managed to pick it up, he held the awful lot in his slender hand, Beyond had returned and noticed this, he fetched L's food tray and made his way to the bed,  
"I told you I'd take care of you…" he mumbled as he placed the tray and small its bed table, in front of the sixteen year old, "…do you like them?" he asked with he's deranged smile as he gestured to the weeds in L's hand with a thin finger.

L looked at him,  
"No, I do not understand why you would expect me to like the weeds you've brought." He answered honestly and leaned forward in his crouch, elegantly doing things with his two fingers mostly; L had dipped a strawberry in the glass of milk and dipped it into the sugar bowl before popping the delicious fruit into his mouth.

Beyond watched this and L was watching him and saw that Beyond seemed particularly interested in the strawberries; however the boy looked away from the fruit bowl and straight into L's eyes.

He felt as though he was looking at himself as Beyond stared at him,  
"People don't like weeds…they always cut them out, uproot them, rip them up and throw them away, because they aren't colorful or attractive, people don't want weeds among their flowers…no one realizes how strong are, if left to grow, they can destroy their surroundings…taking down all of the pretty delicate little flowers, they can take over everything if you leave them, the grow and grow and always…grow back…but they aren't allowed to coexist…I suppose because they cannot…they always bring death…" he concluded with a blank expression and he's voice was so calm as well.

"…death…of the flowers of course…" L filled in and B smiled at him, L smiled back as they stared at each other.

L was smiling because B was entertaining and interesting; L had added that little note to B's observation to make himself feel better about the underlying meaning to B's words, because as much as he knew that B probably wasn't all there mentally, L liked him and was content to keep him around.

L placed the weeds on the eating tray as he began dipping and coating another strawberry, B had referred to him as a weed…both of them, this didn't offend L really, probably since he didn't care all that much.

Once he'd finished, he handed B the sugar coated strawberry as he held it between his index finger and his thumb, with a smile around his other thumb.

B looked from L to the strawberry as he sat across from L; and he didn't take it from L with his hand but instead leaned forward, his eyes downcast.

L's fingers tensed as B's mouth came over more than half of the strawberry, his teeth carefully biting into the fruit, careful not to bite L's fingers, but B's lips closed around the tips of L's fingers and dragged lightly off the fruit as he pulled back.

L sat stunned, his pale lips lightly parted and his eyes wide, his index finger and thumb were slightly wet and dotted with sugar from B's mouth and a small piece of strawberry remained, the feeling that came with the action was strange, it felt quite unsettling, his stomach was in a knot right then.

B was smiling again as he swallowed the bit of strawberry and L could only stare, finally closing his mouth when he realized it had been open.

L's hand pulled back, in the poised position of his hand, it seemed as though he was holding the piece of strawberry to himself, it was close to his chin and above his knees. B made it obvious he cared not for personal space as he leaned forward again, his hands leaning on either side of the tray table between them for balance as he leaned in and L watched the fourteen year old close his mouth over L's fingers and felt his tongue snatch the bit of strawberry up, but before he again pulled back, L inhaled the scent of B's scented apple fresh hair… _so it was the shampoo_ …

L's hand dropped to down slowly and rested on the table tray once B had pulled back and he watched Beyond who decided to speak once he'd finished chewing,  
"You need to eat up L…I told Mr. Wammy I would make sure." He said in the lighter voice he naturally had, B picked up a strawberry and prepared it in the same way L had.

But L plucked it from between Beyond's thumb and finger by hand and popped the entire thing in his mouth, not making eye contact and ignoring the odd events that had taken place just a moment sooner, he didn't notice Beyond shrug and so in silence he continued eating, in the end the cereal remained, but Beyond didn't bother to insist.

He removed the tray from the bed and L waited as B returned and pulled he's comforter back, L slipped his legs and half of his body beneath the covers, he actually felt better than he had earlier.

"I could always take care of you…as if you were mine…" B mumbled as he held the comforter in his pale hands to L's chest after pulling it up.

L ignored these words like he did most of the strange things B said, instead he noticed B's bitten nails on his thumbs, this was a difference between them, while they both seemed to have a habit of having their hands near the mouths, L didn't bite his nails, he's nails were perfectly kept, while Beyond obviously had a bad habit of biting,  
"Don't bite your nails, Beyond." L said as he settled back into the bed, his head rested on a pillow.

Beyond's eyes widened and L could see the flecks of light in the room sparkle in the lighter grey eyes of B as he stared down at L.

Nothing was said and Quillsh had returned seemingly in perfect time, Beyond stood up straight when he entered, Mr. Wammy was holding a tray with medication on it,

"It seems B has been in control of the situation." He commented.  
And to all three of their surprises, L responded,  
"Yes…I am quite fond of Beyond's care taking abilities…"

B smiled and Quillsh frowned, this was perhaps the making of L's first friend? Quillsh glanced at B, the strange and very peculiar boy and nodded,  
"You may leave him now, I will take it from here…L must rest now…" he directed and B nodded,  
"Good bye L…I'll see you tomorrow…" he said with a smirk, he was sounding pleased with the mornings activities.

"Bye B…" L mumbled.

Beyond left the room.

* * *

He pushed down the door handle and entered the room, not bothering to glance at the other boy he shared a room with, he headed straight to the bathroom. The other boy was of little importance really; Beyond couldn't be bothered with he's existence.

The orphanage had placed the two boys, meant to compete for succeeding L, in the same room, this was not a good idea since B and A were two complete opposites, not to mention B had a deep dislike for the boy who was allegedly more superior in intelligence.

A was a short 14 year old boy, he had blonde curls that sat to his shoulders that he tucked behind his ears every few minutes in an irritating habit, his facial features were nothing spectacular and even his blue eyes seemed dull and as monotonous as the rest of he's average face and build.

Beyond didn't think the boy was worth remembering, he simply didn't leave an unforgettable mental image.

Beyond thought of him as one of those tiny little white flowers that sprout from the stems and growths of the more bold and attractive flowers…but they never the less would die if the weeds were allowed to grow. B smiled as he looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom, he could hear A turning the page of the book he was lying on he's bed and reading, B found his reflection was comforting, though not as much as the real thing.

He thought of the smell of L's skin, it had lingered on the bath towel, the smell of his hair as well, he couldn't place it but it was so pleasant, everything about L was pleasant, B smiled more normally than he usually did, the teenager in him could be seen in his glee right then.

He turned and left the bathroom, glancing at A who was eating a sandwich and reading, A didn't look at him, A never looked at him, B intimidated the boy, he'd seen apprehension and discomfort many a time in A's eyes when B was around him.

Beyond wrinkled his nose as the smell of the strawberry jam filled his nose, he had sat on his bed and on A's side table the jar stood open with an unattended slice of bread, the other slice was being eaten. He hated jam, A always smelled of jam…jam toast…jam biscuits…jam sandwiches…it was off putting.

B glanced at A and then above the boys head, it wasn't much longer till he no longer had to deal with him, A had seven years left, so whether he left the orphanage or B did, it wouldn't be too long, only four years till he was 18.

B lied on his back and stared at the ceiling, thinking of L, he'd see him tomorrow.

He noticed A look at him,  
"Where have you been that you're so happy?" he asked in a spiteful tone, he rarely was happy so he didn't like it when others were.

B leaned his head to the side so he could look at A's face when he answered, the blonde was just barely meeting his stare,  
"I was with L, we had breakfast together…"

With that, B witnessed something that made him grin from ear to ear…the numbers floating hauntingly above A's head seemed to flicker for a while until a new number was seen…3 years…

A's face was stuck in a scowl at B's large grin, but that piece of information was worth sharing, B let a laugh slip,

"You should smile more often..." he told the other boy.

Beyond laughed lightly as he rolled over… and A continued eating his pungent jam bread.


	3. Will Not Be Shaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: This was one of my fave chapters of this story, I enjoyed writing it.

_-Find a way to relate -_

* * *

So it turned out that Mr. Wammy had had a method to his madness in leaving Beyond to tend to L's ailments. This was revealed by Quillsh's sneezing, coughing and sniffing, in his very dignified manner, for the next few days.

L felt slightly guilty, at first he'd thought that Mr. Wammy's anger toward him becoming sick was not justified, and  _oh_  how L loved justice, but he came to realize that Quillsh had been angry because he had been trying to avoid L getting the flu to begin with.

Quillsh had already been sick but L hadn't noticed which was not all that surprising, since the aim was probably so L wouldn't notice. However when L took his little walk in the rain, having already been exposed to Quillsh's touch of flu, it was inevitable. Mr. Wammy had spent the better part of L's morning with Beyond, medicating himself and restocking the orphanage with flu medication since it would soon spread as it always did.

Although Quillsh had not intended on L and B getting so close to each other, proximity wise, he had left himself with greater concerns of Beyond getting sick as well. It was a sickly affair in the end, L had gradually gotten worse…so had Mr. Wammy. But even so, he spent the time having cups of Med Lemon with L instead of tea and eating vitamins instead of unhealthy amounts of sugar.

It was dreadful really but quite a spectacle, L would sneeze and he would grimace afterward because he simply hated the act of sneezing and then wiping at his nose which had become raw and red due to the irritation of tissue, L would cough as well and he hated it even more than sneezing. L's body always obeyed him, he never was used to doing anything involuntarily, and he hadn't had the flu since he was ten either, so it was pure misery for him.

And to have Quillsh there wasn't helping, which in itself was a contradiction since Quillsh was there to help, but it was because even though his hand and tissue were always handy to cover his mouth and nose, the sounds of coughing and sneezing from another person made L's fine hairs all over his body, scream in protest as they stood at the horror of it. It was positively skin itching, since L had never been one for sick people…or people in general, it had him constantly sitting in his crumpled position even in his bed, his little battle position.

It was now day four of this awful torture, Beyond hadn't been allowed near the room since it was most likely the most contaminated part of the orphanage. L was sitting in the center of his bed; his legs were half crossed in front of him and bent close to his chest. An extra blanket he had was pulled over his head and wrapped around him, beneath the covers he was dressed in a denim jeans and a white short-sleeve T shirt.

He had his lap top in front of him and many files to his left and right, work never ceased as long as L was conscious. He was tapping at the keyboard with the delicate tips of his fingers, writing up a final report to a solved money laundering case, from the US to some slightly inconspicuous island.

He saved the document and then his hands retreated into the blanket and he pulled it closed, leaving only his eyes visible, and the grey orbs moved lazily as he reread with fast ease, the five page report he had typed out.

By the time he was rereading it for the fourth time, three minutes later, the door to his room opened and Mr. Wammy entered, coughing into a handkerchief with a tray balanced on his free arm.

L's pale hands tightened on his blanket and his knees tightened fully against his chest.

Quillsh looked at him and sighed as he walked to L's bedside and placed the tray down,  
"How are you feeling L, any better?"

L blinked, the only action Quillsh was able to see, as L watched him from a side angle,  
"Yes…I believe so…" he answered and it was slightly muffled.

Quillsh picked up a large cup with a yellow liquid and held it out to L,  
"Well, let's be sure shall we…" he smiled but broke into a stifled cough which he covered with his handkerchief and turned his head away.

L leaned back as the liquid in the cup swished precariously,  
"You're still very un-well, perhaps you should rest Mr. Wammy." L suggested.

Quillsh nodded and his old eyes seemed so tired,  
"Yes, but then what would happen to you child, you hardly have an affinity for doing things for yourself…" he said with a hint of amusement in his voice, obviously teasing L.

L finally reached out and took the cup that Mr. Wammy had been holding and he's grey eyes took on a bit of a childish upset look, the blanket falling from his head also revealed he was making a bit of a face.

There was a moment of silence as Mr. Wammy stood holding his own cup of the steaming lemon liquid, which L practically had to fight his gag reflex to consume. After a moment Mr. Wammy coughed again and he shakily bent down and reached a hand for L's bed and steadied himself in a sitting position which was not as refined as he usually was.

He didn't stop coughing and L's eyes became little saucers at the intensity Quillsh was coughing at, it sounded painful. He hurriedly placed his cup down on the bed side and moved to kneel beside Quillsh's hunched and coughing figure on the bed,  
"Mr. Wammy…" he said as he took the cup from the man's shaking hand, he placed it down and grabbed the glass of water intended for the pills off the tray, standing up quickly and crouching next to Quillsh, L took the old man's hand and wrapped it around the glass,  
"…drink this…" he still had not particular tone of voice as he helped the wrinkled hand to guide the glass, Mr. Wammy just managed to breath long enough to take a sip.

It was in this moment of silence, where L could only hear Mr. Wammy's labored swallowing and wheezing breathing that he realized how hard his heart was beating and that he felt so cold…L felt scared. As he crouched there, releasing Mr. Wammy's hand as the old man now had a good grasp on the glass and seemed to be steadier; L looked at the floor with wide eyes, his hands resting on his knees.

"Mr. Wammy, please return to your room and rest, I will inform Roger you are not well and I will see to myself and any other things that need attending to, for you." He stated with a tone of finality.

Quillsh opened his eyes, his free hand was resting lightly on his chest and the other held the glass as he leaned on his elbow on his knee, still hunched over,  
"That won't be necessary L, I am fi –"

L looked up from the ground and straight into the older man's strained face, he was expressionless but he'd made this decision,  
"No Mr. Wammy, you are not fine, I insist that you rest for the sake of your health…" he said and took the glass from the shaking hand and stood up.

At L's full height he was just about the height of Mr. Wammy, but now as he helped the man to his feet, holding his shoulder and one arm to steady him, he looked far tinier, he seemed so fragile. L's stomach lurched as he supported the man, he always knew Quillsh was old, but the man was always so profoundly in control and stable, it never occurred to L that he could get so ill, that's why he was scared, he was worried.

Quillsh was essentially L's only family.

Quillsh sighed once he had a steady hold on his balance and he patted L's shoulder lightly, still hunched and sounding so exhausted,  
"Yes…I think your right…I need…to rest…"

L found himself nodding and he unconsciously stuffed a hand into his pocket and walked to the door, opening it,  
"Come…we must get you to your room to rest…" there was a hint of urgency in L's voice even though his usual wide eyed expression said nothing really.

Quillsh managed a rare and affectionate smile for the boy he'd raised as he walked to the door and out into the hall, followed closely by L who watched the old man for any signs of unsteadiness or collapse.

They reached Quillsh's room, which was brightly lit and decorated in beige and soft cream colors, it had always made L uncomfortable to be in here, since the atmosphere was so…quiet, but now he didn't care, Quillsh disappeared into his bathroom and L stood near the door.

He brought his thumb up but before it touched his lips he was walking forward again toward the bed, he pulled back the pristine covers and put the pillows in what he thought was a comfortable arrangement, like he'd seen Quillsh do for him.

He placed both hands back in his pockets, staring at the floor again, his head still spinning now with odds and possibilities of Quillsh passing away, he felt so worried it made him even more worried. The bathroom door opened and Mr. Wammy came out dressed in a night gown over his pajamas, he smiled fondly at L and with a bit of that old humor when he saw the bed and its untidy appearance.

Never the less he got into the bed and lied back pulling the covers over himself.

L witnessed fatigue on the man's face for the first time and realized that Quillsh seemed so old now,  
"Are you going to be alright?" L asked a bit nervously.

The man's head bobbed once and his breathing became deep and labored as he lay,  
"Yes…I will, please just inform Roger of my current state and he will assist me…" he told the teenager standing like a young pale corpse at the bed side.

L nodded even though he wasn't seen and he turned to leave, padding barefoot across the carpet, he paused when Quillsh spoke,  
"…L…thank you my boy…" he wheezed out.

L opened the door and stepped out, closing it quietly and he stared at the door handle for a moment, he hated feeling depressed, but he felt it now so strongly since he was filled with concern for Quillsh's health.

He walked quickly, his long thin legs striding as he made his way down to the ground level of the orphanage and directly to Roger's office.

* * *

The weather was moderate, England was never the sunniest place to be, the sky was a dull over cast but there was a moderately cold wind blowing outside, it was near the years end and winter would soon make everything cold and dull.

Beyond was sitting on the edge of the wooden chair in his shared room, in the position he'd adopted from his mentor, his legs to his chest, he had a lopsided grin on his face, just barely revealing the top row of his teeth and their fine lines, occasionally his tongue would dart out to lick at his teeth. One of his arms rested over his knees where his elbow was, making it sit straight but somewhat directed into the air.

His hand was at his mouth with his thumb just about on his bottom lip, it was a lazy crouch really, but it held a purpose. A was lying on his bed, trying to focus on reading whatever book he'd decided on that day, and B sat staring at him relentlessly, his grey eyes wide and unblinking, the unruly black hair on his head sat at every angle and he looked very unnerving with that twisted smile, which was the purpose.

Although while smiling, his mood was absolutely foul, having not seen L since that breakfast he was very unhappy, being told L was sick and he couldn't see him…B had thought that he would gladly have caught L's flu…he would have breathed in his germs just to do it. But of course he wouldn't say that out aloud to Roger or Mr. Wammy…being insane was one thing…letting other people know was not advisable.

A glanced at his Beyond and  _– oh he did it again-_ B's grin wavered to a sneer when A nervously tucked hair behind his ear and then his fingers fiddled with the off colored pages of the book he read.

A noticed this and, not knowing why B was sneering, did it again.

B's teeth suddenly clipped at his nail and the sound broke the silence, B had been trying so hard not to bite his nails, A looked up at B and he noticed B looked ready to strangle him,

"What –…"

"What…!" B snapped with a threatening tone and cut A off, his grin reappearing.

There was a knock at the door and A's head snapped away from B, his question left unasked, B's head turned to the door only as A got up off his bed and walked toward it, the sneer slowly reappearing as he watched the boy.

He had an awkward walk…a nervous walk…nervous about people's impressions of him, always looking for approval, B knew this of this pansy boy with a girl's name, such a typical name too, and he didn't even like saying it in his head because it made him feel ill. B had just rolled his eyes as A tucked his never removed hair behind his ear again, and the door was opened half way.

B turned away from the annoying sight and looked across the room to the window and the dull misery outside, his head tilted back and his eyes half lidded as he stared at the window,

' _What a waste of sperm …'_  B found himself loathing the dead parents of this boy when he heard a thud.

He turned slightly to look at his uninteresting roommate and his eyes dropped from A's ridiculous facial expression to the book lying on the floor at his feet.

A had obviously dropped it…from shock? B turned his head all the way and removed his thumb from his mouth as A's spluttering words fell from his mouth,  
"…I…huh…uh…sir…what can I…" he sounded like an idiot.

B knew it could not be Roger or any one usual; A was usually just dull and predictably responsive.

"I'm looking for B…"

It was when the person outside the door's monotone voice sounded that B stepped off the chair in one languid movement, one hand slipping into his pocket, his steps quick as he walked to the door, grabbing the door knob and pulling the door all the way open, making A snatch his hand from the door and his blue eyes snap to B's face with an intensely angered flare.

"L…" B offered his small gleeful smile to the older boy who stood a relative distance from the door, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. L's eyes slid from A to B and L's head tilted, making his hair shift and sway lightly over his pale cheeks and forehead,  
"Hello B." L greeted with no enthusiasm at all, but that was to be expected.

A glanced between the two, seeing that disturbing pleasant smile on B's face made him cringe inwardly.

There was a moment of silence in which L was the only one not feeling anxious,

"B…would you come with me…I would like to…talk…to you." L said with pauses which gave away that he didn't really have a reason to see Beyond.

Beyond nodded and L didn't spare A a second glance before he turned and started walking away down the hall, Beyond didn't look at him either and just left the room, following L and catching up to walk beside him.

* * *

They walked in silence along the halls, occasionally a child or two would pass them and look at them strangely, most of the smaller kids didn't know who L was, so the way B looked wasn't significant to them, it was just that they looked alike that caught children's unwanted attention.

Beyond was not a nervous person, he never felt awkward around people because he was characteristically obtrusive to others, but at this moment as he walked with L he found himself to be very anxious, he wanted the other to speak again, to say something, so that B would know what to say.

They had met so long ago, B had seen L once and once only when he was first brought to Wammy's, L had been completely neutral if not uninterested in B, but he was the same with everyone, B later discovered. After that B had rarely seen L, occasionally in the library, or walking through a common room, sometimes outside for all of a few seconds.

They'd never had an encounter of any kind again until the other night in the rain…and B hadn't felt anxious when he'd seen L and spoken to him, it had felt so…natural.

That was of course until L handed him his lollipop, B had felt such a surge of pure excitement it had elated him for hours after. He had suddenly felt like all he'd wanted to do was see L again.

He always knew he had resembled L on some small scale; they had similar eye color, height and build. L was far paler but B was not tan by any standard. Their hair was the same pitch black and the textures slightly different.

His own black hair was of medium thickness and after being wet it would become a little wavy as it started to dry, L's hair however, besides looking unbelievably light, was thick in its entirety but the strands were thin and wispy and pin straight, when L's hair was wet it fell flat, so flat it hung lifeless, and as it dried it seemed to settle just as it was before, even the ends flicking up sharply.

B was snapped from his thoughts when L turned and disappeared from his side, he stopped walking and stepped into the room L had entered, the kitchen.

L walked to the table and chairs in the medium size white and green kitchen, holding the sides of the chairs armrests, he steadied himself and raised his leg one after the other as he sat in his crouch, his thin hands settling on his knees and his eyes focused on B standing in the doorway.

B blinked at the look L was giving him…innocence…with a very subtle hint of expectation; B forced himself not to ask why L was looking at him like that. He instead made the pointless note that when L's eyes were not wide open in their calculating way; they had the slightest slant toward each end, it was such an interesting eye shape that it had no placement or ethnicity.

"B…would you make me tea…" L's voice broke into B's random thoughts.

It was not a question, that was obvious, and B noticed L's expression remained the same, expectance, childlike expectance.

It took only a second for this to actually register before B's hands slipped from his pockets and he mechanically walked toward the automatic kettle on the counter.

L turned his head and watched B over his shoulder as the younger boy began reaching for cups and teaspoons. L found he liked B at that moment, when he was completely himself.

B was standing up straight, not hunching, he walked in normal steps as he moved around and he held things in the most normal full handed manner.

L didn't want to think of B's nature to imitate him as a purposeful act, even though it most likely was, he preferred not to think of it at all. When B had admitted to sitting like L and obviously dressed similar to L, when L had seen him stand and walk like him as well, when B had held the strawberry in his hand the same way L had done, these things were all noted but ignored by the young genius detective, since it simply didn't suit him to acknowledge them…such was his selfish nature.

He liked B…when he behaved like Beyond Birthday, not like L.

L blinked and looked away from the other boy… _he likes B_ …L never liked anyone, everyone annoyed him, everyone's presence became tiresome and uninteresting…everyone was uninteresting. It was at this moment that L simultaneously realized  **why**  he liked Beyond, and he received a hot  ** _mug_**  of tea.

L's eyes dropped from staring straight ahead into space, to the mug of tea, Beyond obviously hadn't found a tea cup too useful since he also seated himself next to L and had a mug of tea. L turned his head to his look alike and in his highly advanced brain, it was determined, L liked Beyond  ** _because_**  he looked the way he did.

The fleeting thought of vanity ran through his mind before his pale fingers, three of them instead of two since he had to support the weight of the mug, grasped it by the handle and brought the mug to his lips, his eyes never leaving B's face as the other boy sipped contentedly from his mug of tea.

L's focus on B was lost as he made a conscious effort not to gag, or at least he thought he did but Beyond noticed L looked as if he might throw up and B frowned, his hand resting on L's thin shoulder, L didn't notice and if he did he didn't protest so B left his hand there,  
"Does it taste bad?" B asked in confusion since his own tea tasted perfectly fine.

L placed the mug down and his now wide eyes focused back on B,  
"…hn…no…" L said with discomfort in his voice at the taste stuck on his tongue, "…although I would like more sugar…" he stated again, not asking so much as telling B what he wanted.

L's expressions were always bland so B knew he wasn't being purposely offensive, he actually found this amazing and made a mental note to practice that. He nodded and got up quickly to fetch the sugar bowl, when he brought it back and placed it in front of L, he abandoned his mimicry and sat down normally in his chair, his attention was almost completely on L even as he picked up his mug.

He watched as L took a handful of sugar cubes and then began plopping them into the cup, Beyond counted seven cubes, and then noted hesitation in L's hand toward the sugar bowl as he stared at the mug and then he reached back and took another hand full of cubes.

B's mouth opened ever so slightly, as if he might say something about L's behavior but he never got to it because L spoke to him and his eyes focused on he's side profile, L's uniquely thin face and his sharp nose, his eyes were not deep or shallow but rather in perfect fit with the shape of his face, despite how big they could become at times.

"Where were you born B?" L asked him with his usual tone, sounding bored and it would be assumed he didn't care to hear the answer, but since he asked, B figured he should answer.

"I don't know…somewhere in Europe or Asia…" he sipped from his tea and his eyes settled on the sugar cubes as they disappeared into L's cup, 16 cubes.

L knew B could not be fully Asian since he lacked defining Asian traits, perhaps born in Asia but certainly closer to Caucasian than anything else.

When B placed his mug back down, L's hand glided over to it and he took the teaspoon from inside B's mug, bringing it back and stirring his tea with it, it was far thicker than any tea B had ever seen and there was sheen over the top of it from the sugar.

It didn't make a difference though, when L finally took a generous indulgent sip from his tea, B's own slender hand took a handful of sugar cubes and he began dropping them into his cup. It was silent as B added 17 sugar cubes to his 3 quarter full mug of tea, L watched him with mild interest.

B moved again to sit like L before finally taking a sip of his tea experimentally…the sound of B swallowing could be heard, as he forced the sweet syrup down his throat…B was never overly fond of sweet things.

L smiled, it was a strange sight because B noticed that he could see L's potential smile, if L ever smiled broadly, it would compliment his face so well, as for right then, he could see some of L's teeth as he smiled obviously amused,  
"Does it taste good?" he asked Beyond with a discreet amount of sarcasm in his tone.

Beyond said nothing and he just took another, even smaller, sip and struggled to get it down.

L figured that since B didn't seem to like sweet things, the strawberry lollipop and the strawberry breakfast, determined one fact…Beyond liked strawberry, not necessarily of a sugary nature.

Beyond leaned back into the crouched sitting position and brought his hands to his knees like L had his own,  
"Where were you born, L?" he asked in his best impersonation of L's voice, repeating almost the exact words L had spoken save for the different consonant.

L stiffened and his head spun so he faced B completely, B smirked for two reasons, firstly, L's hair was incredibly sprawled over his forehead which made his slender face seem so perfect and secondly, B knew he had sounded so much like L that it was frightening, since his own heart beat expressed his excitement.

"How did you…" L started but didn't finish when he saw the small smirk on B's face.

If Beyond had wondered what it would look like to see an irritated L, he needed look no farther, since L's apathetic expression hardened and it became a scowl so slight that it could only be seen from the close distance that separated the two boys,  
"Don't do that again." L told him firmly and his grey eyes seemed far darker than before.

So there was a limit…or was it just temporary, B wanted to test it, but he would do so at length, right now the smirk he had faded and B heard himself mutter a soft and very rare  _'sorry'._

This seemed to appease L though, he didn't seem to need much before he was accepting of B's behavior, this was a good thing as far as B was concerned, the fact L was lenient with him made his heart beat increase and his stomach lurch with excitement.

"I don't know either…where I was born…" L lied conveniently but still made the effort to answer his unusual company.

"Oh…" B said and the nonchalant tone was far too genuine to have been feigned, it really sounded to L like B hadn't asked for the sake of the information.

While this pleased him, since the fact Beyond wasn't one to ask personal questions was a bonus, it irritated him since as he had suspected after hearing B speak, he had just wanted to test the sound of his voice compared to L. It was frustrating to know someone who was so incredibly intelligent and yet that was the least interesting or worrisome thing about them.

B's sentiments were similar to L's, it wasn't the detectives intelligence or his career that interested B…it was L, what made L, who was L, what made him tick, these things were B's interests. B really didn't need to ask L where he was born, since he could more or less guess from L's name, and besides that, L was so obviously some form of European, it didn't take a genius. Also B expected L wouldn't tell him, so it wasn't a shock either that he claimed not to know.

"Do you ever call yourself anything but L?" Beyond asked feeling less shy than before, he was slowly becoming accustomed to L's unusually cold demeanor, which he noticed was more pronounced than when L had been ill.

L didn't even seem to think about the question,  
"No…I am L." he stated in a mechanical and rehearsed tone, B admired that.

"I am L…" B repeated the statement in the same tone as L and watched L stiffen visibly again, "…sorry…" B said again and smiled, but he didn't look sorry as he gave a small sound of amusement…it was so much like L's voice it gave him chills.

L said nothing and continued drinking his tea, unnerved by the voice he could have sworn was his own.

"I'll call myself Ryuzaki…Ryuzaki Rue." B's voice was back to his own lighter and slightly accented tone, it was English but a little slang like and unrefined.

L's tea was finished, he discovered upon tilting the cup above his head trying to pry out any final drops, he lowered the mug and his eyes glanced from B to his still quite full mug of tea.

"Why would you call yourself that…you're not Asian…?" L told him in his monotone, once again forgetting, or ignoring, how B had creeped him out.

"It doesn't matter…if it's what I say my name is…then that's my name, that's all it is in the end, just something people call you…it doesn't mean anything…you should know better than anyone, L." B said in a conversational tone.

L didn't disagree, because he really didn't, his own name meant very little to him so he didn't bother to defend an honor he didn't have on the subject.

"Yes…I see how you mean…Ryuzaki." L said.

Beyond smiled when he heard L say his name, he had to fight the urge to repeat his name in L's voice and he instead scratched his unruly head of hair to distract himself.

"You should call yourself something else L…your taking a risk as it is…" Beyond said before he could stop himself and L, not overly fazed or particularly suspicious, simply reached over and slid Beyond's mug toward himself while looking at B curiously,  
"Why is it dangerous, no one knows who I am…it's just a letter." He sipped the abandoned mug or syrupy tea and his eyes seemed to lighten at the taste as he took another gulp.

Beyond said nothing, lest he say anything else L should rather not know and he opted to watch L drinking from his cup, it didn't seem to perturb L that his lips were touching almost the exact spot B had been drinking at, from tea that Beyond had been drinking.

L didn't mind…B felt his stomach lurch again, excitement, the thrill of knowing L accepted him, his skin tingled and his mind repeated,  _I am L_ , that wonderful voice,  _Ryuzaki_.

L's voice.

* * *

A was so upset he didn't understand how he'd even ended up in that state, he paced around the room in a huff.

He could hear water in the bathroom, B was bathing, and it was one of the few times A had to be alone with himself. It had been just 2 days before that L had showed up at the door, he hadn't even paid any mind to A, and he hadn't even looked like he knew who A was.

He tucked his blonde hair behind his ears in frustration and he glanced at the bathroom door one final time before his 14 year old temper flared and kicked the chair that stood idly in the room, it made a loud bang and thud as it landed on the floor and rolled to the wall.

"I hate you…" he murmured to himself, "…I really hate you…so much…" he said in his soft hushed whisper, his fingers burning in irritation as he continued to tuck his unmoving hair behind his ears. He didn't think about whom he hated, but when the bathroom door opened and he was faced with B, he couldn't tell whether he hated B…or L, since they looked quite like each other.

Beyond looked at A with derision as he passed and A still couldn't hold that stare and instead moved to pick up the chair he'd kicked. The room was quiet save for the shuffling sounds of B digging in his drawers.

A sat on his bed and looked at B as he pulled on a dark jeans onto his thin waist over his boxer shorts, followed by a grey long sleeve shirt, it was about an hour before dinner time so bathing and dressing was the usual, but Beyond never usually bothered with either, dinner or dressing for it.

B hurriedly shoved his hands into his hair and ruffled it, it was just washed and still damp and it was currently highly unkempt. A only really became curious when B walked over to the mirror and leaned in closely…looking into his own eyes and pulling at the bottom of them as if to inspect something. Once that was done B turned and walked to the door, barefoot, which was the usual with him.

A was tempted to ask but chose not to since it would only upset him more, B didn't look at him even once when he left the room and A cussed under his breath, and tucked his hair behind his ear.

"Fuck!" he shouted in a display of pure misery and he rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door so it rattled on its solid hinges.

* * *

B walked quickly through the halls, it had been a cold day and the floors were cold under his feet but he rather enjoyed the feeling, he knew dinner was soon and if he wanted to skip it he'd have to get out of the halls, he was headed toward L's room, he hadn't seen L since that day in the kitchen and he was having a certain type of withdrawal.

He walked normally in his hurry, standing as straight as any teenager did; he took steps two at a time to the top floor of the orphanage. As he reached the top he was nearly knocked over by a twelve year old coming quickly down the hall.

The boy looked freaked out and he frowned deeply at Beyond before skidding off down the stairs, B didn't give it much thought and continued down the hall, he had been thinking so hard about seeing L that he almost failed to notice the haunting piano music echoing all around the halls.

This was the top floor, B knew the music room was on this floor so it wasn't unusual, except that no person at Wammy's played piano except for Mr. Wammy, nor did anyone play that well, or at this hour.

B had to walk passed the music hall anyway so he continued along, it was old classical music, B didn't care much for it, it was surprisingly depressing music. He finally reached the music room and pushed the door open, his eyes scanning the room that had all rows of lighting off except the row next to the piano far in the back, all other instruments, chairs and furniture were mostly in darkness.

B squinted and focused on the person sitting at the piano, the slightly hunched shoulders and the disarray of black hair was all the tell B needed to identify L. He walked into the room and closed the door quietly behind him, glancing at the 4 light switches all down except for the third one; it cast a strange glow over L's figure sitting at the piano, his arms could be seen moving as he played the miserable sonata.

When he finally got close enough so he was just about two meters from L, he noticed that L sat normally with his bare feet flat on the shiny floor, his legs looked so much longer from that angle, B took a few steps closer and L spoke, his deep voice echoing as the music came to an abrupt halt,  
"All children should be in the dinner hall or on their way there, leave now." L sounded so adult and authoritive that B was shocked, no wonder that kid had been running.

"I would really rather stay here…" Beyond said and walked up to stand just behind the piano bench to L's left.

L turned his head and looked at B,  
"Ryuzaki…" L said and his slender fingers slid from the piano keys and rested on his thighs over his denim jeans.

"I was coming to see you…when I heard this music…what are you going for here, some creepy dramatic effect." B spoke in that conversational tone that his natural accent complimented well.

L found himself feeling slightly better already; he looked back to the keys of the grand piano and B noticed how his fingers fidgeted with his jeans,  
"Mr. Wammy is ill…he hasn't showed any signs of getting well, I just thought I would entertain myself with one of his pass times…he should be able to hear…" L trailed off and brought his thin hands back to the keys and ran his fingers over the white pieces.

Beyond suddenly felt enthralled seeing L in this dim lighting, glowing pale and looking utterly lost, his eyes appeared black and his usual sleep deprived eyes had darker circles than usual, B's lips parted as he stared in awe…a depressed L was so beautiful.

This made him want to mimic that sleep deprived look even more, he didn't bother to question L about Mr. Wammy since he already figured it was from L having been sick, B still wished it might have been him that had caught L's germs, he almost smiled but quickly stopped himself since that was a private thought.

B sat down next to L on the bench, putting less than a foot between them, since he'd lost that nervousness he had initially experienced previously, he didn't see much in personal boundaries and Beyond placed his hand on L's upper arm, feeling the soft texture of his long sleeve white cotton shirt.

L's eyes darted to the hand and then to Beyond's face, Beyond was looking at the piano keys, at L's hands, and his light grey eyes seemed to shine from the light glaring off certain points of the keys.

"If you intend for him to hear you play, shouldn't you play something more pleasant?" B suggested, his eyes meeting L's seemingly black ones.

"I don't know anything pleasant…" L confessed and looked back to his own hands, leaving B's hand where it comfortably rested against his arm.

L didn't know why but when B touched him or made light of his personal boundaries, he didn't mind, he wondered if it was again because he liked B, because he liked how B looked…vanity? Was L really vain? Perhaps not in the conventional manner, he was egotistical, but how else could he explain enjoying the way B looked, maybe it wasn't that…he didn't know, he didn't want to think about it because it bothered him.

B slid closer so that at the slight angle he sat, he and L's jean clad legs were touching, L's leg seemed to move slightly but B didn't move away, he remained that close and his hand slid over the cotton shirt until it was in the middle of L's back.

L had tensed and almost jumped when B moved so much closer, now B's hand was on his back, a light touch, but L wasn't burning like he had always assumed unwanted human contact would cause, he was tingling, his skin was tingling…and it annoyed him because it was scarily close to sneezing and coughing, his body was not doing something he initiated.

But his thoughts faded as the smell of that fresh apple scent engulfed him, Beyond being so close radiated that smell and it relaxed L so much, he found his eyes trailing from his hands on the keys to B's leg beside his own.

For B the smell of L was just as good, still he couldn't name it, but it smelled like only L could and he watched the side of L's face, those wide eyes, he watched them shift to look at his leg and B glanced at it as well but he didn't move.

"I can't help you, I don't know piano…I've never cared for it…" B broke the silence to distract L in case he was preparing to tell B to move away, B did not want to move away, "…but you play really well…though it's not surprising since, you are L." he stated and watched L's eyes look away from his leg back to the keys and his hands.

It was strange to sit like this, L slightly hunched and B next to him, touching his back in a gesture of…comfort? B wanted to move closer, but it was only physically possible to a certain extent and he didn't want L shoving him away.

L had heard the words B said and had not really considered them since B's voice was so low when he spoke, although it didn't sound like when he'd spoken in L's tone, it was distracting for some reason. B noticed that L had become acquiescent and accepted yet another thing B was doing, he found himself smirking slightly and happily.

B looked at L's hair, he'd wanted to touch it for so long, so many days since he'd first seen it wet in the rain.

The silence was broken as L's fingers started pressing keys again and it echoed loudly in the room as the piano came back to life, B recognized the tune despite himself, -  _The Nutcracker- Dance of the sugar plum fairy- by Tchaikovsky_.

He knew there were at least six parts to this particular composition, he'd learned about it at some point.

While it wasn't pleasant as such, it was almost a mischievous tune, at least it sounded so to him, and B's eyes moved from where they'd been surveying the back of L's neck to watching his fingers stroke the keys with expertise, playing it with a genius's concentration. He couldn't see L's face at that moment; his hair was covering it since he had his head hung.

Beyond could only see his jaw line and his mouth, completely void of facial expression as he played, B leaned forward, tilting his head ever so slightly down to reach L's neck since L was hunching.

B's hand slid up L's back between his shoulder blades and a little faster than B intended, his hand slid into L's hair, over his neck and moving into the black mess that B discovered was unbelievably silky to touch. He noticed the key sounds falter momentarily before L continued where he'd lost the note and B's hand stayed idle in his hair.

He could hear L breathing, it was not that light and careless breathing, B didn't know if it was L showing discomfort, but he hadn't asked B to move, or to stop…and Beyond really did not want to stop. B leaned his head down and he could feel his own breath on his lips and nose because he was now almost against the side of L's neck, breathing in that smell, feeling the wisps of hair tickling his face.

It became silent, L had stopped playing, B's hand slid down from his head again to the nape of L's neck and he pressed his face into L's neck just to where his nose and lips were barely touching L's skin, his own breathing was different as he felt a new excitement, his skin had a new tingle.

DING – DING – DING – DING –DING – DING - DING

Both of them froze in slight shock when the sound of a hand held bell rung through the hall loudly, it was obviously coming from the stairs, a signal that dinner time would be starting. Beyond was still breathing onto L's neck except now it could not be heard, only felt.

All sounds drowned out by that damned bell deafening them both, L stood slowly and B's hands fell and rested on the seat where L had been sitting, it was warm. He looked up to L standing, still expressionless and slightly hauntingly pale in the dim lighting, his hands now in his pockets as he stared at Beyond,  
"Come Ryuzaki…we must go to dinner, since Mr. Wammy is sick I must do as he would do and feed myself." L said in an apathetic tone.

Beyond felt an immense relief to see that L was not upset, not awkward or even slightly uncomfortable, he seemed so ordinary, yet there was something different, something B could only think to be a certain type if comfort and approval as he looked at him, complete acceptance Beyond hoped.

Beyond pushed the thoughts of L's skin and smell, rapidly repeating in his mind, to his subconscious and stood up, bringing him to be a little taller than L since he was hunching, what L had said about feeding himself was funny but B was too tingly to laugh or find it amusing and he instead followed the older boy as he started to walk ahead.

Out in the hall Beyond decided to ask,  
"…why?" he mumbled.

There was silence, but L knew what B was asking him, but still L wasn't answering as they descended the stairs, both greeting Roger as he walked up stairs with a tray of food and medication, for Mr. Wammy of course.

They reached the final floor and were almost at the dining hall when L finally answered,  
"Because…I like you Beyond."

**_\- like you Beyond…I like you…you…Beyond…-_ **

Beyond's heart stopped for a moment…

Hearing those words from L's mouth, whether he knew what they meant, whether L didn't know the affect it would have on him, it was blissful.

B's steps were slower as they walked into the eating hall, he was smiling, that completely unnerving happy smile, no one noticed them entering, no one noticed B's smile except for L before he nodded to B and walked off to the front of the hall where Quillsh usually sat.

Nobody could hear B's heart beat like he could hear it in his ears, no one noticed him watch L walk away with an intense stare that would make any person uncomfortable.

No one noticed that this was one of several nights recently that A hadn't been to the dinner hall.

 


	4. I Wonder What's Next?

_-I thought you only started because it was fun–_

* * *

Beyond had had an amazing night, first the smell and feel and L’s hair and skin, the broken boundaries that would mean more contact with the older teen in future.

The words that L spoke that B found positively invigorating, **‘I like you Beyond.’**

He was standing in front of the mirror in the room, it was full length and he wore only his boxer shorts, he held a hair brush in one hand and his other hand was absently clenching and unclenching as he stared at himself. He had noticed a long time ago that he resembled L, in wasn’t as if he had tried to, he simply just had, when he’d seen L occasionally over the years he couldn’t help notice the similarities.

Beyond had gone on to intentionally mimic a few of his habits, even decided to dress the way L did and the jeans and T shirt had become comfortable for Beyond. Before he’d actually spoken to L that night in the rain, he’d always only acknowledged that L was around, L was what he was supposed to strive to be, but after that night Beyond couldn’t help feel he **needed** to be more like L, to be closer to L than any person had ever been.

He knew he could do it, L likes him.

“I like you Beyond…” B said to his reflection in his flawless mimicry of L’s smooth deep voice and he couldn’t help break out in a grin which he shaped into a smirk and then a small smile that he’d witnessed on L’s face, B automatically hunched slightly and his lighter grey eyes took on a round wider look, his free hand coming up and his thumb settling between his lips,

“I like you Beyond…” he said again and he felt the small laugh in his chest before he heard it from his mouth, he looked like L.

His eyes lowered briefly to look at his half naked teenage body and he figured L probably looked quite the same as well, probably more fair in complexion and his skin…

Beyond remembered L’s skin was silk to touch and was soft, his eye’s raised slowly to look back at his face, he no longer wore the small smile and his face was set in an expressionless mask,  
“…I **love** you Beyond.” He used the tone of L’s voice and it sounded exactly like it, spoken around his thumb even.

“I am L…and I love you Beyond...” every word made B feel like squirming with glee.

B paused suddenly in his L worshipping and turned from his beloved reflection, the lights in the room were off save for the lamp light next to A’s bed that had been on when he’d come in after dinner. He looked at the closed bathroom door, the light was on underneath it but he hadn’t heard a sound since he’d returned, he’d undressed and had been expecting to use the bathroom before he went to sleep but A hadn’t come out.

It annoyed Beyond and he stood in his L-like posture as he stared at the light beneath the door, absently bringing the hair brush up and combing it through his hair in quick strokes to flick the edges, in his deep reverie of thought his eyes widened and stared unseeing at the spot under the door, his own fair skin glowing in the orange light of the bed side lamp.

“A is worthless, I’d never even noticed him, only you…Beyond.” His voice came out in an even tone that anyone would have sworn was L’s, he paused his brushing when the door opened and A stepped out.

Beyond’s eyes narrowed but it was not completely with malice since he was grinning, his teeth glinting at A, who seemed very unhappy at B standing at watching him.

A was also in his boxer shorts, probably ready to sleep, but in the light and cold air from the bathroom, B could see dots of water all over his naked upper body and his flesh beneath looked tight and cold, like he’d bathed in cold water. But B was more interested in A’s hair, or to be more specific, lack thereof.

The previously blonde wavy shoulder length hair had been hacked to a short uneven and awfully horrendous mess on A’s head. The hair was still wet and clipped randomly, leaving some bits longer and some much shorter, it had probably been done by a scissors that was far too blunt for hair and it made A look a little scruffy.

Beyond started laughing as A walked away from his stares and over to his bed, pulling the sheets back harshly and getting under them still slightly wet, B’s laughter settled to a chuckle and he moved to the dresser to place the brush down and then walked toward the bathroom.

He wanted to say something to A but it wouldn’t be anything good right then since he wanted to laugh too badly so he settled for silence and entered the bathroom, noticing the hacked hair in the dustbin and the cold water residue left in the bath tub, the scissor sat on the bathroom counter and Beyond picked it up and inspected the small blonde strands that remained stuck between the metal,

“You are worthless Ashley Stephens.” Beyond mumbled in his own tone of voice and smiled as he dropped the scissor back onto the counter.

\------

A was lying in his bed, shivering, not from the cold but from the misery and the unshed tears, the cuts on his fingers, hands and face hadn’t been noticeable in the dull lighting, but he knew when B and everyone else saw it, they would ask questions, they’d know he was weak, they would all think B was better…L would think B was better.

* * *

It had been just over four months since B and L’s first confrontation under the tree in the rain, the month was February and Christmas and New year had passed as it usually did at Wammy’s, festivities and friendliness for all, and the winter was cold and rainy, occasionally lightly snowy too. Beyond had been bored to death of it and was content to sulk mostly since in the past months B had seen L a grand total of four times.

Each time had been for no longer than for an hour or less and L had sometimes been distracted during these visits since he was busy with cases, cases that never seemed to end. At one point during a ‘meeting’ L had told him that the average amount of cases he did in a day was only six and mostly less.

B had been shocked at how small the number had been but L had explained with a large amount of apathy that he couldn’t be bothered with small cases or any that didn’t interest him, this seemed to open up a port hole of new possibilities in L’s personality for Beyond. It was always obvious to people that L was spoiled, he was given what he liked, when he liked it and he was never questioned, even from his earliest years, so he supposed that if L didn’t want to do something, no one would force him, not even with cases.

However, B often had L doing what he wanted and he hadn’t had to force anything even once, L seemed to not mind obliging Beyond on the few occasions he asked things of him, or imposed things on him.

On the few days L had been there in the past months, one visit had been spent in the music room. This was just weeks after the night when they’d sat at the piano, the night when B had been so close…

_They hadn’t been there for music, L had been sitting there because Roger had asked him to supervise a small group of seven year olds, so he had been content to pull a desk and a chair together and sit with his laptop working and eating sweets as he usually did, while the children spent the 45 minutes fiddling with what they were allowed to touch, L’s authoritive voice startling them every now and then when he told them to stay away from a specific instrument or area. Beyond had been sitting with him, on a chair beside him at the same desk watching L and the children as the small amount of time passed, he had noted that he and L didn’t really talk very much and preferred to sit in silence, or at least L did, Beyond had a never ending stream of things he might say and occasionally he would speak, making random comments and L wouldn’t acknowledge them but it didn’t bother B._

_He knew L wanted him there._

_That particular time spent together was not burned in B’s mind for the event that had taken place that evening at the piano, it was burned deeply into his memory because it was another important moment he’d shared with L._

_About twenty minutes into the boring nanny session, B had stood up from his seat with an annoyed grimace, he was upset since his time with L was being squandered by these children’s inability to look after themselves, seven or not._

_He’d walked to the door, glancing at the far end of the music hall to the piano sitting and collecting morning dust, but before he’d just about stepped out._

“ _Ryuzaki…where are you going?”_

_L’s voice had been toneless, but loud enough to show he was asking a necessary question._

_B had paused, he didn’t think L had noticed since he hadn’t even looked at Beyond, he was really only going to go across the hall to the bathroom but he chose not to say and stayed quiet a moment longer…because he knew it, he felt it, in a moment L would continue and he did._

“ _Will…you be…returning shortly, I’ve not much time left.” And L’s voice had dropped considerably lower now, a sign that while these words were necessary to be said, he hadn’t wanted to say them. B hadn’t memorized every little thing about L…yet, but he knew enough to tell that L was expecting him to stay._

“ _I’m going across to the toilet, I’ll come back.”_

_Beyond had chosen those last words carefully as well, he knew L was fond of him, L liked him, he’d told B that with his own –superb- mouth. B didn’t see why he couldn’t exercise a little of this every now and then, saying he’d ‘come back’ would make L feel like it was so obvious he hadn’t wanted B to leave, and he’d seen L hunch a little lower in his seat so he knew that his words had the desired effect._

_It was invigorating, Beyond felt so overwhelmed with an intense sensation in his veins every time he received even the smallest fraction of emotion from his mentor._

_Of course he’d rushed to the toilet and rushed back, his own need to spend every last aching second basking in L’s cold divinity so powerful it sometimes crippled him with misery when all he had was his reflection to look at._

_The final touch to that memory had been after B had returned from the toilet, the children seemed to have become restless and L was becoming very gloomy. B had offered, by leaning over to L from the chair he sat in, mumbling into his ear that he’d entertain them._

_L had stiffened from the proximity and B couldn’t be sure but he swore L had had a small break of goose bumps to his flesh since B had felt the static in L’s hair pull the wisps in his direction when he leaned back. Oh, the little things made him quiver with delight._

_B had then gone on to get up and walk over, gathering the kids up and surprisingly capturing their attention very quickly by telling them a story about some sun god and a world that was completely fictional, but they ate it up like the easily amazed children they were and found it incredibly amusing when B decided to do a hand stand for them, rousing them up with excitement as he stood and very easily bent his body over in a backward arch._

_Once in that position, B steadied his hands on the ground, his legs slowly pushing him up onto the balance of his hands to support the awkward angle. Once B was completely certain that he had a proper weight balance on his hands, he used his arms and back muscles to bring his legs up one by one, he did it quickly because if he had moved too slowly he would have hurt himself or fallen flat on his back._

_Once he was up it was easy, he did this quite often when he was bored and the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from the children didn’t mean much since he never aimed to impress anyone, but when he flipped back over and stood up, their little hands making lousy applause, he turned to L who was still sitting at the desk, only L wasn’t looking at his lap top, he was looking directly at B, with his thumb between his lips and his eyes wide, a small smile on his face…B had entertained L, however briefly, and that had been a great feeling, holding L’s attention._

_Shortly after that, when L had to leave, they had walked to the lowest level with the small group of six children, Roger had thanked L and then told him he would be outside waiting to drive L. Mr. Wammy was still a little ill at the time and had designated Roger to drive L anywhere he needed to go and B had asked L where it was that he went and received a simple reply that it wasn’t his concern._

_The children had dispersed and L and B stood in the hall, again B had many things he wanted to say but he really just felt better staying quiet until L spoke, since he valued L’s words far more than his own._

“ _Thank you for occupying the children earlier, I’m sure they appreciated it.” L had said in his monotone._

_This was the first time B had had to experience a form of –goodbye- and the fact L was leaving and he didn’t know for how long made him terribly irate, his grey eyes darted from one side to another before settling on the round neck line of L’s white T shirt,_

“ _I didn’t do it for those rats, I did it to help you, you were getting annoyed with them.” He informed the older boy as if it should have been obvious._

_There was a small silence and then L turned and shuffled away down the hall in his white and black Van’s shoes he was forced to wear when leaving the orphanage, B’s eyes felt like they were burning as L became smaller but then his form paused at the arch to the exit hall, without turning around,  
“I look forward to seeing you again Beyond.” L had said right before leaving… for several weeks until B could see him and hear his voice again._

* * *

L was back at Wammy’s again and it was near February’s end but B had been very pleased since it would be for a full day and not an hour. For the morning he hadn’t been allowed near L’s room since L was working, but by early afternoon, just before one, B was walking up the stairs after Roger had told him L had asked for him.

He loved it, the fact L would actually _ask_ for him to visit.

He was dressed in a black T shirt and denim jeans, he wore socks on his feet as well and he made quick work of the stairs and the hall, reaching L’s door and knocking rather loudly. He heard movement from inside and the door opened, Mr. Wammy stood there with a half smile.

He nodded and stepped aside for Beyond to come in, Beyond noted that he looked better, his skin didn’t seem so ashen anymore and he was back to the Wammy stature everyone had come to recognize in him,  
“Good afternoon B.” he greeted and B nodded,  
“Mr. Wammy.” He responded to the old man but his eyes were focused on L who sat at the table next to the window and stared outside, he couldn’t see L’s face but his hair was untidily brushed back into its usual fray around his head and the wind breezing in through the window made it sway lightly, the mat black color barely shining with the afternoon sun glow.

“-thing else L?” Wammy had been saying and B glanced at the man standing beside him near the door, he had zoned out for a moment.

“No, thank you Mr. Wammy.” L answered and his voice carried across wispily to Beyond from where he sat.

“Very well. Call if you need anything.” Quillsh added before leaving the room and closing the door with a soft click.

Beyond hadn’t stopped staring at L and now that Quillsh left he walked closer, taking quick steps to cover the unwanted space between them,  
“Wammy’s back to good health I see, at your beck and call as loyally as usual.” B stated as he rounded the table to stand opposite to where L sat.

He could now see the pale face he adored and he saw that L was holding a small block of fudge in between a finger and his thumb; it was inches from his mouth before Beyond came into his line of sight and grabbed his attention.

L’s eyes focused on B steadily and then he bit a piece from the sweet sugar block,  
“That is very rude of you to say, Ryuzaki.” He said with a dismissive blink and then he was looking back outside.

That wasn’t good, B wanted to be looked at so he could look at L, he glanced at the small plate of freshly made fudge blocks on the tea tray, with the rest of the effects for making tea, complete with two cups. Beyond smiled and pulled the other chair out, sitting down normally as he began making the tea, like he had become used to doing during his visits with L.

L didn’t blink or move, he just sat there until B placed the cup in front of him and then he shifted to face forward, he had one leg against his chest and the other down on the ground, B had noticed that whenever L sat this way he made sure to keep only his toe touching the ground, another small detail that Beyond found very interesting.

L started the ritual of putting an unhealthy amount of sugar cubes into his cup, B didn’t do this, he merely added four cubes and stirred, L had told him that he should stop copying everything he did some time ago and so B decided and told L that he would only copy the things he enjoyed doing most, and drinking sugary tea syrup was not one of those things so he forfeited it.

When B had said that at the time, L had stared at him as if he might object to the compromise, but stayed quiet in the end.

L sipped his tea a few times after stirring and then looked at B, who had been staring at L,  
“I would like to play chess…” L stated and stood up from his chair, shuffling over to a cupboard to fetch the old wooden chess set that he seemed to like playing with.

After the last few visits and attempts at chess, L decided to not ask and simply say that he wanted to play, because Beyond had always answered ‘no’ when L asked if he _wanted_ to play, even though they’d end up playing anyway since L wanted to.

“This again…I don’t like chess L.” B mumbled into his cup.

“I am aware of that, you’ve made it painfully obvious.” L said in an equally mumbled tone as he shuffled back over holding the dark wooden container with a bronze clasp to keep it closed.

“Then why do you still play with me, you obviously don’t enjoy it…”

“Why do you still play with me, _you_ obviously don’t enjoy it.” L stated rather than asked.

B smirked and put his cup down, L had a point, it was something for them to do **together** when they were alone, but B rather enjoyed when there was nothing to do, since L seemed to let his guard down and it gave B rare opportunities to invade L’s space, like at the piano, he wanted that opportunity again.

L had pushed the black pieces over to B and had started setting up his pieces on the unfolded wooden chess board. B sighed audibly and set up his own pieces as if it were a great annoyance, noticing L didn’t even spare him a glance.

The game begins and like so many times before, it never ends, because B always manages to make it into something rather entertaining for himself and L usually just watches until he’s bored or it’s time to leave. Of course the afternoon was longer than their usual short visits, and an hour and a half later, B having given up taking the game seriously, L was mildly surprised when B picked up one random black piece off the bored and tapped it against his lips, pretending to think deeply.

L watched him and sipped his tea, _‘…bowling again? Perhaps checkers? Maybe that absurd version of backgammon…’_ L thought as he waited.

“E4!” B stated and L only blinked with indifference as B used the black knight he held and knocked the white piece occupying that particular space from the board so that it flew across the room and landed on the carpet,

“…few more hits and you’ll sink.” Beyond commented with a genuinely amused smile on his face, fully prepared to knock the remaining white pieces from the board in the same way.

L was distracted for a moment by the radiant smile and pleased gleam in B’s eyes before he let a smile surface on his own face, _‘…so, battleships this time…’_ he started laughing in a very low and hushed manner as he watched B over his tea cup.

B was still smiling at him,  
“Give up?”

“I believe I do, I don’t think I have much interest in chess anymore.” L answered and picked up a sugar cube to eat it as he put his empty cup down.

“You’ll thank me someday.” Beyond said confidently,

“Chess is boring…so many rules and restrictions of movement…board games are pointless and too controlled.” He added even though he knew L wouldn’t care.

The door opened and Mr. Wammy entered, making Beyond a bit annoyed since L had been looking particularly unguarded for a moment. He brought in a tray with half of an entire strawberry cream cake and B watched L’s face light up as he placed the tray down, a knife, two side plates and cake forks were there as well.

Quillsh picked up the other tray and left again, stepping over the chess piece and a shirt of L’s lying on the floor, the room just couldn’t stay neat all the time, the bed was only still made because L hadn’t slept in it yet.

Beyond watched Mr. Wammy leave and looked back at L who was already laying a large slice onto a side plate for himself, holding the knife in his meticulous way and yet it seemed perfectly steady as he cut a slice for B, about the same size as his own.

It was only moments until L’s full attention was on the cake and B was forgotten, he didn’t mind though, he stood up and pulled his chair over so it was right next to L’s chair, L glanced at him as he removed his fork from his mouth but didn’t say anything. He sat normally again, not wanting to annoy L right then, and he reached back over to slide his plate with his cake on it toward him.

He picked up the single strawberry decorating his slice and ate it, watching L place the last piece of his cake in his mouth, B took his own fork and cut a neat piece from his slice. L had reached for the knife again but B picked it up before he could and turned to face L.

“Oh, will you do it then?”L asked with wide and interested eyes, it was cake after all, no other thing would make him so responsive , nothing that B knew of yet at least, but he would find out eventually.

“Have mine…” he said in a suggestive tone and held the piece poised on his fork in L’s line of vision, which was directly between the two of them.

“What will you have?” he asked as if he’d had no intention of giving B any cake other than the piece he’d cut, B knew this was probably true and it didn’t bother him,

“I don’t really want any L.” he moved the fork closer to L’s face and he smiled in that cute but disturbing way.

L stared at him, not at the cake or the fork; he was staring at Beyond, his grey eyes not revealing anything but he was processing in his mind what B was doing, holding the fork out to him, for him to eat from it? L wasn’t stupid, he may play innocent extremely well but he knew that B had ulterior motives in anything he did and the problem was L seemed to just let him do what he liked and he knew it too.

Beyond was waiting and L noticed how he looked the slightest bit hopeful, up close he could see the slight difference in their faces, B’s face was not as slender as his, but was not much wider or rounder, his eyes were a usual almond shape, his eyelashes finer than L’s own and B had thinner lips as well. L knew his own face well, like most people did, so seeing Beyond this close made him appreciate that they looked quite different in little ways.

B also had slight dimples which L found really fascinating as the boy smiled at him and the fork inched closer, the faint smell of B’s hair was mingling with the cake.

L’s eyes left B’s face and focused on the cake near his mouth, without much hesitation L opened his mouth and B slowly pushed the fork inside, B brought the knife up, using the tip on one flat side under L’s chin, he closed the older boy’s mouth on the fork and slipped the fork out.

B’s stomach was heavy with a tight knot as he pulled the fork all the way out and traces of the cake and L remained on the fork, he still held the knife in place and L wasn’t chewing because of it, the knife was cold and sticky to his skin and B was staring at him with a strange look.

“I won’t hurt you…” B mumbled to L.

L realized B was telling him to relax and eat, slowly L started chewing the piece of cake in his mouth, he felt B relax the knife under his chin to allow for the movement of his jaw.

Once L swallowed and B watched his very shallow Adam’s apple move beneath his placid skin, he lowered the knife and B had let the fork fall onto the table, he brought his hand up and used his slender index finger to wipe the cream from under L’s chin.

B laid the knife on the table, and he placed his index finger into his mouth and ate off the cream casually before slipping the fork back into the cake for another piece.

Now came the real test, would L take it from him?

He raised the fork and L’s eyes never left his face as he opened his mouth and ate the cake off the fork, B went on to take another piece and this time ate it himself, all the while L watched him with those observant eyes.

The next piece of cake on the fork would be awkward, Beyond was thinking this as he placed the fork back and took the last piece, L would definitely say no since what B was doing was obvious.

L however, was thinking something quite different, he knew B would offer him the cake, the intention was obvious, he’d eaten from it and now he wanted L to do so. This should have made L uncomfortable, irritated, apprehensive…but he couldn’t bring himself to feel any of these things as he sat quite literally cornered in. B had put that knife near his throat and when he’d said he wouldn’t hurt L, L had had the fleeting thought of _‘I know.’_ right after.

L watched B’s mouth as he chewed, the small smile on his thinner lips, he thought of the smile that Beyond showed earlier and the dimples, such a memorable face, L would never forget B’s face, even if B didn’t look just like him.

L ate the piece of cake from the fork and clamped his teeth down onto it so B had to let go and couldn’t take the fork back.

Making light of the situation – _ignoring_ \- L made it obvious he wasn’t perturbed by anything B did and he licked the fork clean before pulling the remainder of the cake on the tray toward himself and eating from it. He could feel B staring, feel him smile and L felt an annoying knot in his stomach, these uncontrollable reactions irritated him.

“Did you know…you have dimples, Beyond.” L said around a mouthful of cake, he was looking at B from the slight side angle he was sitting at because one elbow was on the table and he held the fork in that hand.

B had picked up the knife and was playing with it, holding the tip to his finger and turning the knife, he looked at L, a casual look, L thought he looked like a ‘cool’ high school boy with that look…the knot wouldn’t go away.

“Did you know…that you have **me.** ” Beyond mumbled and he placed the knife down, “…I’d never hurt you L…” _‘…I’d kill for you…’_ “…you can trust me…” _‘…I’d keep you forever…’_ B wasn’t looking at L, but at the knife on the table, remnants of cream over the blade and a small patch with less cream from L’s chin.

L was silent, eating the cake contentedly, he was concerned though, he was worried because everything B said he just wanted to believe, he liked B…obviously **more** than he should and he wanted to accept anything B told him, he had been feeling this way since B first came into his room months ago. Since B first touched him, drying his hair, first spoke to him about weeds and other nonsensical things, since B first smiled at him and ignored his personal boundaries.

L wanted B around, that’s why he asked for him whenever he visited, that’s why he made excuses and ignored B’s strange behavior, the strange things he said…that L wanted to listen to and hear again. He knew he either had to stop B now, he had to push him away, or he had to say what he wanted to…L always said what he wanted to…why shouldn’t he now.

He paused before pushing the fork back into the cake on the tray again, B had fallen silent and when L turned his head and looked at B he saw anxiousness written over his features, B was nervous and he was staring at the table morosely.

L decided to act on what he was feeling, he liked Beyond, he had to accept it, he wanted to accept it, even if he didn’t know what ‘it’ was. L reached his slender hand out and touched B’s hair, it was thick and soft as he dragged his fingers through the black locks and trailed his hand down the side of B’s face, feeling his ear hidden beneath the hair as he rested his cold hand, his hands were always cold, on B’s warm cheek, it was a light hand, just barely touching the skin.

Beyond’s eyes widened and instantly his hand shot up and covered over L’s, noticing absently that L’s hand felt smaller and thinner than his own. L had an empathic look on his face, slight as it was and he let his eyes linger on Beyond’s, seeing the shock in his face and eyes,  
“I know Beyond…and I do trust you.” L said and wanted to hold his hand there a bit longer on the warm skin.

He told Beyond he trusted him.

L trusted no one but Mr. Wammy and himself.

But he knew he meant it, he meant it like only he could mean something.

Only when **he** believed it himself.

L slipped his hand from under Beyond’s slowly and returned to eating, Beyond seemed to buzz back to life after a moment and he reached over and picked up a strawberry piece from the cake plate.

“Rumor has it…that your birthday is on Halloween.” Beyond spoke calmly about something random, forcing himself not to over react even though his heart beat was unsteady.

L had touched him so affectionately, so gently it had made him feel dizzy even, he wanted it again, and he wanted it to happen again soon, somehow.

“Yes…I believe that information was leaked some time ago…” L said rather impassively.

Beyond didn’t bother being annoyed by the reaction; L had touched him, and that was enough indication that B was welcome,

“Don’t you celebrate it?”

“No.” the answer was instantaneous and Beyond cocked an eyebrow and leaned over so he could see L’s face straight on and not from the angle.

“Why not…it’s like double fun to have your birthday on the spookiest night of the year.” B was grinning in an unnerving fashion that made him look mischievous.

“You don’t really believe Halloween is any kind of a notable event, do you?” L was only half asking as he and Beyond looked at each other,  
“Oh…but it is…” Beyond laughed very lightly, “…only because it’s _your_ birthday.” He added.

L said nothing and abandoned the cake with a lazy sigh, tilting his head while still looking at Beyond with a listless look, his hands came up to rest on his knees and his toes wiggled absently.

“This year your birthday will be different…I promise.” Beyond said and turned in his chair to the door that opened again after a single knock, Mr. Wammy was back.

He glanced at the new sitting arrangement but seemed more bothered by all the cake L had eaten as he came to stand at the table,

“L, it’s been quite a long afternoon, perhaps you should return to work?” he asked as he cleared the table and his old hands were slightly unsteady.

L was watching him and he reached out and touched Mr. Wammy’s hand to stop him from taking the tray,

“Yes, you are right; I will take these down and leave Beyond at his room, perhaps you should sit down and have a cup of tea…I will join you shortly.” L stood up and Beyond followed suite, moving the chair from L’s way.

“Oh…oh alright then…when you return…” Quillsh trailed off and moved to another counter in the room with an instant coffee machine and a tea set above a minifridge.

Beyond grabbed the tray when L started to walk toward the door and he followed L out, L closing the door after Beyond.

Beyond didn’t know whether L was walking him to his room because he had to take the tray for Quillsh or because he wanted an excuse, such as taking the tray, to walk Beyond to his room. Either way, he was happy with this; once they reached the bottom floor he placed the tray in the kitchen quickly and stepped back into the hall where L waited.

They walked in silence to B’s room, both hunched over and hands in their pockets, B kept glancing at L and L stared ahead blankly, once they reached B’s room L reached up and scratched his head absently, waiting for Beyond to say something.

B glanced at the door and then at L,  
“I won’t see you for a while, huh?”

L nodded lazily, his hair bouncing lightly,  
“Seven months, and possibly longer.” He answered.

B clearly wasn’t happy since his eyes narrowed as he stared at the ground,  
“But when you get back…”

“You’ll see me.” L said easily and B looked at him, L wasn’t smiling or doing anything really, just standing and looking at B.

“Yes.” B said softly and he held his breath.

Beyond suddenly stepped forward and grabbed L by his shoulders, fisting his shirt in his hands, B pressed his face into the crook of L’s neck and breathed in deeply but quietly a few times before pulling back very slowly and releasing the handfuls of L’s shirt, letting him go and stepping back.

That was by far the most disturbing thing Beyond had done and L could feel the hairs on his neck standing from Beyond’s hot breath, he stood still, slightly stiff from the unforeseen contact, his hands were in fists in his pockets from the shock and the rush of familiarity it brought from that night at the piano.

L blinked and stared at B who seemed slightly embarrassed with what he’d done and he stuffed his hands into his pockets,  
“I’m sorry…” he said in a frustrated murmur.

Those words made L relax slightly, those words were part of the greater excuses he made for Beyond, of course moments like this he would rather not think too hard about, besides, Beyond’s apple scented hair had left behind a pleasant feeling in L and so he moved right along as if it hadn’t happen,  
“I’m going now B.” he said softly and turned, walking away in his naturally rude fashion.

“Bye L…” B said audibly, berating himself mentally for that outburst, he needed to remember that something’s he needed to control, he couldn’t push L away, he had to control himself.

* * *

B opened the door and stepped into the room, he was very angry with himself, so much progress, he was so much closer to L and he had to go and be so stupid and do that…he needed to keep his urges in check.

His eyes fell on A, who was sitting under the window and ripping pages from a book, it was a bible story book, and B took a moment to calm himself from his previous anger before dealing with the annoying boy. A had been acting very strangely since his life span had dropped, introverted and erratic.

Hacking his hair off had made the boy even more temperamental, B had heard him swear in irritation a few times when he was doing something as small as cleaning or dressing and even noticed how he’d stopped caring about his personal appearance. B preferred this side of A, it made his boring days more interesting and now he wanted to know why A was ripping up the book.

“Weren’t you enjoying it?” B asked as he stepped closer so he more or less stood over a, standing on a few of the pages on the ground.

“It’s a stupid book…all I have left of my parents…some stupid book with made up stories about fake hope and-” there went another rip and the pages fluttered to the ground soundlessly.

B actually felt discouraged by A’s pathetic self loathing, it was pitiful and he snorted lightly, deciding he’d go into the bathroom and stare at himself for a while. He was honestly overwhelmed by his afternoon, so much had happened; L had opened up a whole new world of possibilities when he’d touched B.

He’d made it possible for B to do the same more easily, like outside the door just a moment ago, he had to think of it in a positive light, L hadn’t shoved him off or reacted much at all, he’d let Beyond grab him and smell his skin, bury his face into the soft curve of L’s neck, he’d let Beyond do it, and even though B knew it was a bit much, he couldn’t help take it into account.

L’s skin hadn’t disappointed him, soft as Beyond had remembered from a few months before, and he remembered well.

He had just stepped in front of the mirror in the bathroom when A spoke,

“B…” it was a harsh sound from A’s throat and the book was discarded to the side as A sat with his legs untidily out in front of him, the pants he wore were wrinkled so he’d been sitting that way for some time.

B stepped out of the bathroom so he could see A better and he started pulling his shirt off, he wasn’t going to shower for a while, L’s closeness wasn’t going to be washed away so quickly but he preferred being shirtless,

“What is it?” he asked as he tossed his shirt on to the floor.

“…why…” A’s dull blue eyes snapped up to stare at B a few feet away, “…why does L like you?” he asked.

It was a valid question if asked by someone outside of the situation, Beyond was not likeable usually, no one really liked him ever, B never strived to be liked and so L liking him was a strange thing. He stood staring at the ceiling and thinking this over in his head – _L had touched him_ \-- A didn’t matter, what he or anyone else thought didn’t matter.

B smirked and looked down at A,  
“Because I’m better than you.” The words left his mouth in a harsh tone even though he was smiling.

Now…this may seem strange but really it isn’t, that B hadn’t ever been in a fight before, he grew up at Wammy’s and despite his nasty nature, no one ever picked a fight with him. So the rush of adrenalin B felt when A tackled him to the floor was intense.

He wasn’t sure why he did but he heard himself snarl and he tossed A off of him, rolling them over so he was on top and slamming A’s shoulders into the floor. A made a small sound of pain but B only smiled at it, he felt so much anger but he didn’t know why, it was like pure fire coursing through him.

“Get off me…get…off B…!” A was saying and his hands were trying to grab something but B wore no shirt and A could only push at him, he was looking up at B and A saw the strangest glint in his grey eyes, it almost looked like a different color but the mass of black hair hanging over his head and shading his face made it too difficult to tell…but B’s hands had moved from his shoulders onto his throat.

“B…B whaht!” A struggled to breath the words, B’s hands were not holding back and his thin fingers tightened,

“You don’t want to…play with me…I don’t play nice…” B threatened harshly and then he let the muscles in his arms relax and he slipped his hands from A’s throat slowly, he was still straddling A who was holding his throat now and looked completely white with shock.

B reached behind him and pulled the cake knife from his back pocket, the thin knife he’d actually forgotten he’d taken, he looked back down at A and gripped the knife in his thin hand, feeling that rush of adrenalin again as he held it and saw A shivering beneath him,

“Please…get off me…” A asked in a hushed voice, submissive and timid.

B sighed, losing interest in the pathetic boy, he licked at the flat side of the knife, tasting the dried cream and then he got up and walked away from A without another word, entering the bathroom and shutting the door with a small force .

A lied there, still holding his throat and his blue eyes staring off into space, Beyond had looked so different when he was at that point of anger, nothing like A had seen when B was irritated, he seemed almost twisted, his eyes were so dark, his mouth even contorted to a horrible sneer. A knew he never wanted to see that again…ever.

* * *

Whatever it was, that feeling when he’d had his hands to A’s throat, that feeling was beautiful, it was so incredible that B was still reeling. It had hit him so quickly and so powerfully that he was almost screaming at himself to hold onto it.

He was amazed at how calm he felt even then as he looked at his face in the mirror, his black hair hanging around his face, his jaw tight and his mouth in a distinctive half smile and half sneer, he looked like Beyond Birthday, he always felt like himself but now that he looked it as well it seemed different.

His chest was rising and falling from his excited breathing and he looked at his hairless torso, he had faint muscle lines around his abdomen and on his chest and shoulders, he was lean and when he was older his muscles would be taut, he could tell by looking at himself now.

He always knew who he was, he never ever forgot that even though he looked like L, he wasn’t, even if he could pretend to be L, he wasn’t.

He would always know that…L would always know that, but everyone else didn’t matter so he could fool them easily.

“I am L.” B said quietly in L’s voice and smiled, he relaxed and looked at the knife that he’d swiped from L’s room, touching the tip to his lips and turning away from the mirror,  
“I would kill anyone…if they touched you L.” he mumbled against the knife and his eyes narrowed, the knife settling against his slightly opened lips.

“I would…” ‘ _Kill...’_


	5. You're Right, I Get It

  _-Do you want it enough, do you want it at all, should you need it at all-_  


* * *

L had arrived at Wammy's house the day before his birthday, he hadn't planned it that way and he doubted that Mr. Wammy had either, so it was rather convenient that he was back. He'd remained in his room, hoping to avoid anyone who might recognize and want to wish him based on that 'rumor' that had gotten out and so he busied himself with endless piles of paper work, Mr. Wammy occasionally making an entrance to bring or leave him something but he was now seated on one of the sofa's sipping tea with his own lap top perched on the table.

L was sitting with one leg bent up against his chest and one bent at a cross legged angle onto the chair beneath his other, his heel keeping his leg balanced in the small space of the chair that he occupied, he was memorizing data as he clicked through the files but occasionally he'd stop and stare at the keyboard.

He couldn't help but be distracted by one thought that came to mind every half hour or so as he sat tediously working, he thought about Beyond as he sat at his desk dropping sugar cubes into his tea, a small fond smile on his face when he thought of B's dislike for his super sweet tea after trying it.

It had been this way for a while since L and B had been getting closer, he would often think of something B had done or said and smile and it was a little strange but L allowed himself the small pleasure of random harmless thought.

He was still in his daydream when his PC beeped and a separate window automatically popped up and opened into a newly received email. L blinked and he almost…almost frowned but instead looked from over his shoulder to Wammy who was sipping his tea elegantly and leaning back with his excellent posture in his seat,  
"Have you sent me an email?" he asked in his dull tone, not amused by this at all.

"I have, won't you read it, I've marked it as urgent." Mr. Wammy said in a very serious manner as he's old eyes opened just a little wider from their lowered gaze and he watched L, whose eyes were wide and his pale features partially hidden behind the mess of hair.

L didn't question it, he figured it were some case files that Mr. Wammy was sending so he could address the matter verbally afterward, he lifted his hand from his tea cup handle and ran his finger tips lightly over the mouse pad and clicked on the open button.

The email might have been annoying or offensive if it had come from anyone but Quillsh; it was a short, sweet message with no introduction or formal addressing that read:

You seem to be particularly distracted since we've arrived back at home, is there any reason why that you might like to discuss?

L's hand came to his mouth but before he could begin to nip at the skin of his thumb he looked at Quillsh over his shoulder again,  
"I am distracted, I really would not have liked to be here at this time since the people here seem to be aware of my birthday being on the celebrated occasion tomorrow…" L commented softly.  
Mr. Wammy placed his cup and saucer down,  
"I apologize for coming here since I understand how it might upset you, but I was asked by Roger to be here for the Halloween event his holding for the children…"

L lowered his leg from his chest to the ground and turned around more fully, resting one of his arms of the back of the chair,  
"You mean you had intended to be back here by this time?" he asked still with a monotone but his eyes held a little irritation.  
Quillsh nodded,  
"I haven't been here for the past two years at this time and he's had a hard time keeping track of the children, the younger ones run circles around him and the older ones stay out trick or treating beyond the set curfew, he gets quite upset…and he is old." He added at the end with a bit of a fond smile.

L tilted his head and leaned his chin on his arm along the chair back,  
"Yes, I see what you mean, he's always fraught with aches and holding his back." L said by way of adding to the joke even though he was just telling the truth of what he knew of Roger and Quillsh laughed very quietly,  
"Very well, I understand that your place is here if there is no other place you are needed…" L concluded since he knew that all of his international cases had been wrapped up nicely in all the months he'd been away and despite how he was annoyed by Halloween, the fresh coffee and cake smell of his room was always welcoming.

There was a moment of silence as Mr. Wammy continued drinking his tea and L's eyes dropped to the floor as he spaced out again, thinking of the fact that Beyond had said his birthday would be different, it was another convenience that he had ended up here at Wammy's this time of year.

"There you go again, into another world." Quillsh spoke with a hint of amusement and L looked up at him with a roll of his eyes and he said nothing, it was a lost cause, he was far too distracted anyway.  
L turned back around and brought both knees up against his chest as he focused on his work, he'd just have to stick it out until they left Wammy's, as long as he was here and he knew B was close, he would not be able to focus too well.

* * *

The following day after L's morning tea, Quillsh had told him that he'd be busy with decorations and plans for the Halloween event later that day, they were helping the younger kids get together costumes and setting up the dinner hall with a sweet feast for after dinner.

L had hardly paid attention until the words 'sweet feast'…ah yes, about the only thing half interesting about Halloween was that it revolved around getting candy or making people suffer if they denied you treats…of course not quite so seriously as L thought about it but the general idea was favorable, sweets were something he'd never let go of.

Mr. Wammy had then told L he'd have to 'see to himself' which meant little to L who could remain unmoving for hours if he felt lazy enough and Quillsh had said that if L liked, he could join in, which was ridiculous as far as the now seventeen year old, was concerned.

The happy birthday and custom size extra large strawberry shortcake came after late morning tea and then Quillsh left L to his own devices, which was L eating the entirety of the cake over the period of the afternoon as he worked.

Even now when it was nearing five in the afternoon he was still occasionally picking at the crumbs but it was because he found himself to be extremely restless, he could hear the noise, hustle and bustle and constant laughter of the children enjoying the attention and 'fun' that came with events like this.  
L was currently lying on his stomach on the floor, one of his extra lap tops, like the three others at various points in his room, opened before him since he hadn't been able to sit in one place too long.

He didn't want to leave the room to retrieve more cake or goodies because he'd be running the risk of children, sticky fingered, snotty nosed or puberty stricken children seeing him and wanting to touch him in some confounded gesture of merriment which was conventionally hugs, kisses or handshakes.  
L's hair was standing on his arms and neck just thinking about the vile nature of human contact…all except for one of course.

He rolled onto his back and his hair fell back from his face, his eyes half closed as he stared at the ceiling and let a soundless sigh escape his lips, he turned his head downward a bit to look at the coffee table with the remnants of cake and the strawberries that had been on those slices, strawberries reminded him of someone, someone who L had managed, until now, to keep out of his thoughts long enough to work. He vaguely remembered from a very long time ago, feeding a strawberry…

There was a knock at his door and L's head snapped up and arched back to see the other side of the room from where he lay on the floor next to his lap top, to the door, his hands had been resting on his chest over the soft cotton fabric of his shirt but now his fingers were lightly gripping at the cotton as he stared at the door…only one person knocked on his room door.

The second knock made L realize he had been tensing and he loosened his slender fingers grip,  
"Come in." he said in his baritone voice and he allowed entry only because the knots in his stomach told him that he knew who it was already. The door knob turned quickly and the door was pushed open, the familiar face of Beyond Birthday popped in and his eyes fell onto the floor, where L still lied looking from an arch angle at the door.

That eerie smiled spread over the younger teens face when he saw L, pure joy seemed to boil up within him along with some strange misplaced butterflies in his stomach, Beyond liked them though, as long it had to do with L he liked it.  
"I see you're not too busy." B stated as he stepped in and closed the door, walking over with his unusually shoe clad feet to L.

Never missing an opportunity to take advantage of L's unguarded space, B got onto his knees and he leaned over L, on all fours, his head was above L's and his hands supporting him either side of L's shoulders. L's neck relaxed and he stopped arching when B's face was right above him just a few centimeters away, if he arched his neck again all he would be able to see would be Beyond's legs.

He realized then that if he sat up he may knock into Beyond and any other way of squirming out of this close proximity would look very stupid and childish, L didn't want Beyond to see that, but for some reason having B's face above his own that way made him nervous and he could feel it in his muscles as they tensed.

Beyond's hair was framing his slightly slender face and he had a lopsided and creepy smile across his fair features, his thin lips pulled back by his grin to reveal his top row of teeth and his eyes staring down at L since his line of vision was more aligned with B's mouth as was Beyond's with his own mouth. L cocked his head so that his chin was almost touching his collar bone and he brought his right arm passed B's right arm and slipped it under his head for support.

This had unintentionally brought their faces closer and Beyond being as stubborn as he was, didn't even flinch or move, his eyes instead seemed to roam over L's chin and neck,  
"What were you doing, just lying here?" he asked quietly.  
L felt Beyond's breath on his chin and his skin started tingling,  
"Beyond…move away." L's tone was in no way playful and B noted this.

He often enjoyed pushing L's boundaries but it was obvious L wasn't liking this too much, too much time had passed, so with an unheard sigh B sat up, kneeling behind L's head and his hands were now unoccupied and he started to fiddle with his shirt sleeve.  
L sat up, his back facing B and he didn't turn around, B was staring at the flattened hair at the back of L's head from lying on the carpet, his hair was oiled out again and B had come to realize L hadn't really enjoyed washing his hair too often a long time ago.

It suddenly sunk in just how long L had been away, Beyond felt a lurch in his stomach and his fingers tightened into a fist momentarily, spending as much time as he had in the mirror, telling himself L was missing him, A always staring at him as if he hoped to find some kind of answers in B's face…L's face. B knew he wasn't L, he didn't look exactly like L at all, he was more aware of it than anyone because he always stared at every curve or slight difference in the others face.

The smell of L never left his memory either, not even the stink of jam all over the room, or the smell of bleach and dye when A had his little episodes in the bathroom…not even the smell of strawberries could take away the warm sweet smell of L.  
Silence settled between them and B had been staring at the back of L's head as he thought of all the time he'd had to pass with just memories, thoughts and his own imperfect reflection, he wanted to gouge A's eyes out of his head so he'd stop staring at B and reminding him silently how he really was not-

"Why are you here?" L's voice broke the silence and B's train of thought, his lighter grey eyes were suddenly sharp and unclouded as he watched L's shoulders hunch, the older teen leaning forward and bringing his legs into him in a lotus sitting position, B's eye brow quirked up at that but he didn't pay attention to it for too long.

He started crawling closer to L about three feet away,  
"I came to wish you a happy birthday, L." he spoke in his casual accent and L was trying to suppress the small standing of his hairs at the sound of the lighter voice when B's thin fingers were suddenly in his hair, semi long nails running through the flattened black hair and slowly massaging L's skull. There were two reasons why B initiated contact this way, one was that he'd touched L's hair before so L would likely not protest to B's hands in his hair now and secondly was because B knew it relaxed L and made him more pliant to B's requests, which were soon to come.

L felt hot suddenly, he knew he was blushing and if he were a vulgar person he would have been cussing at this involuntary reaction, but he instead relaxed in his lotus position as B continued massaging his head lightly and he said nothing in way of an answer, his hands resting on his knees and his eyes cast down at the floor in front of him, glad B was behind and couldn't see his face.

"Did you miss me, L?" B asked quietly, but the eagerness was evident in his tone.  
L's eyes slowly widened and a his index finger came up between his lips as he let B's question sink in, he had the honest answer already, he just wasn't sure if telling Beyond 'yes' was a good idea. So much had previously happened between them, from L enjoying his company and the invasion of his personal space to trusting Beyond and telling him he did so.

Yet nothing had changed except the passing of a large amount of time and L felt so different about it all, yet at the same time, when Beyond had entered, he'd been somewhat pleased to see that smile. He was still willing to accept B's strange behavior, just because he liked the other, and he hadn't even defined that word just yet to himself. The late afternoon sun was shining on the two of them from the window and L closed his eyes as B's hands slowed his massaging, question unanswered but L showed no sign that he would answer and B sat back on his heels, he could only see the back of L's head but he wanted to look at that face.

"I've missed you." B said honestly, it was not desperation so much as silly hopefulness in his tone.  
He hoped for something, anything, even a smile or a slight gesture or touch like L had done once before, where Beyond's skin had tingled and his heart nearly stopped, he hoped even for words, but L said nothing and just continued sitting.

B was getting restless, his nails were looking pretty good for biting right now and his hands were itching to wring the cotton sleeves of his shirt, he had the thought to play chess just before his eyes caught sight of the digital clock at L's bedside, it was just after five pm.  
B smirked and stood up, rounding L's form seated on the ground and he kneeled down in front of L, he had renewed vigor which usually drove him to be far more bold, he leaned forward into L's face, leaving just inches between them, L could again feel this but kept his eyes closed,  
"We have to go, L." B told him.  
"Going somewhere are we?" L spoke and B's eyes flitted to L's lips and the breath he'd felt from them for a second before they darted back up to L's closed eyes,  
"Yes, we're going trick or treating, time starts at five and the curfew is at eight." He said eagerly.

L opened his eyes and was faced with the shining gleeful eyes of the teen, his expression was utterly indifferent toward Beyond,  
"I am not going to do such thing under any circumstances." L told him dully.  
"Why, are you scared of ghouls and ghosts?" Beyond teased with a bit more of a happy smile, taking the deranged glint out of his eye.

L felt something click in his head when faced with that glowing sincere grin of happiness, he had to look away and it irked him that he, the one who usually made people uncomfortable with his stares, couldn't look into B's eyes and hold a steady gaze.  
"…ahem…" he cleared his throat quietly and kept his eyes on his right hand, his face was in B's shadow now so his hair cast quite a dark look over his pale features and the faint bags under his eyes,  
"…I am not afraid of anything; it's just stupid to do such a trivial thing when…"  
"When you'll probably never do it again in your entire life…you won't be here L, you could be gone for years again and I'll never have the chance to show you the perks of your birthday…" B was speaking quietly and in close range of L's mouth, L's eyes were slightly cockeyed as he watched B's lips whisper to him,  
"You may never have another birthday with me…let me have this one and if…if you don't enjoy it at all then it will be my fault and I'll feel horrible but-"

"Fine." L said and pushed himself back from Beyond, turning out of his lotus position and standing in one quick movement, B's eyes never leaving L as he watched the other get up, B noticed the faint tint of red in L's cheeks and he didn't point it out, luxuries like making L blush were reserved for those special reminiscent times alone.  
B tried not to acknowledge how disturbed his thoughts sounded even to him and he stood up, L's side profile was all he could see and he noted the slight wisps of L's black hair hanging around his ear, hidden beneath so much soft hair that B stared at the tiny appendage, finding a new goal in his mind, until L spoke.

"We have no costumes though; I hardly see how this will be trick or treating." L said dully and turned to face B once he was sure that his face had cooled down, he'd never had such uncertainty in himself before, L could hide emotions like a pro, but seeing B seemed to make too many alarms in his head go off all at once…weren't alarms supposed to be a bad thing?

L entertained the thought that perhaps it was a recess bell, meaning he needed a break, he'd never acknowledge that once again, he'd made an excuse for Beyond, for his own interest in the teen. L stopped musing when he noted B removing the black cotton shirt he wore, L's eyes didn't avert, he wasn't shy in that regard where another person's naked, or half in this instance, state would make him uncomfortable, a body was just a body, unless of course it was his own, then he considered privacy a bit more, but not even so much.

"What are you doing, you can't go out undressed, I won't allow it." L said as he stared at B whose hair had been splayed decoratively above his head by the static of the shirt after he pulled it over his head.  
B sounded slightly amused when he spoke,  
"Don't be ridiculous, now take your shirt off." He said with a small smile as he straightened the black long sleeve shirt out nicely.

"No." L said simply and didn't even blink as he watched B pull the sleeves of the shirt straight.  
B stopped and shrugged,  
"Come on, gimme your shirt." He said in a whiney tone and L raised a fine eyebrow,  
"For what good reason?"  
B stepped closer and held out the black shirt to L in the dainty manner L held all things, the shoulders of the shirt between his finger tips,  
"Because your gonna be Beyond, and I'm gonna be L." he said in a tone of voice that made L's hair stand on the back of his neck.

It was because L knew how well B impersonated him and it seemed unsettling that they would swap their identities for the evening. Not to mention L was the world's greatest detective and B was just a boy,  
"It doesn't seem to be quite a fair trade…" he began speaking but even so, L reached his arms up and over to grab at the back of his shirt and started tugging it up over his head.  
B watched as the white cotton shirt was pulled up and revealed L's lower torso, lean and lightly defined teenage muscles over his abdomen, less noticeable because of the basic white of his flesh, the rest of the shirt came up quick but B was able to memorize the dark brown flesh of L's nipples and the shallow belly button.

L noticed B's eyes focus on his face only once the shirt was dangling at his wrists, B had a bit of a distant look on his face and he stared at L as if to confess something but L wouldn't ask or say anything, and he didn't since that dark stare he was receiving from Beyond made him nervous again, he'd never experienced this feeling so many times in a day, not even really ever before.

Beyond was suddenly feeling quite bold again,  
"We have very similar body types…" he pointed out as L took the black shirt with one hand and held out his own for Beyond, B took it with a grin of happiness, the warmth of L's living flesh still on the shirt as he took it.  
"You're a bit better built than I am." L offered distractedly as he pulled B's shirt over his head, the static of that particular shirt leaving his hair a little frizzled.  
B was stunned, had L looked at him, how hadn't he noticed those dark grey eyes looking at his body, he couldn't understand it and L didn't seem to care in the least.

B hurriedly pulled L's shirt on and he let the warm feeling and the smell waft in his nose and he licked his dry lips a little harshly as he glanced at L who was picking at the hem of the black shirt, it was a bit of a different cut to L's and so Beyond didn't read too much into L being irritated by it.

He turned to the door again and he became worried when L didn't follow and instead moved to the cupboards, before he could ask though, L had opened the door and with just the tips of his fingers reached in and retrieved a pair of white still new looking sneakers. B was a little surprised when inside the cupboards he saw quite a few pairs of shoes,  
"For someone who doesn't enjoy wearing any, you have quite a few pairs of shoes." B commented and walked closer until he stood next to L, who had bent over and put the sneakers on the ground.

L walked over to his set of drawers and removed a pair of white socks, his expression was noticeably bothered but he still continued to sit on the bed and unroll the socks. B watched him; his hands twitching from interest, L lifted his leg up so his knee rose easily to his chest and opened the sock, pulling it onto his foot.

"I have a pair for each different activity, if I'm playing sport I wear the trainers, if I'm walking outside I generally wear the old tennis shoes…" L was explaining, he grimaced as he pulled the second sock on and B watched L's toes twiddling inside the white covering, "…a few extra pairs for anything that may come up and these shoes…" he stood up and he gestured half heartedly to the sneakers he'd taken out, "…are for going out in public." He concluded.

B knelt down as L reached the shoes, he held the one and opened it for L's foot, holding it up,  
"…it's a bit strange to see you wearing such a thing as converse sneakers…" he said with a smile, the genuine kind that made L's tummy unsettled.

He stared at B momentarily before he lifted his foot and B's hand rested on the back of his heel as he helped L's foot into the shoe,  
"You should let me give you a foot massage sometime, I practice on myself and I'm pretty good at it." B said randomly as he started tying the laces.

L just stared at the top of B's head, the mop of black hair framed B's face so well.

The first sneaker was secured and B picked up the second one, L was so distracted as he lifted his foot that he became slightly unbalanced and he had to lean on B's shoulder to steady himself, his thin hand gripping lightly to the slight muscle of B's shoulder, L's index finger had long since rested between his lips and he was biting at the tip now.

Once B was done with the second one he looked up at L and smirked,  
"You won't regret this…" B commented and he stood up, L's hand falling from his shoulder made him a little unhappy but in light of the bigger picture he let it go, L was doing this, he was putting on socks and shoes just to go where Beyond had asked, "…lets go." He said and turned happily.

L stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, still irritated by the weight of B's black shirt on his frame, also the socks chafing at his feet along with the shoes B had tied very tightly, but he followed none the less and L was also wondering why he was going out, these shoes looked new for a reason, he'd never worn them before and was surprised that he still fitted into the size 8 sneakers from a year ago.

B opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for L to go through, bowing playfully and nodding, L couldn't help the small smile B always brought to his face and he stepped out, B closing the door and following closely. As they walked the hall and then began descending the stairs, two children running along the bottom corridor and nearly hitting into them, B remembered something,  
"You said it isn't a fair exchange, what did you mean?"  
L glanced at him,  
"I was saying that it doesn't make sense that you get to be me and I get to be you." He didn't elaborate much.  
B caught it though and he felt a little pang of irritation,  
"Your saying I'm not good enough to be you and you're too good to be me." He sounded very put off but L didn't notice this at all.

There was no hesitation in L's answer,  
"Halloween is about dressing up as something, currently I am dressed up as a teenager with no occupation or outstanding notable reputation, hence not being dressed up at all." L said dully.  
B blinked, he noticed how L hadn't been fazed by his response, B had to remind himself that L never said anything with manner to be tactful, so he had been offended for no reason really, he smiled now, feeling a whole new flourish of excitement in the fact L was humoring his birthday idea,  
"Well then, why don't you say your me with an occupation, make something up." He encouraged.  
L didn't look at him this time and he smiled,  
"I had always thought you had a very serial killer name." he told B as they reached the front hall.

B stopped walking, for a split second he remembered a feeling he'd experienced months before, adrenalin that had come from attacking A, he'd taken in account what an animalistic charge the feeling had been to his system, the feeling of the knife and the power over the other. B didn't falter to long since L had stopped and looked at him, his eyes flickered over L and then to the side at the door handles, he smiled and reached over to open the door and pulled it inward, letting in a cold breeze,  
"Your L, if you say it sounds like a killers name, then that's what it'll be." He winked at L.

* * *

After they'd left the premises they both realized they had not brought a bag of any sort for candy, L had smiled and told B he knew it was a ridiculous idea to be trick or treating at their age and with all L had to do, but B was not de-motivated, they had been walking for about twenty minutes when two kids emerged from a flat on the street they were walking.

It was two young boys, L estimated around nine and ten or so, their mother, or so it was assumed, waving to them and telling them to have fun and not go farther than two blocks. L was thinking inwardly how ridiculous and irresponsible parents were to let children go out into the streets during events like this where crime was higher, L always had so much to deal with the day after usually, he was reminded of how much he despised Halloween and when he thought again of being out he looked to his left at Beyond…who was no longer there.

L felt a small amount of dismay rush up in his chest and he looked around the half lit street for him, L had never before, but he gaped just then when he saw B grab one of the little orange stitched pumpkin shaped carry bags the young boys had.  
His eyes were wide in shock and not contemplation as B shushed the whining boys away, saying something about them having two and not needing an extra, the boys eventually left because honestly, B was older and he scared them.

L glanced at the door the boys had come out of, which he was standing directly in line with and then back at Beyond who approached holding the bag up,  
"Well that's out of the way." He said happily.  
L closed his mouth and stared at B before starting,  
"That was…"  
"Pure genius." B finished unfazed by L's expression of…nothing and threw his arm over L's shoulder to start him moving along again, the orange bag slung over his other shoulder.

L looked at the side of B's face, very close to his own as B smiled in his deranged and pleased manner, L could smell the faded scent of B's hair, obviously not recently washed but the scent was still strong enough to linger in his nostrils, B felt L looking at him as they walked and he turned his head to L as well, bringing their noses to touch and L turned his head away, he said nothing about B's stunt, it became just another thing B did that L would over look.

The list was certainly growing.

Beyond was very excited about trick or treating with L, he kept picturing it as some kind of ridiculous movie where L had stepped into a new world and B was his guide, it also made it awesome for B that he got to be L, even if that was a last resort for no costumes.

B had rung the doorbell to a standard flat in one of the streets several blocks from the orphanage and L was holding the bag between his fingers and thumbs, ready to raise it as B had suggested during all of his ramblings on their way to that block,  
"Why did we walk so far, there were several houses giving candy to the children that we passed?" L enquired and his fingers moved absently over the soft fluff of the pumpkin bag. He was staring at the door frame decorated with little flimsy skeletons and lights, his grey eyes reflecting the light and showing the slight orange colors.

B noticed this, he was standing less than a foot beside L and he watched the lights flicker in L's eyes, computers never quite did justice to them as far as B was concerned, L's eyes were so incredible to him, he didn't even care that his own eyes were practically the same color, they were not the same.

"Because, those houses expect the orphanage children and give out all the good stuff on a youngest children first come first serve basis…I want good-" B stopped talking when the door opened and a teenage boy stood there, he looked older, B estimated around 18 or 19, L wasn't interested since he saw the bowl of candy on a shelf next to the door. L raised the bag between his fingers, his grip firm despite the light hold he had.

B immediately didn't like the looks of the teenager, he was looking at them as if they were scum,  
"Kids from the orphanage…" he said in an amused tone, he had a thick British accent that made B want to rip the voice box from his throat, he hadn't even known he could think like that until recent months.

His eyes narrowed imperceptibly and L who didn't appear to have noticed the tension decided to be traditional,  
"Trick or treat…" he spoke in his listless tone but B noticed that hint of 'L-superiority' in his tone and he found his eyes darting to L before fixing back on the teen, who stared at L with half of his initial smile.

He turned around and picked the bowl up, turning back without a smile and L looked no more friendly than when he'd spoken a moment ago, the boy didn't make eye contact with L and only glanced at B as he started taking out a handful of candy,  
"What are you supposed to be anyway…?" he asked in a snide manner.

"I am L, the world's greatest detective…" B recited in his almost perfected mimicry of L's voice, making L stiffen slightly, but he didn't look at B.  
L was well known, not usually among the youth but this guy wasn't all that young, not so much that he didn't surf the net or watch the occasional news bulletin and the teen found it fit to laugh when he looked at B, dropping the handful into the bag L held,  
"No one knows what he looks like, how can you dress like him?" he said as he started digging up a second handful.  
"If no one knows what he looks like, then no one can tell me I'm not dressed like him." B's voice was a little choppy and once the second handful fell into the bag L lowered it and deciding they'd spent enough time acting like testosterone driven teens he was ready to move on.

"Huh…so I guess your also L and all that junk." He said to L, who looked up from the bag that he'd been inspecting for the goodies,  
"No…I'm a serial killer." He spoke in his dull 'end of discussion' tone and turned to leave, his sneakers making a slight scraping sound on the concrete stairs as he started moving away.

B didn't comment any further after seeing the frown on the teens face, he obviously found it confusing to dress alike and be two different things, yet B understood it perfectly, it was what he loved so much about his and L's relationship, not to mention L didn't add that he was 'dressed up' as a serial killer, B offered the teen a fleeting deranged grin before turning to leave, hopping the four stairs and catching up to L.

It had been a little amusing the way the situation had taken place and B started laughing somewhere down the road, it was a young free laugh, he was genuinely amused and L smiled at it, since he enjoyed B as B more than anything else, be it an L impersonator or a serial killer, B was better off as himself.

They didn't stop at very many houses, but collecting two or three handfuls from the few they did go to made for a nice bit of candy to split two ways, even if L wasn't really hoping to. Beyond had taken the candy bag and was carrying it as L nibbled the tip of his thumb and kept a hand firmly in his pocket.

They'd walked several more blocks and were a far distance from Wammy's House, it was probably close to the curfew now but neither teen wore a watch so they couldn't check, they'd walked through a suburban area and were currently in a cul-de-sac, broken fencing that was half surrounding a small grass area with broken park benches, jungle gyms, a mary-go-round and even broken swings. The grass was growing far too long in the park and along the rest of the dead-end, there was also a broken down abandoned building, no bigger than a medium sized house, face brick in the places where you could see and creepy crawly's, weeds and bush were overtaking the broken windows, walls and the stone path on the ground.

Fog had settled on the ground and the mist was thick, dampening the air and making L and Beyond's jeans and shirts cold to their skin. L's hair felt heavier and he looked at B walking beside him, B's hair looked like it was almost perfectly molding his face and neck, of course B had noticed the same thing about L a moment ago.

The atmosphere was eerie an L knew they were not in a particularly safe part of the district,  
"Why did you want to come here?" he asked Beyond, stopping walking and looking at B.  
"You remember the first night, in the rain when I was under the tree?" B asked L but he kept his eyes looking in the direction of the broken down building.

L blinked,  
"Yes."  
"I asked you to go somewhere with me?" he turned around with that little smirk on his face and started walking backward toward the building.  
"Yes." L answered again and started following B, he really should not have but he'd told himself that little speech was useless since the last time he'd seen B.  
"This was it…" B was several paces ahead of L by now and had turned around; he was already stepping under the fallen iron arch onto the abandoned property.

L followed and even though he didn't want to enter the dilapidated building, he stepped under the arch, making sure to watch that the candy bag on B's shoulder was safe. He saw B turn a small path corner into a mass of overgrowth and L could smell the dense air of the plants growing there.

He stepped on something partially fallen into the path that made a steel wobbling sound and found it was the sign for the building, stepping on it had shifted some growth, in faded red and blue letters through the plants, dirt and dead leaves, it read 'Children's Hospice'

"Hey, you coming?" B's voice sounded slightly echoed from through the overgrowth and L looked up from the ground, his skin felt clammy from the mist settling, but he continued forward and into the plants, ducking his head since he discovered he was a little tall for a few of the wet plants.  
He found himself entering a reasonably intact doorway into an entrance hall, all in all the place was dark wet and neglected, but the holes in the roof were few and there were still pieces of furniture like cabinets and shelves decorating the place, old filthy and adding to the moss and damp smell however.

"Beyond, where are you?" L asked aloud as he stood just through the door.  
"Come down the hall…" B's voice sounded to the left.  
L followed the sound and walked down the dirty hall, he paused when he saw two mice running along the skirting's having come out of on the many doorways in the long passage.  
There was one distinctive room that L noticed, a faint orange glow was coming from the room, like it was candle lit, he proceeded a bit faster once the little mice had passed and he stopped in the doorway.

L saw B lighting candles with a lighter, the room looked like an old office, and there was an old desk and what looked like old sofa cushions made into make shift seats. Books were laying in neat piles and news papers that had been cut up at some point, the candles were scented too and since this room had no broken roof or window, everything quite intact, the smell in the room was bearable.

What was unique about the room was the few Halloween decorations in the room and that some of the candles were inside hollowed out pumpkins with carved out faces.  
"Beyond, what is this place?" he asked as he stepped inside and looked around.  
"I found this place years ago, not long after I first came to Wammy's, it wasn't completely abandoned then, they were considering rebuilding it…" B explained and he went to the door and closed it, locking it with an old rusty key.

L turned to him at the sound of the lock and B continued talking,  
"But they decided to just forget it and when I was about 11 I started coming out here after lights out…" he was smiling proudly, revealing a secret for the first time and L realized B was trusting him with this little sanctuary of sorts.  
"Whenever I was irritated I'd come out here, when A was asleep since he never wakes up in the night and sometimes I can't take the smell of that jam…it gets into my clothes…" he trailed off as if he'd gone into a trance he stopped mumbling and frowning and his smile returned, he stepped closer to L,

"Then I started coming here every night, A's never noticed and no one else has either, I can get out of my window pretty easily and jump onto the kitchen level, from there it's even easier." He was nodding, "…I've made it comfy don't you think…and even though…" he stepped just a tad bit closer to L and since he was feeling bold again, having gotten L this far, B reached out and he touched L's hair, running two of his fingers through it and feeling his fingers graze L's ear beneath it,  
"…even though I didn't know if you would be here, I prepared…to celebrate your birthday with…or without you." He concluded and his hand landed on L's shoulder.

L's eyes were wide, all of the information B had just told him and all of the extra bits and physical contact registering in their relevant area, a new section of L's brain had been set aside for Beyond.

L didn't seem happy, gracious or even surprised but for him this wasn't unusual and his ennui was taken in B's stride.  
"Why have you locked the door?" he asked B once his eyes closed to more regular proportions.  
"Oh…" B seemed to have not noticed he'd done it, "…I always do, occasionally a vagabond may come through for a night's rest and I don't want em' wondering in here…" he was speaking as if it were the most insignificant detail.

B knew better than to seek emotional reactions or approval from L, he instead took it from the fact L's shoulder relaxed under his hand, that L was okay with being there.  
"Can we have candy now?" L half asked and moved toward the low desk where B had put the candy bag down, B followed and watched as L climbed onto the desk before crouching in his usual way his knees to his chest, opening the bag and digging out the first two things he could find, skillfully yet meticulous in his manner of holding things, L opened both candy's and started biting into one before biting into the other.

B had gotten on top of the desk as well and sat with his legs crossed, he watched L bite into two soft candies, one was full chocolate and the other was marshmallow and cream.  
"Ey, take it easy, there's plenty you know…" B said in his cute slang like accent and L looked at him, his cheeks puffed out from the sweets.

He said nothing though and continued to eat, consuming it quite quickly and B watched in silence as L went through about four more of the marshmallow ones, he seemed to like those and then finally settled on a bar shaped hard candy in a transparent plastic. L peeled the plastic back and popped the opened end into his mouth, holding it only where the plastic was between his fingers.

It was messy to watch and the old desk was scattered with papers now, besides L and B the only other things on it had been the two pumpkins at each end.  
B was in deep thought as he watched L, watching L's eyes cast upward to the old ceiling with peeling paint and water marks, one hand settled on his knee, his long slender fingers moving slightly since they were a little sticky, and the other fingers holding the plastic end of the candy in his mouth.  
B looked down to the sneakers L wore, now dirtied with water and mud and grass, yet the tips still moved, which showed L's toes were twitching.

"I needed sugar…before you came to find me, I hadn't had any for a while…" L confessed, the cake had been great but it wasn't all that sugary and Mr. Wammy had been so busy,  
'Mr. Wammy'  
L realized that he hadn't told Quillsh he was going anywhere, which would earn him a lecture, not to mention the one for not being back by curfew.

"I see…" B said and looked back up to L from his sneakers, "…well it's alright, it's all yours anyway." He admitted since he didn't want any, he'd only wanted L to be there.

In the past months B had kept himself company but being with L was really better and no substitute would do, he'd become sick of looking at himself in the mirror because it lied to him, it wasn't L in the end, it all became a little unbearable and he'd started avoiding looking at himself too often and when he did it was just in passing. Now L was in front of him, so much better than looking into a reflection and picturing someone.

Here he could see the small breathing from L's throat and pulse, the movement of his mouth as he ate and licked at the candy, the way L's eyes rolled around in dull curiosity, seeing everything while revealing nothing and how his hands moved of their own volition when he was distracted and his hair shifted when he moved his head even slightly. It was so much better than anything B would have asked for or imagined.

"Your leaving next year…you'll be 18." Beyond said just as the thought came to him.  
L was running the sweet over his bottom lip, making it dry and sticky when B spoke and he looked at B, tilting his head a little down since B was just a bit shorter sitting flat,  
"Yes, that is true, probably sometime in the middle of next year." He added to the depressing idea.

B stared, getting a bit restless he started fiddling with the creases his jeans made at his folded knees,  
"You won't come back any more really, probably not in the time I'm still there."  
L was still looking at B, the sweet suspended in the air between his fingers,  
"I won't come back to Wammy's for a much longer period of time, as it is I only come here since it's home…I don't plan to live here once I'm legally free to move." He spared no feelings but continued to watch B.

L noticed the crease in the younger boy's brow and the darkened look over his grey eyes, the straight line of B's thinner slightly pink lips suggested he was holding back feelings on the matter, L didn't really want to know what it might be, he wasn't prone to outbursts or violence, but he was still curious about B.

"You'll be forgetting me, then." The accent highlighted the statement and made B sound like an English street kid; B was flicking his hair back from his face between fiddling with his jeans but kept his head slightly dipped.  
"No…I don't believe I will, you are not so very easily forgotten Beyond…" L said first, making B look up at him and he continued looking into B's face, "…besides, I never forget anyone who has made any kind of impact on my life, I store information like a computer for reference later." He raised his eye brows lazily with that explanation.

B seemed to except this as him being considered memorable,  
"I've made an impact in your life have I, marvelous…" B almost giggled and the strangled pitch that accompanied the word 'marvelous' made L blink in surprise, it was an odd sound, almost frighteningly excited was how B sounded.  
L shrugged it off with another blink and a glance at his sweet,  
"I like to take something with me from anyone I choose to remember, good or bad as the experience may have been, whatever I take may be physical, metaphorical or just something I remembered very vividly…" L added to fill the silence and he noticed the keen look that came over B's slightly more angular face, B staring at L's softly angled face.

"What will take from me?" he asked quickly, his eyes widening and making him look a little L like.  
L shrugged noticeably,  
"I don't know, I've not spent all the time I may yet have with you…" L said and smirked at the smile B gave him, the genuine smile that made B's dimples surface,  
"You make me happy, L." B said somewhat hurriedly but also quietly, taking to heart and mind what L told him.  
"…you make me happy too…" L said distantly, his eyes downcast, chin on his knees and he watched B's feet.

It was not something that Beyond ever saw himself doing and so he really didn't do it in a smooth or attractive way, but when he leaned up to L who remained still, chin on knees, L didn't move away, even after raising his grey eyes to see B's face invading his breathing space, B never would regret how bold he'd been.

The slightest nerve was what made B press his lips to L's, it was a kiss, he was a genius, they both were, and were fully aware of what was happening, so neither could blame the other for not taking control of the situation because neither did. Instead, with eyes wider than that of his thinking face, L looked at B's less wide eyes as their faces were awkwardly close and lips awkwardly touching.

Both wondering what was supposed to happen next, B took the initiative, moving his tongue a bit over L's lips and leaning up more, his hands were leaning on the desk surface to balance himself on his still crossed legs. L opened his mouth slowly, out of uncertainty, both boys staring at each other and Beyond's mouth joined L in an 'o' shape over the others.

B's heart rate kicked up so fast when he realized he was kissing L, or something akin to it, he let his tongue move again and first into L's mouth and then out, L didn't respond and actually leaned away slightly, but B was not about to let this moment go so easily.  
He leaned up and one of his hands came up and went into L's soft black hair, B found himself kissing L's lips despite L's open mouth, sucking and even nipping at L's pale sweet lips, messily.

L was forced to use one of his hands to steady himself on the desk when B pulled him forward again and the feeling of wet warm softness on his mouth was not all that unpleasant really, but L knew that B had no clue what he was doing, nor did L so he offered nothing to this little interaction…that he would have to over look.

B's tongue entered his mouth again and B was licking at L's tongue in a manner that made L tilt his head a little so B could have better access, since he realized the difficult obstacle of noses, once he'd done that B seemed to do the same and continued to move his tongue randomly in L's mouth, it became a bit much after a while and L closed his eyes and brought his hands up, having dropped the sweet on the desk, he placed his hands on each of B's shoulders and pushed him back with enough force to part.

The wet kissing sounds ceased and B's bottom lip was lined with L's sweet mix of saliva, L could feel the sticky spit all over his lips and on parts of his chin and top of his lip below his nose, he remained still and unmoving, his eyes locked with B's that seemed glazed over with some emotion L didn't try to decipher.

The wind had picked up outside and it could be heard whistling through whatever openings there were in the building, B blinked and his tongue darted out, licking at his lips, he averted his gaze and settled back into his sitting cross legged.

He was about to apologize when he caught sight of L slowly licking his lips, that in itself was rare, and then L swallowed and he brought a sleeve up to wipe over his mouth at the stickiness. B smiled at that and he did the same since he was also a bit sticky.

"We should return to the orphanage." L stated and moved to the table edge, upon standing B noticed how L leaned on the table, he was a bit dizzy and B hoped that wasn't a bad thing.  
"I have to get the candles…"  
B didn't say anything besides that and stood up as well, ignoring L's mess with the papers, he picked up the candy bag for L and walked by L to the first of many candles, noticing a look on L's face.

B hadn't expected it, but for a split second before L realized he was being watched, L had been smiling ever so slightly, but it was fleeting and now it was gone, but after a kiss so sweet and a sweet smile to follow, it was burned into B's memory.

* * *

His mood was so good when he walked into his room that evening, that he shut the door quite loudly and walked over to his bed, B's heart hadn't stopped racing, the entire walk back, L had been quiet and so had he, but the tension wasn't bad, it was almost like they just didn't know what to say.

But L was so sweet, biting at those pale lips had sent shivers through B's body, he hadn't even known he could react that way, he was just glad L hadn't noticed or it might have been a little too awkward. He switched on the lamp next to his bed and kicked his shoes off loudly and began pulling his shirt off.

"Jesus B…do you have to be so inconsiderate…" A was complaining just as B threw his shirt onto the ground, he looked over at A laying and rubbing at his eyes.  
His blonde average hair was growing back and B had noticed with irritation that even though it was still short, the little twat had started tucking his hair behind his ears again like there was any reason to.

B had wanted to snap A's fingers off that morning and several past weeks, again his thoughts had startled him since it had been developing faster and worse over the months that B had been so horribly frustrated,  
"Shut up…" B mumbled and started on the button and zipper of his jeans and was yanking it off his legs when A's voice broke his beautiful train of thought that involved L's lips.

"You're so uptight…" A mumbled.

A second later A let out a cry of shock when a loud clash sounded, shards of glass and a thick wet cold substance landed on his clothes, face and hair.  
He sat up breathing heavily and with wide frightened blue eyes he looked at B at the shelf across from the bottom of his bed, he was standing with a smile on his face and then he walked away, into the bathroom and shut the door loudly.

A absently moved some glass off of his duvet and then in a small panic he got out of the bed, stepping on some fine glass shards he moved away from his bed, looking at the wall just above his head board he saw the splatter of the sticky substance and a dent in the paint.  
A touched some of the substance on his face and felt the thick texture of jam between his fingers, he let out a final shudder as he looked at the bathroom door, kneeling down he picked up one of the bigger pieces of the glass and looked at it


	6. Begin To Be Aware

 

  
_-...Beyond that man…He brings a world of pain…-_

* * *

A touched his wrists lightly, wincing as he touched a more sensitive area of a previously gaping cut in his skin, he was seated on the bathroom floor, his back against the bath and his legs out in front of him, his arms lying limply in between his legs, his fingers were cold even as they barely touched the cold surface of the tiled floor, but he could feel the cold finger tips of his other hand as it brushed one of the healing cuts on the underside of his thin wrists.

He had a burn in his eyes, he wanted to cry, but he’d already done so much of that since the incident with B a few months back, he was so down on himself that while everyone was sitting in the common rooms and preparing for sleep with chocolate milk and sweet treats before Christmas morning, he was preparing to cut himself to release the pain with a knife he’d taken from the kitchen weeks ago.

That shard of glass from the jam bottle weeks before, his first cut, had been so deep and the blood had seeped through so slowly and it was thick and dark and warm…and A had never known he’d had it in him to inflict any kind of injury upon himself until that night, until he was pushed to a point where he needed a drastic distraction.  
B hadn’t noticed that A had cut himself with the glass when he’d exited the bathroom that evening, either that or he hadn’t cared because A knew he’d come from L, whatever L and B did…A obviously wasn’t quite good enough.

…cut.

A couldn’t understand what it was, B was not a good person…or at least not toward him.

He smiled to himself and leaned his head back making his neck bend against the cold rim of the bath tub and he sighed, it felt good when he was cold, like when the blood ran from his arms and he felt them getting numb, his hands getting even colder than the weather outside was.

He touched the fine end of the knife to his already cut skin, in between two of the previous cuts that were slightly purple and bluish, he didn’t think they would get infected, but he knew that they wouldn’t heal without stitches, he didn’t care though.

…cut.

With that thought he applied pressure, closing his eyes and not looking, only feeling the sharp pain as the uncut skin split, making the other two unhealed wounds pain as well. He bit his lip as he pulled the blade over his skin; his eyes shut so tightly that the tears were pressed out and ran over his cheeks.

The bathroom door sounded loudly and it swung open, causing A to jump in surprise and clip the knife in deeper than intended,  
“Ugh!” he cried out hoarsely in a small cry and dropped the knife to the tiles, making it clatter and bounce a little ways from where he sat against the bath tub, his flesh was ripped in painful manner and the blood was coming out a little faster, but he was quick enough to notice he’d managed to avoid hitting a vein.

He looked up when he heard sardonic laughter, B was standing and watching him, it was a sound of pity and Ashley couldn’t keep his eyes up, he dropped them to see the blood dripping over his forearm and off his thin fingers onto the floor.

He’d lost so much weight, he hadn’t been eating, hardly sleeping, afraid of B and what he might do when he was asleep, but A wouldn’t speak of it to anyone.

“Look at you…your getting mess all over the floor…” B commented and stepped toward A, he was barefoot and didn’t bother to be careful as he stepped between A’s legs and into the small pool of blood with one foot before lifting his other leg over and stepping into the bath tub.

A stared at B’s pale toes and watched how his dark blood seeped up onto the skin between his toes, B’s knee was nearly pressing into his face but A would say anything, he never said anything. After a few seconds B stepped back and he seemed unperturbed by the blood on his foot.  
He now held an empty shampoo bottle in his hand, he’d obviously been replacing it, but in A’s pain he hadn’t noticed anything but B’s form in the door way.

“Why do you even cut yourself…it’s not like you like believe it helps…we both know you’re not stupid…” B was saying as he dropped the empty shampoo bottle into the dustbin and then noticed the blood toe prints he’d walked around the bathroom.

A looked up at B to see B staring at his foot, wiggling his bare toes and feeling the blood slimy between his toes, he looked positively entranced by it, but the dark look and frown on B’s face made A more nervous than usual, he looked from B’s foot upward to his bare lower legs and the fine black hair over the fair skin, he was wearing a black cargo shorts which was unusual to the jeans B always copied off L.

B moved again and A’s glare shot upward to B’s face, he seemed indifferent again as he looked at his reflection absently, he startled A again when he spoke because at first his tone was far more baritone that usual.

“A is pathetic…” he mumbled.

Ashley might have recognized it if he’d known that voice better.

“Hey…hey…” there were clicking fingers and A looked at B who had crouched in front of him, A’s blue eyes widened, revealing the red tear lining as he stared into B’s grey eyes and how sharply his hair had begun to fall over his face and head, it was starting to look more like…

“I brought you something.” He was smiling in a very disingenuous way.  
A watched B exit the bathroom and when he walked back in he held a jar of jam, the label was still on it and it was sealed, it was from the store room, inwardly A cringed at the sight.

Since the incident where the jam had been thrown at A, it had become a sort of petulant torture that B carried out whenever he found jam in the room, A had always known that B never liked the sticky pungent substance but he was made to realize just how much in recent weeks.  
After they’d had their first violent confrontation it seemed to have been an opening for B to express himself to A, and with a silent and unsaid threat of violence if he ran and told Roger or anyone.

The last two times B had found the jam in the room he had proceeded to, the first time, grab the jar and pour the content of it over A’s blonde dull hair and the second time he’d found a jar and tossed it out all over in between A’s bedspread, and because A couldn’t tell Roger, he was forced to sleep either in the mess or on the floor until he could have his sheets in with the rest of the laundry, needless to say he waited and slept on the floor beside his bed and was scolded for his bed sheets being so messed.

It was after he’d been scolded where he’d acted out against B’s bullying, even though he feared the teen, he had still took it upon himself to threaten to tell on B, the response was being shoved to the ground with a force fuelled by hate, A had been expecting it but not with the maliciousness he’d received it and B looked the most disturbing in that moment.

A had abandoned the jam completely after that.

But now, after a week and a half of relative calm where B would spend hours in the bathroom after light’s out, silently doing things A could not assume to know of would rather not know of, or when B mysteriously disappeared from the room after hours, something A was content to pretend he’d never noticed.

Now it seemed B was fed up with it all being too nice…A wasn’t blind to his roommates mood swings and he noticed that B seemed particularly distracted and more pleasant than usual…he didn’t take more than the second B crouched down in front of him to the moment he twisted the air tight sealed cap from the glass jar, to figure out that it was because all of Wammy’s house knew that L was here for Christmas.

The jam smell wafted between them and B seemed to wrinkle his nose and move the jar toward A,  
“You must have missed this…and since you won’t be joining everyone for Christmas Eve…”

‘Does he mean the Wammy’s celebration…or he and L’s Christmas…’ A wondered silently and let his burning eyes look at the jar near his pale mouth, his lower lip twitching with irritation that B was so confident he would be locked in the room for the rest of the night.

A sniffed because his nose was beginning to run, his throat hurt from the lump of wanting to cry and his eyes burned worse with the need to tear over, B’s lips parted and a small smile graced his face, revealing his teeth slightly and making his eyes seem softer,  
“Come now…Ashley…”

A’s heart skipped a beat, how the hell did B know his name?

He didn’t know he had shown visible surprise or that he’d actually flinched at the name and B’s slightly more amused smile revealed to him that B was aware and pleased with the effect, if it had been a test, A had given away that B was correct. The odds for guessing his name didn’t add up but…

“Mph!” Ashley pressed his back against the hard side of the bath tub as the glass jar rim was shoved against his mouth and tilted back so the jam was running onto his nose and his mouth, B’s smile was still there, only nastier.

A let out a muffled sound of a dismay as he opened his mouth and let the jam slide into his throat amounts too large to swallow comfortably, which after a few seconds made him gag, but B held the jar there, not moving, wanting A to choke…wanting A to…

Ashley leaned forward suddenly after at least five full swallows and B was quick to pull away when he saw A gag once and then proceed to throw up all over himself, it was a horrid stench as Ashley poured out all of his stomach contents in a few violent hurls, followed by sobbing.

B watched as the ordinary and oh so arid boy’s body convulsed with miserable sobs and then watched as A brought his bloodied arm up to wipe at his eyes, making a streak of half dried blood smear over his face. He then made to stand up and B watched as A’s bare feet couldn’t miss the red and orange colored puddle of jam and bile, causing him to quite nearly slip and crack his head open, but he caught himself and steadied, not making eye contact with B, who was standing near the door.

The smell was starting to get to B and the sight of A was not much more pleasant, once A cried and all logical thought disappeared from his average blue eyes, when B saw that he had surrendered, the fun was lost and mess was left, now more so than the few times before.

B grabbed a small hand towel off the side counter in the bathroom and ran some water from the basin over a patch of it. He turned and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him so A could know he had to clean up that disgusting scene.  
B walked over to his bed and placed the half empty jar down at A’s bed side, then balancing a moment to wipe the underneath of his foot and remove what little blood was left staining his foot and right after he dropped the towel to the floor and walked over to his wardrobe and took out a dark navy blue T shirt.

He had stopped dressing like L when in the presence of L since he had managed to figure out he received a lot more agreeable treatment from L when he dressed normally, whether it surprise or just curious interest, B couldn’t tell by the apathy L offered in his glances.

After October, L’s very memorable birthday evening, he’d left Wammy’s but not England, and so he’d made brief stops back in every 3 or 4 days, B hadn’t spent any time with L in those visits but he would see L in passing and there was some sort acknowledgement that he would receive from L however minimal. He had unhappily spent hours with his morbid reflection, watching his slightly tanner skin and wishing to drain the color of it to a point where he was the complexion of…L.

He’d let his hair grow and then clipped at it randomly and allowed it to sit completely unattended and oil out in that manner, not washing it for several days to achieve the amount of ‘training’ so to speak, it may need to fall correctly and much to his pleasure it had slowly formed something similar to L.

The one thing he wasn’t able to naturally achieve was the dark lining and color that L’s pitch black eye lashes cast over his grey eyes, somehow darkening the angles of his cheek bones and the shape of his eyes, there were also the slight sleep deprived shadows beneath L’s eyes, but that wasn’t very severe and regardless of how much sleep B avoided, he couldn’t quite achieve it.

He would find a way…eventually.

Right then he was preparing to see L, who was staying over Christmas, everyone knew it but Beyond knew better, L wouldn’t show his wonderfully rare face to the common rats of the orphanage, he’d hardly want to even if Quillsh forced him. Beyond was smiling as he pulled on a pair of socks.

He didn’t mind socks, but he itched to pull them off because L hated socks…but he couldn’t be L when around L…L liked Beyond to be himself.

Yes, Beyond knew this, he’d observed it and noticed how much better L accepted things when he did them in his own manner rather than in L’s, B was a fast learner. He heard no noise from the bathroom as he made his way toward the exit and he didn’t look back, closing the door loudly so A would know he was gone.

* * *

 

As he walked the halls, hearing somewhere the sound of children singing Christmas hymns to a piano tune, he thought of October, nothing had happened again, not that he really thought it might, but then again they had been in each other’s company very little. B still wasn’t sure why he had kissed L, all he knew was that L had kissed him back, or something like it.

He felt his face was a little warmer and he reached a hand up and scratched his head, his face the epitome of innocent embarrassment at the thoughts he was having and the flashbacks of the reactions his body had had, he was still grateful L hadn’t noticed, or if he had, he hadn’t shown it. B hadn’t allowed himself to get to that point again and had limited the thoughts of the past evening.

He had made his way up the tedious flights of stairs and knocked on the door, now he waited, when it was finally answered, Quillsh stood before him in his proper manner and greeted Beyond with no pretense and just to be polite,  
“He was expecting you a little closer to time…” Wammy commented, moving back into the room as he continued placing the tea cups and such onto the tray he carried, obviously tidying L’s room.

‘I couldn’t wait…’ B thought inwardly as he glanced around for L eagerly.

“L is taking a bath…” Wammy informed without looking at B as he picked up two T shirts from the floor and dropped them into L’s hamper.  
“Could…you please…tell im’ I’m ere’?” Beyond asked and in his most normal and not creepy manner, speaking in his natural way, hoping to score points with Wammy who seemed to find his insistent presence annoying, or so B analyzed.

But never the less Beyond was pleased when Quillsh approached the bathroom door and knocked twice,  
“L…Beyond has arrived early.” He said loudly.  
There was a brief silence before L’s voice, B had missed it so dearly, could be heard somewhat muffled,  
“Thank you, he can wait in my room Mr. Wammy…that’ll be all.”

Beyond and Quillsh were equally left stunned but for different reasons, B was ecstatic because L was sending Quillsh away, while Quillsh was stunned because he was being dismissed to leave B in the room, he wasn’t happy that L had found such a distraction, but he wasn’t entirely unhappy either, because it was obvious B was a young genius from the first day.

What worried him was what kind of impact he had on L that worried Wammy, L wasn’t prone to peer pressure, but he had witnessed L’s mind wander several times and he wasn’t clueless as to B’s distracting nature since B was not the most focused pupil at Wammy’s House to say the least.

One such incident was clear when he had dragged L outside and way passed curfew, both things that L would ordinarily reject without a second thought, but he had gone and offered hardly any apology for worrying Quillsh, it was no doubt stressful, but as it were he had no choice, he lifted the tray and took his leave from the room.

Beyond was left in silence and he had a lopsided smile on his face, his hands fiddled with the pockets of his cargo’s until he moved over and sat down in one of the chairs at the table in L’s room, where they had often played chess in its many other game adaptable forms.

The sound of the wall clock kept B company in the passing minutes, his mind absently counting the seconds and the 6 minutes they formed –tick, tock, tick, tock- he was staring out of the window at the slight snow fall of the early evening when he heard L.

“Beyond…?”  
His head snapped in the direction of the muffled voice and he stared at the closed bathroom door with wide grey eyes,  
“…yes?” he responded loudly.  
“Would you come in here please…?”

His heart beat was far from skipping but instead increased and his face felt hot again, he wasn’t even sure why, since L may very well be dressed and just asking him to come in and since no clothes were laid out this seemed to make sense.  
B hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath or that his hands had become clammy but he stood up and walked to the door at automatic speed, not being shy of whether L was dressed or not.

He was met with steam and a mirror over a cabinet directly opposite the door he’d entered, but his reflection wasn’t visible with the condensation on the mirror, he turned his head to the right where he knew the bath tub to be and B’s mouth went dry.

There, in a heap of bubbles, he could only see L’s damp pitch black hair and the line of his shoulders as he was leaning back against the white tub edge opposite the taps.  
“Close the door…you’ll let in the cold air…” L’s voice spoke and some bubbles fuzzed into the air before settling again in the rise of white.

B closed the door and then he reached up and tucked his hair behind his ear, the shorter pieces of his bangs falling back but not as much as the rest, he was trying to breath in the hot air, it was hard but he wouldn’t complain, why had L called him in?

“I have a favor to ask…” L stated and sat forward, revealing more of his back only to his mid section and the bubbles sliding down the pale expanse, was L gonna ask him to wash his back? Beyond’s fingers twitched.  
“…yes?” he said a little quietly because his throat was parched.  
“I’d like you to wash my hair…” a thin hand appeared through the bubbles and pointed to the shower next to the basin and cabinet, B was a little confused and he blinked in the direction L pointed until he spotted the shampoo inside the slightly open shower, sitting on the rack.

He moved toward it and took it out, the entire bathroom smelled of L, he could finally smell it now that he had started regulating to the steamy atmosphere, he felt that boldness well up inside him as he popped open the lid of the blue and yellow bottle and smelled its contents, it smelled faintly of peach but it wasn’t a very strong odor, no wonder he couldn’t place a smell on L.

“I’d love to…” he mumbled and stepped to the tub, he glanced at the setting, there was a gap between the bath and wall where L’s back faced.  
There was a pause as L continued staring into the bubbles and Beyond stood trying to determine how to go about it, eventually he smirked,  
“L, could you hold this?” he asked and held the shampoo bottle in front of L’s face, L glanced at him and his hand appeared again with bubbles all over it and he held the bottle.

As B removed his socks, he made conversation with L who seemed distracted,  
“Why are you so quiet?” he said as he stepped up onto the back of the bath and balanced himself precariously behind L, his knees bending slightly wide to either side of L’s head, to be honest it hurt his feet and left him looking down at L’s head but he wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity without seizing as much of the close proximity available.

He reached over and L watched B’s hand as it leisurely took the shampoo bottle, he let his hand fall back beneath the bubbles, he didn’t know what to say right then, perhaps it was the silence, knowing B had been just outside the room, no verbal contact had been made since L’s birthday, so much silence and L had almost missed B…no he had missed him, but this time it seemed far more than before.

“I was waiting for you to say something…” L said honestly and continued to stare at the bubbles, B glanced over L’s head once he’d blobbed shampoo into his hand and placed the bottle down on the corner of the bath tub, he saw L’s slender fingers breaking the surface occasionally as he fiddled with the bubbles idly.

L seemed almost shy but it wasn’t surprising with the current situation, B could smell the soap bubbles on L’s bare skin, it was so pleasant and L was so much more colorless when he was damp, his shoulders were still hunched even as he sat in the bath and B could see a few faint natural skin blemishes on L’s upper back.

Beyond rubbed his palms onto the top of L’s hair so he could get the shampoo in, but L’s hair had dried quite a bit so Beyond took a chance, always testing his boundaries, he steadied himself by bravely leaning his right hand on L’s bare right shoulder and leaned his hand down to the side of L, dipping into the water and lifting a small palm full of water, pointless amount, and dropping it onto the shampooed area.

He felt L tense and he saw L’s head quirk to his left when B had dipped his hand into the mass of bubbles, finding the scorching hot water beneath the softness of the bubbles. After the third little handful of water B steadied himself again, his feet were starting to cramp significantly but he ignored it, releasing L’s warm shoulder, he started rubbing his hands and the shampoo in deeper, it foamed and molded to L’s pliant thick wet hair so nicely, B started making a spike here and a shape there, looping the hair and feeling it slide between his slender fingers.

L seemed to be enjoying it since he sighed almost unnoticeably and his shoulders had relaxed, B ran his fingers up and down through the hair and then he scraped his fingers lightly downward, raking L’s hair backward and letting it trail down the back of L’s neck, the hair sticking to the skin, but B’s fingers leaving soap lines past the point of L’s hair until he had reached between L’s shoulders.

L’s skin had become bumpy, obviously goose bumps from the sensation of B’s nails, he was happy he’d stopped biting them now, because L enjoyed his nails, he ran the flats of his fingers back up and eventually reached back into L’s hair, starting again to use both hands and lather the soap.

The water moved and B briefly saw one of L’s knees pop up before disappearing again, he smiled absently, in his genuine way, the way he didn’t know L liked, thinking of how wonderful it was to be allowed this close to the other. All of a sudden B felt his footing slip, some water having reached his toes from the moisture running down his forearm from the bubbles, he nearly fell completely, but the wall behind him was close enough for him to just about keep from plummeting to the tiles before he steadied himself, making a tiny sound of discomfort when his feet cramped, the blood circulation having been lost that period of time.

“Perhaps you should sit more comfortably…” L mumbled and B watched in amazement as L slid forward a little, it was just barely, obviously L intended space for B to put…his feet?  
B felt a sharp tingle run through his body, his ears heated up and he stopped breathing, but all so quickly and silently it wasn’t noticeable, he shifted carefully, balancing on the baths edge beneath him with his slippery hands and he sat on the edge, his cold tingling feet met the hot water and he felt the bottom of the bath under his feet and bubbles almost up to his knees.

There was a long silence after B finally returned to massaging L’s scalp, until L shifted again, his hands cupping water and dropping it onto B’s hands on his head, B smiled and watched the soap come to life a little more.

“How have you been?” L asked him rather casually.  
“I’ve been…well.” He answered shortly, thinking of how miserable he’d been, “…better now.” He concluded as he wiggled his toes under the water, he was sure he’d brushed L’s skin at some point, but it hardly mattered at that moment, he was allowed this close so why would that matter now.

It was more about the allowances L gave him rather than what happened once he’d been allowed, this was now open territory for Beyond, he saw no limits if L was comfortable with this.

“That’s vague…keeping secrets?” L’s tone seemed rather dull, but B had become somewhat used to answering anything L asked.  
“No…” he told L, “…I’ve been bored…I was spending my time…how shall I say…?” he trailed off, wondering if he said it, if it might make a difference, he’d wanted so long to test the theory, “…I was tormenting A…making him miserable to pass my time.” B confessed, allowing a small hint of malicious annoyance he felt for A into his tone.

He was a little concerned when L was silent and he stopped massaging L’s head, seeing L staring at the wrinkles in his fingers, he could only see the side of L’s face, but he watched L wiggle his thin fingers,  
“That’s very childish of you…” he spoke once he’d let his hands fall back into the water, “…I take it you and he don’t get along.”

“That’s right…” B removed his hands from L’s head, his mind working over time now; he wanted to see the verdict, to hear if L would scold him.  
“You shouldn’t have been bored; your time should be spent constructively.” L informed him, with an absolute change of subject.  
B felt a charge of excitement at the small victory, just as he assumed, L didn’t give a sweet damn about his number one runner ‘A’,  
“My time is only spent constructively when with you…” he mumbled, “…I was behaving so…childishly…because I missed you.” B said finally and stared at the back of L’s neck and more of his back, the bubbles had been diminishing slowly.

“Hm…yes…I missed you too.”

There were few greater words than those for Beyond Birthday.

* * *

  
With a victory so wonderfully given, B had left L to rinse his hair and after using a smaller towel to dry his feet and replace his socks, he’d gone to wait in L’s room for him, pacing a little anxiously, repeating the words in his head, he’d said that to himself in L’s voice many a time, ‘I Miss You’, but when the words were said by the original, the impact was immeasurably different.

When L immerged from the bathroom, along with some steam, he had a towel wrapped around his waist and one draped over his hair, this was not the first time B had seen L like this. He watched L pad over barefoot to his chest of drawers and retrieve underwear, he also heard a small sniff from L, very human qualities, and he loved how L was just being himself in a whole new way.

It wasn’t so greatly different that it was unlike the now 17 year old teen, it was just the subtle things L avoided doing in public or had avoided doing around even Beyond before. B watched as L slipped the tip of his index finger into his ear in order to wedge out some water, tipping his head over a few times as he dropped the grey boxer shorts on the bed.  
Human…L was human.

When L proceeded to rub the towel into his hair he glanced at B, he seemed a little tired Beyond noticed and he figured L must have had a busy couple of weeks,  
“Can I get you some tea?” Beyond asked, stepping closer to L who sat down at the foot of the bed.  
“No, that’s alright, I’ll have tea downstairs when I join Mr. Wammy and Roger.” he was talking in a relaxed manner as well, no apathy, yet no interest, no palpable silent analyzing or hidden focus.

L was completely at ease and when Beyond confirmed that with himself by watching L he felt his own tension diffuse, he felt like he no longer had to try, L obviously trusted him on some new level, he didn’t know why but he didn’t question.

“Does it bother you that I pick on A?” he asked just to confirm his other minor concern.  
L didn’t pay much attention to it, looking at B as he stood again and dropped the hair towel onto the floor,  
“How the children at Wammy’s deal with one another are not my concern…I only care for grades and statistics…however…” L rustled his damp black hair around with one of his hands, “…I would be careful how serious your bullying becomes, I will not support you should you find yourself in trouble with Wammy’s staff…namely Roger…” L sounded amused, but B believed him and he smiled and nodded, slipping his hands into his cargo pockets and keeping his eyes on L.

L was in turn looking at B who was smiling at him, he had done well earlier in the bathroom when he’d kept his flinching, blushing and nervousness hidden, every time B touched his hair, his shoulders, moved closer or if L could feel Beyond’s spoken words move the thick air.

He hadn’t showed how very affected he’d been by Beyond’s presence and not having to look at him had a lot to do with his ability to mask these reactions in front of him, now however L’s face heated up and he looked away from Beyond.

Beyond barely had time to notice anything because L dropped his towel from his waist and he was left standing completely naked, it was a small shock to him, not because L was standing nude in front of him, but more because L…was not shy to do so.

L had pulled up his boxer shorts and Beyond glanced over him and then he walked over and sat on the bed, near where L stood,  
“…he’s losing it you know…”  
L had been only partially paying attention to Beyond’s statement, he’d been taking mental notes, analyzing the situation, storing information for later.

“Who are you talking about?” he asked as he made his way over to the wardrobe to retrieve a pair of jeans, he pulled the jeans on and stood for a moment staring into his wardrobe, Beyond was too distracted to notice that L was also distracted and in deep thought.

“I mean A…” he said it with that slight malicious tone again and pulled his legs up into a cross legged position on the bed, fiddling with his pants pockets, he was staring at the floor.  
L didn’t respond, he’d heard but he wasn’t too interested in hearing that story so he instead blinked himself out of his thoughts and pulled out a T shirt, pulling it on and silently proceeding to put on deodorant under the shirt.

The room soon filled with the smell of L and Beyond was better able to identify the scent, he noticed how the fragrances didn’t make L smell different, the fragrances adapted to L. He had come and sat next to Beyond on the bed, not completely next to him but with just about foot between them, L sniffed again and B saw him scratch the tip of his nose, L’s lips a little dry and Beyond saw him lick just the inner’s of his lips discreetly.

So human even as he wiggled his toes on the carpeted floor, Beyond reached out and moved some of L’s hair to reveal his pale ears, they were round at the lobe and sharp-ish at the top, Beyond traced the outside of the cartilage part and he saw L look at him right before L’s hand came up and lightly pushed B’s hand away, but B saw the feather light goose bumps the skin of L’s neck, it was absolutely delicious that he could do that to his wonderful mentor.

* * *

Ashley walked by the common room entrance, passing the entrance and stopping on the other side, he wore a loose turtle neck with a warm coat over it a pair of baggy pants, since he’d lost so much weight he tried to hide it in the most practically useless way, people had noticed, but no one said anything, kids were kids and gossiping was the way to do things.

He wiped at his running nose with the handkerchief he carried and tucked his short neglected scraggly hair behind his ears, he still felt like crying, but after B had left him in his own mess he had cleaned up everything and himself and made it his mission to come out of that room and have his Christmas Eve like everyone else.

He was angry, very angry with both himself and B but he couldn’t do anything. He wasn’t the type to believe in the sort of warped dependency he felt he had developed yet he knew it even as he moved to stand silently in the doorway of the common room looking over the kids still there, when he couldn’t see B, he felt jealousy.

He didn’t know if he was jealous because he knew B was with L, or because he didn’t want B to be with L, he pulled the sleeves of his turtle neck down a bit more, he had loosely bandaged the open cuts on his arm and it burned because it wasn’t healing but he ignored it. He walked into the common room and to the table at the side, the others looked at him and he ignored them, lifting up a cup and moving to the hot cocoa pre-prepared.

He didn’t really want to stay there with all the stares but he did, leaning against the wall and drinking the cocoa, he hadn’t eaten recently and the sweetness made him nauseas, he was contemplating heading out to the kitchen to find something small to eat when B walked into the common room, hands stuffed into his pockets and beside the usual adopted stare of apathy, he was slightly happy.

Ashley only knew this because he’d become familiar with the way B tried to mask emotions, he’d also witnessed many times when B stood in the mirror and just stared at his reflection, Ashley often saw anger and self loathing, he figured B didn’t like himself, but what was not to like when you looked like L and L liked you for it.

…cut.

He had often been lead to thoughts of whether B was actually a little mentally unstable, since it probably wasn’t healthy to copy another person, but that made him confused because while all the kids at Wammy’s didn’t imitate L’s specific look, each and every one of them had no goal other than becoming L.

Wasn’t that what Beyond was achieving on a level no one else could? Ashley was glaring and he hadn’t realized, gripping tightly the cup handle as he watched B make his way to a sofa, taking a seat with his legs to his chest at the back of all the other children. With all of the raw emotions and the anguish he’d been going through, he knew jealousy was at the forefront, rearing its ugly head every time.

He was smarter, his scores proved it, he was more ‘normal’ and B’s abnormality to function in a regular environment was proof of that. But L wasn’t normal and nobody knew L’s IQ scores, he was just there, he was his own person and he didn’t care about anyone, or at least that was how Ashley figured it since L had never paid mind to a single child…except B.

B was obviously winning, he was L’s favorite, and apparently B wasn’t for back up.  
He was staring for so long he failed to realize that he was being stared at by the other kids, when he finally did he snapped his eyes shut and glared at the left over contents of his mug.

He had entertained the thoughts of trying to appeal to L, make himself noticeable, do something great in his classes that would make his teachers and L take notice, achieve, be the achiever… but whenever L was there, it seemed not to matter, any idea Ashley had was over shadowed by B’s relentless  
intimidation, by the way B grinned whenever he left to see L.

B was obviously winning.

Ashley placed his cup down on the table behind him as gently as possible, his hand was shaking. He took his leave, quietly, feeling the bandage become a little wet on his arm, it was bleeding a bit worse now, he was cold as well despite his warm coat, he felt frail, he felt weak and he was starving quite literally, it felt like something was tugging at his intestines because of the hunger.

He walked quickly through the halls, toward one of the kitchens on the same floor, he hadn’t even begun to realize why he felt so cold, how close he was to seeing nothing of himself, because even though he knew he was withering away, he felt his body breaking down and with its deterioration his mind was going too, he couldn’t know what awaited him in the end.

Right then, all he paid attention to was the soft tap-tap of his shoes as he walked alone.

* * *

L sat closest to the fire, a cup of tea in hand, two of his thin fingers holding the handle lightly while his other hand supported its weight in a saucer in his palm.

He watched the fire moving around within the old fireplace, he imagined how nice it must be outside in the snow, seeing the smoke rise from the chimneys of the old houses. The world had evolved; when he travelled abroad he saw less chimneys, classic cars and old men in long coats with cigars.

He smiled slightly to himself and cast a glance at Quillsh and Roger, indulging in not only their dreary conversation about how London was the best place for their old bones, but also indulging in the rich and debauch smoking of expensive cigars, their grey moustache’s moving as they chewed at each of their own to eventually light it and smoke it for all of a minute.

It reminded him that he had a lolli-pop in his back pocket, but he wasn’t overly interested in it right then, since his tea was lemon and there were ginger biscuits close by, the window offered the sight of snow fall and fire offered the warmth, L wasn’t religious but he loved the peace that came with this time of the year, such calm and tranquility.

Quillsh was saying something about France and L resigned himself to ignoring the two old men, it was still better here than with the other children, of course in the back of his mind he wished he hadn’t had to send B away after they’d had tea in one of the kitchen’s, but he’d known that he had to have tea with Wammy, it was a tradition and even though Beyond had told him it was quite alright, he’d see him tomorrow, L was disappointed, the tea Beyond made tasted better too.

The most he ever talked about with Beyond was trivial stupid things and mostly he hardly spoke at all, Beyond could ramble sometimes about the orphanage and L would half listen, but otherwise, the company was a nice change of pace. Not to mention he liked how Beyond smelled and sounded when he spoke.

L swallowed a small sip of tea and it went down pretty hard, that last thought was unlike him but it had been more common than anything else since becoming closer to B. At one point, when sitting alone in a hotel room in Russia recently and typing out a letter of importance to the ‘Kremlin’, L had had the fleeting thought of how good Beyond tasted.

That one had sent him straight to sleep, he’d closed his lap top and forced himself in a dreamless state because he was convinced he’d been tired and not in the right frame of mind.  
As he sat now though it was very clear he had been thinking in accordance with recent events, which was usual, hormonally at least, at his age, with reference to whom being his own personal choice, female or not.

‘That was another one for the books…’ L thought sarcastically and reached over for a biscuit, stuffing a ginger snap into his mouth to distract himself, all of these allowances he’d made for Beyond where becoming more and more obvious.  
He’d noticed when he’d conducted his little experiment earlier in the room, that B showed no sexual attraction to him what so ever.

And even though this was a relief to a certain extent, L wondered if maybe Beyond hadn’t even realized what he’d started just yet. It would be better if L caught it in its earliest stages, before it developed into a sexual attraction, it would make sense for him to stop it now, but like the times before when he hadn’t stopped it, he didn’t feel too adamant about stopping it now either.

It then became a question of whether L was sexually attracted to Beyond, it was not easy to answer but if he had to answer it honestly and logically, based on everything that had been happening up until his birthday and even that early evening, it would be yes.  
When L had tested B’s motives earlier and seen happiness and eagerness but no interest in anything physical he’d had to reason with himself and he knew the answer was yes.

Yes.

But if it were only L, what was the kiss then? Was all of this just Beyond’s way of breaking down L’s boundaries, he had figured that and it made a lot of sense as well, it was a little mission for Beyond, conquering the unconquerable, it was even more of a relief to believe it may just be mechanical to Beyond’s personality.  
That way L knew that whether or not he were sexually attracted to B wouldn’t make a difference because if B wouldn’t want anything more out of their complex friendship, L could easily ignore anything his body’s natural interests desired.

He had never yet been taken in by hormonal urges or changes so he knew if Beyond wanted nothing, L would not give anything. He paused in his chewing of another bite of the cookie and licked a few crumbs off his lips as his eyes widened, L felt the saucer in his hand sway and he managed to steady it after spilling a bit of the hot liquid into the saucer beneath the cup.

“Are you alright?” Quillsh asked as he straightened his glasses atop the bridge of his nose, looking at L in well masked alarm, Roger as well and not for nothing since L was the most balanced and controlled individual they knew.

He looked at them and quaintly placed the half eaten cookie on the edge of the saucer, the liquid touching it and being soaked in a little, but the biscuit was forgotten as L was extremely disconcerted right then, he had been sitting with one leg underneath him and the other normally, his foot on the ground but he brought one leg up to chest after leaning forward to place the saucer and cup on the small table.

“I am fine, I was just thinking about something and my concentration was lost.” He admitted with a bit of a stick in his throat, he never ever lost concentration.  
Except lately, for the past several months, B had plagued his mind and sent his concentration down the drain with his ability to reason with himself.

He moved in his chair so he could bring his other leg to his chest and he sat in his battle position, seeing finally that Quillsh and Roger returned to their conversation, even though he felt Mr. Wammy’s occasional glance, the concern of his ‘father’ ever present.

What had sent his head spinning so violently was a new realization, L had been thinking and over thinking, allowing everything, he’d even been missing Beyond, he’d wanted Beyond around him every chance he got and then after Beyond had kissed he’d not been able to let it go…now he knew why.

‘…is it really that I am the one who wants this…do I want Beyond to want more…?’ he was talking to himself in silent thought as he pinched his lower lip between his thumb and index finger distractedly, eyes wide as he stared at the fire place.  
He knew the answer already, if he was the one who would be able to forget everything only if Beyond hadn’t wanted more, the answer would then be yes…

‘Yes…’ he repeated to himself and his eyes relaxed as he resigned himself to the thought, he was older, he was smarter and he was attracted to Beyond for some reason.

…vanity…

L felt himself want to smirk because he knew now and he understood that everything B had done up until now had been only because L had allowed it.

He managed to contain his smirk and he leaned back, his knees leaning in the opposite direction as he stretched, he felt unsure still and he didn’t like the anxiousness that accompanied his thoughts of Beyond, but it was all up to him in the long run, everything usually was.

* * *

  
Beyond was irritated that Ashley had come out of the room, he hadn’t shown it at the time because he wasn’t about to show everyone how he treated A, he was pleased however to see how everyone looked at A with distaste seeing how he was caving in on himself…and L didn’t care, that was the best part.

It was all because A was deteriorating, losing his mind and his composure, it was a game and B was going to win no matter what it took, he would be L, he was the only one who could be L, no one else deserved it.

B was L.  
L was B.

The very fact that the foundation of the letter ‘B’ was formed with an ‘L’ made him sure of this, he didn’t believe in destiny but the equivalent for him was divine coincidence that must have led L to calling him B, back up meant nothing as far as he was concerned.

He was sitting on top of the kitchen roof top, it was two levels below Wammy’s roof top and a level below his bedroom shared with Ashley, who hadn’t been in the room when B arrived back from the common room, only to put on shoes since he’d intended to go out to the hospice. He was leaning against the wall a little ways from the window, his shoes bracing him to the slightly slanted roof tiles and the cold of the snow fall had melted into his jeans.

He wore only his shirt and hadn’t bothered with a coat. He had his arms crossed over his chest but he moved one of his arms and ruffled his hair with a cold hand, making an annoyed sound.

“Stupid Ash-…” he grumbled before silencing himself and leaning his head back, listening to the bedroom door open through the slightly open window two feet to his left, he narrowed his grey eyes and moved stealthily into a crouching position, B had always been lucky for how agile he was and well balanced on his feet.

He crawled on his hands and feet closer to the window and peeked over the ledge to find Ashley shrugging his coat off in a bit of a hurry and afterward he reached into his jacket and took out a thin box of biscuits from the inner pocket and B was amused to find it was jam centered biscuits, he was amused but also extremely aggravated by it, since he had already been wound up by Ashley’s bold behavior.

He was holding onto the window ledge tightly as he watched A open the biscuits with a pleasant smile, but to B it looked like a mocking smug little grin. As he crouched there quietly he remembered watching the blood seep from A’s lacerated flesh, pooling on the ground and the sight of the red disgusting sweet jam running over his nose and mouth.

When A’s body convulsed right before he threw up the mix of bile and jam…the short lived rush of glee and intense interest B had felt returned to him full force at that moment and he wanted to get inside the room and shove the biscuits down A’s throat until he choked and he was coughing up crumbs.

The intense and disturbing pleasure and adrenalin passed too quickly though, just like it had earlier when he’d realized A was broken and no fun to play with, his knuckles were white from the tight grip he had on the window sill and his mouth was tensed into a straight line and he noticed he was wheezing and his chest felt tight, that was how angry he had become and to him it felt like it could get worse still.  
  
He stared at the glowing red numbers above A’s head and he seethed to find that it was still not decreasing anymore, no matter what he tried it seemed A’s life span wouldn’t drop anymore and it made his mood even worse.

B slammed the palm of his hand forcefully against the window pane and it rattled harshly and snow fluttered and fell right before he quickly turned and jogged along the slanted roof to jump to the ground. He hadn’t bothered to watch A’s reaction since right then he had one desire and one alone.

* * *

  
“Goodnight L, do try to get some rest…” Quillsh was speaking and it was quiet but since it was the only noise it echoed slightly around the short hall.  
“Thank you, tomorrow then we’ll see about going to the United States.”  
“Yes of course.”  
“Goodnight, Mr. Wammy.”

The sound of footsteps retreating and then a door closing…but not being locked, B smiled to himself and released the tight grip he’d had on a handful of his hair. He pushed himself back up the wall from his crouched leaning position and then peered around the corner seeing Quillsh having completely left the vicinity, which meant it was safe.

He made his way along the hall, making a light squeaking sound from his sneakers, he still felt his chest was tight but he wasn’t wheezing anymore although the tension in his arms and his jaw from clenching and unclenching his jaw and fists were starting to cause cramps. He barely knocked on the door before he opened it and stepped inside, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible.

The room was dimly lit by the lamp at the side of L’s bed and Beyond looked around to find the bathroom light on and the door slightly open. He was breathing quietly and then the sound was drowned out by the toilet flushing, the door opened again and B knew L saw him there because of the sudden silence.  
L had paused when he saw Beyond leaning against his bedroom door, head dipped and face hidden by his hair, his chest heaving and breathing unusually deeper.

Beyond heard L’s light footsteps as he approached,  
“Ryuzaki?”  
“Don’t call me Ryuzaki…” Beyond mumbled and his hand rose to tuck some of his hair back, revealing his face as he looked up at L, pale and anxious.  
L didn’t say anything and he absently raised his thumb to his lips,  
“Why are you here, are you alright?” he asked without a hint of concern or interest, but B knew better since he’d become used to L’s apathy.

Also L stepped closer and was trying to see Beyond’s face better which meant he was certainly interested in what was wrong, B stood up straight, pressing his back against the door and bringing him to eye level with L, who looked to be a little shorter, even when he also straightened out.

The whole evening that B had seen L he’d looked like this, a perfectly ordinary teenager, although L didn’t look much different from how he usually did, since seeing him and interacting with him as B did that afternoon, he knew L was just the same aside from the brilliant mind.

‘But he isn’t ordinary…he’s perfect…’ B thought as he stared.

He smiled suddenly in his genuine manner and L stepped back a little disarmed, his hand moving to scratch his neck and his sudden flush wasn’t well hidden as he looked at the floor,  
“You look unwell, did something happen?” he dared to make eye contact only to find that B was still smiling at him.

“I just needed to see ya’.” Beyond rattled off and his own cheeks tinted a dull pink.  
L cleared his throat,  
“That sounds rather inappropria-“  
“I loved seeing you that way earlier, L.” Beyond disregarded L’s statement completely and stepped closer to L.

L didn’t move away as B closed the gap to a space just short of a foot,  
“When you…became so comfortable in front of me that you behaved as you would when your alone…” in one of his bold movements Beyond reached out and ran the tips of his fingers over the side of L’s face, making L’s eyes dart to B’s face nervously.

He wasn’t handling this well, he should have told Beyond to leave, have shoved him away but he was staring straight into B’s eyes and seeing a glow of something that wasn’t natural grey, it didn’t last long though and B seemed to glance above his head right before closing the gap and letting his other hand slide up the back of L’s neck into his hair while the hand previously on his cheek glided over the flesh of L’s neck.

B knew L’s hair was a weakness to touch and L had given him that opening.

L moved quickly passed Beyond, toward the door behind Beyond and he felt B’s hand slide from his hair, his skin prickling and tingling for the lost contact,  
“It’s late B, I think you should go n-“

Again he was cut off when L felt Beyond grab his shoulders, turning him around and his back collided with his bedroom door a little harshly, sending a dull throb of discomfort along L’s spine. It happened so fast and he had barely noticed how he’s breathing increased.

B had pressed against him lightly and he felt the cold clammy hands of the younger teen take rough handfuls of his white cotton shirt as he lifted it, L tensed when B’s cold hands touched his stomach and then ran up his sides and B’s arms encircled his back pulling him away from the door somewhat.

B’s hands were now on his mid back and L was being embraced, he felt his skin burn in the most intense and heated way, he was looking down at Beyond’s shoulder and lower back since his chin was rested on B’s shoulder, B’s face was pressed against his neck and L felt the faint grazing of teeth along the curve of his neck right before B’s teeth nipped his earlobe a little too hard, L jumped at that and his hands grabbed fistfuls of the back of B’s shirt from his surprise.

“B…stop…this…”  
“Don’t call me that…”  
“What…then…” L mumbled and his tone was noticeably anxious since B was talking against his neck and his cold hands were shifting over L’s warm back, the contrast to his warmth making his skin tingle and L heard himself breathing shallowly as B’s hands and nails grazed back down and around to his stomach.

B was grinning against L’s neck, the smell that he now recognized on L’s soft pale skin lingered pleasantly, he’d also gotten to the precious ear hidden by L’s mass of hair that smelled of the shampoo B had lathered it with earlier and now, under his finger tips as he ran them over L’s stomach he felt the fine trail of hair that ran from L’s navel downward…downward.

All at once B felt a rush of something completely raw and he gripped L’s waist firmly, his cool clammy palms pressed against L’s skin and B pressed himself flush against L, pinning him to the door completely, L’s mouth was pressed into B’s shoulder and he felt his hot breath on his own face as B pressed against him.

What L felt when B pinned him scared him into sensibility and he pushed his head back against the door away from the smell of B’s shirt and the feeling of his firm pressure,  
“Beyond…stop…” L fistfuls of B’s shirts were released and he placed his hands firmly against B’s mid section and shoved him backward, but even so, it was weak and half hearted and L was breathing so unsteadily and he was caught in a frown, his eyebrows knitting together slightly as he was leaning his head against the door.

B was still very close, less than a foot and one of his hands were beside L’s head, he was staring down between them and L didn’t notice because his wide eyed stare was off to the far side of the room, he was feeling unusually wound up and he felt far too hot considering the cold weather.

B glanced at L’s face, L didn’t see him smirking right before B cupped L’s crotch with his free hand and L temper shot straight through the roof instantly. He smacked B’s hand away harshly and with his other hand he shoved B backward with far more force than before, stepping forward as B back stepped, L back handed B across the face.

There was silence and B hesitantly reached a hand up to his face, his mouth slightly open in shock and his eyes wide, his cheek was hot and there was a dull throb of pain, he looked at L who had a stoic expression of complete calm anger,  
“Enough of that…” L stated in a hushed but firm tone as B looked at him.

B said nothing and he moved his hand from his throbbing cheek, L’s knuckles had left small imprints in his cheek and since he’d become considerably fairer it was noticeable to L. B absently wondered if he would bruise there, he had a gush of excitement when he replayed the slap and the thought of bruising pleased him, L’s mark.

He wasn’t even remotely upset, he had touched L because he wanted to confirm what he’d felt when he’d pressed against L, and sure enough the hard bump of arousal had been what he’d cupped right before L had hit him, not that it was one sided, since B knew for a fact by the pain in his nether regions that he was very aroused, even more so by L’s hitting him.

He didn’t try to hide it this time and he purposely slipped his hand into his jeans to move his erection into a more comfortable angle in his jeans, L’s grey and half narrowed eyes watched him do this and he saw L’s eyes discreetly glancing to his own crotch, which meant he was fully aware of his own situation and that B knew of it.

But Beyond didn’t want L to stay angry at him, not after so much progress, after he’d brought L right down to the level of normality and comfort that made him behave so openly and unguarded, months of hard work would not be wasted.

“I apologize...won’t you forgive me L…you know I meant nothing bad by it.” B mumbled and he was genuinely apologetic, his grey eyes sincere and hoping L might look at him again.  
L sniffed, such a human thing and B loved hearing it and he looked at Beyond, the anger was gone now and the apathy had returned, L stared at B’s cheek.

He stepped closer to B and gently touched B’s cheek with his fingers, like he’d done once before and Beyond felt his heart beat increase, the gentle action sent him reeling like it had the first time,  
“I apologize for hitting you…” he touched the knuckle marks lightly before getting somewhat carried away and sliding his hand through B’s hair, pushing it behind his ear and letting it fall that way.

L pulled his hand back, his thin fingers curling into a small ball as he slipped his fist into his pocket.  
“I didn’t mind…” B gave him a lopsided grin and L blinked in surprise but he ignored it, it was frightening but L over looked this in light of their situation.

“I hope you won’t be so forward again.” L told him and turned to his bedroom door.  
“Oh no…it’ll be with your permission next time, yea’?” B said with his English hinted accent and stepped up beside L.  
L stared at him for a moment,  
“Next time…” L had intended to sound sarcastic but B was not deterred,  
“That’s right…” B was grinning in his cute way and L couldn’t stop himself from smiling even though it was not in his best interest to encourage B or this interaction.

He reached for the door handle and B stopped him by placing his hand over L’s on the handle, this time L didn’t flinch and he instead looked at B standing beside him, he also noticed B seemed taller than him,  
“What is it?” L asked.

“…I thought you should know…” B started as he stared back at L, “…that…you…” he felt like he couldn’t get the words out.  
L waited and blinked by way of response that he was listening and B squeezed over L’s hand a little,  
“…you are mine…L, I swear that-“  
“Beyond…” L cut him off and moved his hand from beneath B’s, “…I think you should go to your room and sleep, you’ve worked yourself up and you don’t look well.” L told him while completely ignoring the  
possessive statement B had made.

Beyond could feel that he had a cold sweat and he figured he would be sick from sitting outside in the snow earlier,  
“Right, anything you say…” he opened the door and then turned to L, “…can I ave’ a hug?” he gave L an adorable smile.  
L was tempted to laugh but he instead shook his head lightly and a small smirk was visible,  
“Bye Ryuzaki.”

Beyond stepped out,  
“Bye Ryuzaki.” He repeated in L’s voice and then turned and walked off.  
L didn’t bother to watch B leave and he closed the door, locking it this time and he moved over and sat down on his bed, kicking his shoes off and bringing both his legs up, one to his chest, the other cross legged.

L had to re-evaluate the situation because it seemed very clear now, that not only was Beyond sexually attracted to him, but he was aware that L had similar feelings, L bit his lip anxiously,  
“Ryuzaki…” L mumbled.


	7. To Imagine Us Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are mistakes in the Vitamin B chapters, I haven't been re-beta reading them to correct mistakes. These are old chapters and I once beta'd them but didn't save the beta'd chapters. I know that's dumb xD My bad.

 

* * *

 

_-He said come fly around my Hell –_

* * *

 

The rain brought a very dull atmosphere to any situation for most people; it was considered dreary, uncomfortable and even depressing. L supposed that yes…if you were in any of those moods or perhaps that way by personality, then it would most certainly be.

He however took it as a wonderful way to spend the day, listening to the rain, he’d prefer to be outside in it but it was not a good idea for his health. He didn’t think himself susceptible to colds and flu’s but he wasn’t taking chances, not since experiencing the germ feeling prickling on his skin so consistently and floating around in the air he needed to breath when he had been sick.

He was working on his lap top which Quillsh had set up by the window at his request when they’d arrived at the hotel, that morning Quillsh had left wrapped in coats and with a large black umbrella in tow. Curling his thin and somewhat stiff fingers into loose fists he took his attention from the computer screen to the window and leaned over to his right, raising one of his arms and resting his elbow on the window frame, raising himself from his seat to slightly stand as well so he could look out, his toes absently curling into the plush carpeting of the hotel room while his free fist slipped into the loose slacks he was wearing.

He saw only blurs of black circles, various sizes of umbrellas; such a sight was typical in London town, since if it wasn’t raining it was the talk of the day. He touched his hand to the cold window pane, his long white sleeve falling back to reveal his thin wrist and some of his forearm. His eye’s trailed to his fingers, no longer focused on the outside of the blur through the windows but on the purple veins barely visible on top of his hand, he was pale but not transparent, his skin was so mat and white it seemed offensive and ill when surrounded by over cast skies and dull lighting…the rain drops clinging to the window like a sad picture behind his hand.

He was apathetic to it at any rate, staring at the slight sweat his hand left on the glass when he slid it down slightly, he would admit that this was a different rain, the sort that made even the bed sheets ice cold and feel wet when you first touched them, made the outside of your clothes continually feel cold and tips of your fingers and toes icy so that if warm water touched it, it burned when the blood returned to full flow within the small places.

Bitter cold…bitter weather, like the rain gods…if he believed in such were crying tears of unhappiness rather than blissful divinity. He cracked a smile at that and found himself blinking at what a ridiculous thought it was, god’s tears and other such rubbish always amused him. He didn’t know how he’d become an atheist, but he knew it had started around the first time Quillsh had taken him to church and he’d seen the faithful god followers praying for their god whilst on their knees…as if they might find him underneath the pews.

This time he laughed at his thoughts, he had been about 8 when he’d become an atheist then. Seeing something and having a solid form of evidence was believing it…or in his case it was proving it. The mind of a detective was as such, whether it was real to him or people, if he couldn’t prove it and in return something could not be proven then it meant nothing.

He heard a door in the hotel room opened and L removed his hand from the glass completely, turning his head around and placing his ice cold index finger to his lips, his eyes focused on the archway, passed that point he could only see a small part of the large hotel room. He heard Quillsh clearing his throat and the shuffling of clothes, obviously removing his coats and then he passed by L’s line of sight and he noticed Quillsh carrying a grocery bag.

He walked across the room to approach the kitchen and he peered in at the old man,

“Have you bought anything for me?” he mumbled against his finger and Quillsh nodded,   
“You never fail to ask that when I return with groceries…” he reached into one of the bags and dug around until he pulled out a hot sealed tray of cinnamon buns.

L didn’t deny he always awaited some kind of treat having grown up knowing that Quillsh usually bought him something when he went out, when you become used to something it’s hard to give up.

“I…have been productive this morning…” he spoke to the man he saw as more of a father than any man related by blood might have been for him.

“Oh…?” Quillsh had already switched on the modern kettle for tea and he was taking out two cups.

L tipped his head to the side and placed his hands over the plastic wrapping of the cinnamon bun tray, shaping them under his hands and seeing their sweet icing coating sticking to the plastic whilst the steam collected inside the warm package,

“Yes, I tried to complete as many smaller cases as was possible, seeing as how you would like me to discuss with you the problem you mentioned this morning.” His tone was a little misplaced and annoyed when he thought back to the morning.

Quillsh had walked into the master bedroom and not found L there, so he’d gone on to search the hotel suite and found L asleep on the couch, legs half over the edge and hands dangling over the edge as well. All L remembered was that Wammy had been in an unpleasant mood and further that it was in accordance with a call he’d received, that’s all he’d mentioned.

That had been at 7:30 am and it was well into late morning now, about 9:30 and he had been left alone after his abrupt waking, being told Wammy was going out and L would need to be prepared when he returned, they had business of Wammy’s House to discuss.

After a shower, which L couldn’t say he really appreciated since he much preferred bathing and lying down, he dressed and forced himself to focus on work. L had been raised by an attentive man and he felt inadequate that morning when he’d practically been scolded for waking up late but was it even that?

He raised his grey eyes to watch the back of the grey head of hair as the sound of a teaspoon clinking inside the cups was all that was around them, he was surprised he’d had no response yet; it felt distinctly like he’d been ignored.

After a further silence L clutched the plastic package between his pale hands and ripped it apart so the warm vapor wafted up and he could smell the buns, he lifted one of the palm size buns between his thumb and two fingers and licked at it experimentally,

“If…you are not interested in talking then I shall find something else to do.” He said rudely and turned away with his treat.

“Sit down, boy.” Quillsh used the tone L had last heard when had been 11, a time he remembered precisely when being scolded for throwing a tantrum and making the calm Quillsh Wammy angry by its unnecessary nature. Again he felt patronized and belittled at being addressed in such a manner, he was no longer a boy…and he most certainly had ceased being a child years before regardless of his age to contradict it.

But, he turned back and used his bare foot to pull at the foot rest at the bottom of a kitchen counter stool so it scraped loudly and he sat down, curling his toes of one of his feet around the thin bar as his other leg awkwardly came up to balance on the tiny space left on the stool surface. He bit into the bun and the stickiness messed his cheek and the sides of his mouth, so he reached over and took a serviette from the bun packaging to wipe his mouth while staring defiantly at his knee.

The saucer was noisy as Quillsh pushed it across the counter to L with the tea cup in it and afterward the sugar bowl, childishly L didn’t look at the tea or thank him for making it like he might usually, he wasn’t exactly pouting but his pale mouth was not in the most pleasant shape as he opened it around another bite of the bun.

A loud sigh made his eyes dart to see Quillsh’s shoulders slouch and he leaned his elbows on the counter, his tea cup placed between his arms and the steam rising up, L noticed clouding the old man’s glasses, he then noticed the deep frown and how it pronounced the fine wrinkles on his forehead,

“I apologize for the way I spoke L, I am simply concerned for what has been happening and how inconsistent I have been in keeping track.”

L’s eyes lingered and then he looked at the slight brightness that covered the room, it seemed to come through the window and it lit up the window pane and his grey eyes became a shade lighter making the black eye lashes of his eyes contrast and he blinked his stare back to the old grey –blue eyes that were staring at the tea cup as if it held answers for him.

“What’s happened then?” he questioned in his apathetic tone as he began to fiddle with the sugar bowl, the sweetness of the bun was pleasant but it made his throat very dry.

“It’s your successor.” Came the sighed answer.

L’s mind instantly thought of the black hair and the smell of fresh rain and fainter thoughts of the apple scent…the lighter grey eyes and the smile that made butterflies form effortlessly in the pit of his stomach…which in turn brought a red blush across his pale face from his last memory of B’s advances…how after he had forced every thought of B from his head for it to return so easily was frustrating to think of.

But…they weren’t about to discuss Back Up…L knew so he tilted his head down and let his soft black hair hide his face and his eyes as he stared at the counter, seeing the surface dim by the darkening of the sky outside the window again.

“Has he showed a drop in potential…are his grades disappointing?” he asked mechanically and he knew the old man wouldn’t suspect a thing if he couldn’t see L’s face.

“Beside that…” it was a dull response and it made L hesitate with the first of a handful of sugar cubes for his tea, he made a sound in the back of his throat for Quillsh to continue.

“…he is very ill, L…”

L dropped the cube and it splashed up tea which messed the saucer and drops on the counter, he lifted his head and his eyes focused on Quillsh who took a serviette from the bag the buns had been in and he wiped at the counter, making L push his tea aside and place the half eaten bun down on the side of the saucer,

“Ill in what way…? Something so concerning as if he may not live to be my successor?” still mechanical but in the back of his mind were a mixture of words spoken to him by a familiar mouth…mentions of torment and making A miserable…to pass the time L was not there.

He hadn’t been there in months again.

“He’s taken to the cliché of self harm and he’s become volatile, picking fights with children and taking out his frustration on them, mostly kids younger or of his own age. Roger describes it as a pitiful anger; he says A looks unwell and has been steadily becoming worse. They had only noticed somewhere in late January when they had nurses perform the regular check-ups on all children. A had refused to be seen to and after forcing it upon him they discovered the cuts, bruises and how frail he has become, like he has been starving himself but hiding it underneath layers of clothing.”

“And we are certain the wounds are self inflicted?”

“What are you implying?”

L looked up at Quillsh when the somewhat irate tone was detected in the question,

“…I am not implying anything; I am asking if the wounds are sufficiently proven self inflicted Mr. Wammy.”

“Well why wouldn’t they be, do you think another child or one of the staff might take to obvious abuse such as cutting?” it was a decent question but L always asked with reason and he saw this dawn upon Quillsh’s face slowly.

“Please L, tell me what you’re thinking?” he now seemed to be exhausted.

It exhausted L all of these emotions people around him went through.

He thought now of what he had been thinking… _yes_ …he knew B had to have something to do with it but was he going to tell that to the man holding the power to have him thrown into another orphanage? L was about to act selfishly which was actually more often than not,

“Bullying can be extensive…” he said after a long while and he cast his eyes down so he didn’t have to see the frown deepen on the old man’s face, “… but cutting is most likely self inflicted…bruising however less likely. I am simply mentioning that there may be children who push him to the extent of hurting himself…is all and so in turn he is hurting weaker children.”

Quillsh said nothing until L heard him sip his tea and he sighed again as he placed the cup back down, L looked up but only as far as he could see Quillsh’s hands form a steeple below his chin and they were shaking,

“I see…yes well, ultimately we cannot do anything about it but hope for the best and to see that he recovers, Roger is having him see a therapist and prescribing him medication and monitoring him closely. I needed to let you know that…” a pause where L felt compelled to make eye contact which he saw was necessary since Wammy stared at him over his glasses, his eyes tired but focused, “…you may need to think of another successor for first place.”

L’s eyes widened involuntarily which signaled he was thinking as his eyes rolled up to the ceiling, he knew what was floating in both their heads and in the light tension between them, Wammy was staring at L so directly to see just how side tracked he had become, but L was a genius and he it didn’t even take that to see the challenge lied before him.

Not that he needed to consider it as such, the reality was as it would be and he was not about to jeopardize anything based on hormones and a teenage attraction. While he had a bizarre affinity for Beyond Birthday, it was an entirely different case when it came to his name and legacy and the legend of ‘L’ he wished to be left behind in the world.

“I understand.” He stated dully as his eyes lowered to Wammy and returned to their regular size, he nibbled at the dry icing on his thumb when he brought it to his mouth, “…A is no longer suitable due to his state of mind…we shall have to look for new potential candidates.” He said just what he knew Quillsh wanted to hear, but it was also the truth.

“Yes.” Came the confident reply and L forced himself not to smile as he bit at his nail that held some more of the sweetness hidden beneath.

“I had expected as such, I needn’t tell you that I don’t think Back Up is suitable either.” He had to say it and L let his leg stretch from its cramped position as he moved to stand up.

“No, you don’t need to explain at all, Beyond is no more stable mentally that A appears to be, we cannot entrust him with any such task as great as the responsibility of human lives. It’s a pity to waste a brilliant mind like his own, but it’s become obvious during my time spent with him that he has little respect for authority, dedication to morals and he is highly prone to violence.” He said easily as the bones in his back snapped into comfort when he stretched.

L knew he’d answered in a rehearsed manner but it was fine since it showed he’d considered it prior to this happening. He placed a hand in his hair and massaged his head lightly while he stared at the floor, eyes distant and his other hand hanging limply at his side.

“Hm.” The old man sounded absently.

L looked at Quillsh who was sipping his tea with raised eyebrows.

“What is it?” L asked and slipped his hands both into his loose tracksuit pants pockets.

“Hm? Oh…” Quillsh realized he’d made the sound aloud and he shook his head, “…nothing really, I am relieved is all. I had foolishly believed that your friendship with _him_ had clouded your judgment.”

‘ **Him** ’ was Beyond, no doubt and L felt his jaw tighten at those words, but not noticeably. L didn’t respond and was content to stare at the other with an expression he saw was visibly making Quillsh uncertain of his thoughts and he eventually had to speak again,   
“I was justified, you have been unfocused and I was not imagining it.”

“Oh but of course. How right you are.” L responded openly and almost speaking before the sentence had completely left the old man’s wrinkled mouth.

Quillsh looked at L, who wore the vague and innocent expression that never fooled him,

“Now, if you’ve noting else to do, I would like to visit Wammy’s as I mentioned to you yesterday as soon as possible, have you done what I requested?” He turned slowly after Quillsh gave a curt nod whilst keeping his gaze averted, after the conversation and its unpleasant nature L couldn’t imagine there would be conversation for a while.

He walked away and back into the lounge area and he walked over to the window and he closed his lap top, looking out to see the rain falling heavier and he smiled to himself.

Beyond was not suitable to be his successor, that went without saying, but it did leave him obligation free and leave open end to the situation, since he no longer had to worry about long term expectation from B…whether he decided to allow Beyond more exceptions pertaining to their…friendship…or if he decided to cut him off completely, he saw no long term repercussions.

He wasn’t fond of the word ‘friend’ since he understood little of its implications yet there really was no other word for it either. Once he decided that the rain would remain heavy he didn’t wish to waste anymore of the day so he left the comfort of the rain sound and sight against the window pane and walked around to where he found the keys to Quillsh’s car, but he didn’t want the old Mercedes so he shuffled around the desk until he found the keys to the 96’ Mercedes Benzs-320, which even though L didn’t like it, it was far better than driving the bulky limo.

He walked over to the door and leaned down to pull on his sneakers he’d left there when they’d checked in 3 days before, having not left again they’d been untouched, he paused though when he realized he had no socks on and truthfully L was more uncomfortable when his bare feet chafed the inside of shoes than to just wear them, so he carried his shoes into the master bedroom to dig through his bags for socks and a jeans which he changed into first.

Quillsh was standing in the doorway when L had finally pulled on socks and then fastened his shoes all quickly; he stood up and turned to find the old man looking at him with a strangely concerned look,

“It is most unusual of you to be doing this, I can’t express how concerned I am for you to be outside let alone driving yourself in the rain.”

L’s irritation bubbled and he checked his pocket for his cell phone before pulling it out,

“I will have this with me and I will be contactable at all times, if you like I’ll let Roger know I am there and he can confirm it with you…” he felt like he was being patronized again and even if Quillsh was his father in certain ways…L maintained he was not a child.

“Besides…it’s not as if I am a target, no one knows who I am, and I’m quite sure I’d be labeled a social hazard and repel people by the way I look on the off chance I have to leave the car before I arrive.” The apathy wasn’t masking the sarcasm or clipped tone of voice too well and L slipped his cell phone back into his pocket and let his eyes fall on Quillsh’s stern expression, his hands behind his back and posture perfect, looking down at L in that ‘I know all’ manner that grated him more so now that he was impatient.

Although he wasn’t the type to throw his hands out and puff his cheeks to get his way…he had been at one time before he realized it was very inappropriate behavior, but he did roll his eyes almost unnoticeably and fidget around the room gathering his wallet before waiting to leave.

After a moment Quillsh sighed and stepped aside,

“Please inform Roger as you said you would and do not stay over at the orphanage, I expect you here as you have work to do.”

Work…work…work…L walked by him rudely and quickly, hearing his sneakers on the carpet as he dragged his feet, slouching over ever so slightly as he made his way. He gripped the keys in his other pocket tightly before grasping the door handle of the double doors to the hotel room, pulling on it and pulling it inward so he could leave, the smell of clean carpet rushed his senses as he stepped outside into the hall and clicked the door closed behind him.

He stood for a moment and let go of the door handle, he felt such an alien emotion mixed with equally alien anxiety, it was stronger that it had been over the last year and a half, he felt like he was making a mistake. Quillsh had never done anything wrong to him, he had never lied or treated L unfairly…depending on how he looked at it. His responsibilities were just much more than that of a regular boy his age, but then again it wasn’t as if he was shunting them, he was just taking an afternoon break, to see a friend…an only friend.

He sighed since no one was around and shook his head out of frustration, leaning against the wall to the side of the door and rubbing his eyes for a moment before he dragged his hands down over his face…he wanted to just let go…for just a while and he had only ever came close to that when he was around Beyond, was it so bad?

He did one last check on his person to confirm he had the keys, his cell and his wallet with his alias license inside and then he pushed himself off the wall and walked to the elevators with his shoulders hunched and his hands deep in his pockets.

-

When he reached the parking floor and walked into the grey empty area, save for a few expensive cars, the chill in the air made his skin prickle. There were small gusts of wind obviously finding their way from small opening in the concrete enclosed area and he could smell the rain and see wet tread marks on the ground from cars coming in from the rain.

He listened to the dull and almost inaudible sound of the rain through the thick walls and the light scraping of his shoes as he walked to the grey car.

He clicked the car alarm while his hand was still in his pocket and he glanced around when he heard a car entering, driving past once he was already extracting the keys and pulling the door open. L didn’t drive often, he’d barely had the chance but it wasn’t something he was nervous about or that he’d forgotten how to do. As he got into the car and adjusted the seat and mirrors he thought of how Quillsh had been nervous when giving him lessons, L had barely even touched his foot to the accelerator before Wammy had strapped on his seat belt.

“Trust me with a handgun and a pilot license…but not in a car…” he mumbled with a smile as he pulled the seat belt across his chest, he hated the way it applied minimal pressure to him, he wasn’t claustrophobic but he never liked restriction of movement.

He’d been to lessons for piloting and other things but acquired licenses by his name ‘L’ through every government, no one saw him or knew how old he was and beside that, granting him the licenses, they’d had no choice, he was L.

_‘I am L.’_

L cleared his throat when the familiar voice echoed in his head, in a voice that was similar but not quite his; he started the car and started to reverse out of the parking space.

The name on his driver’s license was for a ’19 year old William Roberts of Sussex’ which was fine since L didn’t really appear to be a specific age, he was tall enough but not too tall, his voice was baritone and had been since he was 14 more or less and he would never be mistaken for a child when he opened his mouth to speak.

He was not a child.

* * *

 

The drive was slow and the hour seemed to drag since the traffic was medium, as it usually was in the streets of London and when he finally reached the driveway and large gates of Wammy’s House in Winchester he was grateful, driving was boring but the rain in these parts was just a light drizzle thus far so it had been easier than the main city. He was about to get out of the car to open the gates when he saw one of the orphanage teachers walking toward the gate with a raincoat on and when he saw L through the windscreen he walked faster and smiled broadly, coming along the path way to open the large gates.

They didn’t know who L was, very few people who worked here had been introduced to him as ‘L’ but to most of the common staff he was known to be very important to the ‘L’ system. He drove in and nodded his thanks to the man who waved and smiled, L saw him leaving the gate open as he drove up the path, driving into the small private parking space and into Quillsh’s reserved spot.

He got out of the car and he saw the teacher walking back into the parking lot, he smiled as he walked by,   
“Afternoon.” He greeted and L nodded again and slipped his hands into his pockets, the car alarm beeping right before the other man’s car alarm beeped too.

It was likely afternoon by now and it was more or less the time he would have liked to arrive…lunch time. As he walked around the back and along the stone tiled path, he looked over the large front yard, it was empty, the grass damp and green, there were no children because it was lunch time and they were all inside, rain never deterred them usually, he recalled many a time when children were scolded for playing outside in the rain but it still happened.

He looked over at the tree near the far wall of the back yard and he stopped walking when he saw, just like he had many months before, Beyond sitting underneath the tree. He had his head dipped and was busy with something that kept his attention caught and even from that distance L thought the slouch in B’s shoulders was not mimicked and was most likely due to his mood, which he figured wasn’t happy…he figured but didn’t know.

He was about to walk across the grass to B, his feet wanting to carry him automatically to a comfort zone but he remembered he had to let Roger know he was there.

When L back stepped as far as the steps and noticed B wasn’t looking up, he turned and headed up the stairs pushing one of the doors open and stepping inside. He ran his hands through his hair that had been dampened by the drizzle and afterward he ruffled it so it fell randomly on his head again, he blinked a few times to adjust to the dim lighting of the entrance hall and then made his way inside, his shirt clinging to him and his jeans cold, the water hadn’t made it through his sneakers yet so he was glad.  With a small sigh he made his way to Roger’s ‘Headmaster’s’ office, knowing that once that was done he had the freedom of the afternoon.

* * *

 

“Oh…sir, what are you doing here?”

L paused and turned around to look back down the hall to the doorway he’d past a moment ago that had been half closed; Roger was standing with his hand on the door handle, about to close it when he’d seen L.

“I was on my way to your office.” He informed quietly and his deep voice carried over to Roger’s old ears and his face set in a frown,

“Is there something the matter?” he asked and left the door open to straighten his jersey over the faded blue shirt, his hands shaking as he straightened his clothes, “…are you here about what I told Mr. Wammy?” he asked and the frown deepened.

L’s eyes widened in a way that Roger was used to but it was because L realized he’d forgotten completely about the child, A, that had been discussed that morning. He nodded slightly,

“I’m not here for that reason, but perhaps I should look into it.” It wasn’t a question.

He saw the questioning look Roger gave him since Roger didn’t know of any other important reason L might be here, before realizing he was out of line and pushing the door inward,  
“Come and see him then, I was just about to leave him to rest.” He disappeared inside and L walked toward the door to find the nurses rooms to be the door he’d passed.

With a slight grimace he stepped inside, hands deep in his pockets so he touched nothing, regardless of how sterile the 3 room office was he wasn’t happy to be in a sick bay, it made him uncomfortable. He saw Roger enter one of the small cubicles and smile to someone.

“I know I said I’d leave you, but someone has come to see you.”

That was a blatant lie by even L’s standards, he was not there to see this boy and it was misleading to say such a thing, he barely raised an eyebrow when he heard a mumbled ‘who’, the voice sounded a bit frightened.

“Just a moment…” Roger said and stepped back out, pulling the door slightly closed and stepping to L,

“I have to return to my office, I have things to do, will you be fine?” he asked and looked at L who was inches taller than Roger, he was never a tall man.

L nodded,

“Please inform Mr. Wammy I arrived here safely.” He added in a quiet tone.

“He isn’t here with you?”

L couldn’t get mad for being asked, it was the way he usually came, but he didn’t want Roger thinking he owed him explanation so he made sure his expression was simple to read,

“No, I came alone.” And he left no room for anything else, walking around the old man and toward the door.

Pushing the door open with his foot L entered slowly and he turned to look at the blonde haired boy on the high bed, but it wasn’t the drip in his arm or the sunken appearance of his eyes and gaunt ashen appearance of his face that made L raise a thin black eyebrow, it was expression of fright on the boys face. And not the fright of ‘ _Oh my god it’s L_ ’ like a few kids had expressed in the past when catching glimpses of him, it was the expression that suggested A wanted to hide from him in literal fear.

But when L faced him fully and pushed the door shut with the very tips of his fingers so it clicked shut quietly, he looked back to find he could almost see the boy analyzing him, watching his movements and it didn’t make him uncomfortable but it made him curious since relief seemed to ease its way into the blue eyes previously riddled with fright.

“You seemed afraid when I entered.” He stated and took a step closer; he had never seen much of this child other than the photograph attached to his file in Wammy’s basement so he let his eyes take in everything, his mind placing his memorized image of the child to what he saw now before him.

Growth had made him taller, his bone structure more developed and from what L could see even though A was lying in the bed, A was drastically underweight for someone of his height.

A’s expression had become far calmer after L spoke, as if he’d been waiting for something and then all L could see were glints of anger in the pale blue eyes.

“…no, sir…I was just surprised to have a visitor.” He said in a slightly raspy tone and sat up a little straighter.

L hadn’t been interested before but as he came to stand directly at the bedside and he saw the discoloration over A’s neck, tinged faded purple and yellow from bruising, he took this situation more seriously, bullying to this extent was not to be taken lightly.

“Who choked you?” L asked flatly and slipped his hands from his pockets again, one grasping A’s bony chin and the other moving his neck length limp hair from the side of face to assess another bruise under his left temple.

For a moment all A registered was L’s cold but soft hands on his person and he could smell L, actually smell him when he spoke and stood so close and it was the most comforting thing he’d experienced in a long time, not harsh.

“Well?” L reiterated.

“…uh…oh…no one, sir.” A managed out as he relaxed in L’s grasp, feeling L’s hand leave his chin and go down to press against his chest slightly, A grimaced and his breath was lost for a second. L’s other hands pushed him down to lay by his shoulder and moved the white sheets down and pulled up A’s red sweater, his grey eyes widening to their contemplative size as he saw larger bruising over the skin stretched across visible ribs.

“I won’t question further if you lie about it, but you must understand…” L placed a hand on A’s tummy and applied pressure again to which A made a small whimper, his stomach having already been sucked in by malnourishment was now being pulled away from L’s hand and A had tears in his eyes more from shame than anything else.

L pulled the shirt down and tucked the sheets back up before continuing,

“…if you do not tell me, I cannot do anything about it and it may happen again.”

A sat up suddenly and clutched L’s arm,

“But would you do anything…even if I told you?” the question was direct and when L looked at A he saw the answer to his question and his earlier confusion.

This boy was afraid and it was likely of Beyond…when L had entered A had been afraid it was Beyond and when L had spoken it confirmed for A that he was safe. The only reason L assumed this was because he knew they were roommates and B had informed him months before…of what was happening, L also knew just how well B mimicked him.

He wouldn’t take blame; it hadn’t been his place to do anything when Beyond had told him, like right then as A was looking at him imploringly, he could not feel guilt…but if Beyond was responsible L couldn’t allow it to go on and he knew it.

He glanced at A’s hand around his arm but he didn’t let go and instead tears made their way out of his blue eyes,

“I just want my own room sir…please?” he mumbled and his cracked lips shook.

L cleared his throat and he placed his hand over A’s so he could peel the thin fingers from his arm, the boys hands so cold even through L’s white shirt and the cold air around them.

“…yes, I can do that, but you will concede to 24 hour monitoring and you will not give any of the staff trouble for it, no door loc-“

“No...!” he gripped L’s hand now that was removing his fingers slowly and L looked a little irritated when he met A’s pleading face, “…please let me lock my door…I-“

“I cannot allow you that privilege and I won’t negotiate my decisions.” He said with a tone that made A let go of him and L grabbed A’s wrist none too lightly and pushed up the sleeve to reveal the bandages covering what he imagined were cuts, “…for this reason it is unsuitable to leave you unattended and we cannot have you dying under our supervision, you will either comply to what I’ve said…or be forced to share a room.”

The words were unkind but the point valid and A let his eyes drop down to L’s spindly hands as they lightly clutched his thin arm and he didn’t say anything or look at L again, the eyes were still too similar even if the hands holding him were not.

“You must eat properly and take the medication prescribed to you.” L’s tone was softer now as he pulled A’s sleeve back down and covered the thin arm, “…your health is deteriorating rapidly, and you mustn’t worry about grades and such, only your convalescence.”

“What do you mean not worry about my grades…what about…” he didn’t finish and still didn’t look at L but he felt L move away, the slight warmth and smell of his clothes and presence lessening when he moved.

“Your health is all you need concern yourself with…”

That seemed like enough said and A raised his head to stare at L who looked at him with a blank expression, it wasn’t obvious but A suspected as much…that L was telling him more than just to take care of himself…L was telling him that it was **all** he had to worry about now…period.

No more number 1…had Beyond won?

How did life manage to mean so little when a single man spoke a few words?

Without anything further L took his leave, closing the door and leaving A alone again, he didn’t believe L cared for his health and it hurt even worse with everything else he was going through.

He glanced at the window far from his bed where outside rain fell harder now against the window pane and he shivered from the cold air in the room.

Neither of them had mentioned knowing who was responsible for A’s trauma, A would say nothing because he didn’t believe B couldn’t get to him if he wanted and L wouldn’t say anything…for whatever reason he favored B.

It disgusted A to think about it and he touched his neck remembering being slammed into the bathroom cabinet and mirror while his air supply was cut off from B’s cold hands around his neck…it wasn’t the first time but it was the most severe to date. He shivered again but not from cold this time and he absently tucked hair behind his ear…it had become long enough again.

* * *

 

Once L was back in the open hall he felt less claustrophobic and he could no longer smell the sick and unhealthy tinge that had been on A’s person. He stared at the door for a few seconds before he turned to walk back down the hall, not needing to go to Roger’s office anymore he was headed back to where he had seen Beyond, his steps were quick and light now that he was rushing, he wanted to get out of the orphanage for a short while at least.

He pulled the large back door open and gust of cold wind hit him along with a gush of rain and when he was continually pelted with it he realized it was raining in his direction, it all seemed a little déjà vu-ish, since he was expecting to find B under the tree and right he was since he still saw the figure there, when he stepped out and shut the door and felt the rain soaking through his clothes quickly and he managed to see Beyond standing now, under the tree.

He began making his way toward the tree, crossing the yard and L felt that lesser anxious feeling well up inside him as he approached and he watched Beyond, who raised his head when L approached and he clearly saw  B’s face light up. Once under the tree he wasn’t being rained down upon anymore but he was freezing cold and he saw B smile right when he reached out, taking a fist full of L’s shirt and tugging him forward.

For a moment L was shocked and thought B might do something terribly embarrassing…but he had just pulled him closer so he was more under the covering of the tree, of course B was less than a foot from him now and L noticed with a lazy blink that B was taller than him…still, even though he had grown in height during his absence.

“That was rude…” L deadpanned and stood up straight, unable to help the slight chattering of his teeth.

Beyond laughed and L’s stomach fluttered when he looked at the broad smile on the slender face as Beyond reached out a hand and touched some of L’s soaked wet hair, making droplets run onto his fingers.

“Why are you out-“ L paused and looked down when he saw something moving and as he stared down he felt water running down his neck from his wet hair when he tilted his head. Under Beyond’s shoe was the tail of a tiny brown garden mouse, its squeaks were lost to the sound of rain, but it was running and scampering with all its might to go free, making futile attacks to the shoes Beyond wore.

“I didn’t want to let it go…” he added in his lighter tone of voice but his eyes stayed focused on L but his smile had gone.

“Wammy’s doesn’t allow pets.” L informed and brought his cold hand up to scratch his cheek, which had several jet black hair strands stuck to it and across his forehead.

 L noticed that as usual B was elated to see him and it didn’t bother him much that B just stared at him, of course L stood up straight so he seemed less short and was almost B’s height.

“I didn’t want it as a pet…” B said with a lack of expression on his face and right before L’s eyes he stood off from the tree, trapping the mouse’s tail tighter beneath his shoe and with his other foot…he stomped on it very hard.

L had been staring at B’s face until B looked down and the small thud sounded, his grey eyes dropped to see the mouse’s little leg kicking its last and when B raised his foot its blood and tiny insides were visible in the short grass and it was mostly flat. Many words ran through L’s mind until he settled on telling Beyond that what he did was uncalled for…but the words never left his mouth as he raised his eyes to look at Beyond who had no expression still as he stared at the dead rodent.

‘ _It’s just a mouse…_ ’ L told himself in thought and he glanced backward to the doors of the orphanage, “…it’s cold and I need to dry off.” Was all he said, completely ignoring the little helplessly killed mouse, that he noticed out of the corner of his eye, B stomped further into the ground before finally leaving it alone and Beyond came to stand in front of him even after he turned around,

“I’m glad you came…it’s been too long and I was starting to miss you too much.”

L stared at him with no expression and he let his eyes trail over B’s slight smile and he saw the tension in the younger boys jaw…what did ‘ _miss you too much’_ mean, was there an extent by which B might snap and do something…whatever it might be, was there a limit and was it dangerous?

Did…L really care…because after that morning there were no long term repercussions so should it matter whether B snapped, he assumed the worst would be that Beyond may hate him, but for L that was a small price to pay.

He cast his eyes downward and the rain falling around them was the most predominant sound until B shifted and L watched his feet and listened to him breath,

“Let’s go inside.” He said and turned to walk away.

L had a mind to say that he did not take orders from anyone but he didn’t because it had been his idea originally to go inside so he followed B back into the rain and across the yard.

* * *

 

L had fetched the key to his room from Roger’s office and ignored the expression on the man’s face when he saw L’s clothes soaked thoroughly. He was now unlocking the door to his room and he pushed it open and stepped inside, it wasn’t too stuffy since it was cleaned once a week when he wasn’t there but it made him breathe a little shallower.

The light came on and he glanced over his shoulder at Beyond who had his hand rested on the switch, he stepped inside and closed the door after L who heard Beyond sniff and B heard L do it as well, both of their white shirts soaked, except Beyond had a black long sleeve on under his white shirt, so unlike L, his pale skin wasn’t visible beneath it.

They were both cold and the room was chilly as well, L watched as B reached his arms up over his head and pulled both shirts off in one go, they came off slowly since they were stuck to him but when he had it off he bunched it up before heading into L’s bathroom. L’s hands were idle at his sides and he ran them over the cold wet surface of his jeans as he felt water drip onto his shoulders, he noticed B was not as pleasant as he’d been outside and it left him feeling a little lost, he hadn’t remembered B being so volatile toward him.

He sniffed again and with a little frustration kicked his shoes off before bending to pull the dark wet socks from his cold feet and tossing them on the ground. The atmosphere was dreary now and while the room was lit and appeared warmer, with the rain, cold and over cast weather and including B’s sudden mood, it was still not a nice setting.

He didn’t look at Beyond when he emerged from the bathroom, L curled his toes into the carpet, disliking the feeling of distance between them, why did Beyond’s mood affect him so badly.

B came to stand beside him and L noticed he held a large dry towel, L’s finger came up to his mouth out of habit and he raised his eyes to look at Beyond,

“You should take your wet clothes off and change…” B said in that distant voice and L grabbed the towel held it, B didn’t move any further despite the rude action and he reached for the hem of L’s shirt, to which L smacked his hands away away,

“What are you doing?” he was just being moody because Beyond had been.

Beyond stood there and his shoulders were slouched, his skin was damp and L could feel the cold from it, everything suddenly didn’t feel very real, the room had already held more than a few awkward moments and L’s eyes drifted over to the door he had been pinned against last, yet even though being alone with Beyond had proven to him that he lacked the control to say ‘no’ and ‘stop’ right when it was necessary, he still chose to put himself alone with Beyond.

 _Sexual attraction_.

L was 17 now and he’d stopped denying it to himself a long time ago that he had an interest in Beyond that was not plutonic, it hardly mattered that Beyond was another guy, it was all dependant on what L wanted…or so he hoped.

“You’re cold Ryuzaki.”

“Not Ryuzaki.” Clipped and quick in reply and Beyond grabbed handfuls of his own hair and pulled it back from his face, closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh as he turned away from L, that name was beginning to upset him.

“Is something wrong?” L asked as quietly as he could.

“Every time you go away…every time…you come back and we aren’t the same…” Beyond’s voice was angry and a little crazed.

“We?” L asked tilting his head.

He felt cruel for playing with Beyond but he wasn’t willing to stop until he saw the rawest form of this boy who confused him and interested him simultaneously.

B turned around and his face was like L usually appeared when he was played innocent, except Beyond’s eyes held more frustration and tell tale emotion, he let his handfuls of hair go and it fell around his slender face, L noticed how it flicked out naturally, much like his own hair…he could feel the Beyond he disliked coming on, the fake.

“Right…we…you and I, L…me and you…we…us…you…I…that’s we…” B trailed off and laughed a little, “…you don’t…you just can’t…under…st…”

L just stared at him with wide eyes and he held the towel up when he heard B’s teeth chatter, he walked over and placed it over his shoulders having ignored the unsettling babbling,

“You’re cold…” L said again only distantly this time, returning to his mask and shell, “…it is unwise to remain wet, I would not like to be questioned for you getting ill.”

Business like…formal…backward…Beyond felt himself getting pissy just listening to L’s tone become more and more monotone and off hand, like in the beginning when he was just’ humoring’ Beyond after their first meeting.

The shock had obviously worn off for L, B realized that every time L went away he had time to gather himself, his thoughts, analyze Beyond’s actions and assume control over the situation. All of B’s hard work and time spent was wasted whenever L left him…was that it, or did it just need a jump start?

He roughly rubbed his hair dry with the towel and stared at the ground, trying to figure it out while not looking at L nearby, surely all of it wasn’t wasted, L had come here and approached him earlier with the relaxed manner Beyond had last experienced so it wasn’t gone, L was just…what…testing Beyond?

L had decided that Beyond had matured since he’d been gone, like he had had time to see the situation from an external point of view, B had too and obviously this had developed into something far more…complicated in Beyond’s mind in the time he’d been gone.

_‘Miss you too much’_

_‘We’_

It sounded like Beyond had become both dependent as well as forged a relationship with L in his head…he felt a tingle start to crawl up his spine as he watched Beyond rub harshly at his hair.

It was his fault…he overlooked…he avoided… he allowed …he accepted… he encouraged …he liked…Beyond.

All of the things he had realized and gone over time and time again in his head like a mantra for his sanity and clarity on where he stood.

He should have taken into account the fact that Beyond showed signs of mental instability from the beginning…overlook…avoid…allow…so on and so forth…

L blinked when Beyond turned to look at him,

“Would you like to play chess?” he asked without any enthusiasm and outside was the first thunder roll L had heard all day.

“No…” L responded with an equally dull tone.

The room got darker and the rain came down harder outside and Beyond seemed to relax a little,

“Can I get you tea then?” he was trying to be more pleasant.

“No, thank you.” L declined.

Beyond scratched his chest absently, and he placed his hand flat on his chest when he remembered he wasn’t wearing a shirt,

“I have to go and change.”

L’s hair was still dripping wet onto his neck and he had a delayed shiver from the cold when Beyond moved toward the door,

“I missed you as well Beyond…” he mumbled as he watched the other and touched the back of his hair to fidget, feeling the water sticking to his hand…he saw Beyond stop, “…perhaps when you return we can reconsider having tea.” He suggested also attempting to be more pleasant.

… _overlook_.

Beyond turned around and stiffly shoved a hand into his pocket that was stuck and wet,

“Yea…that’d be good.” His tone was not as dark and laced with frustration and L sensed the tension practically disappear completely just by those words. In the silence he watched a tiny smirk form on B’s lips, “…did you come because of A?” it was asked smugly and with confidence, so certain he’d not be confronted by L or ratted out by A.

“No…” L answered rather quickly, he didn’t want to think about the boy who smelled so sickly.

… _avoid_.

“…I actually came here to see you, I had hoped for the weather here to be better since there are more activities we could have done outside together.”

“Really…more to do outside…I suppose.” B said off handedly and didn’t sound convinced, “…there are many things we could do inside…together…you know…besides battl’-chess.” He joked with that cute lopsided smile L liked and the accent that he’d missed hearing, brushing the topic of A aside easily.

L felt his face get ever so slightly hot before he started to fidget with the cold material of his shirt.

… _allow_.

“Let’s please not go there…not after what’s happened before.” He tried to sound stern but he knew Beyond was feeling better and bolder just by seeing the sweet smile on his face,

“You said next time.” He informed with a raised digit which he waved at L.

“No, I believe you did…” he averted his gaze and silently stared at the rain beaten window pane.

“Does it matta’….I was right, yea…?” the confidence was appealing to L and even though he could have steadily told B that it would never happen again…

… _accept_.

“I’d prefer if you weren’t so forward about it.”

… _encourage_.

L didn’t even let himself think this time, preferring to accept his previous musings about his idea’s and feelings toward Beyond and to let them happen, no repercussions.

Beyond walked closer,

“Tha’s definitely notta’ no…” he held L’s shoulders but was pushed away firmly,

“I think it should be clear that we are not a boy and girl fraternizing, we cannot approach this so casually, it won’t be that simple.”

“Rules huh…wha’…no touching you?” he quirked an eyebrow as he took L’s words as a challenge.

“You don’t touch me as it is, so why should you start now?”

Beyond rand his hands from L’s shoulders upward to grasp his neck and the back of his head, his long fingers sliding into L’s dripping wet hair.

“Wha’ about when no one’s lookin’?” he leaned closer and L grabbed his wrists and pulled back as much as he could,

“What are you doing…?”

“I…don’t know…” came the strangely amusing reply.

Awkward silence…much like the last time they had been this close and L knew what he’d expected to happen and B knew what he’d been going for, but neither of them were used to it and even after the first time it seemed weird.

L did a strange thing right then and he laughed very shortly and quietly and Beyond’s entire expression became one of concentrated interest as he listened to it, L laughed and it was the most unusual sounds having never heard it before.

“I want to…” B started but didn’t finish and L was startled when B licked his face from his chin and over his lower lip…it had to start somewhere but it all just felt so strange to be standing in this room alone and…being licked, as B did it again L made a muffled noise of irritation when he felt the wet warm appendage run across his mouth and he pulled away,

“Stop licking me…” he said with frustration and yet still apathy laced in his voice.

“Do it back…” B said in a bit of a hurry and L frowned, letting his face contort into a genuine expression of disapproval,

“I will not lick you…”

“Open your mouth…” B said in a demanding tone.

… _like_.

It was strange but L did as B told and just like the last time, B’s tongue slipping into his mouth was both foreign and very sensational to his body at the same time, he hadn’t really wanted this again but then again, he had. B was still holding his face, quite tightly as if he would not let L move, L kept his mouth open and he kept his eyes on B’s face, and it looked very odd being so close and squinting that way.

“…hm…” L made a noise of protest when it became  too much again but B gripped his face tighter and tilted L’s head to the side like L had done the last time, making their mouth’s mesh better and B bit at L’s lower lip several times before L mumbled for him to stop it.

At that point they broke apart and L still had an expression on his face that suggested that was awful…B really hadn’t a handle on his actions and it would take some getting used to. L brought his wet sleeve up to his face and wiped his mouth and he looked at B who was still holding L’s shoulders.

“I’m not done.”

L grabbed B’s shoulders to try to stop him just as B grabbed him and flung his weight at L and they tumbled to the floor with a noisy thud, L grabbed at skin but B was heavier and he managed to find L’s mouth again which he licked at, his hands grabbing L’s hair and he felt L’s hands stop gripping his skin after a moment of struggling.

So he let up a bit but kept his face close,

“You’re not doing anything.” He informed and leaned above L on his elbows, L’s hands loosely resting on B’s sides close to his waist,

“What do you expect me to do?” L asked a little huffily and the smell of B’s skin was extremely noticeable and pleasant in the close proximity.

“Kiss me back.”

 **Kiss** …that was the first time the word had been said between them and it stuck in L’s mind as his eyes widened and he blushed suddenly, everything becoming more pronounced around, the fact that B was lying flush on top of him and that B’s skin was on his stomach which meant his shirt had ridden up, he realized he was not in control and when he noted that he suddenly felt a problem arising in his jeans.

“I like this.” B breathed against L’s mouth.

“I don’t.” L said back.

“You’re lying…” B stated and there was excitement in his voice.

L was lying.

“Get off me.” L said but he didn’t sound very certain.

“Kiss me back…” B started licking again and that time L found letting B’s mouth on his was becoming easier and more pleasant…and rougher.

B’s hands moved from L’s wet hair and he grabbed L’s forehead and the side of his face, turning L’s head sideways to accommodate his mouth and L felt B’s tongue moving as far into his mouth as it could go. L gripped one of B’s arms and also dug his nails into B’s side as well, forcing his tongue back at Beyond and before he knew it, he was no longer watching B’s face and his eyes closed.

He didn’t think of anything for as many minutes as they lied there, every now and then struggling involuntarily when Beyond roughly pulled his hair, their breathing was deep through their noses and L was for the first time in his life not thinking of anything except B’s mouth on his and B’s hair tickling his face, vaguely hearing the occasional and rather embarrassing smacking sound that kissing made and the sound of swallowing in between their kissing.

Beyond started laughing a little creepily as he separated from L’s mouth after a long while, catching his breath as well,

“I like this…” he nipped L’s mouth again while smiling very broadly and L‘s grey eyes opened slowly, he was extremely dazed.

L said nothing and he let B nip at his mouth, it was slightly sore every time B’s teeth raked over his pale already swollen lips but he remained silent, lying beneath B’s weight contented to be submissive,

Beyond was running his wet fingers over L’s hot neck and he seemed to be on a cloud 9 of his own,

“I want-“

A knock sounded on L’s door and B’s words were cut off, L blinked lazily and rolled his head over to the side to stare at the shadow of feet under his door, his hair still sticking to his face,

“Yes?” his voice was loud in the silence and very steady surprisingly compared to how jelly like his limbs felt.

“Someone said they heard a commotion, sir is everything alright?” it was a voice L had heard before but couldn’t place and didn’t care to.

Beyond was licking L’s ear and it was a little sticky and warm, much like the first time they’d kissed. L raised a hand and brought it up to push B’s face off him a little,

“No I am fine.” He answered and B turned to watch beneath the door until the feet shadows left and the footsteps were heard far down the hall and then not at all.

Once they were sure no one was outside the door L looked up at B,

“I’m uncomfortable.”

B sat up since he also needed to move and he sat next to L on the floor, he looked a bit upset now with what L said until he saw L’s legs bend upward as he was lying down and he very clearly adjusted his jeans so he’d be comfortable.

B snickered quietly and L looked at him dully but he wasn’t upset, he sat up slowly and brought one of his knees up to wrap his elbow around for balance.

It was still raining, still over cast and the weather was not going to let up and L sniffed before standing up slowly, his jeans still uncomfortable from the stiffness in his pants, B had the same problem but was content to sit and wait for it to go away, but that ridiculous grin had returned and so had L’s blush.

Why was he blushing? Was he really the only one feeling this way?

B was in control…so it made sense why L felt bashful; B had gotten it out of him…a kiss…a touch…a reaction.

L had liked it…

“I am going to dry off…you should go and change clothes so we can go to the kitchen for tea.” It started all over again and L was perfectly fine to do it that way…

“Alright…I’ll meet you down there.” Beyond stood up and stared straight at L, “…did I hurt you?” he asked as his smile faded but the excitement in his voice remained.

L didn’t understand why B was asking but his lip was stinging and his head was a little sore from the grip Beyond had had on his hair,

“…it’s fine…” L stated.

“You liked it?” B asked obviously hoping for a yes.

“I’ll see you in the kitchen…” L said quietly but paused and turned around to stare at B seriously for a second, “…you and I…would you say we are friends?” he asked the question he’d thought about earlier that day.

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected someone like Beyond to say, maybe just a bright and blissful yes because friendship meant closeness to most, but Beyond, who had been mulling over the fact that he knew L liked it when he was forceful, was pulled from his thoughts and his expression was close to disgust without really being,

“No…to me… **friend** is a filthy word…a nice name for those who you should consider your enemies. If you trust someone and like them then you don’t label them, they just are and that should count.”

It was another very strange thing that only Beyond knew how he came up with it…but as long as L understood that he and Beyond were not ‘friends’ but they just…were and it was important enough to them both, it was enough because truthfully, L didn’t need much more.

He nodded and disappeared into his bathroom quietly.

\---------------

L stared at his reflection in his bathroom mirror and he listened to the door shut outside in his room, he had red marks all over his pale lips and even on his chin and his hair was both wet and even more out of place than usual, his cheeks a bright hue of red and since he was so pale it was noticeable all the way up to his ears.

“This is ridiculous.” He told himself as he reached for another towel from the rack Beyond had found one on and started drying his hair and neck and slowly but surely L’s blush became deeper and he smirked.

Sexual attraction to Beyond Birthday wasn’t that bad at all…even if it was painfully obvious that something in B’s psyche was very close to crazy, which would be just one more of the never ending things on L’s list to **overlook** …

* * *

 

**That Evening**

 

B stood in front of his mirror in his bedroom for more than the hundredth time in months, hair and face set in the mask of L that he’d mastered but his mind was on earlier, thinking of the flushed cheeks and bruised lips on that perfectly smooth and pale face of L.

B laughed purposely but it wasn’t his laugh, it was the laugh he’d heard earlier, but he couldn’t get it right…no matter how many times he tried, it had been too short and quiet and get right just yet.

B sighed and looked around the room, he was wearing his boxer shorts and T shirt since it was after 10 pm and he was to go to bed soon, L had left after 6 pm, once they’d had tea, L had let Quillsh know he’d be there after 7 and they’d sat in comfortable silence.

As always it had irked B to watch him leave but nothing could be done, L had to leave…although B hoped one day he would have the freedom to follow.

He sighed and looked over at the empty bed that was A’s, he hadn’t been back since Beyond had shoved his face against the mirror in the bathroom and told him to look at his miserable face close up, that was about a week ago. A was already on the verge of death physically and B had seen no further dropping of his lifespan no matter what he tried, so he figured he should let A get rid of himself…or whatever was supposed to happen on the faithful day in bright red letters and numbers floating above A’s head.

As he moved toward his bed and sat down B’s mind wandered again to earlier, it was becoming hard to even push it from his focus for a second and after having L respond so positively, so positively indeed… it left him aching. Beyond’s mind was entirely too open to idea’s because when he glanced at his reflection again and slowly shifted into his L position, legs close to his chest and his thumb coming up to his mouth he had an idea that bordered on disturbed.

He was definitely convincing as L, the only people not fooled would be L and himself, since he knew who he was and L liked Beyond…not the mimicry of ‘L’. And it was becoming easier for B to differentiate between his ‘L’ personality and himself, hence the reason being around L and being himself earlier had been so natural, once they broke the ice.

He stood up from his bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door and placing a flat palm against the mirror mounted on the wall in the bathroom, he stared at his reflection and little by little he worked up the feeling and Beyond let his hand slide into his boxers as a grin broke out over his face,

“Beyond…” he said his name in a deeper more tantalizing voice…L’s voice, “…Beyond…”

It would have to do…for now.

 

 

 


	8. This Beast Has Come

_  
\- Lies , You are so much more than just human -_

* * *

 

Unsteady breathing filled the quiet of the stark white bathroom followed by an uneasy groan that sounded irate and even exhausted. Beyond’s head made a dull thudding noise as he leaned forward and his forehead knocked against the reflective surface, he could not look at himself right then…not again, not after standing in this mirror so many times a day doing the same thing for so many weeks that by now he‘d lost count.

He was beginning to feel sick of himself…feeling sick of this insatiable need to see and be with L and having to substitute it with this…well, he didn’t know what to call it but it wasn’t pleasing, not anymore. He had his eyes closed and his head dipped, his hair was pressed against the mirror, sticking to it from the clammy air and hanging around his pale face, his muscles felt weak and his skin had a very light sheen of sweat over it. Under the harsh bathroom lights during the course of weeks he’d spent his time this way, Beyond had started to feel pathetic and overly bare, so he had started running hot bath water to fill the room with a warm steam prior to…well…

He opened his eyes slowly and his grey eyes settled on his hands, one was idling on his bare thigh and the other was loosely holding his erect length. He was hurting, the skin of his penis, the soft tissue and even his testicles hurt, it was ridiculous and had he known consistent masturbation could cause a sort of spasm to that area, then he might have paced himself all these weeks. Instead of sometimes 3 times a day, perhaps he would have did it just once a day.

He closed his fist slightly around himself, he was still hard and having been in the middle of a bout of need, he wasn’t sure he could let this one go.

His mind had wandered so far these days that he had been fantasizing of L in some very absurdly sexual scenario’s and it was so exciting that this had been a sufficient release, especially since he could glance at himself occasionally and moan his own name in L’s voice to help it along.

He began moving his hand long his length, the slightly bumpy and rough inside of his hand made the friction wonderful and he closed his eyes again, breathing a small uneven circle against the mirror when he moved his forehead up to look at himself.

“Aah…” he groaned and closed his fist a little more as he opened his eyes and he was about to smile when a dull throb pulsed at the base of his penis and he stopped moving.

He let go of himself and slammed both his palms flat against the mirror, growling in pure sexual frustration and misery,

“…L.” he said quietly and let his hand slide down the mirror, leaving a disturbing trail of pre cum in his right hands wake, bringing it to himself again and he touched himself gently, stroking slowly before using his full hand again. He started to go quicker and this time when he felt the dull throb he didn’t stop. It was pathetic a sight, a pale, white, shaking frame of a lonely boy as he used self-gratification to keep his only need under control.

His legs wobbled and he leaned against the mirror, smiling now as he just let himself go and he pulled his hand forward, the thin skin in his hand sliding forward and backward easier as he came into his hand and some landed against the mirror, it smeared with his slower movements along his burning shaft. He clenched his teeth right afterward and turned around, pressing his back to the mirror and sliding downward with a sigh. That time was the worst of them all, it had become a task now, the climax wasn’t even enough anymore and as he felt his bare backside touch the cold tiles the rawness of the situation set in.

He looked down at the pitiful display of his mess and the pinkish slightly darkened skin of his softening erection, he had bruised himself and it was more than a little upsetting, he couldn’t go on this way. He quietly decided he would not be doing this anymore…for a while. He leaned forward and grabbed a hold of his boxer shorts on the floor to wipe his hands on and he was reminded of L without even provoking the thought. He rubbed his fingers harshly into the cotton and wiped them clean of the sticky mess, he sat hunched over, lips together tightly as he breathed through his nose in deep huffs.

He got to his feet and leaned over to drop the shorts into the hamper in the bathroom, now was the process of washing himself…it started to feel dirtier each time and he only wished he no longer had to suffer this. What he wanted exactly wasn’t overly clear, but he knew it had to do with actually having L there and not his own twisted reflection. Beyond actually no longer thought he looked like L at all…he hated himself a little more every time he was forced to moan his own name.

He didn’t realize how heavily he was breathing as he stood staring at his reflection from the side, deep hate reflected in his grey eyes. Beyond let his eyes trail upward to his name…floating…above…his head…

B e y o n d B i r t h d a y

Interesting as it seemed, he’d spent many days staring at his name, like he’d never been able to with L, because if L saw him staring he usually asked what Beyond was thinking about and it could not be answered fluently otherwise, so he usually just shrugged and didn’t answer. L had such a pretty name…it was so suited to his appearance and he’d bet anything that there hadn’t been a person to ever tell L what a pretty last name he had, what a unique first…initial and name he had. Beyond stopped loathing himself long enough to love the fact that he could see names above people’s heads.

L’s lifespan made him happy as well, it was well into L’s later years when he would die, Beyond assumed being 60+ meant L would die of gradual stress illness or something.  He moved into the bath tub and brought his legs up to his chest as he leaned his cheek against his knees, the hot water burning the underside of his bottom and upper thighs, his pale skin flushing a bit pink from the warmth.

He remembered when he’d first understood those numbers…someone had passed through the orphanage with numbers that Beyond recognized to be rather low…the very next day they had a ‘moment of silence’ in their early morning classes, for the boy who passed away just that morning. Being a genius, he didn’t need to wreck his brain to understand, and having memorized the numbers from that day before…Beyond had worked out how to read it.

He eventually started bathing himself, running more hot water and just letting it swirl around himself, the black hairs on his teenage legs shifting as the water moved from the opened gush coming from the taps, he trained his eyes on the little things sometimes, it helped him calm down. He often found that when he let himself get worked up, he felt prone to do something irrational, but he wouldn’t speak of it to anyone, no one needed to know that he had a few control issues. He took the cake of soap to his skin, lathering a thick layer over each of his parts, washing thoroughly and passing more than an hour as he did so.

When he eventually stood from the bath, the water a murky color from the over dense soapy texture, he was feeling better. He had been sure he wasn’t going to masturbate again, he was somehow even more sure that when he next had a sexual encounter…it would end with L moaning his name…for real.

Beyond used a spare towel to wipe the mess from the mirror as he smirked to himself…yes indeed, it would be L.

* * *

 

Months Later

Some time had passed…quite a bit in fact and Beyond had spent most of the time in the current week in his room. Avoiding L. He sat on the window sill in his room, a knife in his hand which he harshly stuck into the wooden window frame at steady intervals…taking small chunks of the wood away underneath the applied force of his hand.

An apple core lay on the window sill near his one foot which was on the sill, his knee leaning against the window pane and his toes tensing every time he drove the knife sharply into the wood.

The apple remnants were dried to the knife now, as the wood splinters stuck to the sticky surface, all he could see was the knife and feel the wood crack under each sharp stab. He heard loud giggles outside of the window and averted his eyes to the gathering of girls in the yard, though there were not many females in this institute, Beyond thought still that there were too many.

Watching them giggle and snicker made him think they were all empty in their heads, they were all dressed up as if they were going somewhere, probably to a mall or something, they were the older girls and where allowed to go out when chaperoned by one of the staff members. It was all so trivial, but the trivial things kept him from going over the edge, so he focused on them as he stuck the knife into the wood, damaging it badly as he did so.

When the giggling became too much he slammed his fist to the window pane harshly, causing it to actually crack slightly and the girls made a small shouting sound of fright, looking up to see one floor above the ground, Beyond, who was notorious for his moods, sitting and glaring at them.

They moved away quickly and Beyond knew they were probably saying bad things, but he didn’t care, he instead dropped the knife onto the floor and brought his thin hand up to touch the crack on the window pane, pressing his fingers against it hard hoping to push it to crack more…instead it merely left a tiny paper like cut under the soft pad of his index finger.

It seemed the day was just  _full_  of excitement because not long after he’d scared the girls away, the noise of running footsteps in the hall outside his door keened his interest. He got up, leaving the knife on the floor as he stepped passed it and walked to the door, swinging it open he watched the older boys and younger boys rush to the stairs.

He left his room, wearing a faded blue jeans and a grey T shirt, Beyond walked after the other kids, he wore shoes so he didn’t mind going outside.

Reaching the stairs, he vaguely glanced at the stair case leading up…L was up there…but Beyond didn’t want to see him, not while he felt so tense.

He didn’t want to fight with L, not when he was leaving soon…the 5 of August was his parting date…the very next day, he’d be leaving Wammy’s and returning, L had said, was not a sure thing any time too soon.

Beyond was at the ground floor before he knew it and he followed the stragglers outside, stepping into the yard.

He didn’t move passed there as he could see clearly from the doorway, the stairs keeping him above heads, a few meters away on the grass, two boys were fighting. B only stayed because he identified A as one of them fighting, it almost seemed a pattern lately.

Someone was tossed through the crowd and they spread, A jumped quickly on top of the boy, B didn’t care who it was, but he saw A very focused as he threw his inexperienced fists widely at the other boy, hitting him while making loud angered shouts. It was clear Ashley was not in his right frame of mind right then, being pushed over the edge made him become wild as he hit the boy, some blood became visible on A’s hands as he raised them, now even slapping the boy below him and B noticed the struggling hands grabbing A’s shirt was slackening. He was about to move closer to see the rage on A’s face…and more importantly the look of horrible shock when he realized what he’d done.

But he stopped when two teachers rushed from the doors behind him, half pushing him out of the way to get to the fighting boys, A was harshly pulled from the other child and the teacher slapped him hard when he refused to stop grunting and kicking and screaming. It was about all the climax they would experience as he watched A start to cry when the teachers lifted the other crying boy up and fussed about his beaten face. All the excited shouting died down and the kids, like the vultures they are with nothing left to pick at, left A standing there in his own morbid misery.

Beyond stared at him across the distance, not even looking at anyone passing him or the teachers taking the beaten child inside.

He started walking…his feet moving slowly and he could hear the grass crushing under his shoes as he approached the blonde boy, who had blood drops very slightly on his face and his lips were swollen, since he was worrying them with his teeth as tears spilled from his blue eyes. Beyond loved it, his eyes only widened the more of the sight he was able to absorb.

He came to stand about a foot away, Ashley was a little shorter than him and he wiped his face of expression, staring apathetically at his peer, Ashley was looking at him but also through him while he sniffled and shook like the pathetic child he was.

Ashley’s bright yellow shirt was stained with dirt and grass and while he had picked up weight in the past months, he still looked far thinner than he once had. His blonde hair was at his jaw by this time and it was splayed roughly over his face, sticking to the blood on his face and some of the spit he’d managed to get out when he was screaming, he looked quite a mess.

Beyond reached out and grabbed A’s shoulder making the boy start and pull away, it truly looked like he’d only just noticed Beyond standing there because his eyes were wide with newly lit fear.

“…B…what…” he started but was silenced when Beyond grabbed him again and when Ashley whimpered in fright, he laughed and shoved A backwards so he stumbled and fell.

Ashley curled up into himself, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he started to cry loudly.

“Why don’t you just do it already?” Beyond commented and turned to walk away.

Ashley raised his head, his blue eyes burning with misery as he watched Beyond walk away,

“Do…” his lip shook as he inhaled trying to calm his speech, “…do…what?”

Beyond stopped and he let his eyes move to the corner of his sockets, he still couldn’t see Ashley but he felt like he would start grinning uncontrollably guessing the expression on the others face,

“I was just speaking out of turn.” he said casually, since he’d noticed over the months that A’s lifespan refused to get any shorter.

He continued to walk away and he heard A shout,

“Do what B? Huh…answer me!” he shouted and Beyond ignored him, trying to figure out what he might do for the rest of the afternoon but deep down he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away from L very much longer…a need inside him was becoming worse by the second.

“…what!”

Beyond felt himself tackled just as he again heard the shouting and he landed very hard on the ground, winded instantly from landing on his chest and stomach, his entire front having connected harshly with the soil and he skidded, feeling what was obviously A’s body weight on him and A’s arms wrapped around his torso.

Beyond tried to breath and started coughing, his world a bit white with pain and he could feel a burning sensation on the lower half of his left cheek, obviously having been scraped against the ground. Ashley had really thrown all of his weight at B and it turned out it was enough to hurt and disable him monetarily as A had sat up and straddled B, trying with much effort to turn B over.

B flipped halfway over so his lower half was more on his side and he shoved A off him roughly when he saw the boy trying to lift his shaken and dirtied fist to hit B. A fell back and tried to get back at B who simply scrambled back and to his feet making A land half way on the ground, his hands gripping at the grass and mud angrily, scrapes from the soil when he’d tackled B bleeding and likely burning from the sand getting into them on his hands.

Beyond stood still for a moment, intense anger coursing through his veins and he was unaware that he was flexing his hands, his fingers tingling and hot and his eyes wide. A was not much better, his blonde hair was sticking to the saliva and tears on his red face and his blue eyes burned with anger as well, his entire thin frame shaking with rage.

Beyond had a thought…it included a violent image of him stomping A’s skull in and watching his eyes bulge from his head…but something stopped him.

Something that he knew had to do with jeopardizing his situation here at Wammy’s, these people didn’t know anything about him and A, their confrontations, only L. And since L was mostly on his side he knew deep down that he had far too much to lose at this point. A was digging himself a grave day by day and Beyond found he wouldn’t let himself interfere.

A had gotten up and he looked away from Beyond, clearly coming to some sort of sense and he looked over his dirty appearance and felt the muck and dirt on his face.

Beyond sighed inaudibly and his face relaxed, he turned again and this time successfully walked away, his lips twitching with a scowl and the wonder of whether he would actually be the one to kill A eventually on that fateful day glowing temptingly above his retched head.

* * *

 

Inside, the halls were buzzing with children, all talking about a broken nose and a bloody fight. Beyond ignored them and made his way passed the stairwell, only just by a few feet before he stopped.

He grimaced internally as he felt like he might just go back and take his frustration out on A with the way he felt, even slapping the boy around would help at this point.

But he back stepped and let his head turn to stare up the pale grey flight of stairs which led to another floor and then one above held his prize…the one thing he both wanted so badly and was afraid to see. He started climbing the stairs though, without any hesitation and as he got up one level the noise was greatly dulled down and he became alll too aware of his footsteps, his sneakers squeaking against the stairs as he climbed.

He was about to stick his hands into his jeans pockets when he felt the sand on his palms and he dusted them absently against his jeans, only to see the dirt and grass stains on his jeans and then his shirt and then he realized the burning he felt on his face and he touched a brownish palm to it and winced at the grated skin, so slight but sandy.

He stopped in the middle of the second stairs and leaned against the wall, taking a moment in silence to calm down, leaning his head back as he swallowed slowly and breathed, closing his grey eyes in a certain amount of exhaustion. It was hard to be a genius and a potential psychopath all at once…this was not the thoughts of B exactly, he preferred not to acknowledge his mentally unstable side, but ultimately it was clear that with a mind as brilliant as his but as twisted, the actual lines of normalcy and wrong and right blurred.

Yet Beyond could tell them apart when he needed to, it would become easier for him to blame it on insanity when he decided not to tell them apart.                                                                                                                                                                       

* * *

 

L had been undistracted recently, work had been his only objective because he knew he was leaving. He’d been at Wammy’s for a few days because this was where all of his personal affects, if they could be called such, were kept.

With three large suitcases lining the wall near the window and the small table, the only thing remaining was the standard furniture and the bed spread which L would not take, since L would be leaving the following morning only. Everything else was bare…everything was sterile clean and rid of anything that had once smelled of him and been a part of him. L was taking himself away from Wammy’s and he was pleased about it, he was 17 and soon when he turned 18 there would  be nothing left to tie him to the ‘stigma’ of a child.

He was in a very good mood, it wasn’t visible on his face since he looked quite bored and uninterested in everything, as he usually did, but otherwise, he was happy.

He tipped his head to the side and tried to sit up straight and stretch, he had both his feet on the ground and had been hunching over his lap top with his bad posture, it made his back far more pained than when he usually had his legs to his chest, but he ignored it and heard his body snapping softly at his joints as he stretched, his thin arms covered by his white sleeves reaching high over his head.

He brought himself back into a hunch and as he lifted his coffee cup, bringing one leg up out of habit and he rested his chin on it, sipping from the steaming cup generously and the sticky sweet liquid brought a small smile to his lips. He sipped further and when he heard a knock on his door he swung very slightly in the direction of the door in his computer chair and then back again and again in the opposite direction, falling into a swinging motion using his bare foot on the floor.

“Come in.” he said dully and watched steam rise from his cup as he held it to his lips, feeling the heat leaving vapor on his face. The door opened and L’s eyes slid over to the guest he had, Beyond stepping inside quietly and closing the door with almost no noise.

L watched him as he sipped the coffee again, bringing the swinging to stop as he faced Beyond on his computer chair,

“I had expected you sooner…” he admitted blankly and sipped his coffee again, loudly slurping as Beyond’s grey eyes caught his own in an open eyed stare.

He didn’t say anything and instead he glanced around the room at how bare it was, the bags obvious against the white walls made his stomach lurch a bit, he didn’t step any further into the room.

L’s eyes relaxed to a more normal size as he saw Beyond looking around and he removed his cup from his mouth and placed it down on the desk,

“Your clothes are dirty.” he was ever one to point out the obvious.

Again Beyond said nothing, giving his clothes a half interested once over and then he looked at L, who looked so calm and collected, his hair spread about his head and pale face, he’d grown, it was obvious, his face a bit slimmer and those oval eyes of his even more slight and soft looking.

L’s lips were red from the hot coffee and slightly wet from the liquid, it engaged Beyond’s mind so easily and left him thinking of the painful passed months. L stared back at him and he saw what was clearly a bitter look on Beyond’s face.

L thought it was funny how when he went away, Beyond seemed to lose focus of their situation, but when L had time alone, he seemed to grasp the whole thing so much easier.

He felt confident and easy going around Beyond now, their situation was ridiculous, the exceptions, touching, kissing and all the extra random things that occurred, and yet L had come to understand it, perhaps because he was holding all the cards…he was walking away, going and coming as he so pleased, whereas Beyond was left in place…waiting for him.

“Were you busy?” Beyond finally asked as his eyes fell on L’s laptop.

“No…I was not…” L answered simply and brought a hand to rest on his knee so he could chew at his thumb nail, his slim fingers tapping his knee as he watched Beyond.

Beyond looked away from L, he was so angry that L was leaving he simply could not relax.

“Are you mad at me?” L asked knowingly when Beyond again looked away and eyed the room.

“Yes.” came the short and sure response.

“Because I’m leaving?” L didn’t miss a beat.

“When will you come back?”

“In a few years…I have no business here.” he answered honestly.

Beyond wasn’t supposed to be offended, many times he’d reminded himself that L was callous and rude and candid and he didn’t tell half truths, whole lies probably, but when he told the truth, it was the whole hateful, honest and hurtful truth just as his lies were.

**Years.**

When Beyond said nothing L sighed and turned his chair back to the lap top, dropping his leg again, he took his mouse in his hand and started clicking closed the multiple windows he had had opened. Until he finally had everything closed and he shut down. The screen dropping to black after a moment and L noticed then in the reflection of his LCD monitor than Beyond stood right behind him.

He turned half way around and looked up at Beyond, seeing his grey eyes staring him down and the sad expression on his face didn’t really visibly affect L, but it did affect him, he looked away and found himself staring at a patch of dirt on Beyond’s grey shirt, mid torso,

“Where you in a fight?” he asked having now up close seen the red scratches on B’s chin.

He was mildly surprised when  Beyond kneeled down in front of him and buried his face against L’s stomach, his hands wrapping slyly around L’s waist as he rested between L’s jeans clad legs. L blinked down at the back of Beyond’s head and after a moment he brought his hands up and ran them through Beyond’s hair slowly, playing with the soft hair, which didn’t have a particular scent today and rather smelled of… well, hair, still it was Beyond’s body scented hair, a person’s own smell that was comforting.

“You don’t want to answer my questions.”

Beyond pulled back slightly and laid his face to the side, so L could see part of his face as he laid against L’s stomach, L leaning back slightly in the computer chair,

“Your questions are irrelevant and you don’t care to know the answers…” he mumbled, quietly smelling L as he was against him.

“I do, I wish to know why your face is hurt…” L piped up just audibly as he stared down at Beyond, the side of his face looking so soft aside from the scrape.

“When do you leave?”

L blinked,

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

Beyond’s arms shifted and L sat forward when they did because he anticipated him getting up, and he did, still on his knees however he looked at L, resting his forearms along L’s thighs,

“I’m not leaving then…” Beyond said in a manner L thought was childish.

“Well I give you permission to stay until later tonight…” L said with an odd smile on his lips and Beyond, while looking at L raised his eyebrows defiantly,

“Like you could stop me from staying.”

“Tch…” L sounded but he remained smiling even though Beyond didn’t, although he was happy L was being so nice to him and not playing the difficult act.

“I shall call Mr. Wammy and request fresh tea and perhaps scones, yes?” L said and tried to gesture that Beyond should move from between his legs but Beyond didn’t, he simply got up straight on his knees and pushed L back when he pressed his lips to L’s.

L pulled back and his hand came up to the base of B’s neck at his collar bone, B had barely got a taste when L pulled back and leaned back in the chair as Beyond was leaning forward,

“Beyond…” L said in a tone of scolding but B just offered him a small smile and blinked his eyes a few times for effect, pressing against L’s hand slowly and again, pushing L’s boundary, however lax it was, as he closed the gap and had his head tipped just barely up to meet L’s mouth.

It seemed instinctual this time as L let B kiss him, opening his mouth a mere moment later when B’s mouth was over his, Beyond leaning against his legs and L’s eyes slid closed.

It all came streaming back to him in a moment, the kiss they’d last shared and how the sensations of it left him reeling, and so now he pressed into the kiss slightly as well and let B have his tongue to suck on, Beyond seemed to experiment with his mouth even now, still learning how to best go about this business as he tilted his head a bit then straightened it again, bringing their noses to brush and Beyond pulling back, briefly if only to take a short breath and tackle L’s mouth with his head tilted the other way.

L’s hands had settled gently on B’s shoulders as he kissed down to B, who was still leaning on his legs.

L then pulled back when B stopped to breath and when B tried to initiate it again L stopped him with his hands on B’s shoulders,

“We cannot continue, it is day time, anyone can come up here and in this state it would be most inappropriate.”

“I don’t care…” Beyond said harshly and his face turned to an irate expression.

L spared him a disapproving frown,

“You will be here later again once Quillsh busies himself with retiring to bed, perhaps we shall kiss again later.” he said very candidly but B wasn’t having it, the instantaneous erection he’d gotten in the beginning of the kiss was making him very tense,

“…but I need this, you cannot keep…denying me.” he kept his voice low as he narrowed his eyes at L, more or less close to eye level straight up on his knees.

“I have done no such thing…” L injected authority in his baritone voice as he held B’s shoulders firmly, “…if anything I have been increasingly lenient.” his expression was bitingly final.

B stayed silent as L stared at him, his mind racing with past sexual frustration and the passed months intense sexual fantasies.

L was startled very honestly when Beyond face met his crotch and he nuzzled against the mid erect bulge in L’s jeans, he yipped and jerked causing the chair to fall over and he fell to the floor sideways, Beyond moving the short distance and crawling between L’s legs, managing to get as far as L’s neck before L, with a strange smile on his face, got one flexible and long leg between them, using his knee to push B off him roughly and then L rolled over and stood up quickly since Beyond was about to try again.

“You are pushing you’re luck.”

“It has nothing to do with luck.” Beyond responded confidently and kneeled back on his legs, looking up at L.

“Why do you misbehave, it’s so tiresome.” L said with apathy now and scratched his unruly hair while watching Beyond,

“Stop playing with me…I know you’re hardly as adverse to this as you’re pretending to be.”

“You’re assuming.”

“I’m certain.” Beyond broke into a grin that sent chills up L’s spine.

True, this game wouldn’t last much longer. There was no denying he reacted all too eagerly to Beyond’s sexual advances and both of them knew now that it was about sexual tension…there were no pretenses, L was just being stubborn.

But it raised the question…of what Beyond was intending, he seemed too confident to be talking about a few harmless snogging sessions.

A knock sounded again and L’s eyes closed and opened again looking just to his left at the door just a meter or more away,

“Didn’t I say I would be interrupted.” he stated for Beyond to hear and he heard Beyond smile rather than looked at him doing so.

L was sure that his jeans were not pressured and with a glance at Beyond still kneeling near the chair, he confirmed the same of the other.

As L stepped toward the door, Beyond stopped smiling and reached over to lift the chair up, noting a soft ‘Thank You’ from L right before he opened the door.

“Mr. Wammy.” L greeted and opened the door wider so the old man could step in, he held files in his hands and seemed intent on speaking as he stepped in, that was until his eyes fell on Beyond.

It was odd for Quillsh to see, certainly, that Beyond was on his knees next to L’s computer chair which he could only assume L had been sitting in just before answering the door.

“I didn’t realize that Back Up was here.”

Instant tension fell in the room and Beyond’s congenial expression become one akin to malice, if only for a second. He didn’t know that L and Quillsh had had disagreements about L’s relations to him, so to be addressed to coldly and with  _that_  name made his skin crawl.

L didn’t seem phased, but then he never did seem bothered by anything,

“Yes, I’ll be keeping B’s company until tonight whenever I decide to sleep.” he answered and Beyond saw Quillsh’s chin set in disapproval,

“Very well, I’ll only need just a moment of your time right now and then I will leave you for the rest of the evening.” he said since it was after 4 pm.

L nodded and Quillsh added stiffly,

“In private.”

At this L nodded again,

“Let us step outside then.”

Beyond watched with narrowed grey eyes, glowing intently with a different hint of color as he willed Quillsh Wammy to drop down dead, of course he had no such ability and the door closed him off quietly from L and the old man.

* * *

 

In the hall, Quillsh made an audible sigh to let L know this was not a pleasant situation, he hardly wanted to ask why Beyond had been on his knees and as an old man with a fatherly love for L, he also didn’t want to ask in case he found out more than he hoped to think of…ever. Since L was so brashly honest he was certain the answer might unsettle him and give him chest pains.

“I have the files of the new potential successors…” he began after a moment as he saw L staring at him blankly. When he said that however, L’s eyes lit up slightly, a light of enthusiasm,

“Tell me about them.” he enquired as he took the files in his thin hand.

“They have been in the respective Wammy’s institutes in their own birth countries, they are orphans of higher ability but had not been tested for this institute until this time, they have merely lived with the knowledge of the institute for gifted children here in London and been made aware they are exceptional after recent tests.” he told L briefly.

L knew that there were other intelligent children living in the various orphanages that Quillsh had established all over the world and only when they showed exceptional potential where they tested and if they were approved as the a part of the smaller ‘genius’ potential ratio, then they were moved to Wammy’s in Southern Winchester, England, to be trained and taught of the ‘L Code’ as it became known amongst the children.

It hadn’t been very many years of this, since L was the first and Ashley and Beyond were his primary and first ever attempts at successors. But Quillsh had always said that whether L ever needed a new successor or not, helping children who could potentially help the world, like L himself, would always be a responsibility for him.

But here at this particular orphanage, the most gifted would be brought in if L needed a new successor which was exactly what was happening now.

“They will come here and learn of my legacy?” L asked as he flipped the first file open, there were five files.

“No, they have actually been told of it, that L is affiliated with my orphanages, these children handle information like this quite maturely and I‘ve been told that for the most part, it‘s given a lot of children the incentive to strive since ‘L’ as the world’s greatest detective is some sort of a super hero to them.” he said dully.

“Well…that is rather corny.” he smiled and Quillsh did as well.

“Mail…” he read the name, managing to pronounce it right the first time as ‘Mile’ and not the obvious, “…am I supposed to pick one?” L asked thereafter when he opened a second file on a boy named Enrique.

“Yes, these five tested highest over these passed months throughout all international orphanages.” he nodded as L looked at him.

“Ah…well…” L opened each file and read the test scores. Some showed drastic differences in all of the many fields they were tested in and some showed similar ones amongst the five children.

One stood out, leaving large test score gaps to the rest of them and L lifted it in his meticulous way and held it out to Quillsh who took it and opened it,

“Hm, I agree.”

“Focus on him…he will be the first choice, please…evaluate his psyche closely as well, I don’t wish to have a repeat of A…or B.” he glanced back at the door vaguely.

Quillsh managed a very absent look of sarcastic amusement and then he nodded,

“Yes, I intend to…this one is frighteningly similar to you already with his introverted habits, I had feared it was signs of developing autism as he becomes older and more intelligent but only time will tell, he is only six after all.” he said looking at the photo of the albino child, pale and wide eyed in the photograph, his hair awkward and unkempt sitting just above his ears.

L nodded and pulled the second file he’d decided on and then a third as well, holding them separate from the other two resting on his arm,

“Well it isn’t unlikely with test scores like that at 6.”

“It’s far lower than yours were.” he commented.

“Hm…” L sounded and Quillsh just brushed it off as well.

L had been the exception to the general idea of intelligence crippling the mind. If a child or person was too advanced he was usually practically incapable of functioning, the higher brain function outside of the usual ten percent, usually left people with autism or disabled.

However there were people who had a balance, like A and B…and this new child and the other four in the files. They had intelligence which balanced out and yes, it left lots of room for them to become crazy or become dysfunctional and disabled, but it was a risk that could often be overcome with proper teaching and managing of their gifts of intelligence.

L on the other hand had changed that…with an IQ at 5 that had quite literally been unthinkable, the only thing Quillsh found odd about L at that age was that the boy didn’t sleep, or rather, he couldn’t sleep. Quillsh had asked L once when he was older, why L found that sleeping wasn’t easy…L never answered.

But how to sleep…when your mind constantly runs calculations and processes things that a person of even above average intelligence couldn’t begin to comprehend…

L could be anything…quite literally…but Quillsh had chosen this for him and even though it was hardly a task most days for L…it was not too time and life consuming but still a way of helping humanity…also it satiated L’s curious mind as a child and had grown in a pleasant career.

“Let’s have him second…“ he gave Quillsh the second file, “…of course he should be monitored as well, for both lapses in sanity and for the notes on his temper…tantrums at 7 isn’t unheard of, but it says ‘severe tendency to harm other children’.” L sighed and his eyes widened in momentary thought, “…if he cannot be controlled or tamed in any way that doesn‘t include medication, then he must be taken out of consideration…” he raised the third file,

“And for this reason…I think we’ll take a safe guard this time.”

Quillsh took the third file,

“A third option?”

“Yes, the third one is a few points below the German child in certain area’s and then far behind in others…but in 2 area’s…the more defined and specific and technical area’s, he has exceptional scores, he also seems to have a balanced personality…which is rather suspicious and I think he should be monitored closely…he may develop any sort of disorder as he gets older.” L was pointing at the file that Quillsh now held.

“Yes…I will have them all seen to very closely. I think you’ve made good decisions.” he took the extra files from L and placed them under his arm as he held the prioritized three separately.

“Once we’re in America later this week, I shall have made arrangements to have them sent to London. I may come back to see them, do you think you might like to?”

L didn’t hesitate,

“No…I believe the less interaction I have with them, the more likely they are to succeed.” he said honestly and then gave Quillsh a serious look, “…I think that if I remain a faceless super hero…then I can never disappoint them or make them lose sight of the goal of ‘L’.”

“Like Beyond.”

L let that statement linger and without an answer he made to turn around, his hand falling on the door handle and then he was still,

“Thank you Mr. Wammy, let’s get it right this time, yes?”

“Yes.” the old man nodded and took his leave, walking elegantly and quietly away, leaving L to reenter the room.

L opened the door then stopped when a thought occurred to him and he closed it again and turned to watch Quillsh walking away,

“Mr. Wammy…” he called.

* * *

 

Beyond had remained on the floor for about a minute, he couldn’t hear anything as all of the doors in Wammy’s were very thick wood. Not that he was overly interested, he assumed it was either some case or the other, possibly even to do with the move.  
The words ’back Up’ were still ringing in his ears…all of these names, who gave these people rights to giving someone else a name, who gave a parent the right to name a child…why couldn’t they make their own decisions…it was a childish notion, one derived from the bitterness of being called those cold words…like he was not a person but an object.

He had stood up and moved into L’s bathroom, not closing the door as he just wanted to assess the scrape still slightly burning on his chin. He stood in front of the mirror, opening the cold tap and rinsing his hands as he looked away from his reflection…his name bobbing above his head whenever he looked at himself now made him irate.

After washing his hands he bent over and started rinsing his chin with small handfuls of cold water, rubbing the sore flesh slightly, trying to take his mind off the words…the name.

Beyond Birthday…was that his name? It’s not as if he’d chosen it, it was just what he was told his name was since before he ever came here…

Ryuzaki…that was his own random concoction, there had been no real reason for choosing it other than that he liked it, having just learned Japanese fluently in his classes and tested it by browsing Japanese websites, he’d come across it by some reference and taken it as an alias…because L had an alias…even if ’L’ wasn’t really an alias since it was actually his name…no one knew that, he’d even thought vaguely at one stage that he should choose a last name to match Ryuzaki…but he’d yet to do so.

And then there was Back Up…it was vile and there was no explanation for it other than a gruesome lack of kindness…

Beyond stood up from rinsing his face and realized there were no towels in L’s bathroom, so he resigned himself to finding a clean patch of his shirt and wiping his chin, his eyes meeting his reflection again when he lifted his shirt and he paused…his eyes wide and he stared at his red eyes…faint but visible and the above.

Beyond released the piece of his shirt leaving a wet crease line as it fell back down and he touched both his hands to the mirror, his eyes rising as he leaned closely to his reflection and stared above his head… _nothing_.

His name…had disappeared…it was simply a red glow of  _nothing_  now, he’d never been able to see numbers above his head so there was  _nothing_ , a choked laugh escaped his lips as his eyes were rolled quite far up in his head…they closed and he pressed his forehead to the mirror and he grinned,

“Does this mean…I am a man who decides my own name as I wish.” he laughed short and gleeful again and then he heard the door open and he stepped back from the mirror and touched his damp chin absently, he glanced at his reflection a final time to make sure his name was not there…and it wasn’t.

Beyond heard the door close and left the bathroom.

* * *

 

Quillsh turned around and looked at L, who was standing with his hand on the door but it was closed and he was waiting for him, so Quillsh turned and walked back slowly,

“What is it?” he asked softly seeing a wide eyed but noticeably concerned expression on L’s pale face,

“I think perhaps this time…we should select names that are not as callous as the previous… **Alpha**  and  **Back Up** are rather offensive and I think it creates a certain amount of…grievances with the children involved.”

Quillsh knew L was referring more specifically to when he had called Beyond by his original Wammy alias, before he became known as just B.

“Very well, its agreeable, perhaps regular but fake names will be better.”

“Not too regular.” L chimed in with a tip of his head and he raised a hand to his mouth, “…we don’t want them thinking they’re John’s and Bob’s.” L said with notable distaste.

Quillsh smiled with amusement,

“Well, I’ll dust off my old imagination.”

L smiled in his odd way and nodded,

“Yes…I think you’ll come up with something suitable.”

“Of course…good afternoon L.”

L said nothing as Quillsh walked away and he opened the door again, stepping in to find Beyond sitting on the bed now.

“Thank you for your patience.” L commented and walked to the bed, passed his cold half cup of coffee at his desk and around to stand a few feet from Beyond, so he could see his face.

“It was no problem, I had some time to…” not wanting to admit being riled up by the pathetic name, “…clean up my face.” he looked at L as he leaned over, elbows on his knees.

L looked around the room,  
“We should go outside…the weather is more favorable to the outdoors than it has been in a few days…” he said noting the sun was not visible, but it wasn’t raining.  
Beyond looked at the floor,    
“Alright…” he said simply, not feeling like disagreeing with L right now and spoiling his better mood.

* * *

 

After about an hour walking outside, it was more than enough time spent outside for L by far, they made their way in through the kitchen doors, L smiling vaguely at the kitchen staff who had no clue who he actually was but greeted him as they would any person employed at the orphanage. 

As they walked through the kitchen’s L had back stepped making Beyond frown and follow him, only to see L turn and walk to a large tray of freshly baked poppy seed muffins. He looked cautiously around the kitchen, seeing all the staff were busy off at the far side and he lifted two, dropping them back down when he realized they were hot and he frowned deeply at them.

Beyond watched him with a tilted head and found it amusing that a man who was frighteningly intelligent couldn’t find a solution to carrying hot muffins.

He walked up to L, lifting a small side plate from a rack of newly still warm washed dishes and he raised it in front of L’s saddened grey eyes.

L looked at him and smiled as Beyond lowered it and placed the two muffins onto it and then he took L’s wrist and walked him from the kitchen before they got caught taking tea time snacks.

Once they were out of the kitchens and in the teachers’ lounge, L took the saucer,

“Your so clever.” he teased.

Beyond sported one his cute smiles making L stare at him as they stood there,

“That’s why you keep me around, yea?” he teased back.

L blinked but said nothing and B watched, his eyebrows rising as L bit into one hot muffin without touching it.

Of course it was rewarding to observe for two reasons, one being that L was adorable with warm moist muffin crumbs stuck to his mouth and the tip of his pointed noise and secondly because L’s made a cute face when it burned his mouth…but being the sweet lover he was, there was no chance he would spit it out.

B assisted by taking the plate as L slowly tried to get his burning mouth around the muffin bite and then giving the plate back with an indulgent smirk afterward, making L narrow his eyes at him.

It was a while later…after L had taken the time to let the muffin cool and then eaten it and allowed B time to eat the second one which B was surprised to find L had taken for him, they’d left the teachers lounge.

It was only just after six by this time and Beyond was anxious to be alone with L, every second he spent with the other boy made him feel just a bit happier and a bit more antsy at the same time.

So much time had passed over the years they’d spent together when L came and it felt like something needed to happen…because L was leaving for good and B was going to lose him.

“B…” L addressed him as a few kids walked by them, one or two looking at L with frowns since they recognized B who looked quite similar to L, but they didn‘t know who L was.

“Yes.” Beyond said as he watched the kids looking at them, thinking how utterly stupid they were for so called ’child geniuses’.

“Isn’t it dinner time now for all of you?”

“Hm…” B answered vaguely, seeing the kids taking a corner to the large eating room and L looked at him pointedly as he stopped at the turn off of the hall,

“You should eat something, I don’t have dinner when I can help it and I won’t be eating tonight, so you should eat now and then you can return to my room afterward if you like.”

“I don’t want to…I’m not hungry.” he said shortly and stared at L seriously, not a hint of ’maybe’ in the set line of his pale mouth and L found his hands fiddling in his pockets, he was about to say okay when they both realized someone was coming their way and would need to pass, so the stepped aside but the person had stopped walking.

“Hello A.” L addressed him plainly, one hand finding its way from his pocket to his lips and he placed his index finger between his lips.

A looked between them and his eyes were sharp and quick to notice the clear differences between B and L now that they stood side by side, L’s face was actually quite different to B, almost less chiseled but still defined, their eyes while being similar grey, were actually very different tones and B was actually slightly taller and slightly noticeably bigger as well, his shoulders a bit broader and it was probable he weighed quite a bit more than L might, A even managed to notice that he himself was just about L’s height but thinner.

He’d never mistake B again…no…B was nothing like L.

“Sir.” A said hoarsely and didn’t let his eyes linger on B at all, but he had to pass B to walk down the hall to the dinner hall, so for now he remained still.

L didn’t pay much mind to the fact that Beyond was practically sneering at the other teenager and he gave Ashley a long analyzing stare as he took a few steps closer, since he was hunched he appeared a bit shorter than the blonde,

“You’re looking much better.” he told him as stared at the blue mark on A’s cheek, “…but you still have marks?” it was a question.

A hadn’t moved back, welcoming the warm presence and smell of L as he stood so close, but he did move when L pointed out his bruise and he averted his eyes,

“Yeah, I got into a fight with one of the children today.”

“Was B involved?”

Every hair on Ashley’s neck stood when L asked that question and he glanced at Beyond and cleared his throat,

“No Sir.”

“Again you lie.”

“I wasn’t fighting with him I swear!” he said urgently and stepped closer to L and then back again, nervous and frightened to be seen as a liar to L.

“I didn’t ask if you had fought with him.” L said dully.

A opened his mouth and then closed it again, replaying L’s words in his mind, it was true…L hadn’t asked if he had been fighting with B.

He calmed down and decided to just be honest,

“…yes sir, B was there and I was…a bit temperamental and started a small but brief scrap with him.” he met L’s stare with his blue eyes and he saw no shame or disapproval, he actually saw nothing.

“I see, well, I’d like it if you and B refrain from such behavior, it’ll only be bad for you both in the long run.”     

“Yes, sir.”

Beyond scoffed and L ’s eyes dropped to the ground when he heard it, A watching L’s face intently, he still saw no expression and then L looked at him again,

“You are a brilliant child, you have incredible potential and I would like to see you again one day when I returm, perhaps you won’t be my successor…” L said honestly, “…but you will not be a statistic either.”

A was listening…he remembered L had basically told him before that he was out of the running for the ’L Code’ months before…but he only took note of L saying  ‘when he returned  _one day‘.  
_ “Are you leaving again soon, sir?” he question and tucked his hair behind his ear, not noticing how Beyond was boring imaginary holes into his head as he glared at him, thinking of what a pathetic  **dead**  statistic Ashley would become.

“Yes…possibly for an indefinite time.” he answered shortly and made to turn around, Beyond twitched and A stepped forward.

He wrapped his arms around L’s neck, the back of L’s shoulder against his chest from the awkward angle and A clutched to him. L was stiff and his eyes were on Beyond, who looked infuriated by this, so angry that L almost sensed the desire radiating from Beyond to attack A, who was holding L quite softly and L could faintly hear his heightened, quick breathing against the back of his shirt and neck. He waited, not responding and a bit uncomfortable with the random unexpected physical contact and eventually A released L and stepped back, his head lowered and Beyond finally couldn’t contain himself and he stepped forward, shoving A in his chest and grabbing L’s wrist.

A watched with a slight frown and a hand to his chest as B roughly pulled L and then L fell into quick step with B as he was pulled along…L just…went along with B and then they were out of sight and he was left, with the last sight, smell and feel of L that he’d ever have the pleasure of experiencing.

* * *

The only sound that was present between L and B from the time they left the scene until they reached L’s bedroom door was the sound of L’s socks, B’s shoes and their jeans chafing material as they walked hurriedly, L’s eyes moving to look at B ever few steps as his wrist was held firmly by Beyond’s thin hand.

Once the door was opened, L walked inside and Beyond let his wrist go following him in, the door was shut and B’s hand easily found the key in the back of the door and he clicked it locked.

Then it was silent and L stared at him, seeing that Beyond was seething quietly he watched with a bit of interest and B mumbled something under his breath and then shook his head once or twice before his breathing started calming.

L decided Beyond was calming down and so he walked over to the bed and switched on the bedside lamp so there was some light, he scratched his arm absently, then moving over and pulling the curtains of his bedroom closed until he eventually stood and waited for Beyond to say something.

It was still early but it was dark outside.

“Are we done with walking around  _outside_ now?” Beyond said quietly and L blinked at him, raising a single thin black eyebrow,

“I suppose, shall I call for tea from the kitchen staff…perhaps something for you to ea-”

“No…” Beyond said firmly when L stepped toward the phone, “…I told you I’m not hungry.”

“Alright…what shall we do?” he asked but somewhere deep down he knew by the strained look that B was giving him, that B had something in mind. When he started walking over to L it wasn’t rushed and when B reached him it wasn’t rough, B grabbed his upper arms gently in his hands and held him like that as he kissed L’s mouth and then his cheeks and then his mouth again and L allowed him to.

He knew B had been waiting for this time alone and so he didn’t push him away, letting B have at his mouth every time his lips met L’s, kissing B back as much as he could with Beyond’s fleeting kisses. Their breathing had increased and L’s hand grabbed at B’s shirt for balance as Beyond started pushing him backward. He stopped this after a few steps and he pulled back and started taking off his shirt, L stared at him.

When Beyond grabbed him again and pushed him backward L was caught completely off guard and most of his weight landed on the bed his lower half slightly supported by his legs, he had nothing of Beyond to grab that time since he had taken his shirt off so he just fell backward and then tried to sit up.

Beyond kicked his shoes off easily and was left with socks and just like in one of his very intricately detailed fantasies, he crawled onto the bed and grabbed L’s jeans clad legs, bringing L right ways on the bed and then he tried to get back to kissing L, but wound up grappling with him for a moment, L’s hands pushing at his shoulder and his chest and he turned his face away and Beyond snapped…and hit his fists either side of L’s head, L faced him directly and his grey eyes now seemed to be an inky black, dark and narrowed.

“Why won’t you let me…why do you play with me?”

“What are you trying to do?” L asked him straight up.

B sat up over L, one leg half way over L’s legs and he grabbed L’s jeans button harshly and started opening it, L grabbed his hands and Beyond smacked them away and then L smacked his hands away and Beyond grabbed his own head and breathed deeply and angrily.

There was silence and just their breathing, L underneath Beyond who was half way straddling him, Beyond grabbing fistfuls of his own hair, L staring up at him and watching his bare chest rise and fall,

“You’re going to leave me tomorrow…won’t you just let me…” he trailed off and L narrowed his eyes.

“Let you what, Beyond?” he asked.

“Let me…just let me…”

“What?”

“Have you! Damn it L, let me have you!” he had removed his hands and he stared at L with an open expression, his eyes revealing an urgent need and the creases in his frown showing need.

L stared up at him and he closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again, seeing Beyond staring at his chest absently, his eyes half lidded and his breathing calming down. L was tempted to ask  **what**  exactly Beyond meant by that…but he knew and like he had noted earlier, he could no longer play these games.

Sex…was the only way this could have gone ultimately.

So L resigned himself to it, even though he had no idea what homosexual sex would be like, he knew the basics of how to do it and he didn’t doubt that if B was this eager, he probably knew it as well, if not more. It wasn’t as if L had had any sort of sex before…so this was all new, but he knew he enjoyed B’s closeness and so...this was…inevitable somehow.

Beyond saw that L was no longer struggling so he grabbed at L’s zipper now and tugged it down harshly, moving off of L so he could yank the jeans down his long pale legs, revealing his grey briefs and the dark black hairs on his legs. B tossed the jeans aside as he stared at L, noticing that L was not fighting him at all, he no longer needed to be so rough about it.

A small feeling of happiness welled in his chest as he straddled L’s half naked body again and he leaned down, his eyes meeting L and their breathes meeting as well and when he kissed L, L’s hands came up and slid into his hair as he kissed Beyond back.

It was sad in a way because B knew L was leaving and this was a parting gift of sorts, but it felt so incredibly good to be given this privilege…this power…this  **possession** , L would be his after this.

He kissed L deeply, his tongue going as far into L’s mouth and tasting as much of him as possible, still only their breathing filled the silence of the room and the slight sounds of kissing.

Beyond sat up again and he saw L’s erection through his underwear, Beyond didn’t pretend to be bashful and he pulled the elastic up and over L’s length, it was rock hard and as it lay untouched, it was pink and engorged against his black pubic hair.

Beyond pulled L’s underwear down and then tossed it aside, he was comfortably between L‘s legs, he looked up to find L staring down at his own nudity.

Beyond then started reaching for L’s shirt, he wanted every piece of clothing off so he could see the expanse of pale skin, L helped him and eventually his shirt landed on the floor somewhere and L was naked, his grey eyes kept averted from Beyond as he leaned up on his elbows.

Beyond stared…for a long while, licking his lips a few times before he leaned down, to the point below L’s navel, his chin brushing the head of L’s erection and making L jerk slightly, when Beyond breathed his hot breath against his stomach, then he kissed, following the fine trail of hair below L’s navel and kissing occasionally upward until he came to L’s midsection and he breathed a happy ‘thank you’ which made L look at him with wide eyes.

Beyond sat up and when he looked at L, L looked away again, it irritated Beyond, but he was too focused on the hot stickiness inside his jeans and it was making him uncomfortable, he got to his knees and undid his jeans, he sensed L’s eyes on him as he moved to sit, lay, pull his jeans and underwear down and then toss it aside. L stared at Beyond’s naked body with no expression, just his eyes on the flesh, Beyond was another boy like him, it was nothing he couldn’t have guessed was there.

But he couldn’t have guessed how he would react to it as he felt his erection throb and shift with the rush of blood pulsing through it. Beyond sat up again and lay beside L, not catching L’s gaze as it was averted, he brought his hand up to turn L’s mouth to him, kissing him, uninterested in his tongue trailing over L’s lips as he kissed L’s whole mouth, not limited to only the inside, L frowning at this messy kissing that Beyond seemed to favor and while it seemed unpleasant, every second that it was happening, L felt the stickiness forming a small puddle against his lower stomach area.

He also became aware of the fact that B’s bare legs had moved and he felt them slide against his own, the roughness of the hair on their legs strangely felt absolutely wonderful as his skin tingled, feeling Beyond moving closer as they kissed. It went on that way for a while, then Beyond’s hand was suddenly on L’s stomach and then the cold fingers touched his hot erection and he was distracted from kissing, his eyes opening and looking at B’s fingers slowly taking hold of his length.

Beyond did what he might usually do to himself, wrapping his hand around L’s length and moving it up and down with a firm grip, watching L’s foreskin move backward and forward just barely in this erect tightened state, he could feel it throb in his hand as L stared at what he was doing, Beyond stared at his face and watched how L’s eyes were slowly closing at the friction.

He wondered if L had ever done this for himself and something immediately answered a ‘no’ because L wore a slight frown and a deep blush and it just wasn‘t imaginable. He watched L’s legs shift apart slightly when he increased pace and L turned his head into Beyond, B could feel L’s soft hair against his face.

But B didn’t stroke L for very long and it was just enough to have L’s entire body keening for more, just like B usually teased himself only to go on and finish soon...in this case…he couldn’t predict the outcome.

Although…he knew…

…L wanted this…he may have said no and then yes and then no and then maybe…but B had known that L wanted this, in some distant part of his brilliant mind, L had known this would be the result…they had to have this…they both knew it.

When B stopped stroking, L gave out to the strain in his shoulders and he had to lay back down, so B was looking straight down over him, L kept his eyes shut, a bit embarrassed,

“What happens now?”

That question made Beyond blink and he blushed, with the shadows over his face it wasn’t noticeable and beside that, L wasn’t looking at him.

“I think…” he started but instead chose to move his hand, sticky from L’s pre cum and he used his other hand as well, to try and roll L over slightly, expecting that L would, and he did, take the hint.

L sat up again and he rolled onto his side, swallowing deeply and questioning this entire thing in his mind and then he piped up,

“Beyond…”

“Lay flat…” Beyond said quietly and L closed his eyes, reminding himself that this had been inevitable and so he did, rolling over completely onto his stomach, he leaned on his elbows.

“…your legs…L…can you…”

“Beyond…I am not certain you know what you’re doing.” he said finally, his voice sounded so small with only the headboard for him to look at and the awareness that his bare body was in plain sight of Beyond.

“I know what I‘m doing…” he mumbled and L turned around half way, his lower half more or less still flat but he was looking at Beyond now and L’s eyes focused on Beyond, who was straddling his lower thighs and L stared watching B work his thumb against the head of his own erection and then after some strokes Beyond spread his pre cum over the tight skin of his length.

L turned back and he looked blankly at the bedspread, his breathing increasing a bit as his nerves set in…that was Beyond’s erection…it was not out of the ordinary in size but it was large enough by average standards…and that was supposed to go in L’s…

“Beyond…” he said again and his voice was lost under Beyond’s when he spoke,

“Could you please…get on your knees and…” he didn’t finish, a bit embarrassed himself to ask L to bend over.

For a split second L found himself wondering why the hell he was the one on the bottom???

Then he realized that as annoying as it was to admit…he had in some way instinctively just accepted it without a word…he supposed this was just the way he felt with regard to B.

Submissive.

“L…please…” Beyond sounded a bit desperate now and so with a small grimace L got up and onto his knees, deciding he would not look behind him, he was on all fours, fully aware of what Beyond’s situation was behind him.

“Can we switch the light off?” he asked.

Beyond wasn’t looking at him but he frowned,

“I think it would be better for us both if I can see what I’m doing.”

L’s mouth twitched as he frowned deeply…this was rather frightening when he thought about it.

“I feel a bit awkward…”

“It’s fine…I’m ready now…”

Beyond looked at the amount of pre cum he’d worked up, it was all over his length and yet his hand was still coated with it,

“I’m going…to…” L heard Beyond say and then he jerked forward when something cold touched him directly to what he knew to be his anus and he was suddenly breathing frantically with fright.

“…touch you.” Beyond finished, his index finger and middle finger stuck together with pre cum as he held it in midair.

“I don’t think-”

“L, I have to touch you…relax.”

“This is ridiculous…” L said angrily and looked over his shoulder slightly, having sat down on his legs now, facing his back to Beyond.

After a short moment L sighed, knowing he was being extremely immature about this,

“Your hands are cold…” he mumbled.

Beyond still said nothing and L…wordlessly, got up again on all fours and hung his head, gritting his teeth silently at how embarrassing this was, and he didn’t know quite why.

“Could you spread your legs please…I need to see…” he mumbled to L…who noticed how withdrawn B sounded all of a sudden.

He’d obviously made Beyond feel more awkward than he did.

Again…when L had accepted all of this…he knew…he knew exactly where they would end up, he could even admit inside his mind that he expected he’d be the one in  _this_  position.

He felt Beyond’s weight shift and L spread his legs, fully aware of the cold air between his cheeks as he was exposed now completely, his teeth still forced together.

Beyond was exceptionally turned on, to the point where his voice was even a bit softened, seeing L this way, exposing himself this way and waiting for Beyond to continue…it made Beyond wonder if L cared so much for him…did L  **love**  him?

He held his erection and he pressed it against the very small and pink opening that looked more like a little pink line puckered with skin, he himself questioned how on earth he would get his penis inside but he knew…logic and general knowledge told him it was definitely possible.

L found his mouth tensing a bit more and he pursed his lips, hot soft skin pressed against him and he was all too aware of what that was.

It seemed like long moments but it was actually not more than two minutes during the time which Beyond analyzed and tested the predicament, he noticed when he pressed forward, that there was room to actually get inside…it just mattered how much pressure and how easily it would happen.

And so he began a tense process, where he placed his one hand on L’s pale white cheek, his fingers digging into L’s flesh as he held his erection and pushed forward, Beyond’s mouth hung open slightly as he felt and watched the head of his erection push and open the first ring of muscle to L’s entrance.

L was gripping the sheets so tightly, already feeling intense pressure and there was vague pain, he wondered if this was the worst of it.

Beyond was lucky he had produced so much pre cum, it was making it so much easier to slide in and then it became extremely hard to push for a moment and their breathing was echoing around him, deeply but Beyond pressed forward against the slowly opening orifice.

“…Be…yond…I-ah!” L’s eyes shot open and a deep and low cry of sheer pain rushed from his mouth, his hand thrashing out as he slammed his palm to the head board and his mouth hung open, his face turning red from the pain.

Beyond on the other hand, his eyes closed when he felt in a short moment, a feeling of a pop almost and his erection had been sent about 2 inches in easily, he’d seen L anus stretch easier around him after that and then it was just a warm and  **tight**  feeling surrounding part of his erection.

L couldn’t hold it, his knees gave out and he fell forward, his arm bending and he dug his fingers into the head board with his other hand, his face landing in a pillow and L’s eyes teared, he bit into the soft white pillow as the pain shot up his spine. Beyond had dropped with him, losing some, not all, of the depth he’d made and it had only hurt L more but Beyond was still partly inside. He was now leaning on top of L, keeping himself up with his arms straight, palms pressing into the bed and L’s butt cheeks were rubbing against the part of his erection that was unsheathed making him tingle with need.

L said nothing but B sensed he was in pain, the problem was, Beyond was losing feeling from the tightness and if he didn’t move soon, loss of feeling would lead to loss of erection, which was not an option.

“L…I want…to move…” he breathed out and leaned on his elbows, his face more or less between L’s shoulder blades, L was shaking.

Neither of them considered or knew of preparation…relaxing of muscles…but they’d made it this far and Beyond was so dizzy with lust and need and sensation that he couldn’t let this go.

He placed a wet kiss between L’s shoulder blades and felt him shiver.

L could feel the saliva on the pillow from where he’d been biting and when he pulled back to breath he felt the wetness from his tears on his cheek when he lay his head sideways on the pillow.

There was no point in turning back now, not when he could feel Beyond’s erection part inside him and he’d been penetrated already…that pain was obviously the feeling of being stretched, at that time not knowing about the second ring of his anus being tighter than the first, he really hadn’t known how bad it would be.

“L…please…” Beyond desperately needed the go ahead and so L, shutting his eyes tightly and groaning in discomfort, he mumbled into the pillow and Beyond identified his words as ‘okay’.

He laid his chest against L’s back and put his strength and focus on his lower half, his hands coming to be directly beside L, one near L’s own hand and the other gripping the sheets, L still had one hand on the head board as he buried his face into the pillow.

Beyond moved inward, hard, pushing more than half himself into L and L cried out into the pillow, his one leg instinctively moving, knee digging into the sheets as his lower half raised with Beyond and his leg bent up and stayed that way, making room for Beyond while all L wanted was relief from the pain, feeling himself stretched further with shots of pain all through his body.

Beyond again moved inward and with a deep exhale he was fully sheathed, feeling L’s tight anus ring around the very base of his penis he knew he’d made it all the way in.

L was choking on his silent cries…he was actually crying, his body shaking.

Beyond moved…outward, L groaned and shook and then inward and L’s entire body tensed and his lower half raised to accommodate Beyond’s movements, he felt it fully every time Beyond moved in or out, he felt the stretch and pain and only slight relief of pressure when Beyond only moved half way out.

It became a rhythm and L was breathing deeply and gritting his teeth, his eyes shut, against the pillow and his mouth away from it as he breathed painfully, both his arms now underneath him bent, his forearms flat against the bed. He felt Beyond’s intense body heat above him and the intense burning every time Beyond thrust…breathing against the back of L’s neck and occasionally letting slip a pleasured groan or grunt.

B’s movements became erratic because of the relentless tightness and friction, he thrust as he felt it suited him as he ached all over, breathing with his mouth wide open and his fingers digging into the sheets, Beyond was even nipping L’s skin every time it welled and he felt the knots in his stomach and the heat and the tingling…then he’d slow down…savoring it, stopping the buildup.

L was silent aside from his breathing and the pain in his tight jaw from grinding his teeth together…completely void of any awareness beside the pain.

It lasted longer than expected and when Beyond finally came…he pushed himself as far inside of L as possible and held himself there…shaking as he lay above L, his fingers relaxing and he slid them along the sheets to touch L’s side softly, most of his upper body weight resting on L as he felt his body weaken with pleasure.

L was still and quiet…just soft breathing.

When Beyond felt his body regulating from the blur of pleasure that was his intense orgasm, he raised himself up on shaken arms and legs and he watched with half lidded eyes and he slipped from L, still half erect but quickly softening.

Looking at L’s entrance, the sight was still a turn on but he doubted L would think so, the swollen rim of L’s anus red and raw, decorated with his thick white cum and visible traces of blood…considering L was still unmoving, Beyond became concerned and he touched L’s lower back gently as he straddled his thighs,

“…L…” he asked quietly.

They stayed that way…Beyond watching L breath as his back moved with every breathe, he didn’t know why, but he started rubbing L’s back very lightly and then not long after that L shifted and Beyond stopped, sitting up as he saw L get back up on his elbows and then L turned his head a bit, so Beyond saw only his mouth, his hair covering most of his face,

“I need to turn over…” he spoke quietly and his deep voice was hoarse.

Beyond moved quickly and then in a futile attempt he helped L turn over just by touching his legs and moving him hardly at all.

When L was turned over and flat on his back again he made a visible grimace, keeping his legs spread and not all that interested in his appearance at this point, he lay his head back and B saw his beautiful face…yes Beyond thought L was beautiful.

L’s lips were drained of color from the pain…clearly, his entire face looked strained and his forehead still held a frown…but he was so incredibly beautiful to Beyond.

He looked at L’s completely flaccid penis, he’d obviously had no pleasure at all and this bothered Beyond…he hadn’t known how much he had done wrong, so he hardly understood why L felt nothing good. He took a hold of L’s penis and he started to fondle it lightly, using his other hand he touched L’s scrotum, like he would do to himself to become excited.

L became angry very quickly and he opened his faintly colored eyes, strain visible even in his irises,

“Stop it! I’ve already let you have me as you asked…” he shouted but in a low harsh tone and Beyond flinched with a grimace but he didn’t stop and L made a distressed sound and seemed like he would sit up so Beyond did first, leaning over L and with one hand he pushed L down, seeing a flash of misery in L’s face, so many emotions now that L had been made so vulnerable,

“Please…this is for you…not me.”

“I don’t want this, enough touching…” he choked out, looking Beyond dead in his eyes.

Beyond kept stroking, feeling the beginning of L’s erection coming back and L groaned miserably again and his hands raised to cover his eyes,

“Please…just sto-”

Beyond kissed him and L felt tears rush from his eyes…Beyond felt a lump well in his throat as he felt like he might cry, what had he done to L? This was not L…or it was, but this was a sad…hurt and very unhappy L.

All the while he stroked, rubbed and played with L, feeling L become completely erect after a while and then he started a rhythm with his hand firmly around L‘s erection, his tongue finding its way rather forcefully into L’s mouth and when he opened his eyes for just a second he saw L’s tears running over the side of his face, but he was still allowing B.

 **Allowing**  him even when it was clear L really didn’t want this-

L breathed into B’s mouth deeply and he felt L’s hips jolt up into his moving hand just briefly. He pulled back from kissing and L turned his face away, opening and closing his mouth, fighting to stifle any sounds as feeling started returning to his body slowly…Beyond saw a flush creeping into L’s cheeks…

He smiled very slightly and focused on his hand, keeping a steady rhythm as he stroked so L didn’t miss a beat of sensation, Beyond busied himself with a small kiss to each of L’s hard nipples and he saw L’s head shift to the opposite side quickly, throwing his soft black air over his face and then his hips moved again into B’s hand and his mouth opened and a deep breath came out, L’s eyes opened briefly and Beyond saw how completely dazed he was.

Beyond was an expert masturbator…and it was paying off.

He watched L’s face, teasing just a bit as he slowed his hand and then squeezed and jerked up and down, running his thumb over the swollen and pink head of L’s erection, L’s hips jolting up signaling he wanted more,

“…Bey…ond…” he said in a harsh tone, a demand.

Beyond regained the pace, still kissing…sucking at L’s nipples to keep himself busy and L didn’t seem to mind as he made small breathes when B would do this.

Then L let go, shaking…shivering, it felt like a hot and cold sweat to him and Beyond watched L bite back a sound, teeth clamping down onto his bottom lip and he arched so his head went back into the pillow, his knuckles turning white in his grip on the sheets.

L’s first orgasm…and he deserved it.

Beyond’s eyes trailed to the hot spurts from L’s erection, all over his hand and on L’s stomach and even reaching Beyond’s chest as he lay so close to L. Eventually…it was silent again and L was breathing heavily, Beyond breathing softly, completely erect again himself just by this display…but he was fine…he could let it go…just to enjoy this.

L brought his hands up to his face again, his hands now red from the blood rushing back to them  and he wiped his hair back from his eyes, keeping them closed still, he felt sweaty…sticky…hot…he felt so sleepy and warm and yet he was still vaguely aware of a dull burning in his rectum…but overall…he didn’t feel as bad as he had 10 minutes ago.

He licked his dry lips and L suddenly felt Beyond’s weight on him, Beyond’s arms sliding either side of his head and Beyond’s face nuzzled his neck, L’s eyes opened and he looked at Beyond’s body on top of him, he could see the expanse of B’s back right down to the lump that was Beyond’s round rear.

Beyond was kissing his neck and shoulder and holding him and even though L’s legs were still spread a bit embarrassingly for Beyond to lay on top of him, he didn’t mind.

He liked the warmth covering his bareness and he liked the soft lips against his neck…L brought a hand up to stroke Beyond’s hair, slightly damp with sweat from exertion, and his other came up to rest on B’s back gently.

The night was barely upon them…it was before 8 pm.

But L was half asleep as it was, B’s warmth lulling him into it and the satisfied feeling in his body.

B was pretty close to sleep as well, but he’d see L rest easy first.

After some time later into the night, after 10…Beyond had gotten up, aware that he could not be found this way when Quillsh came to call L for breakfast. He didn’t bother to clean the dried messes from himself, he merely dressed in quiet. He didn’t wake L who was splayed out with a sheet half covering him and his face completely void of expression as he slept easy.

Beyond covered L…watched him roll around a bit and then settle into the bed completely submerged in warmth and blankets…all of the events of the nights before covered with the heavy duvets. B assumed L would wake up to a knock and be able to request privacy…he doubted he’d know how the morning would be…but he didn’t want to think about a day apart from L after this…or the undefined amount of time that would surely pass…if he ever did again have a chance to see L anyway.

He sighed in the darkness after switching off the lamp and then he walked to the door…the last word…that lingered in that room…was very serious and it was intended to have been imprinted in the very skin of L’s body by Beyond’s actions…because as Beyond would repeat as he walked the halls and avoided people to get to own room, he knew that deep down L would know it as well.

_‘L…is…mine.’_

_‘Mine.’_

 


	9. Nothing

_\- A sickening sight Indeed indeed indeed -_

* * *

Test scores and statistics and schematics and charts, evaluations and percentages…percentages were the worst. His thin hands shook slightly, his fingers twitching to cause visible indents in the soft expensive paper of Wammy's house, the emblem was almost an eye at the top right hand corner of the page, watching him and scrutinizing his reaction.

"40 points down…" he mumbled inaudibly as he stared with his frightened blue eyes, he was afraid, regardless of how ridiculous it seems to be said, it was the truth, his heart pounded and he felt hot all over as a panic set in, tears and a stiffness in his thin throat, like something was lodged there restricting his breathing.

Grades had once been all he had…even after his life long mentor had all but knocked him down off the 'L' pedestal. He had had his reality knocked like the wind from his body when he collided, the gravity of his insignificance leaving him without anything at all.

..the truth is…actually…in order to be unimportant…you have to have mattered to someone in the first place…right?

He started slightly and curled his fingers suddenly when the delicate paper was grabbed from him, crumpling it quite a bit more than it had been in A's fingers, and it cut through the quiet air loudly considering the passage was empty and the building was too, it was a sunny day outside and a Saturday to boot. Beyond now had a hold of it and to mock A as much as possible he didn't even look at it and just went ahead to squash it up in his hands and tossed it back so it hit A lightly in his face and all he did was drop his eyes to the ground.

"When are you gonna realize that the rat race is over…" Beyond said in a surprisingly exasperated tone as he tossed his own crumpled year end exam results and this time caught the younger boy in the eye, making Ashley manage the briefest of glares at the other, very brief, I might add.

He'd become accustomed to Beyond showing up and saying things, most often walking away directly after shoving him around or smacking him a bit in his face, lightly most days and others harder, but all together, it wasn't as bad as he'd expected it to be, which raised concern…because B was being B, which made him unpredictable, which was scary.

He was surprised when B hung around, aimlessly, it was almost as if they were standing peacefully in one another's presence. A stared at Beyond when he noticed the other was staring off at the far end of the hall where the stairs were. The other boy was pale, his face thin but sharp and his eyes almost seemed to slant in a naturally lazy yet deceptive way. His mouth had not once formed anything akin to a pleasant smile in all the years A knew him, only the malicious or sardonic grin that was well known to B, so seeing that his pale lips were an almost perfect form of a line against an apathetic backdrop that was B's face, was common, yet somehow more pronounced as Beyond wasn't making growling or horrible noises at him.

The black hair he'd once kept well styled was still in tact mostly, except it had kinked in a different way, falling to an odd path and flicking less since he had been less meticulous about looking like L since…

A blinked when Beyond looked at him and all at once it made sense, he'd never taken the time to notice before when L had left all those months ago, but now that he thought about it, Beyond had stopped being openly aggressive about 3 months after L had left, as if…he'd just…dealt with it.

Made sense…L wasn't coming back…

Beyond was still just looking at him, dully, his eyes rolled up once to look above A's head but not again.

The wait was getting boring and Beyond was feeling it since he felt like he wouldn't…or couldn't do anything just yet, he wanted to leave Wammy's…but then again…he was too interested in knowing how A would die and also…he figured he deserved to know for having been a silent spectator for so very long watching the countdown.

"Your eyes…they change color." Ashley said randomly and a deep frown passed over his face, "…but that color is not possible in humans…" he added.

Beyond didn't even flinch at the statement,

"Stop looking at me." he said quite loudly and A, without really knowing why, did as told and averted his gaze conveniently to the passage ending at the stairs just as old Roger was up and turning to come their way.

"Great." Beyond mumbled and lowered himself into a crouch to grab the piece of paper that was his test results, he remained down though when he saw a little blonde child coming up after Roger was almost to them already and his little legs moving at a hurried jog to bring him closer.

"Good morning to you both." Roger greeted and Beyond ignored him, leaning so his one arm rested on his bent leg and the other did so as well except his hand was at his mouth, forefinger between his lips and nail scratching against his teeth distractedly as he stared wide eyed and unblinking at the little boy.

"I-ah!" the old man grunted when the blonde had clutched his hands onto Roger's pants covered leg and bitten him, with an angry expression on his face before taking off back down the hall. Beyond stood up as the running steps disappeared down to the stairs.

It seemed A was equally interested in the little boy who'd taken a chunk out of the Wammy's House fossil.

"I…do apologize…" he said in between rubbing the pained spot just above his knee with visible upset which made Beyond snicker and A spared a glance at B but didn't find amusement in Roger's annoyance, Roger was pretty fucking mean when he was unhappy.

"That boy amounts to two handfuls for most of the hours in my day."

"Who is he?" surprisingly A beat Beyond to the question, which was good because B tended to be bad at asking anything nicely and getting congenial answers.

They had both noticed the latest additions to the orphanage, it wasn't hard when there were just so few children living there as it was, newbie's stuck out pretty easily.

"That was actually why I've come looking for you."

A's chest tightened, it was results day and Roger was in an information sharing mood, that was never good, B was pretending to be indifferent, but honestly, his eyes burned thinking of the little blonde with very naughty and cold, sly blue eyes that had been among them a moment ago, first impressions last.

"After these tests you boys are no longer required to make the excess effort, we still expect a suitable and above average grade until you graduate, but your not competing, had L told you both?"

Beyond locked his eyes on the floor again, wide…he hadn't seen L…in so long.

"No…he hadn't said anything too informative before leaving the orphanage." he supplied dully.

"I see…"

Beyond hated that statement, it was so cliché to the elderly that he despised hearing it from Roger like a personal anthem - ah yes, I see. Hm hm, I see…yes…very…oh…I see-

And so on and so forth.

"L's chosen new successors."

The statement hit both of them hard. Yes, perhaps they had known in the back of their minds. Perhaps they had somehow come to accept that being as intelligent as they were didn't matter as much. But. To be replaced?

A tried not to stutter but he failed and with his color drained appearance at the news it was a laughing sight had Beyond been in a laughing mood right then,

"…eh..he…he's chosen…so then…th…that is…"

"Final." Roger was loving this, because even though he wasn't fond of A, he was even less fond of Beyond.

With a huffy old breath he straightened out his old back like he were showing them his renewed vigor, new students, new hope.

Beyond felt something stir inside and it sent unhealthy chills along his spine, he couldn't make eye contact with Roger because he was certain Roger might see the unholy murderous thoughts aimed at the little blonde boy, reflected in his cold grey eyes.

"I must go now." Beyond stated and walked off in a different direction.

Awkwardly, A followed.

* * *

His skin was pale but inside he was seething so one would expect a hint of red in his face, however B's aggression was mastered only to be on the inside as he grit his straight white teeth so harshly his jaw was hurting, grey eyes set on nothing but the tedious uninteresting halls that led the way to his room. Clutching the door knob when he reached his room as if he hoped he might break it, he pushed the door open and found his eye twitching. He had an image of that little blonde child in mind, devious and malicious looking for his young age, there to take Beyond's place…

That wasn't it though…B didn't give a shit about new successors…he didn't care that some other wretched children would have to fill grade quotas…he only cared…he was only angry…because this meant that L had planned to leave B with nothing of the 'L' legacy, not even himself. Was he going to give himself to these new children? Share his knowledge and spend his time with new successors?

Beyond had stopped in the centre of his large room, larger because A no longer shared it with him so the space was widened. He could hear his breathing in his head as if it were echoing around his skull, he hadn't thought so vividly of L, the blood and white skin, the pain and tears, the black hair and the spiteful set of L's jaw when B had taken no care in easing the pain, his own moans and sensations…it had been so beautiful, L had been so generous. Now L seemed vengeful without even being there…

A second breath could be heard and B closed his eyes a moment and he felt the twitch before it occurred, stopping the offending muscle he calmed himself with strife and turned his face dead pan as he had learned from his wonderful obsession, he turned around slightly to find half of what was visible of A hovering in his doorway, hands against the door frame gripping the wood, he was hiding in a way but seeking B's company. Beyond was in no way interested and he didn't oblige, walking back toward his door to slam it shut, he hoped he caught A's fingers in the jamb so he could hear a wail of pain.

"B…" he was a bit thrown when the scratchy voice said his name quietly, his thin fingers had only just touched the wooden door in preparation to close it.

He paused and waited as A peered around at him, shock and fear in his eyes,

"What…do I do…I…am nothing…without…" he didn't finish.

B was tempted to tell him to go on and off himself, but that would be very anticlimactical.

"Your nothing without what…?" he asked in a mockingly quiet tone, his eyes narrowing as he leaned against the door. A stared at the boy before him, slightly taller, harshly paler in complexion, Beyond hid from sunlight as a mythical vampire might.

Blood sucker…life taker…

He hadn't noticed it until just earlier in the open hall, how void B's gaze was of any real excitement. The glint of malice or even the twisted glee was gone, his eyes were grey and vacant, touched with sadness but more over masked with deceptive boredom for the orphanage and what it had to offer, or rather didn't.

Oh yes…L was gone wasn't he? What did B have now?

He was no thinner than before, paler certainly, but no less fit and healthy enough to choke A at any given moment. He didn't appear sleep deprived even though the sallow look of his skin suggested he wasn't well rested, his hair was not too much longer, he kept it cropped but it was less L and more B now, wilder but still thick and black.

"What?!" he snapped, teeth nearly snapping together as he brought Ashley back from his silent observations and he visibly flinched.

"…without L." he breathed and B pushed himself from the door, violently irritated and not wanting to see Ashley's face he pushed the door and was disappointed that A pulled away in time to avoid being hurt as the wood banged against the door frame loudly.

Beyond's eyes opened wider and then narrowed a few times, he controlled that twitch and clenched his boney fingers into two fists.

'…not worth anything...not with L…not without…useless…useless…lifeless…needy…why then…am I here…I seek L…L…L…'

"L…" he breathed out and opened his grey eyes tainted by a slight bloodier color.

Beyond brought his shaky hands up and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. Painful sounds resounded in his head, the pained breathing of his name, protesting but at the same time questioning in that deep monotone voice. Cold grey eyes, reddened from irritation of pain. At that moment the vastness of the sexual pain he felt just then made him feel as if his stomach dropped out from body and the erection he had right then nearly caused him to shout out loudly in anger.

What the fuck was he thinking?!

To have a taste of what he craved and then to think he could let it go?!

Certainly it was driving him insane!

He snickered to himself as he dragged his hands over his clammy face, the warmth of the room making him feel numb and damp since he had a cold sweat.

'Driving me insane then…I've an excuse…' he snickered again at his personal thoughts as he looked around the room. Small spots danced against his vision from having pressed so harshly against his eyes and it seemed an off grey color.

Heat in his stomach and cold in his hands, pain in groin and pain in his head.

What was that filthy little blonde child…better than Beyond?

Maybe?

Better than Ashley?

Of course.

"Mihael…" he said it aloud as if writing a list against the darkest part of his brain, "…Mihael Keehl…" was he going to be L #1 or was he going to be in good old second place.

* * *

Ashley walked the halls quietly, dragging his bare feet along the tiles, not even aware that the patting sound of his skin against the floor wasn't unheard. But then again he didn't really notice people or other kids as they passed him by with curious looks.

He dragged his hand along the wall. His finger nails painfully short and fingers thin, blonde hair hung around his face, some of the longer bits stuck in the jersey collar when he'd pulled the warmer garment over his cold frame.

He tucked hair back from his face as he reached his destination, peering through the open door way as he had done at B's room, he looked around and stepped back quickly when he saw Roger was in fact in his office.

Ashley never experienced anger per say, more agitation and the urge to have a tantrum, a defect in his brain that wouldn't let him cross the line he'd witnessed crossed when B would throw him into a wall and accuse him of how useless he was.

Why had it stopped?

Was he so pointless now that even B couldn't find the time to waste peeling away at A's sanity.

He slid down against the wall and pulled his knees against his chest, a vaguely familiar position, he didn't bother to place it since he barely managed the energy to sigh.

He raised his dull eyes when he heard the pitter patter of feet and he grimaced inwardly when he saw the small blonde child coming with quick steps down the hall, he looked like a trouble maker and seemed to find his way all over.

The blue eyes attached to this little boy were striking, his hair neatly kept above his thin shoulders and strength in the little body that A thought made this little child quite tough, confident.

Jesus…was a mere boy tougher than he was? Probably…

The striking eyes settled on him as the boy walked by slower now, the desperation and depression of Ashley didn't go unnoticed by that of a child, a genius child never the less. But when he met the little boys eyes he noticed with a cold feeling that there was only curiosity in the boys eyes, nothing even slightly like concern.

Cold eyes for a cold boy. If B could see these eyes. What would he think?

"What's your name?" Ashley only realized belatedly that he was whispering, subconsciously aware that he was just outside of Roger's office.

He didn't get an answer and instead the boy peered into the Roger's office before taking off at a run through the halls.

If he remembered anything of being a young boy here, your name was the first thing you were taught to lie about.

So naturally until this boy was told a name or perhaps became used to whatever alias he was given, or maybe even the other children, he'd avoid that question.

So young, playing around and unaware of what it felt like to be ignored.

Or was that just how Ashley felt?

Roger's old scratchy voice drew his attention back to the open doorway beside him, the blonde child had disappeared around a corner already. A leaned his heavy head against the wall and listened to the conversation, he had only wanted the old man to be out of the room so he could get what he wanted…

_-…yes…yes…things are alright…they're adjusting rather quickly.-_

Ashley stopped himself from sniffing and turned a bit leaning the side of his face against the wall, he assumed he knew who the old man was talking to. Roger laughed heartily about something, in a way he only did when he spoke to someone familiar…Wammy himself.

Faintly he could hear the beginning of rain fall, since he was on the top floor it was louder against the rooftops.

_-…a bit wild admittedly but the other two are far easier, he's not too violent just a bit of a biting problem but he speaks fluently whereas the others are quieter, he has a potty mouth as well…-_

Another laugh and Ashley frowned, he was being asked about the new editions. 17 years at the orphanage and they call and ask about a few new kiddies. Great. Could his existence be any less important.

_-Matt is pleasant, he doesn't need much attention but he does like television a bit too much, he also seems indifferent about everything, including his grading…no he done well. Near is distant and unresponsive to conversation but also easy to manage…-_

If all of the kids were the same age and conversation was expected of them then Ashley was definitely upstaged, when he'd first arrived at the orphanage he was given toys and comfort, not conversation other than questions of how he was doing…even the occasional hug from the staff…no one hugged these kids anymore even though they came younger these days.

Parents seemed hard to come by.

_-…its all understandable…I wont be seeing you for a long while then…how is L?-_

His heart beat increased very suddenly, the first mention of his mentor in months and he was the only one to witness it. He felt very pleased and pressed his face against the wall a bit harder as he heard Roger 'hming' and 'ahing.'

'Say something you old bastard…' he thought with great irritation that wasn't classic of his character.

_-…homesickness? -_  a pleasant laugh  _-…well we miss him too…-_

Ashley thought that L would never appreciate such things being said of and toward him…even if he did wonder that maybe L missed something of this old place…something that was very shocking even after all this time.

Before his mind could wonder back to B he listened in again.

_-…A is doing better Quillsh but nothing to be too excited about you know-_  more 'hming  _\- …well tell L then that I am doing my best…-_

His heart skipped a beat, it wasn't sure but it sounded as if some of this concern for him came directly from L, he held his breath and when the conversation ended with not a single mention of B…he felt a bit more at ease. It may have been Wammy's incessant politeness that made it appear as though L cared about anything that went on here, or it could have just been that he chose not to ask after B since the odd bond between the original and the carbon copy bothered him as much…but he could quietly believe that L had asked, thought about and cared for his well being.

* * *

Beyond sat quietly in the common room of the large building, eyes weary and shadowed by his untidy hair, he was contemplative, going through a process of yes and no's and if's and what's.

All about L, the bastard.

B hated him so much he ached with want, he smiled to himself and lowered his head leaning his forehead against his knees as his legs were typically drawn against his chest as he leaned back in the double seater couch.

The rain was relentless against the large French window panes.

It was loud outside and it was dulling out the murmur of children and television, but still inducing a headache in the teenager pressing his cold forehead against his dark pants.

The sound of shuffling and then little pieces of something clattering vaguely on the floor made him look over his knees and to the floor just in front of the couch.

He'd seen this new rat before, never paid attention to him though, creepy as he was. He was like a bleached version of himself…or of L, however you chose to look at it. His skin was translucent as if the pigments of his skin had run way from him and sunlight couldn't burn him.

Tiny spots and small skin blemishes were faintly visible against the pale thin neck and fingers as was blue and purple veins, poorly concealed underneath his skin.

Beyond knew this boy would bruise like a banana so he made a mental note not to go shoving him too obviously should he feel the need to take his anger out…rather the blonde boy, yes, he was a tough little fucker.

He watched as the child's white fingers grasped at the few puzzle pieces that had scattered off the carpet, colorless white hair hanging untidily and white eye lashes blinking lazily, he didn't even acknowledge Beyond. It was a cruel joke, he thought with a smirk hidden behind his knees, whoever decided to dress this little oddity in white pajama's when he was an albino.

Tilting his head as he watched with mild fascination, this boy began putting a puzzle together, one made up of lots of trees and grass and no piece easily discernible against the next piece, with ease, clicking the picture together as if he had memorized it.

Beyond turned his eyes from the thin colorless fingers to the face of this boy, eyes never raising to his surroundings, no sound like laughter, television or thunder distracting him, methodically he went…click click click…

Beyond looked at the puzzle pieces and with some forced attention to the puzzle managed to follow the pieces to the puzzle before the little fingers clicked them into place. Twenty pieces later Beyond became bored with it and was reminded why he didn't use his brilliant mind more often…there were far more interesting things to do than be an intelligent freak.

Yes…yes there was.

He watched the TV from across the room expressionless for a minute or so before he caught the quiet sigh at his feet, pulling his eyes back to the creepy child, Beyond kept his face hidden behind his knees and just trained his eyes on the young Nate River.

He knew that sigh…he knew it all too well. He knew the boy was no older than 10, possibly younger but the maturity in the faces and lack of child like features, baby fat and such, made it harder to tell. But already he was sighing in question of whether this was all there was in his world.

Beyond had experienced that, over and over again, questioning the purpose, the necessity of all this drivel, learn, learn, sharpen your mind, absorb information like a computer…die slowly…die without any life experience.

No.

He shook his head lightly and pressed his lips against his knees in slight glee, he had experienced and he wanted more, that one night in the rain all the questioning stopped after he'd seen something he wanted, not something he was told was necessary or important, but purely wanted. Life was tainted and dirty to all of the stupid brats who resided at Wammy's, they wouldn't question…not until interest was raised, if ever.

Whether the things that interested him might be what the others never knew, didn't matter, he experienced violence…the physical need to harm…among other more personal things.

He was insane, he knew, but as long as no one else did, it was alright.

The very light grey eyes of the pale child drifted up, aware that he was being stared at intently, even if Beyond was unseeing of him anymore. Their eyes met, pale color deprived grey to a darker, harsher shade, but Beyond didn't say anything, his eyes were not wide as L's might have been when calculating, but bored and lazy, much like the boy who looked at him with very obvious disinterest.

A dull thud made the pale boy break eye contact and look over to the doorway where a smaller boy had landed on the floor and that very fiery blonde walked in, having shoved the other out of the way. Beyond had merely glanced, hard pressed to suppress the desire to strangle the boy like he had done to the other blonde many a time.

"What are you looking at you little freak, ugh!" the sharp voice, not likely to break anytime soon, broke Beyond from his quiet discipline. He turned his eyes from the spot in the floor back to the blonde who was coming over to where he sat, all of the other children turning to watch, some worried, others upset as this…Mihael…crossed the room and kicked the puzzle so the frame broke, he then followed it along with a harsh kick to the empty box sending the light cardboard across the floor.

Beyond watched with slightly narrowed eyes as Mihael's chest rose and fell, nostrils flaring and his face tinted red in irritation, such vivid violent need radiating from this child.

He took back his thoughts…this child was nothing like Ashley, not dull or boring or mediocre.

Bright, vicious and striking, his blue eyes shone with intelligence and anger, sadness as well, his hair was bright and healthy, few hairs out of place and his little fists shook with all the life in him.

"I told you never to look at me you fucking creepy wanker!"

A thin black eyebrow raised underneath the dark hair covering Beyond's forehead, quite the vocabulary this kid had going for him, even at such a tender age.

Near opened his mouth and it was a clear exasperation that crossed his quiet tone as he looked up at the other child,

"Your tiresome, you cannot control whom I look at nor can y-"

The harsh half fisted slap that caught the defenseless little albino in his face made one of the little girls scream and others gasp.

Inside his black socks, Beyond's toes curled in anticipation, was that blood on the blonde's hand?

Tears never appeared in the other boys eyes, but sadness as his lip was smeared with his own blood from his gum and flesh, just as Beyond assumed, the flesh was changing color rapidly, that would be a pretty bruise. He simply stayed half laying down and looked up at Mello with a very condescending stare. B found the blonde wiping the blood from his hand on his pants with a look of disgust before he acknowledged the superior look being cast at him and his eyes lit up with pure rage.

This picture was very interesting. These roles had been played out albeit slightly differently.

"You think your better than me cause of the stupid test huh…huh!" he shouted and Nate, as Beyond read it clearly, merely shifted to gather the puzzle pieces within his reach.

"…oh shit…here we go again…" Beyond heard someone near the TV say loudly, implying this had happened recently and kids starting moving away, one rushed out obviously to call Roger.

"I'll show you second place!"

It was an all out fight when Mihael threw himself to Near on the ground and Beyond took in all of the elements, the few children left observing, eyes wide and curious to see a big nasty fight, he glanced to the unfamiliar red head whose hair was hanging blocking most of the sight of his eyes as he watched from the sofa near the TV, not smiling but not all too concerned. Some children watching from a distance and crying or sobbing, Nate not budging to defend himself as Mihael's nails tore at his exposed pale neck and chest and a few badly aimed slaps and half punches in anger and spite.

Inexperience, Beyond understood the rage, remembering it like it was yesterday that he should have slit a throat in that moment of unveiled rage.

One thing that lingered in his mind though as the boys thrash it out at the foot of the couch, it was Mihael's words.

'I'll show you second place.'

They had been tested already, given ranks…cruel…for boys not even at 13 yet. Told your potential worth.

Roger would be there soon and seeing Beyond sitting and watching this would piss him off since he was the oldest one in the room, another a year younger was a girl and she had just woken up from being asleep, looking rather confused.

With a roll of his eyes he stretched one leg out, his foot against the ribbed side of the boy and shoved the raging blonde from atop the smaller boy with enough force so that he fell hard and skidded off the carpet. Stretching from his crouched position, Beyond stood, slightly hunched but not badly and he towered over the two boys on the floor. Nate was red, black and blue, albeit no less apathetic as he rolled on to his side, almost as if he was turning into Beyond's legs when he stood up.

Beyond stared long and hard at Mihael who was out of breath, many emotions crossed his face, worry, fear, very briefly, probably not sure of whether this older boy would kick the snot out of him for bullying the other, but then anger and hurt, mostly anger.

Beyond remained staring dully at Mihael as he got to his feet, thin legs wobbly from the small bit of adrenalin, Beyond doubted he hit very hard at that age, but looking at how fragile the boy at his feet was, he assumed it couldn't be worse for the creepy child.

Beyond was surprised when something tugged on his jeans and he looked down to see the boy using his baggy clothes to help him get on his shaken feet and legs. His eyes downcast and fingers shaking as he clawed all the way up to Beyond's shirt, his head coming just until B's mid thighs. He didn't push the child away, this boy didn't interest or cause irritation, he was just a clever little boy who was disliked because there was always another who didn't wanna be second best.

Sounded familiar.

He stared at the child who glanced at him, less stoic than before and heard the mumbled 'thank you' before he wobbly detached himself from Beyond's clothes and went limping toward the doorway. Beyond saw two kids move to help him and the red head who looked wide eyed but not very concerned, shrugged and turned around, back to slumping on the sofa watching TV.

The blonde had disappeared, probably ran the minute B took his eyes off him, what an interesting and vile little boy, it made Beyond want to cringe. He heard Roger's exclamation just outside the door in the hall, probably at the sight of the small beaten boy.

He sighed quietly and looked at the remaining children who quickly moved away from the notorious older boy, the rain came down harder and Beyond wanted to shut out the sound that only brought back memories.

He had to leave this place.

* * *

Later that day, about an hour or so, Roger had summoned Beyond.

This pissed him off, some brat rapping on his door and shouting that Roger insisted to see him right then, before running off. Closing his eyes a moment, his darkened lids wrinkled at the pressure, Beyond got up and left the room, still wearing only his socks, dark jeans and a loose T shirt, he had become accustomed to this clothing.

He made his way up a set of stairs, avoiding the familiar set that was at the end of the second floor hall, because it brought back to much memories, he avoided that wing of the house all together.

He walked slowly and without haste, finally coming to Roger's half way opened door and without knocking he walked in, looking around the large stuffy office he found the albino child curled up and half asleep on the leather couch, cleaned up but colorfully bruised, he didn't smile, not in front of Roger…if no one knew he was insane…it was alright. Right?

Another child, the red head was sat in one of the large chairs, legs just short of the ground as he sat back and eyes now staring at Beyond…green eyes, that was a nice change from grey and blue. Mail Jeevas. Random.

The old man sighed and looked wearily at the teenager standing near the door,

"…I understand you stopped this little tiff?"

Beyond nearly sneered at him, it was by no means a little tiff, this is probably why the old fool didn't realize that Beyond was pushing A to kill himself, because everything was a little tiff.

Beyond didn't respond, gazing upon the hunched old man with dislike that was palpable, his eyes serious but his pale face apathetic.

Roger became a bit annoyed at Beyond's unresponsive nature, it wasn't unusual but he knew it only made the man's bones wither faster when he was stressed and B wouldn't co operate, no one liked it when B didn't co operate.

Another long sigh and he moved around his old desk,

"Matt here told me it was you, " he gestured to the red head, "…no need to be modest." he was being sarcastic and Beyond had to crack a smirk at that, how could he not,

"We all need a hero don't we." he said audibly in his L like voice and Roger narrowed his wrinkled eyes and shivered, glancing worriedly at the impressionable boy who had been 'saved' by Beyond, not a comforting thought for him to be thought on as a hero.

"I require one final favor if you will please, B." he said as he turned away, pacing aimlessly back around to his desk, putting distance between himself and Beyond, Matt had that very bored look again as he watched Roger, B knew he was very unexciting so he sympathized.

"Because of what Mello has done to Near, he will face a small punishment, of course, this means we'll have to find him first…" he trailed off.

Mello? Another cruel joke, Jesus did that old Wammy have a sense of humor, naming a fucking crazy child 'Mellow'. Near made less sense, but he didn't think too much on it, his eyes brow raising a tad, knowing he was being asked to find this 'Mello'.

"Don't suppose he's run away then?" Beyond piped up, seeing Roger both relax at the less 'L' like demeanor but tense up at the suggestion of a successor already gone running.

"…no no, we must not entertain the idea, he must be on the grounds, the gates are locked and the fences are too high, not to mention its pissing outside…" Beyond and Matt both smirked, Roger cussing meant he was very stressed as far as B knew and for Matt, well it was just funny.

With a lazy shuffle Beyond turned and began to leave only to roll his eyes when Roger called after him, he didn't turn around but stopped outside the doorway.

"Shall I have Matt here help you?"

Beyond just ignored this offer and walked away.

Unaware that Matt was disappointed, looking for a little adventure, even if it meant upsetting the crazed blonde and possibly being attacked.

Beyond on the other had only thought of one thing…those fences were high and the gates always locked, but he wasn't a child anymore and they couldn't keep him in here anymore, not willingly and certainly not by force…

* * *

Pulling one large front door open and feeling some rain drops hit against his face and the cold air push his shirt against his thin muscled frame, Beyond looked across to the tree far out in the grounds, he didn't think the blonde wretch would be there, but he had to look at it…out of habit.

He stepped out into the rain, loving how quickly it soaked his clothes to his body, making his steps heavier as his jeans turned a deep black, his socks squelched and he couldn't feel his toes as the icy rain chilled his white skin and the concrete was cold against the soles of his feet.

Little puddles had formed everywhere, the wind kicked up and blew the rain drops around, making it a bit harder to see, he could see dark clouds in the grey sky and the mud bubbling every time the heavy drops impacted.

He started walking along the gravel path, it followed the walls of the building until he came to the side, seeing the empty parking lot save for three cars and large water puddles. He blinked a few times since water was catching at his dark eyelashes, twiddling his fingers against one another idly as he continued into the parking lot, he figured he'd take a walk and tell Roger he'd looked for the stupid child.

He did look between the few cars, at the small hedges, looking for the blonde hair or the navy blue jersey the child had been wearing over a white shirt and loose black slacks, he had been barefoot and if he was outside, he'd be quiet an idiot for all of his supposed intelligence.

Circling the first building Beyond saw the kitchen door and remembered more of his time with L, another one who for all of his intelligence failed in general sense and logic.

He looked across the large back yard to the classroom buildings, all locked up and dreary on this late Saturday afternoon, behind and above the lower roof tops he could only see the offending church steeple, rising up in a very sinister way.

He continued on the path which led to the classroom buildings, there were two and they were very close to each other and reasonably large, there weren't many children at the orphanage. He walked between them, choosing to walk under the shelter along the windows and doors of the second block. Rain pelted the concrete and the awnings above him and it was a bit deafening. He was looking through the classroom windows, looking at the desks and chairs and the blackboard stained with remnants of chalk from Friday.

He hadn't been to a class since the previous year, he and Ashley took their exams in Wammy's office, even their most recent ones, he was grateful though since he hated the smell of a class room. He glanced across to see the church through the windows on the other side of the building and he stopped walking, blinked and squinting, leaning closer to the window and trying to see through the rain to the dark entrance of the church.

He was quiet sure the doors were open.

And they were never opened unless there was theology practical's, Sunday school or Sunday tea after the morning mass for the staff, kids rarely cared to go there of their own volition.

So…it might be the last place to look for that brat, but why not check it out anyway.

* * *

Ashley watched as Roger walked down the bottom floor hall, coming from the stairs, pulling his coats around him and carrying an ugly plastic rain coat and umbrella, he was obviously going out. Ashley was sitting in the hall outside the common room, where he usually sat since kids tended to stair at the red streaks he left on his face when he scratched at his hands and neck and cheeks, he did this often when his skin crawled and it happened quite a lot.

Roger glanced down at him pitifully, seeing a few red streaks on A's cheek, he slowed his walk and looked down at the boy who hesitantly looked up at him.

"I'll be going out to the post office before it closes, if anyone asks." he informed pointlessly, nobody asked for Roger, ever really.

A nodded and then watched as the old man went along slowly, watching as he turned the corner at the end of the hall and listening but not hearing over the dull drumming of rain, until finally he heard the large door open and then close noisily.

Getting to his cold feet, he didn't look back as he rushed to the stairs, moving as quickly as his lazy half numbed limbs could carry him he made his way to the top floor, actually slightly out of breath by the time he was at the top.

He walked along until he came to Roger's door…closed.

He held his breath as he clutched the door knob hoping it wasn't locked.

He turned it round and when the door opened with a click and pushed inward, he was relieved, that way no one would know he had been here since he wouldn't have to try and break in.

Stepping inside the office that had the heavy smell of burning wood, A cast a cast at the dark black empty fireplace, a few cinders still burning.

The office was warmer than the halls, then again if he had bothered to stay in his room he'd be warmer since the rooms all had heating. He walked over to Roger's desk and jerkily began looking through his papers on the desk and the drawers, one of which was locked.

He knew that Roger wouldn't hide test papers away in a locked draw, if he had to guess it was probably some expensive ancient alcohol.

He moved over to the cupboards and was worried when more than a half hour of searching passed and he'd found nothing, the office was almost completely dark save for the high wall light's from the yard shining a bit in through the large window, the curtains hadn't been drawn and it was getting darker earlier because of the rain clouds and bad weather.

Thunder rumbled after the lightning went off far in the distance and A struggled to see the folders he was looking through in the last filing cabinet, when he saw W to Z he sighed and figured it was pointless, however there were two different color plastic folders stuck randomly in the draw.

Curious, he lifted them and saw in red pen scrawled over the white paper leaflet under the bright yellow plastic, the words 'not successful'. The second one was in a blue color plastic and the paper leaflet said the safe thing beneath. Moving from the crouch he was in at the bottom draw, A settled on his legs, sitting awkwardly on them as he placed the blue one down and opened the yellow one, noticing a smaller sticker that said 'archives' near the bottom of the folder.

Flipping it open his eyes widened when he saw the large letter B printed on the page in black ink, he flipped through it and it was five pages of evenly separated and tiny printed years of observation and test scores, every now and then there would be an ink scribble of 'improved' or 'unchanging'.

There was no personal information or pictures which was expected since none of them had ever been allowed it, it was for safety he knew, but it was years of B's failures and small successions.

It was steadier as he read the final pages, grades less up and down, the dates coming closer to present day, it seemed that with the exception of a few small lows in specific grades, B was staying the same, consistent.

He didn't realize he was holding his breathe until he had to let out a long labored sigh, staring at present day scores…

B had brushed it off so nonchalantly, like it had been unimportant, like A was still fussing over a lost cause, but he knew B hadn't expected the news Roger had delivered them that cold over cast morning, so was he saying that because he knew…expected that like this clearly showed…B had surpassed A on the final exam.

A had become worse and B was again consistent…A…B…

A was Ashley…no…Alpha? First in line…

But he wasn't number one…he was number two…

B was….

A clutched the file tightly when he heard the phone in the office ring, startling him back from the tiny death he was suffering on the floor in the dark office.

A wasn't anything anymore, Ashley was nothing but an orphan now, where was the gift they told him he had all those years ago, where was the appreciation?

He dropped the folders back inside after confirming that the other was like he assumed, his own file with nothing different but the letter A and useless grades.

He didn't think too much about the word archives and what might be down there, he didn't care very much suddenly.

He just didn't care.

* * *

Beyond walked along the dull path to the slightly open church doors, clearly they'd been pushed open with some effort since they were both ajar just barely. He stopped walking for a moment and absently brought a finger to his lips out of a distant habit as he looked back to the large house of Wammy, he'd heard a car starting up in the parking lot.

Finding it of no great interest he turned back and straightened his posture a bit as he slipped between the slight opening of the doors, not wanting to startle the child that was hiding already. The church was dark and musty, no candles lit inside the greater area so the colorful stained glass looked dark and even more unpleasant than usual with the dull light from outside.

He looked around as his wet socks squelched when he walked, eyes looking along the pews as he approached the alter where the large over bearing statue of a fallen hero loomed very morbidly.

He never cared much for that subject.

He didn't spare it a glance and instead sighed in irritation of this task he'd been given and worse, taken, wasn't he supposed to be taking a walk?

Why was he looking for second place anyway? Maybe he was destined to chase that…

He smirked to himself at the thought, places and ranks failed to matter to him anymore.

Beyond walked up the small side stairs of the higher platform, hands shoved inside his heavy wet pockets , he was going to approach the stand when he saw two pale feet, pressed against the wood firmly, toes curled in and black slacks stuck tightly to the thin legs.

He'd found the little bastard after all…oh the luck.

Mello was curled inside the bottom of the hollow alter, beneath the small keeping place of on hand bibles for preaching, he walked further until he knew Mello could see him and he saw the boys legs curl in a bit further.

So he was afraid.

Although Beyond assumed it was more likely fear of his own aggression and failure.

"You'll get over it." he mumbled dully and walked to the edge of the platform, hopping off it with a loud thud to the dark wooden floor.

Silence was all that resounded after that, Mello sat hidden and his blue eyes darted around the darkness he could see, he didn't like this place but at the same time, he figured hiding here wouldn't bring any attention. He blinked a few times and shivered involuntarily when he saw a warm orange glow reflect off the fancy glass designs of the platform, his lithe form wanting to be dry and warm.

Beyond watched as he had expected after lighting a few candles, that the boy popped out, he hadn't expected Beyond to still be there, since he looked upset when he spotted him, Beyond offered a trademark lopsided smile and proceeded to chew on his index finger, legs pulled to his chest as he was sitting on one of the front benches, his eyes watching only the blonde child.

Mello slipped off the platform that was just over half his size and he stood still shivering for a moment watching B who was clearly soaked but didn't seem perturbed.

"What the fuck do you want."

B tutted lamely and took the finger from his mouth to wiggle it at Mello,

"You've quite a filthy mouth for your age." he said, showing more patience than he'd felt earlier when he took on the task.

It wasn't the surroundings, it was more because the same as he felt Mello would get over the feeling, he realized that he already had, why be angry at the child's pathetic pre destination?

Let him be second…eventually something would snap in this one.

He let his eyes linger on the boys life span and was a not too taken with how short it was, the same as Ashley's depicted so perhaps this boy would be on the same track, 17.

Mello's head had tilted ever so slightly when Beyond had been staring at the air above his head, taking tentative steps forward.

'Ah…he's noticed.' B mused but this boy didn't comment on whether he'd seen change in Beyond's eyes like he knew his eyes did when he  **saw**  life spans and names.

Unbelieving boy, in a church no less, made sense, religious people didn't like to believe in the devil.

He smirked…he really did amuse himself.

Mello was an interesting sight even then, not broken or weeping but his face fair, nose bright red and shaking from cold, mouth pale but lips arranged in an upset frown, hair a dark grey blonde and stuck to his thin little neck and damp forehead, his clothes looked to be quite heavy as he approached Beyond.

"Did you come to fetch me, to take me back so I can get punished, who do they think they are! They're not my parents! They cant punish me!" he was yelling and it echoed, the few candles flickering with small shifts in the previously unmoving air.

B sat still, hands now rested on his knees,

"I do agree with you." he said matter of factly, playing the sweet agreeable type for this temper driven child.

"…Y…you do?" he stuttered and still suspicion lingered, which Beyond thought was admirable.

"Of course…" he replied flatly but didn't elaborate, still deciding whether or not be might like to test if he could mess with this child's life span.

There was silence, except for the child's breathing, then he worked himself up and walked even closer to B, about a foots distance,

"Where's this L anyway? He's so important and all that, so why isn't he here, I came here for him! Not for the old man!"

'So much aggression.' Beyond thought with a small narrowing of one eye, '…such potential.'

"…your second place Mello…" he said insensitively, using the given name.

"What!" he spat violently and was suddenly in Beyond's face, challenging.

Beyond offered a grin a bit less pleasant and lowered one leg, placing a foot on the ground, bringing a thin cold hand up and clutching the boys small face in a firmer than necessary grip, making the boy's eye's shoot open in both confusion, shock and that ever present anger.

The fingers that grasped Mello's chin were freezing, thin and the boney fingers dug into his cheeks,

"You know what you are, as long as your not number one they wont really care…if you never catch up…never show potential to surpass, that little freakish child will always be before you…" he spoke slowly and quietly, itching to see what this child's reaction would be, but there was no sudden outburst.

Mello was staring at him, the water droplet formed on the tips of his pitch black hair and his pointed nose, the slanting of his eyes which made him look untrustworthy, the sickness of his pale skin and darkness around his eyes, this was the face of someone Mello never wanted to be this close to.

"I wont…" he said in a firm voice, feeling the fingers dig further in his cheeks and he grit his teeth slightly when the finger nails pressed into his flesh,

"You wont what? Fail? Maybe…but it doesn't matter, once second place, always second place. Near is already smarter than you, so your just about washed up already."

Beyond snickered and Mello was let go from the thin fingers, a row of Beyond's white teeth revealed Beyond's amusement when he openly grinned.

"Who are you, your nobody important, what do you know?"

"I am L…" Beyond said for old time sakes and he saw the boys whole body stiffen, it was always so convincing how L introduced himself.

Beyond laughed a bit more now, it sounded deranged even as he did it quietly while watching the child become upset again,

"No…no I'm not…" he settled for sighing and bringing his finger back to mouth, remembering the wonderful habits of L himself, "…but I am the closest thing to him you'll ever see." he said, seemingly bored now but truthful.

"You're a liar!" Mello spat distastefully, still close to Beyond's face and that thin hand came quickly to slap his small face with quite a bit of force but quick and harsh,

"Your not listening." he scolded and saw how stunned the boy was as his cheek warmed from the tight slap, "…naivety will get you nowhere, if you do things like that old man wants, like L wants, you'll end up like A, you either surpass Near, get things done the way you see fit…or you fail." he stated finally, seeing confusion from the mention of the single letter.

Standing up and watching Mello take a step or two back still watching him, Beyond hunched and slipped his hands into his cold wet jeans again, the beginning of the shivers reaching the hair on his neck, nothing interesting seemed to happen so this child was brainwashed already, pursuing this would be no fun,

"Come along, I was sent to fetch you inside." he said deciding he'd wasted enough time messing with this boy, good for nothing but facts and figures.

Even with the apathy and harsh words that contradicted each other, Mello hadn't a clue who he had just been slapped and…advised…by. He followed slowly, the hunched, tall and oddly intimidating man back into the rain, not believing L would be anything like this man, not believing he would fail, not believing Near was better than him…he didn't like this person, he knew that.

He also thought, however, that he didn't mind the idea of doing things his way, he hadn't much idea's at 7, but with a brilliant mind, age moved rapidly beyond its years.

Beyond simply wondered if the boy would be medicated and taken out of the running if he decided when next he wanted to bang Near's head against a floor.

…yes…he really did amuse himself…

* * *

When they re-entered the orphanage Mello seemed anxious, like he was waiting for Roger to jump out of the shadows in the dark entrance hall,

"I said I'd fetch you inside, I didn't say I'd deliver you." he wasn't polite about telling Mello to stop following him, but he knew the child didn't care and true enough, without a second look he ran off into the lit hall to the left, Beyond chose instead to go to his room.

Walking the stairs made him irritable, the entire place was vacant of anything amusing these days. Reaching his room after sometime and leaving a trail of water on the tiles in his wake, Beyond walked into his warm room and pulled his shirt off, it stuck to him quiet a bit but he eventually had it off.

He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, the moment he was alone the thoughts haunted him.

Wasn't he a child just the year before, mindlessly playing games with L and trying to get his attention with stupid affectionate gestures.

Wasn't he passing time tormenting that useless breathing flesh he knew as Ashley.

Wasn't he walking the halls in search of small amusement, mimicking L's habits and quirks to perfection, eating sweets, too much sugar in his tea…wasn't it all fun to pass the time before L might come again?

He wasn't coming back!

Beyond had gotten halfway through the button and zipper of his pants before he let himself step backward and sit on the edge of his bed, soaking the dry bedding with his clothes, it was going to drive him crazy…crazier…if he stayed here even a few more days, let alone years. He was just barely 16...he couldn't remain in the orphanage.

He needed L…or something to distract him from L.

There was no distractions left here, not even these new editions were of any interest or fair game, standing up with an ache in his chest, the angrier and more frustrated he became, Beyond walked into his bathroom to perform an old ritual, conjuring the images imprinted in his brain until he once again had to luxury of touching him…touching L, they just had to suffice.

The door closed quietly and was clicked to lock.

* * *

**One Week Later**

A week passed and there was nothing exciting going on, the weather was dull but not too cold.

He didn't know whether Mello had been punished, whether Near had a concussion or whether the red headed boy had chosen a side and he didn't care.

He only cared that he was waiting for something he wasn't sure would come.

He wasn't going to wait for Ashley's death, although he felt anxious about the method.

He wasn't going to wait for another Christmas because he cared not for religion or presents.

He wasn't going to wait for official places to be given to the new successors because he wished them all the misery he had endured his first years there and after.

But he was waiting for any of these occasions because he hoped…that L would come back for any reason at all.

He was sitting at the desk in his room, hands in his hair, elbows on the desk and head between, mumbling to himself about something or the other pointlessly in the silence. When he raised his head after a long while he had the sudden desire to just be outside, away from the room and the enclosed space.

He left the room, wearing a white shirt, which wasn't uncommon but it wasn't his favorite color shirt, he had faded grey jeans on and he chose not to wear socks, since the effort escaped him. If he wasn't careful he would wither away and never end up leaving.

A few meters down along the quiet passages, looking down from the windows to the children enjoying the dry weather, Beyond just barely glanced up at Ashley's door as he passed.

It was open.

Ashley had made it an OCD to lock his door whether he was inside or outside the room at all times, mostly to keep Beyond out but more because he knew the boy ate nothing but the shit that was strawberry jam and he didn't want Beyond making him gag on it or Roger taking it away from him.

Good times.

He back stepped and turned to the room, pushing it open a bit more and slipping inside. The room was morbid and dull, the bed pristinely made and a single jar of half eaten jam was beside the bed on the floor, that was odd, B's natural theorizing mindset concluded that A spent his time on the floor last night.

He closed the door quietly behind him and looked around further, untouched paper and pencils at the desk, dust had collected on the lap top and the television, the curtains were only open on one side, but in total the room was not unclean.

He had moved to the middle of the smaller room and then to the wardrobe, pulling it open he found empty jam jars and some full ones collected around the shoes. Opening the cabinet inside the wardrobe he found only jam aside from a half used tube of toothpaste and a tin of deodorant.

He felt a little nauseous just imagining that all A had was jam, it was possibly another OCD, god knew they all had it, the smarter you were the more you suffered the minds torture.

He'd never considered the jam much before now, he just knew the smell repulsed him.

He lifted a jar and popped the lid off, moving it from his breathing space before he could catch the smell, for old time sake he decided he'd toss it down the drain, get a good old rise out of the walking corpse. He pushed the bathroom door open with his foot and planned to go straight to the basin when he saw it.

Blood. He never missed that deep rich color against the white standard bathroom tiles and white porcelain bath.

Looking to the bath tub he saw Ashley's head leaning against the back end of the bath, the wall just behind it, his blonde hair had some blood smudges in it as well, but it wasn't a lot of blood.

"Cutting again I see." he approached the tub and after two steps he saw the water run in the bath around Ashley's clothed body…it was blood and water, a murky color, a few cuts could never release so much blood, unless A was getting braver.

Beyond being immune to the sight of blood and gore, simply because he enjoyed the horror behind it unlike most people, crouched down at the bath side, seeing Ashley open his darkened lids and stare at him as he did so back.

"B…" A croaked with no particular tone of voice and he cracked a dry lipped smirk.

Beyond dropped his gaze to the bloody water and reached a hand into A's side, staining his sleeve with the cold water, he pulled A's left wrist out and looked at the damage, he was slightly surprised to see that the cut was long, vertical and deep, flesh and tissue was slightly exposed and blood ran from it even as he held it, trickling with the water over his fingers as he clutched the forearm.

A grimaced since he wasn't completely numb to the pain and the grip hurt the deep cut,

"What's your goal, attention?" he asked dully and let the arm go so it slipped back into the water with a bit of a splash, some of the water landing on the outside and on the rim of the bath.

He knew it couldn't be anything more, A was scheduled to die on another day and sure enough those red numbers didn't lie above his head.

"…B…" he croaked again and the other hand raised out of the water, cut as well but not as deeply, "…I…want…to…kill…my…myself…" he whispered the rest as tears slipped from his shining blue eyes.

Beyond didn't take it seriously, although it was the brightest he'd seen those blue eyes in years,

"If you'd wanted to do that you would have slit your throat you pansy." he mocked in a bored tone, settling down on the floor and placing his chin on the bath rim, watching A blink tears from his eyes and shift his head to look at Beyond.

"You beat…me…" he whispered again and Beyond raised an eyebrow in question, the jam sitting idly beside the bath tub on the floor.

"You…have…h-higher test scores…" he looked away and the risen hand moved up to brush hair shakily from his own face, letting blood drip into his hair on down his face.

"I…have…n-nothing…" his shaken voice broke on the last word.

"I wish death on you…so I'm not against your cause." he mocked again and looked at A's pathetic face before seeing the outline of a knife under the water. He wished it would happen right then, if A died sooner he could see if L would come back again for the funeral, if this stubborn bastard would just off himself properly…he might see L…

Beyond stared at A's face again, but he frowned when the red numbers and letters did a bit of a dance and his breathing increased as the numbers above A's head rearranged and fell to a slow shifting, the numbers dwindled and Beyond recognized this…A was about to die.

He had made those numbers change again, forced A to die by his words? His willing it to happen? Or was it because…because…he was going to do it for A?

"He…lp me…" A said in a low weeping tone and Beyond dropped his eyes to A's paling face, the blood loss would take too long, someone would find A before he died.

Too long.

His eyes became lazy again as he stared at A who seemed to become aware of how much chillier the room was,

"I can help you…" he mumbled and got up, his hands gripping the rim of the bath as he got to his feet, his body felt hot and he burned with adrenalin.

Beyond walked to the bathroom door and closed it, locking it quietly.

"B…B are you going to…stay…" it was a frightened question and Beyond turned again with a tilt of his head, face vacant of expression and his dry thumb at his lips…he looked like L just then.

"Yes I shall…I am going to help you die Ashley." he spoke in his deeper L tone and watched as fear settled in A's eyes but he didn't scream, he didn't move, he accepted it.

Coming toward him he sat himself on the edge of the bath and took the kitchen knife that was probably used for jam at some point from under the water.

Gripping it comfortably he looked at A again from the higher point and his lips curled very oddly up at the ends, eyes widened a tad. He reached into the bath and lifted Ashley's left wrist gently as he moved and got to his knees at the baths side.

He caressed the bleeding wound with his thumb as he held the other knife in his previously wet hand,

"Its what you deserve after all." he said quietly and reached for the wash cloth sitting among the shampoos and such. Ashley sobbed a bit louder when Beyond's released his wrist and swapped the knife hand to hand, before stuffing the cloth into A's half opened mouth,

"We don't need you screaming…" he sounded harsher now, voice raspier and eyes even more narrowed as he pushed the cloth in roughly, hearing the choked and mostly muted cries.

'It's time you serve a purpose.' he thought dully before clutching the bleeding wrist again.

* * *

2 hours passed and Beyond unlocked the bathroom door, stepping out and closing it behind him quietly. His clothes were quite wet and stained an off red, Ashley decided he needed to struggle to make his life end feel like it meant something.

"Troublesome." Beyond mused and looked at his cold dried hand that was still red and blotchy from gripping the knife, he didn't think he'd look suspicious though.

He had walked in and was utterly distraught by the sight of A.

He'd grabbed him, shook him…

…all the splashing was accounted for, knife in the water…

…he'd found it and touched it in shock when he saw all that blood.

Wash cloth in the boys mouth…

…he didn't want to be saved, no one was supposed to hear his pain, he needed something to bite on.

Funny thing was that A chose to die by suicide…how useless.

"Useless." he mumbled in a slightly higher tone as he looked at the glass jar in his other hand, full of jam, he put it back in the cupboard where he'd found it, dry as it had been. In this house full of genius's Beyond was unafraid, these people were fools, for the exception of L, who wasn't there, he loved B…L loved B.

"He loves me." he said quietly and walked quietly, feet bare and damp, he walked into the hall and the toward the stairs, he started walking up and stopped halfway to the sound of his steady breathing.

He felt happy…free.

He looked up the dimly lit stairs and the grim smirk he wore slipped from his face, he raised his long fingers and pushed his damp hair back to reveal his pale face and empty eyes, full of glee.

But he changed quickly, he brought his eyebrows together in a deep frown and his lips began shaking, hands trembling and tears formed in his eyes.

Distraught.

Beyond took the next step in a leap, grabbing at the iron railing and propelling himself up the stairs, breathing frantically,

Panic.

Little noises of fright and worry from him lingered in the empty stairwell and even when he reached the hall, he slipped and pushed himself running and up again.

Frightened.

"Rog…Roger…Roger!" he shouted frightfully, his voice tight and strained, he grabbed the door knob and threw the door open, seeing that the old man was already coming around the desk to see what the commotion was about.

"…dear god…" Roger mumbled loudly and took a few steps to the shaking boy.

In the late afternoon over cast light, Beyond's shaking, pale and blood stained form was enough to send shivers through Roger, his eyes full of tears and dark with stress and sadness.

He stepped closer but was uncertain of whether to actually touch the young boy in this frightful state.

"Has…has something happened?" he jumped visibly when Beyond stepped forward and merely whispered that,  **yes** …something had happened.

With a very deep sob, Beyond screwed his eyes shut and threw himself at Roger, clutching the old, shorter man as he shook,

"Its…A…" he didn't forget that he wasn't meant to know that name, "…he's…dead Roger." he breathed into the silence, a smile forming as he knew Roger couldn't see him.

It was official.

A was dead.

* * *

**34 Hours later**

A was dead.

Fucking dead.

Not coming back to life.

Was this not an important event?

The funeral of your ex number one successor?

Beyond dragged the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing bile and red jam along his hand and the back of his sleeve. He pushed himself up on shaky legs and moved away from the comfort of the toilet bowl.

He stumbled into his room, his door was locked and the curtains were closed.

As expected, they had believed it, the act was flawless, Beyond was good at being something he wasn't, first L…now A's distraught friend.

They had left him alone when he continued to mumble and cry, the fools they were, let him into his room to lock himself away to mourn, making sure he had nothing he might 'commit suicide' with.

That was a cowards way out, but he didn't bother to enlighten them.

They cleared out A's room, all of the jam was left in the hall to be attended to later. The body had been taken first. The cuts were so deep, the one on the left wrist was horrible, as if he'd dug his own flesh out, severing the veins, tendons and nerves so there would be no chance of fixing the damage.

The second wrist was lesser, obviously not enough nerves left working in the left hand for him to really get a good grip on the knife…clearly.

Wash cloth, stuffed dry into his mouth…he didn't want anyone to hear him cry, there were teeth indents from where he'd bit down…how brave he was.

Tear streaked face and cold wet body…how brave he was.

B felt his stomach churn at the need to throw up again, it wasn't because he was thinking of how he couldn't even kill himself properly without help, it was because of the jam that he forced himself to eat.

They had all been laying in the hall, jars upon jars, some empty and some full. He'd taken just 5, only five and swallowed the contents of one and a half only that morning, it had taken more guts to swallow the vile stuff than it had to…help A commit suicide.

He was passed the second jar now and all he could taste was the disgusting jam.

He walked to the window and peered out, cars were everywhere, staff and some friends of the orphanage children and staff, donators and volunteers who believed this was an ordinary orphanage.

It was the day of the funeral…and L wasn't there.

Even Wammy.

Letting the curtain drop again he stared at the darkened floor of his room, tasting vomit on his tongue, he knew now he couldn't be bothered with this place. It didn't matter to L anymore, if the number 1 died and he didn't pitch, then he didn't care enough to come back, not for anything trivial.

And as much as B didn't like to consider himself trivial, he knew deep down, he wasn't enough to draw L back here…not nearly, L didn't really care for anyone in the end.

He had to leave.

Still, even with a dead body fresh in his mind and blood tainted water having been in his nose and wind passages, the sounds of a knife cutting through vein and tendon and flesh…none of it bothered him, caused him any plight.

That early morning following A's unfortunate parting, the only thing that lingered were L's words once said to him.

**'I like to take something with me from anyone I choose to remember, good or bad as the experience may have been, whatever I take may be physical, metaphorical or just something I remembered very vividly…'**

Ah yes…stored like a computer.

He remembered it word for word.

A had meant something to him.

His first dead body. That was a mile stone worth carrying.

He looked to the three horrible full jam jars sitting on the outside of the bathroom door.

It was disgusting but it was all he knew of Ashley.

This jam obsession.

He wouldn't forget anything L told him or disregard it, because he planned to see L again…soon or just someday and he wanted to show L how he'd heeded his guidance and words, to the very letter. And so he had to take what he knew of A with him.

The jam obsession.

With a gag in the very back of his throat and the simple knowledge that L was not coming to him so he would go to L, Beyond walked back to the bathroom and snatched up a fresh jar in his pale hand, settling himself at the toilet bowl again he popped the lid off and stuck his hand in to get a glob of it.

He sucked it off and up from his hand, it wasn't clean or very polite how he chose to do this, but his logical mind, what was left of it, told him that if he was going to be eating jam in remembrance of A for the rest of his life, he had to get passed the taste.

Minutes later came the sound of puking, later again, the sound of a new lid popping off.

While outside…

* * *

A hearse left through the large gates and some people moved to their cars, those who would be there for the actual burial, while most of the guests and staff ushered the children inside the larger front hall, where tables lay with cake and refreshments.

Tea and other warm drinks for children like hot chocolate were served and everyone talked dully and somberly.

Mello stood against a wall by himself, he wanted hot chocolate but he was distracted.

He didn't see anything close to true grief or mourning in anyone at this funeral, he hadn't remembered his parents death but he felt it even now, these people showed nothing for a life lost. Mild sadness and chatter about a wasted mind?

Did he, at 7, understand the value of life more than these adults?

Was that it? A boy died and no one…no one was able to say anything about him as a person, as a child or a human being.

Only about his brilliant mind…about what a waste it was to lose that mind. Where was the care and feeling, everyone was so lost in the twisted idea of being number one that they now all watched Near who had tried to get away as quickly as possible, already seeing a new number one when the previous had not even been laid in the ground yet.

He looked frightened to the dim witted adults shooting him pitying glances, but his eyes were wide in disbelief and even disgust. That had been A.

'…or you'll end up like A.'

Suicide, the boy had killed himself. And because of what?

Mello closed his eyes and then started walking toward the lady giving out hot chocolate, thinking quietly of everything he'd learned in such a short time, he knew now that he didn't want that…he would do things his own way and get L's attention his own way.

Near could have number one.

Mello would just have to be the best.

He didn't even know it…but that final thought extended his life span…

* * *

Just about two weeks later Beyond Birthday disappeared from the property of Wammy's House.


	10. I Felt These Shifting Hours...

 

_\- Mistakenly Used Up -_

* * *

 

Approximately 4 Years Later - Year 2001

Beyond could hear himself breathing, it wasn't heavy at all, just quiet and even along with a dull sound of water from a building drain as it spattered to the concrete in the narrow dirty alley. A car went by in the street every so often and the light would pass his feet, just barely reaching passed the walls either side of alley along with the red and blue flashes of police light that dotted across the walls. He blinked lazily as his wet hair clung to his face, sallow and pale skin was contrasted by bright red lips, slightly cut at the corners and wet with saliva as his teeth, sharp, worried another cut against his lower lip.

His dark long sleeve shirt clung tightly to his lean frame as the rain fell slight but consistently, never letting up even for a moment, it was just about the end of summer on the streets on London.

He was leaning, back straight and rigid pressed to the dark wet brick of the building behind him, his feet clad in old black boots were firm to the ground and his eyes were completely empty as he stared at the flashes of light, pale hands clenched into fists in his pockets.

His grey eyes shifted across the ground and raised when he finally saw the police car drive away and he let his gaze linger passed the opening of the alley, teeth letting up on his bleeding lip so his tongue could trace the cut smearing some blood as he turned his head and pushed himself lazily off the wall. His steps were slow and he seemed to wobble as he neared the exit, the street light's catching his pale skin and shadowing parts of his face as he leaned against the wall at the end, eyes staring at the police car now turning a corner and going out of sight.

He slipped his hands from his pockets and ran them through his thick wet hair, pushing it back to look slightly more slick, B exited the alley and walked along the street, unfazed by the weather and how it chilled his body with every drop that hit. He was far too used to it by this point. He'd walked the streets and London as well and Manchester, Lead's and Reading several times in the years that passed but each time he found himself back 'home'. He'd always gone out of London to do his 'business' but returned to London when he needed a break.

As the saying goes, don't shit where you eat.

Although Beyond Birthdays patience had long since run thin…now business was business, regardless of where he was which was why he was and had been there for a long time, close to a year.

He walked a good three blocks and avoiding a street light as he came round to a corner where several women stood around in the rain, clad in tight clothing and talking at each other in their loud London slum accent. B's eyes darted around quickly as he started walking closer quietly, taking in his surroundings and how many women there were, how many of them seemed drunk and how many of them seemed familiar with each other.

He spotted one that seemed to be trying to wave down any car that had a man in it, she clearly didn't know that you had to play the prostitute game the right way to get picked up…hence the reason a car she tried to flag down stopped at another whore. Yes, everything had a process, even buying sex.

But she fit the build.

She was alone too, near the middle of the street but without another girl paying her any mind the little lady had no whore friends. B stepped around two particularly cheap smelling hookers and let his scowl fall from his face as he approached her. He swung his step a bit as he rounded her and caught her attention, her blue eyes following him quickly as she tried to turn to follow his movement but he'd gone round to her front again,

"Not avin' much luck yea?" he let his eyes look over her and then to their surroundings, no one seemed to pay attention to them and he made sure he stayed just outside of the light from the high lamp so he wasn't too visible.

Beyond looked back at her in her tight upper thigh high dress, heels too high to be stable to walk in, legs completely exposed and her knees close together as she practically shivered with only a tiny waist high jacket on her skinny frame. Her hair was a thorough curly wet mess pulled up into a hair grip, dark black lipstick and eye make up was about the only thing setting her apart from the rest of the red lipped sluts working this street.

It was probably part of the reason she wasn't getting picked up.

"Yea, things are slo'. You got some money darling, you wan' a service then?" her heavy accent made her common London ass that much more obvious.

He stopped studying her appearance and flashed her a dirty smile,

"Yea'…" he made a gesture with his hand and mouth and she smiled, revealing a not so bad set of teeth save for one darkened tooth,

"I'll suck it for you love." she winked her dark painted eye and gave Beyond a once over.

He nodded and smirked not moving as he stood outside of the light, not drawing attention to him,  
"100 quid be good…?" he titled his head for her to follow as he started walking away.

Her heals clacked behind on the concrete and she caught up,

"Yea, thas about right…" she was trying to walk sexy but B kept his pace quick, slipping away quickly before anyone noticed him leading her away.

She stayed quiet for the most part and B made sure to glance at her, not trusting her silence but she seemed to focused on walking straight and keeping up to be looking for signs of danger. He'd had one like that before…she died prematurely. A smart whore was a waste.

He made a sharp turn, walking into a run down building several blocks down and she followed, at the shabby front desk clouded with smoke and loud television noises, the old nasty looking woman didn't even glance as they passed.

Rule 1 was be unnoticeable, rule 2 was live in a dump to remain that way.

He passed the desk quickly and she followed as he took the steps, many steps to the fifth floor and she was complaining half way up about her feet hurting and why couldn't they have gone into an alley.

He cringed inwardly but kept a straight face.

At the top she cooed at him when he paused to open his door, saying something about how good she was, he opened the door to one of four shit hole apartments at the top of the building, 2 were empty and the other one occupied by a 'dangerous drug addict' who demanded privacy as far as the owner knew.

"You like it private…" she laughed in what she must have thought was a sexy way as she stepped into the apartment, "…never been back to an apartment for a blow job…or anything for that matta'." she informed him and started slipping her fake leather jacket off her shoulders as she looked around the very neat room that held a bed, a desk with a mirror, a single wooden chair, two plate stove and small fridge, a single closet built into the wall and a door to a bathroom, as well as two small cupboards in the 'kitchen' area.

But it was spotless even if the wallpaper was coming off and there was rising damp in the corners, it was clean.

It didn't fit the profile of anyone choosing to live in this building…but it didn't matter what any one of them thought once they were inside.

She turned and B had just placed the key onto the small counter next to the small fridge after locking the door.

"Alrigh', take your pants off love…" she walked over after dumping her stuff on the chair near the desk.

His naughty smirk disappeared and he approached her very quickly, grabbing a fist full of her hair and titling her back as he pressed his free hand firmly over her nose and mouth stopping her breathing,

"If you scream…I'll hurt you…do you understand…?" he warned very quietly.

She was breathing heavily in shock, eyes wide and panicked as she nodded.

He kept his grip on her hair and let go of her mouth and the first thing she did was attempt to scream, Beyond didn't hesitate, punching her full in the face at close range and her head lolled a bit in his grip as she started whimpering, her mouth and nose starting to bleed easily at the force of the punch.

"I'll hit you again…shut your fucking mouth." he spoke calmly, his accent completely gone. She tried to support her weight in her dizzy whimpering state, his hand pulling her hair painfully in his fist as he stared down at her. Her arms came up and one hand grabbed his shirt, the other went to his hand on her hair.

Beyond grabbed her face, blood was visible on his knuckles from when he punched her,

"No screaming, right?"

She nodded and he turned her around, holding her hair as leverage B pushed her to a wall and slammed her against it, her cheek connecting with it harshly and her hands pressing to the wall as she started crying a bit louder,

"You…don' av' to do this…I'll give it to ya fer' free…" she was pleading quietly.

Beyond made a disgusted face though she couldn't see it,

"I'm not interested in your filthy trap…not your mouth or otherwise." he informed her quietly and pressed her face harder into the wall making her cry a little more.

Beyond leaned against the wall with his other hand and leaned close enough to speak really quietly, her eyes darting around as tears ran over her cheeks, shivering now from fear and not cold,

"I will make money off it tho'." he told her, "…from now on, any money you get you bring to me…if you think I'm kidding and want to test me, you'll start to lose your fucking fingers." he bumped her head against the wall harshly and it bounced back to him, he clamped his hand over her mouth as the momentum brought her head onto his shoulder and grabbed one of her hands in his other, not hesitating, he pressured her index finger to an awkward angle and like expected she started wriggling in pain. screams muffled into his hand and eyes tightly shut as she cried from the pain.

He shook her head roughly as it was pressed against his shoulder, his hand over her mouth leaving red finger marks and bruises in her cheeks from his harsh grip,

"To show you I'm fucking serious…" Beyond broke her finger with a shift of his hand and she jerked violently against him and cried miserably, shaking like a leaf, "…shhhh…" he warned her and let her go after she jerked again, turning her around and pushing her against the wall again he saw that her eyes were wide, face pale from the pain.

She fell to her knees when he stepped back, trying to cry quietly as she cradled her hand, make up running as she hiccupped and shook on the floor. He stared with dead eyes at her for a moment and then he glanced at the blood on his knuckles distantly.

"In exchange you'll sleep here in this room. I'll feed you and take care of your very basic needs…" he was mumbling as he stared down at her shaking figure, no feeling to the situation what so ever.

"We'll push your rates up and make you look better…being the ugliest whore doesn't get you business…" he leaned down and grabbed her upper arm, she barely concealed a cry as he dragged her half stumbling to her feet and pushed her into the chair, her tiny bag falling off with her jacket and she nearly followed it but she managed to balance, hurting her hand in the process, she clenched her teeth to stifle any sound.

"Answer me…yes or no is the only answer I require."

She didn't look at him, her eyes staring at his mid section wide and teary,

"Ye…yes…?" she breathed shakily.

"Do you have children?"

"…No…" she answered just as quietly.

"If your lying…your suffering will be worst when I find out." he warned calmly.

"No…I…I swear…I don'." she said again.

"Drug habits?"

"No…"

B smirked ever so slightly,

"Good Janine Camlin, you'll start tomorrow…" he watched as she raised her eyes to his, fear written all over her face after he called her by her real name.

But she never asked…because when she met Beyond's eyes…there was nothing but emptiness reflected back, with a hue of red.

* * *

**The following day**

B sat her down at the desk with the mirror and pulled the single drawer open beside her, she stared down at it and her eyes widened,

"Where'd you get all tha' make up…" she asked staring into a draw full of different lipsticks, pencils, concealer's and blush.

"The ones who came before you…" he said pointedly as he tossed her few make up items into the drawer to add to the rest, "…you will be a different type of whore than you were previously." Beyond spoke quietly as he stared at her via the mirror.

She looked afraid and her broken finger was now bandaged neatly, B seemed to know about healing broken fingers, it was a constant reminder that this man was not playing games, she nodded.

"You will work the same street and pretend as if nothing has changed but you will charge more…" he continued speaking and lifted a fine black eye liner out of the draw, handing it to her.

She hesitantly took it, it would be hard to apply her make up with her finger broken but she wasn't about to complain, so she started applying it, hearing him mumble the words 'not too much' and she made fine lines.

"You will charge rates I will instruct you to follow and you will bring back every cent they pay you, if I suspect you've lied…I will break something else on your body." he was speaking in a complete low monotone.

He took the eye liner from her and handed her a white eye shadow and she applied it very sparingly.

"You will carry yourself as a young woman and not a whore, walk up right, talk better…its more attractive and appealing to the pieces of shit who want to buy sex from you…" he trailed off and handed her a soft peach lip stick.

She applied it and sat back to look at herself, she looked fresh faced, minus the ugly bruise around the side of her mouth and cut lip.

B wasn't too worried about the bruise, hookers had the occasional bad run in and no one would be surprised to see it.

"Wear you hair down…"

She was nodding and took the clip out of her newly washed hair. Beyond went on to instruct very firmly that she would never let this living space become messy, she would never bring  **anyone** back to the building and she would never speak of him.

"When asked your name, you will say that its Sam…" he added "…and you may call me Guy." she half frowned at that name as she was straightening her shoulder length hair.

She opened her mouth and he raised her hand silencing her via the mirror,

"The less you speak…the better for you."

She nodded and continued to do her hair.

B walked away from her feeling impatient but it was always present within him, he always felt restless and barely slept. He knew he was a quite a sight and he'd noticed this girl staring at him that morning when he'd walked in to the room again after leaving her the night before, he'd locked her in.

She'd stared at him, he was terribly pale and while he was all tight muscle without an ounce of fat, through his slightly baggy clothing he appeared emaciated. His eyes had dark bags underneath them and his hair was a royal mess, he usually hacked away at it with a scissor occasionally when the length started irritating him, but never cared for it otherwise.

He was a rather scary sight but he never looked at himself in the mirror anymore so he didn't know the full extent of it, he mostly saw himself in reflections of windows and such.

He'd snapped at her to look away that morning and she'd hardy kept her eyes on him again after that for more than a moment.

He walked over to the closet and pulled it open before he turned back to her,

"Here…" he waited for her to stand up to look at him, "…are dresses, for the most part they're more or less your size. The girls before you are all in the region of your height and build." he told the brunette. She nodded, swallowing nervously she looked at him and partially raised a hand to say she wanted to ask a question.

He half rolled his eyes and worried his dry cut with his teeth, his lips were still an irritated red from lickig them constantly,

"What?" he snapped and lowered his head so he was staring at her from a low angle.

"…may I…jus' ask, wot's happened to…the girls…before me?" she practically whispered and he blinked lazily and tilted his head back, rolling it to the side so his neck cracked,

"I had to let them go…" he said dully, keeping his hands in his pockets, he always kept them there unless he needed them because of how his fingers twitched badly sometimes.

He glanced at the door,

"I have to go, get ready. I will come to let you out in an hour." he walked toward the door, not looking at her again as he left and locked the door behind him.

B turned and walked down the short hall to the apartment at the end, he lifted a chain he wore round his neck with the rusted key attached to it and he unlocked the door. Stepping inside and closing the door, he locked himself in and placed the key safely around his neck again.

B stepped around and over the piles of newspapers stacked in his path, this room was a royal mess, clippings all over the dirty white walls along with red writing with prostitutes lipsticks. He'd written many random things, people he thought were the guilty parties of every crime he had pinned on the walls. He had an 87% correct rate so far…following all of the large cases that he knew  **he**  would be doing, cases he knew would catch the detective's…the great detective, interest.

He didn't have much information on the cases but he seemed to good at guessing the culprit right before the truth was released to the press.

He was pretty on par with the conclusion of these criminals cases and he was proud of it, that way he never actually lost touch with  **him** …he was keeping up.

He sat down at his lap top that sat open on the floor. The screen black, it sat at a corner of the room hidden from view by the stacks of newspapers and notepads. He settled on the floor, one leg to his chest and the other along the side of the computer, his boot pressed against the side of a cooler bag that kept beverages for him.

Scattered among the papers where chip packets and sweet wrappers, some empty food cartons and some stray insects, empty jam jars, he didn't care much for keeping this place clean. The only things that mattered in this room was him and…L.

His personal thoughts about everything concerning L.

Beyond didn't say that name aloud anymore, he avoided mirrors altogether and chose to keep himself wrapped in his own survival while following cases as a means of stimulating his mind.

After his first several months of sleeping on benches and in alley's behind dumpsters, B had found his mind slipping into a dark place, darker than usual. He was always staring at TV's and newspapers through shop windows or at vendors, his mind committing to memory everything he read or saw and he would sit when he was alone, cold, dirty and unable to sleep, thinking the cases through, wondering how he could solve them… and who the suspects were.

He'd never realized how deeply imbedded into him Wammy's house was, 5 detailed mock cases a week, 6 weeks before an examination, in addition to their practical's and theoretical tests on a daily basis, their essays and physical classes…he'd always thought he was adverse to it…but when he was left alone with nothing, he noticed how he craved the stimulation, how he'd overlooked it as something he did because he could and not because it became a routine of necessity for him.

That routine had only been broken when  **he**  came into the picture and when B was left with neither…his skin started to crawl and he found himself needing the clean clinical processes of work and mental stimulation.

Madness.

It was around this time when the slip in his mind was so powerful he felt crazier than he ever had, that Beyond realized that being a murderer was not something that you were born with in your senses.

It was something you chose to do, something you were driven to…something that you could develop and depending on the person the measures of it varied from defensive murder to cold blooded…to Beyond's need to murder. A combination of need and necessity.

He'd snapped, driven by need to survive…for money…and then he'd realized that the feeling of the knife pressing through the muscle of a man's back brought him an entirely new sensation…he liked it, no…he loved it.

He took a breath as he closed his lap top and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes…almost 43 hours since he'd slept, he was starting to tweak and there was a constant ringing in his ears, seeing things that were not there and his vision was blurred. He needed money so he could purchase food and jam…jam…jam…A…L…

He made a sound of frustration and drew his legs up, pressing the heels of hands against his eyes, he was hungry and tired but he couldn't sleep…there'd been a time where he'd dreamed of having insomnia so he could truly bear  **his**  appearance but now it seemed like torture…there was no need for this.

B had resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he would likely never see L again, nothing…none of it mattered anymore…anything and everything they'd shared…L had dismissed and he hated that it surprised him.

L had never given him false hope. He hated him so much. He craved him so much.

Stretching his legs out, Beyond hastily opened his jeans and let his hand reach in to touch himself without much thought, as he usually did, just needed release from the clouds in his mind, the thoughts of a face he could never forget because it was so similar to his own. It was arousal, disturbingly formed from mixed thoughts of murder and sex long since happened but never forgotten.

Beyond slipped his loose jeans down a bit and took his erection in his hand -he‘s done this so many fucking times- starting into hard strokes and not letting up as he let his mind think back on L, on the one experience he could always return to for his need.

The groans and the tight feeling of **his** body, how **L’s** skin had actually tasted good, he remembered how L kissed and how he looked when he orgasmed helplessly into Beyond’s hand after the painful…deliciously painful, sex they’d had.

His head was pressed back against the wall and eyes shut, his teeth gritting as he felt himself close to cumming after 10 minutes of quiet masturbation, he only moved his hand faster as he came closer and in his head repeated that letter than represented everything B ever wanted... **L**

It was over quickly like it always was, just a mess afterward…the mess that was Beyond.

He was left to steady his breathing and sweaty skin and blink back to reality, leaving **his** face in the back of his mind, until it forced its way back up again. 

Staring down at the mess in his lap, Beyond started planning the days ahead as he stood up to clean himself.

Forgetting **him** again before he became too distracted.

* * *

5 months later

L stared out of the limo window distractedly where he sat in the back seat, watching the rain against the window as it pushed backwards against the glass, they drove along the streets of London at a moderate pace. Quillsh was quiet as he drove but it was a peaceful and comfortable quiet though, they hadn't fought, disagreed or argued in so long, things had settled well. The lived, work and existed together, enjoying each others good company and having plenty of time apart as well at L's various houses in different countries. Quillsh would do his social thing occasionally and L met some people through him as well between work and travel. Always Anonymous. So many alias's.

L loved the whole thing…he enjoyed being so entirely untouchable.

He had his chin rested in his cold palm, elbow on the door arm rest, fingers lightly pressed to the top of his lip and eyes half lidded as he stared out at the blurry image of London through his window.

It had been ages since he'd been in London, years…he was always amazed at how the years seemed to mold together until he really couldn't account for all the time gone by, okay well if he tried he very likely could recount  _everything_ in exact detail but he wasn't going to do that. He glanced down at the little window button and brought his other hand which had been settled in his flat lap, to press it.

It made a soft electronic sound and the window slid down just a tad until he lifted his finger back off the button to stop it. The wind entering the car was chilled and smelled mostly fresh, it pushed the very tips of his hair around so the unkempt style flicked more to one side of his head, he smiled stupidly.

He saw Quillsh glance back and he smiled at him via the mirror, receiving a warm smile back, London was home to L as it was home to Quillsh. They'd been a way for years but the time had come for L to meet his new…successors and that meant returning, neither was unhappy. L had thought he might be when they'd first scheduled the trip, but once they touched down and he saw the familiar sight, he was comfortable all at once.

It also frightened him to think of it…just 4 or so years ago his returns to Wammy's House were centered around an entirely different…priority of sorts.

L wasn't the type to pretend as if nothing had ever happened, he was far too mentally aware of everything to even hope of being able to repress memories…he remembered right back to when he was only 4 years old and Quillsh brought him to Wammys, very vividly too. He remembered the shabby orphanage he'd been in before then.

He still remembered how Quillsh had smacked his little hands as he'd bitten his nails on the ride to Wammy's and he'd very happily smacked Quillsh's hands for touching his own. The man had laughed and patted L's shoulder…although then he hadn't been L. he didn't know who was back then…he didn't think he'd ever been named.

It was not always a pleasant thing to have, such detailed memory, but in some aspects like his work it was particularly useful, no small detail ever went over looked.

However…no large one did either.

It was as if Wammy's House, with B, had happened just a month before, even a day if he allowed himself to recount the memory down to the very smell…of Beyond Birthdays flesh, his hair and his…taste. Pleasant things…but the pain had been vile and awful and he'd walked around with it for several days after he'd left Wammy's House, he hadn't even been able to sit nicely on the plane, leaning to one side and frowning the entire way. If Quillsh suspected what might have been the obvious, he never said anything, but L always thought Quillsh knew exactly what had happened and just chose to remain silent. L suspected this because among the young women that Quillsh introduced L to during their incognito social evenings that Quillsh insisted on -saying it was healthy- he'd never been particularly shy to introduce L to men either. That could have only come from one place really…he'd known Beyond was with L the night before they left and he had been the one to enter the room the following morning.

Ah, that had been quite an uncomfortable morning for him and he didn't doubt the old man felt it just as badly.

He smiled and brought his finger tips to his mouth as he recalled, chewing on his middle finger and not glancing at Quillsh since he felt he might just blush as the image of Quillsh doing that very thing so long ago came to mind. Embarrassing would have understated the morning after…L's romp with BB.

He had never in all of his 18 years –at the time- and the next few to come, seen Quillsh Wammy blush, just that once and it had been very disconcerting to see a man with such a strong grip on his emotions and etiquette stare at his naked (albeit barely covered by the bedding) adopted son in his bed.

Yes…Quillsh knew what had happened but he'd never asked L, never a day.

He'd still been entirely disorientated when he'd sat up in his bed that early morning, he still remembered the severe burning ache that went straight up his ass and all along his spine when he sat up. He'd grimaced and just barely wiped the sleep from his dark rimmed eyes when a quiet knock sounded, the usual morning wake up knock, and Quillsh had entered.

Lucky L's internal clock had worked that morning, still being asleep when Quillsh entered would have been worse, he would have been clueless as to his nude state and not gathered some of the sheets around himself under that old wise gaze. L had never been embarrassed before that day.

The older man had paused once entering the room and while then, at the that exact moment L hadn't known why Quillsh turned to look at him so pointedly - as if he hadn't needed to see L's state to know what had happened- he knew now it was because the room had been stuffy and smelled of sex.

He knew now as an adult what sex smelled like. Quillsh had then and L did now…so when the man had looked at him and his old grey-blue eyes looked over L's ruffled and none to decent appearance as he sat stone still, slouched and pale in his bed - thin white legs spread and eyes wide with a sheet covering his crotch- L had only blinked and asked simply if something was wrong.

Quillsh composed the blush in his face quickly though and shook his head curtly, he'd placed the tray down on L's desk and didn't make eye contact again as he left the room.

They hadn't spoken on the flight to France from London, not during their time in France and only when they were boarding the private plane to leave for Australia where L had a case lined up, did Wammy begin speaking to him again.

He remembered feeling relieved and going so far as to keep the conversation steady for at least an hour on the plane, Quillsh was his only family after all, who else did L really have to talk to about everything and anything…well except the subject that had initially caused the discomfort between them.

They'd been fine since then and Quillsh never once mentioned Beyond's name and L found that he never did either, not aloud anyway. He did think of B quite often, never allowing himself to forget because it would not suit him to do so. So much had changed though after that night.

He pulled the little button up so the window slid closed because stray rain drops were hitting his face, his skin was starting to prickle with Goosebumps as well from the chill and it was unpleasant since he'd taken his coat off and was sitting in only a grey long sleeve shirt and black slacks with a pair of formal leather shoes. They'd come from lunch at the airport just earlier when they had arrived in London, Quillsh had made it a habit for L to go out occasionally and to inspire some care to his appearance.

Like the worrying father figure that he was, L appreciated it even though he complained to the high bloody heavens every time the man nagged him.

L admitted to himself though, his stubborn side would never admit it to Quillsh, that it worked quite well. He adopted his table manners when he went out to eat with Wammy, manners he never used on a regular basis even though he'd been taught to eat with proper utensils as a child, he would even wear ironed clothing and make himself smell good toowhen they went to public eating places or the theatre. Quillsh also insisted it was because L needed to avoid drawing attention to himself with his odd appearance and he agreed, people tended to stare less but they still stared.

He argued several times that if he didn't go out he wouldn't be stared at, at all and Quillsh remedied this counter by rationing L's sweets supply and then bribing L with a trip out to the local bakery id he cleaned his appearance up and brushed his hair.

Evil!

At any rate, L still never brushed his hair, he'd never own a brush if he could help it. It had usually only been when he went out that he did this spiffing up, beside the usual hygiene he had to follow for his own piece of mind like showering once a day and wearing roll on to avoid body odor obviously.

But L found himself wearing slight cologne regularly now, having found a fragrance he liked, he still didn't really bother to ever groom his hair but since it was so straight it only tangled at the ends and those knots were easy to dislodge with his fingers until it was a wild spiked mess above his head.

He tended to still delay on washing his hair, but not so long, 2 days at most but he still preferred to dress comfortably and Quillsh didn't object too badly.

He sighed as he went over all of these things in his mind, yes, a lot had changed. The rain seemed to fall harder the further they got from the city toward Winchester and L sighed and leaned back, crossing one leg under the other and picking at his perfectly clean nails with another quieter sigh.

It would be a long day, he had never been good with particularly young children but he supposed he'd waited long enough, the eldest was now 11 and that was hardly an annoying age for children with their IQs. He knew they'd likely interact and function at the minimum age of 14 to 15 by this point. He'd kept meticulous track of their progress and he was partly looking forward to speaking with them, all three of them.

He had set aside an hour for each and then he'd sit with them all for a while to watch how they interacted together.

He knew they were aware that he existed, they'd started fully and openly competing for his title around their 7th month of being at the orphanage, their first evaluations having been done at the most tender ages after their possible grief and time needed to adjust had been settled.

"We've arrived." Quillsh informed as the car came to a slow stop on a small rise.

L leaned to the side to see through the windshield as the large reinforced gates of Wammy's House swung inwards to let them enter. No one was in the yards, barely anyone ever was when it rained, he remembered that.

"Are they expecting us, you never mentioned it?" L enquired and settled back again, nibbling at the tip of thumb lightly, eyes lazily looking through the blurred window as the car started up the red smooth brick driveway…upgrades.

The building had been refurbished at some point, it usually was every 2 years or so, plumbing was checked, walls were repainted, rising damp, if any, was seen too. Appliances were replaced if they showed signs of breaking, all broken light fixtures were changed, new gardens created in place of older ones…basically the upkeep doubled at a certain point and the minimal maintenance happened regularly after that.

"Only Roger is expecting us…" he answered belatedly.

They drove farther up until Quillsh parked in his reserved parking spot and switched the car off, L watched as the old man opened his own door and lifted a large black umbrella from the passenger seat, opening it outside before he got out. L sighed and grabbed his own on the seat beside him, opening his door and doing the same…L knew that Quillsh spoiled him sometimes by opening his door and such, but really, for the most part, L did the little things himself.

Like the time Quillsh told him to do his own washing…that had been a task and a half. While the new age machines were easy enough to configure and use…no one said just how much detergent and powder to use, or at let, L didn't care to read the instructions on the box.

That had been fun actually, until Quillsh had arrived back to L's little bubble party. His tinkies had been promptly hidden away as a form of punishment, he'd nagged and sulked until eventually he did get them back…sometimes he and Quillsh simply enjoyed taunting one another.

He shut the car door and glanced around as rain fell heavily around him and on his umbrella, he was tempted to lower it and get soaked for all it was worth, but Quillsh gave him a knowing look and raised a thick silver eyebrow, L just smiled at him lopsided and innocent and with one hand in his pocket and the other holding the umbrella he followed inside obediently.

They entered through the back kitchen door because it was closer to the parking and more sheltered to walk along the walls outside, L immediately smelled the fresh Chelsea buns when they entered and he dropped his umbrella without even closing it after shutting the door, ignoring Quillsh's exasperated sigh, L walked over to a tray that stood cooling on one of the marble tops and lifted the warm sticky bun in between his fingers, taking a large bite out of it and getting white still warm icing all over the sides of his cheeks and mouth.

"If your finished, I'd like to get you to your room before the children break for recess…" he had placed both their umbrella's closed neatly into the small basket behind the door. L nodded as he took another bite and walked toward the doorway, Quillsh tearing off a piece of kitchen paper towel and handing it to L as they left the large white and black space.

"Fank ou." L mumbled around his last piece of the bun and then wiped his fingers and mouth with the towel, Quillsh afforded him a small fond smile and they started up the stairs on the furthest end, away from the main stairs that the students used.

L remained silent as they climbed, enjoying the familiar smell of Wammy's House halls, the sound of the rains heavy on the roofs and the large French windows in the stair ways. When they reached the very top floor where L's room along with Quillsh's, the music room and a few other used spaces were, he smiled at the dark wood floors that were complimented by the soft crème painted wall on the lower half with expensive designer wall paper in a blue and white rising to the ceiling. Pretty paintings lined the walls, some purchased and some done by the residents themselves, very well done, L noted as he saw some new ones, liking the new scenery.

"I believe that despite my intense need to have left here so long ago, I quite missed this place." He glanced at the barely shorter man walking beside him as their shoes tapped against the hard wood, he smiled back,

"There never is any place like home…"

L nodded slightly and heard the large church bell dinging through the halls, it was recess and as they approached his door passing a flight of main stairs, L heard the noise of several students as they rushed into the main building from outside, to their rooms, or the large library , cafeteria, any space in the house they so wished.

Wammy's was truly a haven for gifted children, they could literally be whoever they wanted if they applied themselves.

They stopped at the wooden door that was L's room and Quillsh was fishing out his master key from his deep pants pockets as he spoke,

"We will spend the evening here and you may interact with the boys…" he mumbled and looked closely through the hundreds of keys for L's door key.

L liked how that sounded –the boys- after their lengthy discussion some time ago after they'd left Wammy's about how they needed to be more tactful with choosing names, they had agreed that a more personal undertaking was required as to avoid their previous mistakes.

Namely Beyond's AWOL stint and completely obvious lack of mental stability and A's severe lack of self esteem, worth and interest in life, plus his cliché self mutilation. Quillsh had said he thinks L should take a more…fatherly approach. The word irked him _,_   _father_ , he was never interested in being a father, but when the old man told him that he was basically one as a partner to the orphanage, L supposed it made sense.

He'd never been too involved, but he'd sat in during classes, helped some kids with difficult work and babysat every so often, he had been known as sir, like the other teachers, even at 14 when he'd first instructed a small class, this place was as much in his charge now that he'd long since come of age as it was Rogers and Quillsh's.

So he agreed to take a more hands on approach, visit the children, involve himself in their progress personally and never let them get the look that A had had in his eyes that last time L had ever seen him. He sighed quietly, Quillsh unlocked the door and pushed it inward stepping into a warmly lit room which smelled like it had been recently aired, the bed freshly made and cleaned.

He knew it was Roger who'd likely prepared the room and was grateful, Quillsh would thank him though, not L.

"Tomorrow we will leave again early and go past the cemetery to visit A's grave…" he said quietly as he switched on lamps and patted his old hands on the bed for no reason other than familiarity before he settled his gaze on L standing with his hands stuffed in his pocket and staring wide eyed at his 'father'. He wouldn't say he didn't want to go, even though he really didn't want to, having decided not to attend the funeral so long ago because of work had left a bitter taste in Quillsh's mouth and L wasn't about to strike out twice. He nodded,

"Of course…" he said wisely.

Quillsh nodded and his shoulders relaxed, L was pleased he'd taken some stress away from the older man,

"Then we shall book in at the hotel for the remainder of the week after our visit." He finished and walked back toward L and passed through the door, stopping just outside, there was noise of children from outside L's window and down the passages,

"I shall bring you some tea and cake shortly."

"Thank you." L leaned against the door, his full height was just above average but L hardly ever stood up completely straight.

"At 1-o-clock after recess we should begin the meetings…which boy would you like to see first?" Quillsh seemed amused, he'd been updated more constantly than L about these boys.

L rolled his eyes,

"Surprise me…"

Quillsh chuckled and he nodded,

"Very well, the files for each should be in the desk drawer where I instructed Roger to leave them, where shall I have them wait?"

"Hm…in the music room please." L tilted his head.

"Very well…" Quillsh nodded and walked away toward the noisy stair case.

L closed his door with his foot and let out a shaky breath as he faced his back to his bedroom, too much familiarity, he was grateful his hand were in his pockets since against his will they'd started shaking when he laid eyes on his bed. He took his hands from his pockets and opened the one which held the now tiny squashed paper towel, walking over to his small empty paper bin next to the desk, he tossed it in and immediately started to step out of his too tight leather shoes, they made an annoying sound every step he took on Wammy's wooden floors and L liked being quiet.

Stepping out of the shoes he started across the room slowly finally looking at his bed, wobbling and hopping as he pulled the black socks off and let them lay wherever they fell. His bare feet felt relief against the cool smooth wood and L sat on his bed with a sigh, bringing his legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms round his knees, he quietly settled that way while chewing his thumb, eyes half lidded and his body still as he rested in his own company for a moment.

He wiggled his toes to relieve the slightly clammy feeling the socks left between them and uncurled himself after about 10 minutes of sitting that way, he laid down and pressed his face into his pillow, only smelling fresh fabric softener and not what…he supposed some very illogical part of himself, had hoped to smell.

He barely groaned before remaining laying down, turning his face to the side and staring across the room to the desk where the folders of his successors information were. No more A and B. Now it was N, M and M.

B was gone…A was…dead…

A very quieted thought came to L's mind when he thought about A's death, he'd seen the pictures they'd taken of A in the bath tub and how his wrists were slit...cut up more like, one more than the other as if to throw off the obvious, but still…cut up. The very instinct of L's natural detective mind had rung loudly as he'd looked over the 'evidence' so to speak. But he'd never pursued it and while he's never bothered to think much of it since again it simply suited him not to, L's dismissal of that one small…case, one small truth, frightened him. He knew…deep down inside…L knew that B…B had…

"Arg…" he slammed his face back into the pillow and pushed that thought back to the selfish side of his brain where he didn't let things interfere with his own personal feelings. L heard that familiar knock on the door and he sat up when Quillsh re-entered, his hair falling around his head limply when he got up, walking toward the tray like the age old routine this was.

He lifted the tea cup without the saucer, Quillsh hated it and L always did it, lifting a single sugar cube and dropping it inside, stirring it with the tiny spoon before he sipped the hot liquid, blinking and looking as though he might throw up as he gagged briefly.

Quillsh seemed to be trying not to laugh,

"Why on earth do you always do that?" he enquired but L never gave him an answer.

It was something L had started doing after he'd left the orphanage for good, B had always over sweetened his tea with sugar he didn't care for, so L reminded himself about that by tasting tea the way B occasionally drank it, one sugar. On those rare occasions when B was B and not L, he also remembered the slight dimples and smile and swallowed thickly as he placed the cup back down and lifted the sugar bowl in his pale hand.

Beyond always tasted good, no sugar needed.

L ate two sugar cubes absently before he started dropping them one after the other into the cup, Quillsh sighed seeing L's mind drifting as he cut two large slices of cake and placed the pieces onto the plate for L with a fork stuck into one piece.

After sufficiently saturating his tea, L mumbled a thank you and took his plate with cake and his tea and walked over to his work desk. Sitting down with one leg pulled up, his cake and tea beside him, L opened the drawer and took out the latest file to update himself on the boys' progress.

He heard Quillsh leave but paid no mind, it was time to focus…Beyond was not around to distract him.

* * *

As he approached the music room L slowed his barefooted walk just before the large glass windows in the hall, he peeked into one and looked around the large room filled with instruments and chairs but he saw no one.

Late? He wondered if one of these boys would be so bold, the thought interested him.

Blinking slowly, L walked forward and stepped into the open door, walking quietly and hunched passed the first lot of instruments toward the piano…so long ago he'd been here, just another memory.

He reached the grand black piano and sat down normally on the narrow bench, his bare feet going to the peddles and his fingers lifting the cover off the keys, L was smiling fondly and then it faded as he became aware of a presence in the room. It was like intuition, but he'd not seen anyone just a moment ago when he'd walked in, so he decided to wait until they made themselves known and he began playing a tune on the piano, he'd since written a few of his own more pleasant tunes, Beyond having been the inspiration even if he'd never know it.

After about 3 or 4 minutes of playing L noticed a figure just out of his peripheral vision and he lazily glanced over as his fingers stopped moving on the white keys, he stared wide eyed at the pale lithe boy before him. He looked as if he might fall over as his left shoulder leaned lazily to the side and his skin was so fair his veins in his tiny youthful neck and face were slightly pronounced. His hair was slightly curly and settled above his head untidily, his clothing was far too big for him and L couldn't help thinking that this little albino child should not be wearing white.

It seemed like a mockery.

He stood still and stared at L with empty grey eyes, L stared back not really thinking anything at all.

"I am L." he stated and turned on the bench, bringing one leg up and leaning a hand on his knee as he regarded the child, who was no doubt taking in his first impression of L after he'd introduced himself.

They stayed that way for about 10 minutes, the boys pale lips getting dryer as he breathed lightly and quietly, eyes blinking so quickly in between long stares.

L just ignored the look needing to move the conversation along,

"I am going to ask a question and you will answer." He didn't ask, "…what do you remember before you came to Wammy's House?"

Silence for a further minute and then, Near, L knew this was him, crouched down and curled into an awkward position on the floor, similar to his own but more uncomfortable looking.

L obliged and got off the bench, crouching down in his own usual way and facing Near as they settled beside the piano bench.

"Nothing…" Near's voice was quiet and barely audible.

That was a lie but one that L knew was something every child said at Wammy's, like he had, like Beyond had, but they all remembered but they were meant not to.

"Good…" L stated knowing Near's history anyway.

He was pleased that his top 3 successors didn't have very traumatizing childhood years. Near for instance was a child of a single mother who died of cancer, he'd have to watch out for that in Near, but children's health at Wammy's was monitored all the time.

Even Mello, the blonde child, with his violent unpredictable tantrums that Roger documented in detail, had no background issues except that his father was convicted of money laundering and his mother ran off with another man and left Mello with a neighbor, from there he was sent to a local German orphanage and eventually inducted into Wammy's House. No murder or abuse or anything.

The third child, the red head, who L knew as Matt and also the most detached child of the 3 was the only one who had been physically abused, beaten by his mother –though minimally- and came from poverty and he was by far the simplest, most relaxed child. Over all he had known when he'd first read their files and progress that this bunch were going to prove interesting. Contradictions to themselves.

Near,  **withdrawn**  despite having a normal childhood.

Mello,  **violent** despite never being exposed to it in his home.

Matt,  **laid back** and  **adaptable** despite great hardships.

Near still hadn't responded and was contended to just stare, L noticed his eyes going between the thumb in L's mouth to his hair and bare feet, he smiled slightly and as if Near just knew it, his grey eyes turned back to L's face,

"Let's begin shall we…" L stated and Near raised what should have been an eyebrow –he didn't really have visible hair there- and L began.

It was an in specific line of questions, from things about Near's everyday routine, to his school work to extremely trying questions and he was pleased that Near answered apathetically but correctly each time. It was meant to be a mixture of comforting/familiarizing questions with serious ones. L was listening and commenting on Near's explanations and answers.

It was informative to him that Near ate a very general diet and needed no specific foods to keep him happy, he didn't have any disorders and was in good health…all the way too asking him to quote specific text book lines or answer large mathematical equations.

Near was mechanical, he had no tone of voice to note, no rise or fall in his emotions and he took exactly 4 seconds before answering every one of L's academic or in depth questions, regardless of the content. It was almost as if he knew the answer and simply paused before answering.

Impressive.

He did notice though that when Near was being spoken to or speaking back, he touched his hair…played with it, curled it over and over around his finger but when conversation halted during their short staring contests, he'd stop.

L usually wiggled his toes when he spoke and he sat in his crouched way because…he felt more clear headed. Well, Beyond had actually pointed that out to him, but regardless, in his battle position with his toes twiddling freely, he functioned at full capacity, so Near had a tick too. Not surprising.

L was sure he had lapsed the hour he'd set aside for each child but he hardly minded since talking to this boy was very entertaining, he'd even bothered to ask 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' and Near, after 4 seconds had blinked and giving a very acute 'Are you serious?' look with his small eyebrow raised higher.

Yes, he just wanted to amuse himself.

"Hm, I suppose that will be all…" L smiled with wide eyes, he knew so much of these children even before he would speak with them that he did feel as if they were his direct responsibility especially since unlike the previous successors, these were so much younger than him.

He watched Near get up and he didn't miss the small wince and L barely frowned, his pale features not changing much as he lowered his eyes to Near's foot thoughtfully.

The boy was about to walk away but L reached his long arm out, his slender fingers wrapping gently round the tiny wrist and Near's large eyes fixed directly on the small contact, but L simply tugged him closer wordlessly until Near was standing and looking down at L's crouched form. L was aware that Near had become even more withdrawn since coming to Wammy's and in Roger's side notes it stated he was not comfortable with being touched. The only thing was…L didn't give a shit.

"Sit down." He instructed and Near obeyed, sitting in his crouched way directly in front of L, staring at him closely now and that little finger came up to curl a single piece of hair.

L grabbed Near's legs just above his ankles and pulled his legs forward and the child very nearly flopped onto his back but his hands caught his fall and he leaned back, staring at L in a way almost close to irritation and confusion.

"Your notes say you're very quiet and do not speak when something is bothering you…" L stated and lightly held Near's left ankle in his hand as he pulled the too big white sock off the small white foot.

L stared at the large bruise over the top of Near's veiny little foot and how it was somewhat swollen toward the ankle, it looked painful and L's gave him an apathetic look, Near responded well to a lack of facially expressive communication and L didn't mind, he loved that Near could do that because he preferred it.

"How did this happen?" he stared straight into Near's face and saw the boys hesitation, that closely one could see more emotion than from a distance in his eyes, it was a fear.

Flashes of A came into his mind, remembering how afraid he'd been to confess that Beyond was abusing him and L had known, yet still A was too scared…because maybe he'd known L wasn't going to do anything to protect him…he hadn't done anything in the end and B had…A was dead.

Near was currently lining up to be a very satisfactory number 1, like A had once been…and B was always there, maddeningly biting at A's heels, so close yet never quite getting there…

He couldn't let that happen again, he couldn't allow it to be a twice made mistake.

L gently traced his fingers over the discolored flesh of Near's foot and while he winced at first, he relaxed just a bit but he still didn't answer. L sighed,

"Was it Mello?" he'd known before he asked, Roger's notes clearly documented that Mello was aggressive toward Near directly, he'd even read very early notes on Beyond having stopped the blonde from assaulting Near once.

That didn't make much sense to L, it didn't seem like something Beyond would do but since he'd had no more explanation to it than Rogers notes, he'd never wondered about it too much.

Like just about all of Beyond's behavior.

"Near?" L used his more authoritive tone of voice, one he might use when dealing with police investigators who want to be difficult, even through the voice scrambler and gothic letter 'L' on a lap top it was very demanding.

Near held his gaze and then nodded just barely, not pulling away from L. He sighed and lifted the white sock up, handing it to Near,

"I don't want you to be afraid of him…" L dared to say and while Quillsh would probably smack him upside his head for playing favorites –he would see it that way- L was merely protecting his interests and his morals. He'd let them slip once before and he would not again.

Near pulled the sock on gently and then stared at L when the words were spoken and L made sure he looked straight into Near's eyes when he said this,

"He is afraid of you, your mind threatens him. He doesn't know how else to vent his frustration…do not let him scare you into submission."

Near's lips twitched as if the 10 year old might smile and he spoke,

"I am aware of his shortcomings to my own intellect. I only fear that since he lacks such basic self-control, he will one day kill me, then my intelligence will matter little." Near mumbled.

L nodded,

"I see how his violent outbursts concern you. I've read the reports…but I can assure you…" and L really felt that he could, "…Mello will never kill you."

Near actually frowned, the little crease between his barely visible eyebrows showing this expression,

"How can you be so sure?"

L smiled in that way that made him look crazy and tilted his head,

"I believe it's because Mello is driven by a challenge and would much rather be able to spit in your face should he surpass you, that to spit on your grave and take the title by default."

Near blinked and seemed to consider this with a few hair twirls before getting his own little version of L's smile on his face,

"Perhaps, you are correct."

"I am L…I am always correct."

Near smiled a bit more at that and L stood with him helping him onto his feet,

"Please go to the infirmary and get that bandaged, it'll only swell worse other wise."

"Yes sir…"

L blinked and smirked,

"Please, when I am visiting you at Wammy's, call me Ryuzaki."

After all it seemed more fitting than any of his other alias's did, at least to him it did.

* * *

After helping the small albino down the stairs to the floor below where the infirmary was, L went back upstairs to the music room, taking his cell phone from his pocket as he entered the room he was about to call Quillsh to call for the next boy when his eyes fell on the red head sitting on the piano bench with a tray of tea and cookies beside him.

He was looking bored, staring at his knees and swaying his legs as he sat, hands either side of the skinny appendages as he leaned slightly forward.

"Matt?" L questioned as he approached the back of the room, slipping his hands into his pockets along with his cell phone. The red head turned to face and he saw bright green eyes with slightly darkened skin around them and odd red line imprints in his face around the very same bright eyes.

He came closer and while he stared at the boys appearance, greasy hair and creased bright clothing, said boy stared back at L's own creased clothing and wild unkempt hair.

"Yeah…I'm Matt…" he grinned carefree.

L assumed this boy was happy to be free from his abusive home but he also felt that there was something else underneath the surface, a temper perhaps? The notes said he didn't get angry but he became irritated quickly and often skipped classes or went off by himself in the yard for hours.

Not passive aggressive but just slow to rise to anger, L knew that was dangerous.

He would add it to his report later.

"I am L."

"No shit, Sherlock." Matt said still smiling and stood up when L was just 2 feet from him.

L said nothing, aware that it was just a saying and not entirely interested in it, he averted his gaze from the happy green eyes to the tray of tea and cookies.

"Um, Mr Wammy asked me to bring em up…I was on my way. Sorry I was totally late…" he scratched his greasy hair.

"It's alright, I was delayed anyway." He said somewhat relaxed and sat down on the bench, bringing a leg up to his chest, lifting a cookie and stuffing the entire thing into his mouth.

There were two cups of tea and Matt lifted one, sipping it and not looking like he enjoyed it much, L spoke around the cookie,

"Do you need more sugar?" he asked with wide eyes and crumbs on his mouth as he tapped the sugar bowl.

Matt laughed just a bit and shook his head while waving a hand with a tight red wrist band on it,

"I hate tea…it tastes like crap." He gave the cup a distasteful half arsed glare and grabbed a cookie, stuffing it into his mouth like L did and sitting on the other end of the bench, straddling the narrow bench and facing L.

L stared at him with wide eyes and Matt frowned,

"What? You look like someone just stole your cook-eeees…." He grinned around his half chewed mouthful, "…oh right, you want it back?" he cupped his hand by his mouth as if he might spit it back out and L frowned,

"No…please, swallow that immediately."

When Matt shrugged and sighed with great exaggeration L gave him annoyed look,

"You were joking, yes?"

"You're really uptight." Matt stated blandly and sighed, there was that lack of attention span that L had read about, he was looking everywhere now, bored with the cookies and joking very quickly.

"I am not." L said as an after though and stuffed another cookie into his mouth making Matt look back at him.

"It's okay…I get told all the time that I'm really annoying." He grinned.

"I might agree." L smiled back and ate another cookie thinking that's Matt's accent reminded him of Beyond, he could just barely hear the English slur on all of his words.

There was brief silence and crunching as L ate his cookie and then Matt's voice sounded strangely serious,

"So…you're  _the_ L right? The one everyone here is so all about being and whatever. I know it's a big secret, no one but the top three know who you are and all that stuff…so you gonna complain about my slacking off and shit?" he frowned as he whined and looked around.

"Your hardly slacking off, your at the top of 3 classes of your 10 subjects you chose this year and your number three in the over all ranking of Wammy's."

Matt blinked,

"Oh yeah! Well fuck me…forget I said anything! That's awesome…" Matt laughed and L stared at him over the rim of his cup of tea, ignoring bad language because it was only partially frowned upon in the orphanage, some cussing was healthy for frustrated kids who were denied nothing really, but to a minimum of course, even L cussed rarely.

"Matt…"

"Hm…"

"…that suggests you believe that being at the top of your classes and number 3 in the rankings is… you slacking off?" L enquired, finding it to be an interesting slip up, was Matt slacking off? Did he have greater potential that he showed?

"I never said that man…"

"You suggested it without realizing it, by assuming I was here to scold you for underachieving."

Matt stared, clearly annoyed at himself and narrowing his eyes just a bit, L could see him trying to form a lie or an excuse.

"Consider my expectations raised."

"Damn it!"

L chuckled and Matt mumbled angrily about extra work.

"Do you not sleep much?" he changed the subject.

"Yeah…" Matt went ahead and took another cookie, L over looked it, liking the easy feeling that radiated from Matt.

"Have you asked for mild sleeping medication, perhaps it might help your skipping of classes." L hinted.

Matt gave him a weak glare, he was being scolded indirectly and he knew it,

"I don't have insomnia…I just don't like to sleep early."

"Ah I see." L said blandly and Matt was grateful no further words came.

As long as he was doing well, L wasn't all that bothered by a few skipped classes.

From there he went into a string of questions much like what he'd asked Near, learning that Matt had taken a liking to computer games and console games in his spare time along with taking apart electronic devices and reconstructing them in a record time. He also enjoyed soda pop and peanuts and even though he whined, complained and procrastinated every time L shot a loaded question at him with some difficult equation or answer required, despite his complaining he eventually answered correctly.

At the end of the hour, the plate of cookies was gone and L had finished both cups of sugar saturated tea, Matt had only stared when he'd loaded in the sugar and made a dull mumble of 'yum' by the end of it.

"This has been pleasant Matt, please work harder. I get the feeling you're a slacker by choice and not naturally." He smiled at the boy and stood up, Matt stood too and they both stuffed their hands in their pockets.

"Why are there red lines on your face?" L asked before Matt could say anything.

He touched the space around his eyes and grinned goofily,

"I wear goggles…but Roger made me take it off and he took my games and stuff too. Said I needed to represent myself." He rolled his eyes.

"Goggles…" L repeated, trying to picture that and failing.

"Yeah…hey. Um, I know what you do for a living…it's really cool. I have a lot of respect for you. Can't say that I think I'd be able to do that…but…you help a lot of people, it's…awesome, how many cases you've solved…" he trailed off.

L stared at him and then brought his fingers to pinch his lip having not expected that,

"You sound as if you know quite a bit about me." L stated, knowing that they'd only been told he was the world's greatest detective and not much else.

"Yeah…I know some stuff."

"You've researched me?"

"Yeah, what of it…? I was curious about all the fuss and shit." he looked away almost embarrassed and shrugged.

L tilted his head and was about to say something encouraging about matt's curious enthusiasm when the door to the music room opened and a short blonde child, thin and dressed in black track pants and a black shirt with black shoes walked inside, he was greatly contrasting Matt's bright green T shirt, red jeans and black converse sneakers with orange laces.

He walked over with quick strides and excellent posture, sparing a glance at Matt as if he thought the boy was an eyesore, Matt's clothes were an eyesore though so L sympathized.

"Wammy sent me up…he said it was my turn to speak to L." he glanced at the tall pale man and L stared down at him, seeing how Mello did an obvious double take and stepped back just a bit from him.

"Hey Mello." Matt piped up with a stupid grin.

"…" Mello barely glanced at him before looking back at L.

L kept his eyes on Mello's…-confused and weary -blue eyes,

"Please, when I am at Wammy's House address me as Ryuzaki."

"Ryuzaki?" Matt wondered, "…why that name?"

"I'm fond of its origin." L said completely honest, knowing the two of them would not know better, nobody could.

"Get lost Matt…" Mello shot him a look and Matt's shoulders slumped and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't speak to him that way, respect yourself enough to behave in a good manner toward another person." L spoke up -quoting old Quillsh against his own beliefs on speaking to people- and they both looked up at him again.

Mello frowned and crossed his arms over his chest looking at the floor.

"Uh, I'll just go…see you L…I mean, Ryuzaki." He waved, he seemed to have taken L's little rant as a joke and he rushed from the music room, closing the door behind him.

It felt like he was telling a joke, L was hardly one to talk, he was tactless and overly forthcoming with his opinions of people everyday he breathed…they didn't know that though. He smirked slightly.

L felt exhausted, he wasn't prepared to scold and teach at the same time, or maybe it was because he had never really had to interact with people for this long, he assumed this was why he always slept better after days spent with Beyond, people made him tired.

"Why are you staring at me?" he'd thought about ignoring it but Mello was staring like he was trying to dissect L's face.

The blonde looked away quickly, Mello had stared long enough to notice the differences…that other…L, B as he had been known, he was different, they weren't the same person. He felt…relieved, he hadn't known it bothered him so much. But from the minute Roger had said they'd be meeting L…the actual L himself, he'd had this weight in his chest and now…when he'd confirmed L was not exactly like B -with cruel eyes and dark suggestion laced in his words-…the weight lifted. They sounded different too…mostly.

_'…but I am the closest thing to him you'll ever see…'_  he remembered that statement and had always believed that B had been lying and that he never would get to see the real L, never get to know if B had meant what he'd said, now he saw that yes…he was close, but he was not L…this was L.

L was extremely startled when Mello latched onto his waist, hugging him for all his lithe frame was worth, his face pressed against L's stomach, which was as tense as the rest of L's body in complete and utter shock.

Mello's file didn't say he hugged people! He rationalized that the boy just wanted some attention and comfort, his knowledge of children suggested this to be accurate, but he'd never had to endure it.

He was confused by it but he managed to pat the blondes back very lightly as he squeezed L's waist,

"Is everything alright Mello?"

Mello pulled back only a bit, not letting go and he looked up at L his blue eyes seemed hopeful, like they hadn't when he'd first seen L.

"Everything's fine…" Mello finally let go and tucked his hair behind his ears, "…just fucking great." He added with a cheeky smile.

To say L was confused was an understatement.

Mello knew the older man had no idea why he'd been so relieved, B had left a stain on Mello's happiness, tainted it with negativity and when Mello had learned they were competing to be L, it had crushed him. He didn't want to be like that boy who'd slapped and chastised him but he did want to get where he was going his own way like B had said. It had confused him and scared him all these years, waiting for a sign, for truth…all that time he still had wanted to be L…just not B's version of L.

Why did they look so much alike, even though they were obviously different? B had smelled musky and felt cold, L was warm and smelled of coffee and fabric softener.

L noticed that Mello almost seemed to have recognized him and he was aware that Beyond had been around during the time they were first brought here, but again it didn't make sense that Beyond would acquaint himself with them. He wondered now if he'd missed recognition in Near's long stares, had Matt noticed he was familiar?

After staring at him so intently though, Mello seemed relieved.

He wanted to ask but he assumed it was too soon for interrogation of the young boys, he was supposed to make them feel comfortable.

Putting it out of his mind he was relieved when Quillsh arrived with fresh tea and coffee, with a chocolate slab and chocolate muffins on the tray. He said nothing to them and left. Almost simultaneously, L reached for his tea and Mello for the cup of coffee, then L for the muffin and Mello for the slab.

Interesting.

Mello was the only one mentioned to have had specific eating habits, he was apparently also athletic, taking part in the gym classes offered regularly, taking vitamins and eating a strict balanced diet around all of the chocolate that Roger said he ate regularly.

He felt it odd that he could picture himself working on cases with Near, hanging out with Matt making prank calls and writing viruses and even working out or pigging out with Mello?

L did all of these things at some point in different variations, he worked regularly on cases and played computer games when he was absolutely bored…he may or may not be responsible for a few viruses too and he did work out twice a week as a minimum.

These were children but they were compatible in their own areas to his mentality and lifestyle…they had to be he supposed, otherwise they wouldn't be the perfect candidates for succeeding him.

He asked Mello the regular string of questions, his answers varying and language never easing from the profanity, he'd actually had to ask Mello several times not to cuss so much since Wammy would likely disapprove of his very colourful words.

Where did he even learn things like 'dicklicking tranny'? That was a comment about a teacher, L had been wide eyed and speechless, poor .

Mello had a good habit of apologizing and swearing a second later again, it was almost endearing how naturally it came to him, the words even slipped out in German at one point when he'd asked how Mello interacted with peers.

He gave correct answers to all the serious questions, seeming as if he were racing himself to give the correct answer the fastest.

When asked 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' Mello said pleasantly, 'fuck the chicken' and asked for the next question. Matt had simply started laughing and went onto recite some other equally retarded joke that L had smiled at, it was slightly amusing.

They were all very different, all very capable too. How difficult this would be.

"Do you get along with Matt?" L asked and finished the last bite of a muffin as leaned his chin on his knees, balancing on the bench in his crouch, Mello sat like Matt had, straddling the bench facing L.

"Matt?" Mello glanced around, his clear blue eyes distant as he scrunched up his nose, "He's okay. He's really fucking annoying and talks too much." He added and L wondered if that was where Matt heard he was annoying from.

"Hm…and Near?"

His little pale jaw tightened and Mello's soft white skin tinged red around his ears and nose so fast when he became angry right before L's eyes,

"Did he say something about me? That ratty little pale faced fucking twat!" he surprisingly never raised his voice much, but his mouth had twitched so violently into a sneer it concerned L.

"Mello…I do not want you hurting Near physically anymore." he said firmly.

Mello's ears turned redder still and L reached a hand out, touching the small shoulder and he felt Mello tense, meet his eyes for a moment and then relax, much like Near had.

Why did they trust him so easily? Because he was L? Or did no one really reach out to touch them…and as children they needed some form of comfort? Odd it was him offering reassurance and comfort…

"Why can't I fight with him, when I hit Matt he hits me back?!" he asked a bit loudly.

That admission to fighting didn't really surprise L somehow and he continued quietly,

"Near is not inclined to violence but his mind is his strength…the only way you'll ever have the upper hand, is if you knock him down on an intellectual level." L smiled naughtily as he raised his hand off of the thin shoulder and tapped Mello's temple with a pale index finger.

Yes, Wammy would kill him for playing them off against one another, but it was non violent motivation.

Mello's eyes widened and he was considering L's words before he smiled very viciously,

"Yeah…I guess that could work…"

L wasn't convinced in the least by the devilish look and was sure Near might still get a few knocks occasionally, but it would be less drastic he hoped.

"Right well…I would like to return to my room and finish some work…" L stated after a moment.

"Can I help?" Mello got up even before L had put his first foot on the floor.

"No that's alright…" L said plainly and stood up, Mello latched onto his waist again and he patted the blonde head awkwardly.

Mello then rushed from the room with long strides and L was left in silence again, he sighed and sat back down, running hands through his messy hair and then dragging them over his face, he felt so exhausted, he really didn't think it was necessary to see them all together again that day, they were a handful just one at a time. For him anyway.

Beyond had always been good with kids from what he'd seen, he smiled just a bit at the thought and stood up, walking toward the exit and deciding to go and lay down.

* * *

L hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep until he jerked awake suddenly a noise and sat up, his eyes were a bit blurry and it frustrated him to think he could nod off that easily, why did people exhaust him so much?

He made a mental note to do some practical work on his people skills and tolerance, L needed to be prepared to deal with people. If he were ever in a situation where he needed to deal face to face for an extended period of time, he certainly could not let himself lose focus by needing to sleep out of boredom.

He never  **needed** to sleep! It was ridiculous.

He looked up to see Quillsh placing a tray down -it explained the noise- and it smelled like he'd brought food, L groaned

"What is it about this place that makes you want to force me to eat mash potatoes, dear Quillsh?" he flopped back onto the bed, speaking good naturedly but still mostly asleep.

"I have to take advantage of you in times of weakness." He sounded far too amused and L half smiled as he opened his eyes again,

"How do you suppose I'm weak?"

"You've fallen asleep in the late afternoon L…purely because your relaxed." He was pouring apple juice into a long glass, it was cold and water condensed on the glass, the small cubes bobbed around and cracked in the glass.

L sat up and flung his legs off the bed,

"I'm not relaxed, bloody children…bloody people, exhaust me."

"You never complained before…" Wammy didn't say anymore and L knew why, sitting on the very bed he'd been in when he'd lost his…sexual innocence, L was well aware of why the old man wouldn't mention a name, which suited him fine.

"Hm…although I always did sleep those nights as well."

"Like the dead."

L had ruffled his hair into a crazier fashion and straightened his twisted shirt before he looked at Quillsh who seemed to be smirking,

"Why are so amused?"

"Ah…nothing really. It's just being back here reminds me of many things."

L gave him a weak glare as he lifted the glass of apple juice and sipped from it, licking his lips,

"I do not wish to be reminded."

"Hm…" the old man didn't push and that's what L loved about him. Yeah, L loved him, he was a father to L.

L lifted the plate after placing his glass down and he smelled the food as he always did, noting he'd need a bath after this because he'd smell of potatoes and chicken. He held the plate up supporting it with his fingers round the base while he poked the chicken drumsticks with his other fingers,

"Why does it look sticky?"

Quillsh rolled his eyes as he prepared to leave after leaving L with eating utensils, whether he used them or not,

"It's a new saucy recipe L…sweet sauce."

"Is that supposed to manipulate me into eating this?" L asked dully as he stared at the mash potatoes beside the chicken and sweet corn, the food was still warm and steaming.

"I hardly try anymore…"

"I'm heartbroken…"

"We leave tomorrow at 5:30..."

The door closed and L put the plate down and stuck his finger into the mash, bringing the balanced blob to his mouth and swallowing it before drinking more of the apple juice, that was good stuff, good enough to wash the meal down so he could get some cake afterward.

* * *

Victim Number 1 had been Beyond's coming out, while he'd never confess about young Ashley and what had transpired in that bathroom, he would…under the right circumstances, confess about his other 9 victims. Ashley was his dirty secret, his cherry popping, he would take it to his grave…cold and deep as it would be, that he had in fact taken the kitchen knife and ripped at the tender white flesh of the boys pale wrists to make sure no repairing could be done to save him.

Ashley had meant something to him, whether it was good things or vile…hence why he'd adopted L's idea of taking something from that victim, but with all the others to sate his need he'd not bothered, they were just play…they were just fodder.

Necessity was his game during his first murders…a balance between keeping the adrenalin pumping and feeding the  **want** to murder while keeping it at bay when it benefit him and keeping him fed and alive. The nine 'victims' of course were aside from the hookers…he'd add another five to his list if he were to count them but they were never part of the tests and experiments, they were work related.

It sounds deranged because to a certain extent it is, the hookers providing a place to sleep and something to eat, dying when their purpose failed to suit him, while his chosen victims were the ones he spent extra time playing with…learning from and experimenting on.

He didn't care much to count the numbers though and when the numbers rose, as he expected it would in the years to come, they would all just be flesh that bled out in the end, no names and no faces.

When picking victims on nights when he was feeling particularly savage, sometimes he'd wait a while, prey on a specific person if he saw their lifespan above the heads would dwindle to zero but some other times when his patience was not fortified…he'd attack them and watch those easily affected digits drop at a rapid rate as he drew blood from their necks or stomachs…or limbs, whatever he was feeling like. It was quite a bit of fun, telling people their names before they died and watching the fearfully wonder how he knew it.

Yes…Beyond didn't believe you could be born a murderer…but he believed that it was a choice made by the remorseless, the strong and the fearless…or the ones who couldn't live idly alongside fellow man and just die like everyone else  _eventually_. A life was so fragile, especially since he could see just how vulnerable each person was with those fateful numbers above their heads…he needed to feel something and he felt everything when he killed people…not physical but the screams and pain were like painting a picture in the blood.

A picture that faded.

Of course, like his first virginal experience of sex, the tingling feeling and initial excitement had worn off and while he still craved it, the need was never sated, he'd always want more but never experience the very first sensation for the very first time…ever again.

Life…or God he supposed if one chose to believe in such a thing, was cruel…to give him walking, breathing toys and make taking their lives perfectly unsatisfying. Like he'd given L to B for one night and taken him away so easily.

Killing now was almost no fun, he always felt frustrated as he'd dump a decapitated head tightly concealed in saran wrap into and empty grave and cover it with sand to make his fingerprint-less sin disappear.

There was no satisfaction in his filthy secret, in his darkest sin and no one knew of it besides himself, there was no one to hear his ramblings on how different wounds bled differently, or different wounds elicited different cries, how some points stopped screams altogether and caused excessive bleeding to bubble up through the mouth until a person choked on their blood.

No…there was nothing sweet in this process anymore…

This was the very thing that always reminded Beyond that he was not crazy, while he liked to use it as a mental excuse, he was always aware that deep down inside, while he desired many disturbing things, he didn't have to be doing it…he just could. He didn't doubt that in the long run the solitude and company of pieces of different corpses would warp his perception of reality…but as he sat beside an empty dug out grave that he had just dropped Janine's leg into, he knew he was very really not mad, or not as mad as he pretended.

Obsessed, deranged…but not crazy.

He sighed and stared down at the red brown sand appearing black under the navy blue sky and heavy London overcast clouds, just another dead prostitute, who cared right?

He knew L didn't care, he could kill a hundred more and the pale beautiful L would never notice and even if he did, he'd simply let London's 'finest' deal with it.

No…Beyond knew this, he'd targeted whores for this specific reason, he wouldn't let L be drawn to him by a bunch of hookers, the man would draw some disturbing first conclusions which would pin Beyond as a whore rapist and murderer.

"Hmph…" he shook his head and stood up, dusting the back of his black jeans off with his black gloved hands and walking away from the deserted cemetery. It was almost 3 in the morning and Beyond decided he'd stop by a 24 hour gas station and buy something to eat, he slipped a wad of cash from his pocket and counted the money as he passed the grave that he was unaware would receive a visitor in just a few hours.

* * *

L stared down at the expensive tomb, with Wammy's crest on it like all of Wammy's House children received if they were to meet an untimely demise.

His name was in clear English for all the world to see, a name he'd most likely not had anyone call him since he was a young child.

Did that name really represent the dead boy lying in the coffin beneath the dirt so soundly? L doubted it. At least he heard his name everyday he lived…L. He glanced at Quillsh beside him who had his eyes closed and hands clasped low as he said a silent prayer, L caught himself before he rolled his eyes and chose to stare off at a large gathering of people all clad in black.

Crying and depressed as a coffin was lowered into the ground, grief, what did that feel like? He didn't remember ever registering that emotion and L supposed he was grateful for never having seen or known his parents, sometimes he wondered if maybe he didn't even have any…which was illogical, but without any recollection of them and Quillsh telling him that he was found in a French orphanage without a name or birth certificate…L was truly a nameless child without a record binding him to the world.

"It saddens me that we were not able to be there when they buried him…"

"We couldn't have been Quillsh, we were in Cuba…" L hated Cuba…too much heat and sand.

"Still…"

L turned back to Quillsh and remained silent, he hated the feeling of the heavy coat over his lean body, beneath it he wore his favorite cotton long sleeve shirt and a comfortable dark denim jeans, but the coat and sneakers were starting to get annoying. He'd counted the minutes, they'd been here almost a half hour now and it was going for 7:30, he wanted a cup of tea and a good murder case file.

Not there would be…amateurs were running the streets now and amateurs were trying to catch them.

"You're impatient to go?" Quillsh smiling knowingly.

"You do know I'm not fond of places like this…below us are rotting corpses, just dead bodies. I do not believe in souls and spirits, I feel this is just another excuse for man to live in their pasts…" he mumbled and turned away from A's grave.

L was not afraid of a dead body, he'd performed autopsies on special victims just for the change in pace before, but he certainly didn't think that a dead body rotting would find any solace in living beings visiting the ground they rotted beneath, decorated with flowers and expensive marble.

"Well let us go then…I believe that donut shop your fond of is still open on the street just a little ways from the hotel…"

L couldn't help smiling as he twiddling his fingers in his coat pockets and walked away from the grassy area around the tomb toward the gravel path where the car was parked.

"Please take me to the hotel first, I do not have any wish to stay in these uncomfortable clothes any longer…" he gave Quillsh what he hoped was a pleading look as he slowly began hunching from his perfect posture as they neared the limo, Quillsh smiled slightly and nodded, sadness still on his old face, but L ignored it, it was all he could do really.

He was just glad it wasn't raining, he would have been irritable if he'd had to stand in the grassy mud staring at a meaningless tombstone for a half hour while it poured. He was grateful for the small things.

* * *

Beyond crumpled a cola can in his hand after finishing its contents as he walked along a busy street, dressed in an old jeans and black shirt, his boots scuffed and scarping against the side walk . He didn't bother to walk around people and either bumped them out of his way or they moved out of his.

His hair was a mess again, in his face and some tucked behind his ears, it was close to his shoulders again after he'd hacked away at the length 2 months earlier, it spiked randomly but it was a dull black, he'd love to afford himself his apple shampoo again sometime.

He tried his best to keep his hygiene if not his looks but living tight was hard, so B usually got by on a can of anti perspirant, a small tube of toothpaste, cheap toothbrush and soap. It was all he could do but he'd adjusted well, coming from Wammy's luxury of monthly allowance for things like toiletries, he found that living slim wasn't as hard as someone might think.

Neither was living as a criminal actually.

He stopped at a street crossing, glancing at people's names and numbers above their heads, someone might have thought he were daydreaming or crazy…probably the latter. He was following a young man with numbers dwindling at 2 days when a black limo by chance came past his vision…

The boy was forgotten completely as B let his eyes follow the slick black olden style Mercedes limo as it came to slow down at the crossing. People started to cross but Beyond was still, people moving past him, even bumping him but his eyes only saw one thing…Quillsh Wammy.

Sitting up straight and perfect behind the wheel, glasses low down on his old nose and his eyes focused directly ahead at the crossing pedestrians. Beyond wasn't breathing, his eyes widened and so did his mouth as he clutched the crumpled can tightly so the sharp aluminum edges cut his fingers slightly.

The robot changed and the car rolled forward, Beyond let out a shocked breath, shoving someone out of his way as he followed along the curb with quick steps, his eyes only focusing on the limo as it drove along slowly, Quillsh never sped especially in London's congested traffic.

He shoved two more people out of his way, dropping the can and his grey eyes narrowing as he prepared himself to chase the car…but he couldn't stop the loud happy laugh that came shortly from him when he saw Quillsh slow down again and turn into an underground parking to a…he looked up…hotel.

As little chuckles bubbled up in his stomach Beyond's fingers and lips twitched with excitement.

L was in London.


	11. I'll Ask My Curious Side...

_**-...to follow you to a bed of angels...-** _

* * *

Way up on the 20th floor the streets of London below were unheard except for the occasional car horn that faintly sounded through the closed glass balcony doors. The hotel room was chilly since the air-conditioning was on, if L felt it, he didn’tshow it. He wore his favorite sort of white shirt, long sleeves reaching passed his wrists and a pair of blue jeans a size smaller than his usual but still baggy enough to be comfortable when he crouched as he did right then.

Balancing on the arches of his feet, he was perched on the end of the seat in the white sofa, his bare feet were pale and his toes so cold he couldn’t feel them, but it was always that way.

The hotel lounge room was out of its usual neat state, a sofa had been pushed closer so it was armrest to armrest with the single he sat in just as the table was closer, so L’s double monitor on separate lap tops were in easy lean reach. On the sofa pulled against the single was a pile of case files, black, green, manila and other colored folders, papers were scattered on the table and a cup of tea and small saucer rested precariously on the soft armrest beside him half empty and cold.

L couldn’t really remember the last time he’d finished a cup of tea to the very bottom, he always seemed to prefer a re fill before he got to the bottom of the cup. Something was always sour right at the bottom…after he’d spooned all the saturated sugar out and eaten it of course. He licked the corners of his lips, sweet sugar stains lined his pale mouth and the disgusting taste of toothpaste from a few hours earlier was long gone, buried under choc chip cookies, cream donuts and his sweet tea.

He was hungry.

Or craving as he usually did, mostly because he knew that Quillsh would be coming back soon with bags full of goodness, he always went out for one thing and came back with many. He sighed and closed his eyes as he balanced, one hand coming up to rub his left shoulder, pressing his fingers into the taught parts of his neck. L let himself fall back so he was sort of laying and sitting in the couch, like a lazy child, knees up in the air and hair spread out above his head as it pressed into the middle part of the backrest.

Hotel sofa’s were always so big and unnecessary…but very loungeable if he was honest.

He scratched his knee absently as he started biting at his thumb, pinching the skin between his teeth and the cold flesh evened out slowly against his tongue after a moment.

The minutes ticked by before L decided he was officially bored of…being bored.

He’d been so busy the night before when he’d stayed at Wammy’s that he’d gone through more work than he’d planned for the week long stay. He dropped his legs so he could sit up forward and with his elbows on his knees his grey eyes drifting the pile of case files.

Maybe he’d missed one?

He ran his cold hand over his face briefly and sat forward a bit more, keeping his feet on the ground as he leaned over the two armrests slightly and grabbed the first one off the untidy pile. He felt significantly more tired than usual, he supposed Wammy was onto something about him feeling relaxed in London.

“Complete…complete…complete…” he started saying aloud as he grabbed the files one after another with the tips of his 4 fingers and thumb, flicking them onto the couch further down and not interested in the mess the papers made as they slid out onto the floor. He was half way through the pile when he sighed and ruffled his hair with his free hand,

“Complete…complete…wánchéng...” he broke the monotony and opted for a Chinese and then another language, “…kompletní... täydellinen...”

He read the name on the front of a burned orange folder and tossed it over his shoulder with an annoyed face,

”Celui-là était trop facile. ” he mumbled in French, hating when a case wasted his interest. He hummed to himself as he tossed a few more across the couch,

”Fertig... kiyā hai…” he lifted a dark blue folder and opened it, glancing over the photographs of dead men and women with bored eyes, remembering the details of the murders, all stabbed in the back of the neck directly beside the spine or against it.

Close killer, those were always more interesting because when they left no clues it was more fun for him to catch, he smirked slightly,

“Quella è stata piuttosto interessante.” He said in Italian and then tossed the file among the rest.

Using a full hand he grabbed about four files at once and was about to flip through them when the hotel door beeped from a key card and Quillsh stepped inside with three large bags of bought goods. L could instantly smell beef and he frowned a bit, his unblemished pale skin would have turned green had he been nearer to the take out bags.

He averted his gaze back to the folders, lazy eyes scanning them as he started to toss them in all directions before grabbing another small pile.

Quillsh had disappeared into the kitchen and came out again,

“L..?”

“Da?” L decided to jump to Russian.

“Are you hungry? I purchased some beef stroganoff.” Quillsh didn’t miss a beat at the foreign language, used to L’s randomness, his tone had something akin to hope lacing it and it went unseen since his head was down, but L rolled his grey eyes and his lip twitched with unsettle when he thought of eating beef when he was craving vanilla cake with thick icing,

“Net, spasibo.” He declined quietly and then when he heard Quillsh shuffle he glanced up again, tossing three files on the floor at his feet at once and bringing a hand to his mouth absently, he had a habit of smelling his hands –they smelled of stationary and a certain dusty smell – he quickly curled his fingers, wanting to wash his hands,  
“Hmmm, un poco de té, tal vez?” he asked hopefully in Spanish.

Quillsh nodded shortly,

“Yes alright, I’ll make tea in a moment. I have to fetch a few more things from the car.” He continued on his way out and L raised his eyebrows as his eyes widened and he clenched his fists, his pale fingers felt dusty now. He stood up and wandered through the large hotel room into the large bathroom and closed the door.

3 minutes later he emerged with an empty bladder and lemon scented hands, he wandered back into the lounge and stepped up into his previous seat, crouching with his knees to his chest and leaning back against the backrest, he sighed and stared at what was left of the case files, all complete. He wasn’t interested in touching the folders again now that his hands were clean.

“Watashi wa shigoto no uchi to omowa reru…” he sulked just a bit.

He absently smelled his hands again and then nibbled on his index finger as he dropped his eyes to his lap tops, both idling with a black L bouncing around the two screens, crossing between the monitors. Papers, cables and sweet wrappers was what encompassed L’s work space, comfortably.

Leaning forward again, L opened a game of Mahjong Titans to amuse himself for at least a few minutes and found himself craving ice cream...

* * *

 

Quillsh was leaving the elevator and walking out onto the parking floor with his mind distracted by the work he and L would have to do when they arrived in Germany, some sort of poisoning scam that had only reached two of the smaller farm areas and been quarantined thus far. L didn’t seem too keen on the case, chalking it up to about four days worth of investigating actual evidence and information once they arrived.

He never did like cases involving deadly substances or virus’s, it was always so much more cowardly and underhanded than murder just being murder. He walked through the parking lot and approached the dark black Mercedes parked between another car and a pillar, it was as he rounded the pillar that he stopped walking and blinked just once before his eyes widened.

Quillsh stared with his old grey eyes, almost uncertain but certainly not at the same time, the young man standing and leaning back against the pillar with his hands in pockets, his tired grey eyes focused back on him…had a face too familiar to forget, especially since it was so similar –even more so after the years passed- to his charges face.

“Bac-“ he stopped himself and his shoulders relaxed even as his heart still beat quite badly, “…B?” he said very quietly, always aware of not speaking a Wammy child’s name aloud.  
“Hello sir.” He rasped out and the old man frowned just a bit, he knew B had run away after A’s death and his heart ached for the kind of pressure and worry that must have put on B, as far as he knew, Beyond was just still a child with his head in the wrong places, but still a child when it had happened.

Not any more though, standing before him was a young man several inches taller than him, thin and not particularly well kept but he didn’t look like a hobo, Quillsh was curious…where had B been and what had he been doing after Wammy’s, living on the street?

Being a caregiver to children, the very idea upset him that one of his boys had strayed to a street life, horrible things happened to desperate kids on the streets.

But he was also not absent minded and several things came to his mind after the initial shock of seeing him had faded, how had B come to be standing beside his car? How did B know he was here? Did he know L was here? And then L came to mind and he kept a frown from coming over his face…he remembered that morning long ago walking in on L in such a state in his bed.

Obvious was what it had been, something far more than friendly had happened between L and B and since L didn’t speak ill of the younger man, he could only conclude it had been…consensual. He had nearly passed out seeing L that way that morning but he had kept calm since L seemed calm….albeit disoriented and uncomfortable. He’d cleared L’s blood, sweat and bodily fluid stained sheets himself and taken them to the laundry room to put them in the machines himself, to avoid the questions such a thing would bring about.

Now he was faced with the teenager who had likely corrupted L’s sexual orientation…if he’d even had one. It was his protective nature, he knew L was above doing something foolish and with abandon, which only upset him more…L had clearly taken some sort of a liking to B that surpassed friendship and had never informed him.

But it made sense, L had become more guarded about visiting Wammy’s at some point and he’d noticed, he just hadn’t believed it might be such a thing.

More than a minute of silent staring and contemplation, in which B seemed content to let Quillsh wrack his own brain, the older man cleared his throat and glanced at his car and then back at B,

“How did you find me?” he avoided mentioning L.

B tucked some hair back behind his ear and slipped his hand back into his pocket…his hands always stayed there when he wasn’t using them.

“I saw you drive by me, I was across the street earlier when you drove up to the hotel.”

Quillsh believed it because Beyond didn’t seem uncomfortable parting with the information, there was no secret and he knew what was coming next, Beyond didn’t break eye contact,

“Is he in this hotel?” he was vague continually and Quillsh was grateful the boy was considerate not to use any names.

He glanced away again, almost considering lying but it wasn’t B’s reaction he worried about –perhaps unwisely- but it was L’s reaction should he at some point find out somehow that Quillsh had turned B away when he simply wanted to see him.

If for some reason L wanted to see B too.

He didn’t want L to come to resent him for keeping…whatever, it was he had with B from being experienced. L was an adult besides, so he was not going to be an overprotective prude. But he would shoot Beyond in a knee cap if he tried to hurt L, the gun concealed under his blazer and coat was always loaded and ready.

“I believe you know the answer.” He mumbled and let his hands rest behind his back as he regarded Beyond calmly.

The younger man made no movement but his eyes reflected a certain amount of glee when it was confirmed and then he shifted and dropped his eyes for moment, as if he were struggling just a bit,

“May I please see him?” the words sounded forced and Quillsh suspected they might be, he didn’t delude himself into believing B had any respect left for him after so much time passed and having become independent.

There was a moment of silence again and then Quillsh nodded,

“I shall take you up…but if he asks you to leave, you will do so immediately and without hassle.” He stated firmly.

Beyond barely blinked and nodded back, he looked worried though and Quillsh knew he’d planted a seed of doubt in B’s mind about whether L might receive him well.

But Quillsh was the one who was worried because since the very incident that morning so many years ago, L had never really been the same. Even when he’d tried to accommodate L’s possible homosexuality by letting him look both ways on rare occasions, whether L actually took the company of a man or woman at those times he didn’t know but he never was phased by the encounters…L never really looked quite as distant as Quillsh recalled in the weeks after leaving Wammy’s.

Beyond…had somehow gotten to the other and he knew for a fact that while nothing ever doesn’t change, nothing changes much.

Quillsh sighed a bit and began slipping his long dark coat off, leaving him in his full black suit, he held the coat out to Beyond,   
“Wear this, you shall draw too much attention looking that way.” He informed the other as B took the coat and gave Wammy what might be considered a grateful look, might be.

He left B standing there and his keys were still in hand so he unlocked the car, grabbing out a large cake box and another bag of goods, he held the items out to B who took them quickly after having pulled the coat over his clothes. His boots were still dirty and noticeable but he’d tucked his hair behind his ears and it looked less wild…very slightly less wild at least at the front.

Quillsh locked the vehicle and strode ahead,

“Come along then.” He said and B walked behind him, he knew the other couldn’t be enjoying his standoffishness but he thought he was justified, as far as he was concerned B was bad for L.

The elevator came after a short while and they stepped in, Beyond was silent and when Quillsh glanced at him he looked very slightly anxious.

He found himself thinking that he should propose that Beyond returned to Wammy’s House to receive his ‘package’. It was a graduation gift of sorts that all graduation students received so they would be able to support themselves when they left Wammy’s qualified in whatever field they had chosen. It also usually had job possibilities and connections, contacts, university contacts should the person choose to enter normal society, emergency numbers, medical insurance, a fake identity if it was needed…it had money more importantly, a Wammy’s House credit card. Each student had a certain amount set aside for them…he’d have to suggest it, the boy had a right to it…he would no doubt had graduated under different circumstances.

Quillsh held some guilt…A had also suffered under the circumstances of L’s sudden change of successors. He hoped that this time around they had a more solid grasp on the young boys.

The entire 19th floor was empty except for two separate rooms, not directly across from one another but 3 doors apart, one for L and one for Quillsh. The elevator dinged and they stepped out into the quiet hall, B following silently as Quillsh walked toward the right door.

* * *

 

L was eating a chocolate truffle out of a box he’d retrieved from the kitchen, it was filled with sweet caramel and was going down all too well when he was interrupted from his sweet trance by the beep at the door.

He didn’t look up, still perched on the end of his seat, one finger delicately moving over his mouse pad as he played his 32nd game of Mahjong Titan’s and he lifted another chocolate out of the box on the armrest beside his cup, glancing at the small chocolate covered pecan nut before putting it in his mouth.

The door closed and he spoke around the chocolate as his eyes followed the little blocks on his computer fleetingly,

“Mr Wammy…u menya net sluchaev dlya zaversheniya v eto vremya.” He mumbled in Russian, a certain French song was playing in his mind at the time, having popped up randomly a few minutes ago so he switched to French,

“Et il n'y a rien sur la chaîne de nouvelles. Seuls corruption de la police, la pauvreté et les plaintes au sujet des gouvernements.” he said with a small distasteful frown.

He was about to reach for another chocolate when he decided to glance at Quillsh…but he did a double take and paled far worse than his natural complexion was when he saw the younger man standing with the other…there was not doubt, question or moment of confusion…that was Beyond Birthday.

He blinked once and his eyes widened with all of the why’s and how’s. Had he spared a glance to Quillsh he might have seen how upset he looked but L never took his eyes off of Beyond…who looked so different yet his face was still the same.

He was wearing quite a bit more clothes than necessary, his hair was a bit longer than suited him and he had lost a bit of weight…but his face…

Beyond cracked a small half way smile and L was very hard pressed not to return the smile just because B’s smile always had calmed and made him smile at the same time. The emotion he was experiencing was registering as a suppressed longing…he had missed B and now the feeling in his chest and the beating of his heart –thankfully unseen on the outside- told him how much he had missed the other.

How it was possible to have missed someone without realizing it escaped L but that was his nature, he didn’t truly understand most emotions. B was about the only one who ever got anything more than calm disinterest out of him.

Beyond’s smile faded when L didn’t return it and he glanced at Quillsh, L did so as well, B knew he was the obstruction right then.

L kept his face impassive as he looked at what was resting on B’s one arm,

“…is that cake?” he asked evenly.

“It is.” Quillsh informed stiffly.

“May we have some tea…” it wasn’t a questioned and just like that L was back to the guarded version of himself during his time at Wammy’s with B, Quillsh narrowed his eyes a bit and looked at B who kept his eyes on the cake box.

Wammy had been dismissed to make tea for ‘we’ which very obviously would  not include him, unless he wanted to sit through an awkward afternoon tea session and L knew he would never do such a thing.

Accepting it like he did usually when L behaved however odd he saw fit to, Quillsh looked at B,

“Please set that down in the kitchen.” He instructed and B didn’t give a ‘hassle’ like he’d been asked not to and took the cake box and bag of goods with him as he glanced around looking for a kitchen.

He might have been grinning, but Quillsh didn’t know it.

That left him alone with L who was extremely wide eyed and tense all of a sudden with the older man giving him ‘the look’.

“How shall this arrangement work then…we leave in four days.” Quillsh said  neutrally, giving L the freedom to explore this interest and hopefully get it out of his system, Beyond was just a boy from Wammy’s that obviously held some sort of affection from and toward L.

Well…that’s what he thought anyway.

L thought it was ironic…how Quillsh accommodated him while he accommodated B. He had already considered keeping B there until they left, right when Quillsh made the same implication.

“He will remain with us…until we have to leave.” It was a decided thing and L would not be questioned, he knew Quillsh had expected as much…the man had brought B up here in the first place.

He was grateful…-not that he understood why- but he was because the other man could have lied and he’d never had known B had been in the vicinity. He wasn’t even sure yet why he was so pleased that he could keep B for four days, like a temporary pet really, but he was.

Although…with age came experience and L was not shy to acknowledge to himself that certain thoughts did come to mind before tea, cookies and conversation where B was concerned, much like they had started surfacing when he was still at Wammy’s.

He looked away from Quillsh when he felt that extremely long forgotten feeling of heat rising in his face return…B was the only one who’d provoked such a thing in him as well. He did wonder whether B would even be here for that reason…maybe he wanted to punch L in the face for leaving him so coldly.

He didn’t write it off as a possibility, so he tried to mentally prepare himself to be decked in the face the minute they were alone.

“Shall I prepare a room?” Quillsh interrupted his thoughts.

That was awkward. For someone so refined and collected, Quillsh certainly didn’t mind stirring up an uncomfortable atmosphere between them.

“No…he will share a room with me.”

He saw Wammy tense…he’d just confirmed something for the old man.

Any doubt ever considered was  probably disappearing with those words.

“Extra sheets and pillows…for the couch?” Quillsh pushed for some hope.

L wasn’t uncomfortable so much as he was feeling a little guilty, he didn’t want to upset the man,

“Yes, please.” he nodded, “…thank you.” He added and he saw Quillsh relax a little.

Quillsh wasn’t stupid, he knew that L was being polite to a certain extent, but it was still appreciated. After all these years, he knew L respected him, even if it was a challenge for the young man to live with it.

Be walked back onto the scene with his hands in his pockets and his eyes went between the other two casually.

Quillsh nodded,

“I’ll make tea and then…take my leave for the evening.”

Even B felt that one a bit and he dropped his eyes when Quillsh passed him to go to the kitchen.

He looked up at L a moment later and his lips twitched into a smile, L genuinely didn’t smile this time,

“How is it that you’re here?”

Beyond’s smirk faltered into a sneer…it felt like old times, L went away and things were just not the same.

He counted it as a blessing that he wasn’t kicked out yet.

“I saw him…” he gestured with his head behind him, “…driving into this hotel, its common knowledge ‘mongst **us** kids that where Wammy is…L is.” he spoke quietly, eyes never leaving L.

He noticed that B’s accent seemed different somehow.

“You sound different.” B pointed out to him and he raised an eyebrow,

“Funny you mention that…you do as well.” L said back.

Neither said anything for a moment, L knew he sounded different probably because he chopped and changed between cities, languages and dialects on a monthly basis so his accent had become somehow undefined and mixed between certain more dominant languages. B just sounded different, not really his accent but more his…tone and words didn’t sound the same.

L didn’t know how but it did.

Still relaxed though and less deep than L’s…L remembered the voice quite well.

_-Lay flat…-_

L blinked,

“Beyond…” he paused.

_-…please…get on your knees…-_

He swallowed slightly,

“…so then you, came looking for me?”

“Yes…I knew you’d be here. L, please…”

_-…L please…I_ _’_ _m going to…touch you…-_

“..don’t throw me out okay, I’m not stalking you or anything. I just saw Wammy and I followed the car…” he explained and took a few steps closer, he noticed L seemed a little distracted…slightly tense.

_-…spread your legs…L please…L…_ -

L blinked and bit his nail…he hadn’t thought about that night in a really long time. It didn’t exactly hold a fantastic memory so it wasn’t surprising. He gathered his thoughts in the effortless way he was capable of doing,

“I had no intention of throwing you out B, I was actually going to…suggest that you stay here. I’ll only be here in the country for four days but until I leave, your welcome to stay.” He let his calm and guarded eyes settle on Beyond again.

That smile L remembered fondly, the natural one, spread over B’s face and true enough, despite his loss of weight and appearance, he was still as…boyishly attractive as L recalled.

“Is that a yes then?” L raised his eyebrows.

“Do you think I’d fucking say no.” he grinned naughtily just when Quillsh re-entered and that awkward feeling settled again, B nodding at him when he gave him the look, L almost laughed, he thought only he received that look.

* * *

 

The tea was set down and then a tray with several delightful sweets and cakes came along too, L had closed his computers and moved them off the table to make room and then he stepped back up into his single seat couch.

Beyond sat on the third unmoved and empty sofa, falling back into the tea routine from Wammy’s like clockwork, but he didn’t reach for the tea or cakes even after they were set and L was lifting a donut with slender fingers.

“If that is all…”

“Yes thank you.”

“Thank you Mr Wammy.” B mumbled as well.

“I’ve checked and there should be extra sheets and pillows in the closet opposite the bedroom.” He added, probably to keep himself from asking if he should fetch condoms.

L nearly choked on his bite of his donut when the thought crossed him mind…he wasn’t as immune to embarrassment and being uncomfortable as he thought, he’d have fallen off his chair if Wammy had to say such a thing.

After a silent good bye and good evening, the elder left and L was completely alone with B, more so that he’d ever been as a teen in the orphanage.

He took another bite from his donut and then sipped his tea to wash it down.

Beyond stared at him.

Was this awkward? He didn’t know. Beyond seemed fine though, just intense but he wasn’t like himself at all, after so much time L figured he wouldn’t be like he used to, he’d grown up obviously and changed.

Minutes passed and Beyond touched nothing on the table, L had finished two cup cakes after the donut and was adding more sugar to his tea when he became annoyed,

“Are you going to speak?”

“Of what?” B shot back quietly and instantly, as if he’d been waiting for L to ask him something.

L rolled his eyes up to the ceiling in thought as he sipped his tea again and then placed the cup down, bringing one leg down from his chest to the floor, he leaned his chin on the other and tilted his head to B,

“How is your health…it’s quite obvious you’ve not been particularly well nourished and you smell like cheap motel air freshener.” There was not a hint of concern, just L’s usual bored tone.

“Quit beating around the bush, we both know your no good at being tactful…”

L wasn’t aware he was being tactful…he just didn’t want to know the answers to his questions.

“Have you been sexually soliciting?” he came out and asked, picking up his head and staring at B like only L could, eyes seeing everything.

B smirked,

“No.” he answered truthfully, “I haven’t been raped either before you ask and my health is fine.”

L narrowed one eye and then he brought his thumb up to his lip as B looked around the mess on the floor, seemingly amused. He sat normally, talked normally…L needed to note these things…this was B without trying to be L, just the way he liked it and yet not because he didn’t like not being able to see B as he should be.

“You should bathe or shower. I always travel with extra basic necessities for emergencies as well…”

And just like that B was let off the hook…like old times. L had the answer to the one thing, the one selfish thing he’d wanted to know and now he was off the topic because regardless of the fact B could have any number of bad things or good things going on in his life, L didn’t care. So long as B was there, not contagious and everything else wasn’t an immediate or even likely problem to him.

He wondered as he smirked in a way he’d picked up over the years of facing screaming terrified faces, how L would feel if he told him the truth about what he’d been doing…to survive.

He saw how L considered the look on his face and so he smiled normally,

“That would be nice…a warm shower would beat a cold one.” He informed L.

L dismissed the rather unsettling look B had shown him a moment ago and he thought about another problem he’d like to be rid of,

“Oh and if your hungry…please feel free to eat whatever food it is Quillsh has left in the kitchen.”

* * *

 

He hadn’t looked in a proper mirror in a long time…the ones back in the dodgy place he stayed were all cracked or covered in newspaper clippings and he liked it that way. Staring at his face now in this large clear mirror and not seeing a name above his head, B just narrowed his eyes. He was standing in his own hair on the floor, he’d chopped off all of the extra length with L’s little nifty kit scissor.

He literally had a spare of everything from wash cloths to toilet trees , but it wasn’t surprising since he did travel a lot.

B dusted some stray hair off his shoulders as he looked over his thinned upper body, he wore only his old boxer shorts. He was underweight for his height, not at all how he should or did look when he’d left Wammy’s House, but he still had the very basic outline of muscles and his ribs were only just visible through his pale skin.

He felt better after eating a proper meal and with his extra hair chopped off, it was back to its standard length and he stared at the darkened rings under his eyes, he looked quite a bit more like L after his 3 years of being on the streets. He was lacking the little bit of extra definition in his body but he was probably just under L’s weight as well.

He grimaced slightly since he hadn’t had to face L in himself in so long and lifted the sealed toothbrush off the large brightly lit counter, ripping it open and taking out the gloriously expensive toothbrush which beat his little plastic hard bristled one, Beyond set out to clean himself up…after all, he’d be rooming with L for a while.

He didn’t want to think too hard on the subject of L leaving him…again…like before, he just had to make the most of being there right then. After he cleaned his teeth and mouth Beyond walked over to the shower and slipped his boxer shorts off before stepping inside.

* * *

 

L heard the water come on in the bathroom of the bedroom, he was sitting on the edge of the bedside, forehead against his knees as he sat with his legs up, arms wrapped around his legs. He lifted his head and glanced at the door with a thoughtful gaze.

Had anything changed between them? Beyond seemed so much more adult…he didn’t know if adult B could get along with adult L and yet somehow, something really hadn’t changed.

He still had that unsettled feeling in his stomach and the more he realized how alone they actually were, the more his mind wandered back to the last time they’d been alone together, the last time they’d seen each other actually.

Yes, L had some limited sexual experience…but nothing like what had happened with B. He’d never gone to bed with another man, even with Quillsh’s encouragement, because really he was barely attracted to women, let alone any men.

It was just Beyond and that ever present question of his vanity and sanity.

He continued watching the door, hearing the water run steadily and he was curious and wanted to go inside…would it upset Beyond?

Beyond had come into the bathroom when he was in the bath but never the opposite way.

He was curious to see B. Not necessarily naked…he just wanted to look at him in some kind of ordinary way. It felt weird to want something so ridiculous.

L ran his tongue along his teeth absently and felt the beginnings of fuzz, all that sugar accounted for right there on the surface of his white straight teeth…that and an excuse to go into the bathroom.

He was determined to not feel strange about being around B, he’d never been shy of nudity, never been bashful, so he wasn’t going to start now. He got off the bed and walked over to the door, he wasn’t hunching as badly as usual, standing more lazily than anything, he tapped his knuckles lightly on the door.

There was no answer, the water was steady and he figured Beyond couldn’t hear him.

So he walked in, opening the door and looking around at the bright bathroom filled with steam, his eyes settled on the shower and B’s vague silhouette, he stepped inside and glanced at the black hair on the floor and counter near the shower. It was a double basin hotel room so L took the unused one nearer to the door, reaching for his own toothbrush he’d left in a plain clear plastic sterile cup just that morning.

He lifted the green toothbrush and stared at the other that had been beside his own…

L considered tossing his out, having never had his little cup sharing a tooth brush before…but all things considered though it was a silly thought…he and B had kissed a long time ago. That was more unclean than keeping their toothbrushes in the same place.

“L?” B’s voice bounced off the walls and the shower water was turned down but not off.

L glanced behind him, holding his toothbrush in a full fist like a little  sword he turned his wide grey eyes onto the shower and the silhouette,

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing, I thought  I heard something.”

L blinked…he hadn’t made a sound.

Without another word he opened the taps and lifted the toothpaste tube, after applying the paste he brushed as vigorously as he was accustomed too, examining the bathroom while he brushed. When he was done, rinsing  his mouth and brush quickly, L left the bathroom, not shutting the door completely. He wiped his wet mouth on his long white sleeve and walked straight out into the living area of the hotel room.

Grabbing the box of chocolates from earlier he ate two quickly to relieve the taste and then carried the box back with him. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he was fidgeting and feeling nervous. It wasn’t visible on the exterior but inside L was uncertain of himself, uncertain of B.

He hadn’t been punched in the face but the other hadn’t seemed as keen to be around him as before, so something had changed?

He walked back into the room and stepped up onto the high bed, settling back against the headboard and pillows at a bit of an angle, he dropped the light box noisily onto the side table after taking the last one out and eating it, he was feeling rather teenager now, that distinct feeling of impatience with everything.

He had no work to do either.

The shower went off and L’s eyes trailed over to the door while he rubbed some melted chocolate between his finger tips.

* * *

 

Beyond grabbed a towel as he stepped out, avoiding the hair on the floor and completely ignoring the state in which he’d left the bathroom, he needed to get out of the hot space so once the towel was secured low on his lean waist he left the bathroom and stepped out onto the carpeted floor of the bedroom and his eyes fell on L.

He was leaning back against the head board, his body at an angle and legs half way bent up, his eyes were focused right back on B and he saw how L stared at his face.

He looked more like L than ever and he knew it and L was seeing it.

But B’s aim wasn’t to freak him out so he brushed his wet hair back from his face and rubbed the water off his hands onto the towel as he walked closer.

L tilted his head,

“You look better…” he commented and avoided mentioning how startlingly like himself B looked…but only from a distance, up close, the features he had were different and that’s what L liked. B didn’t actually look all that much like him when you narrowed down the details…L loved details.

“Is that a compliment or are you just glad you recognize me now.” he said not really expecting a response.

“I believe I intended it as fact but then again…yes, it is a compliment as well.”

B smiled slightly, he should have known that under the initial awkwardness L was still just as he should be, technical and blunt.

B stood in his half naked damp state and stared at L who merely stared back, eyes never leaving B’s face and he cracked a grin,

“Could I get some clothes…or do you prefer me like this?” he touched a hand to his flat damp stomach.

L’s eyes widened and whatever protest he might have had for sharing clothes years ago seemed to have faded because without a word and a thumb to his mouth he gestured with his free hand toward the four suitcases on the floor against the wall, two opened and the other two untouched.

“You may choose whatever you like.”

B nodded and walked over to the suitcases, crouching down and digging through one of the opened bags, L was only just a bit shorter than him so with the baggy clothes he wore, a jeans or pair of slacks would fit him just fine.

His other clothes along with Quillsh’s expensive coat was on the floor in the bathroom…

“I shall have Quillsh purchase proper clothing for you tomorrow.” he said as he watched B’s shoulder blades and the ridges of his spine shift as he hunched over the bag and looked through it.

“No…uh, that’s fine.”

“It was not a suggestion.” L shut his polite declination down without a hint of emotion.

B shrugged slightly and found a loose black pants so he pulled it out as he stood,

“This should be fine…” he mumbled to himself and pulled his towel off his waist, dropping it on the floor and then pulling the pants on.

L didn’t look away or feel shy, he was never that way as he knew, he simply watched B pull the item over his naked lower half and then he turned to L and their eyes met again.

“Thanks.” B mumbled.

L was tempted to say that B was welcome, but his usual distaste for etiquette made him keep his mouth shut and sigh slightly a bit irritated with B’s constant politeness.

That was awkward.

“You may sleep on the couch Beyond…as Quillsh informed there are additional blankets and pillows in the other closet.” he had looked away from B and was scratching his head, his hair was still light and un-oiled since he’d washed it that morning when he showered and the smell of the apple shampoo L had long since started using was both soothing and thought provoking.

He was faced with silence and so with a hand still in his hair he looked back to B who looked about as angry as L had seen him when they were teenagers…except with whatever new darkness was part of B…he looked quite a bit more dangerous.

He approached the bed and L kept still, not moving but ready to kick B in the face or stomach if he found himself attacked. But when B was too close and still not lashing out, L let his guard down…perhaps far too easily and Beyond got onto the bed with one knee, grabbing L’s knees and forcing them down, he left his hands there and leaned in to L’s face,

“Are you fucking serious?” he sneered and L blinked and narrowed his eyes.

“I am.”

"How can you…” he trailed off and L heard him swallow back whatever anger was about to unleash from his mouth.

Being that close was quite ideal and L was distracted by B’s grey eyes, they looked darker, his eye lashes seemed darker too because of the dark skin around his eyes and his lips were slightly red…a faint cut was visible against his bottom lip.

“Why do you play games with me…are you trying to drive me insane?” his eyes searched L’s face at the close range.

“No. I was simply going on the assumption that things are no longer as they used to be, you seemed different so I-”

“You let me in then push me away…you cut me off…you fuck with my head…L…L…” B shook his head slowly and his face became almost desperate as his grey eyes trailed over L’s apathetic face.

L watched it and knew it was going to happen, B didn’t catch him off guard, he instead leaned in slowly and pressed his mouth to L’s…every single inch of L’s skin broke out in tiny goosebumps at the light kiss. Maybe this was what he wanted, confrontation was the only way he could get this without actually asking for it.

He hated to think he’d wanted B to kiss him so badly…but considering how his memories of B were all he thought about from the minute the man stood in the doorway earlier, it was valid, he’d wanted this.

B did no more than press their mouths together before he pulled back and L saw how his face was scrunched into a pained expression,

“I don’t want to go insane…I don’t want…to…” he got fully onto the bed, L legs remained flat and B laid over him, his arms sliding around L’s waist as he pressed his face into L’s shoulder, breathing in the smell that he’d missed and needed and he clutched L tightly.

He was shaking and L was wide eyed and surprised, not overly bothered by the contact, not how he’d felt when Mello had latched onto him, but feeling a deep need to comfort and some concern.

He ran his hands down over B’s pale back slowly, letting his fingers run over the younger man’s spine and feel the slight relaxed muscle beneath the smooth textured flesh. His skin was still slightly wet and L rubbed the moisture into B’s skin gently.

His hands didn’t burn like they usually did with uncomfortable contact like hand shaking, the skin felt so good under his smooth hands.

B was kissing his neck lightly and L’s eyes nearly closed as his body reacted all too easily to the feeling of the slightly chapped lips on his neck…but he kept his fingers pressing into B’s back, at certain points more than others applying pressure and relieving tension where he felt a knot.

His legs became warm and his body did as well and B settled on top of him, L let his head relax back against the headboard, a pillow just under his shoulders keeping him slightly elevated while B breathed calmly into his neck and laid against him. His kisses became less but his grip was tighter, L’s hands drifted up along his back and slid into his damp hair.

He smiled ever so slightly to himself when no one could see him and ran his fingers through Beyond’s hair, feeling the smooth moisture between his fingers as well as the straight hair slipping along his hands.

Minutes passed just lying that way, L shifted one of his legs up a bit to bend it, settling B somewhat between his legs and he seemed to stir, not that L thought he had been asleep but he had been resting. Questions drifted into his mind…where had B been…how had he been…what did he do…?

But as he stared at the younger man it all seemed like questions that would only bring more questions and L didn’t really want to know the answers to any, B was here and he was healthy and he smelled good and he was himself. He was still concerned though, he wouldn’t allow B to go back on the streets and live however he’d been living, surely Quillsh would agree because it wasn’t something he’d want for a Wammy’s child.

“Did you miss me…L?”

B’s words came out against the bottom of his neck and it felt relaxing with the familiar question, so long ago B had gotten passed his barriers, the question was easy to answer.

“Yes. I hadn’t realized it until I saw you.” he said it very quietly.

“So why…did you tell me to sleep on the couch…?” B shifted and leaned his arms either side of L’s torso so he could lean up. L’s hands slipped from his hair and settled on B’s shoulders as his eyes widened in thought, well he couldn’t be **too** honest and tell B it was because he wanted attention

He felt so stupid and pathetic just thinking it.

“I told you…you seemed different. I’m not very in tune with people’s needs to act the opposite of how they’re feeling…?” it wasn’t a question out aloud, but L was curious about B’s feelings.

B stared at him, faces close, L was impassive but wide eyed and B smirked slightly and leaned more to one side, using his one hand to slide under L’s shirt and as expected he tensed under his touch.

It was obvious…well, kind of, that L was seeking an answer and yet he was still hesitant.

“What do you want…L?” he was hoping for one of L’s straight forward answers so he could know for sure but L blinked at him,

“I want you to tell me how you feel.”

B leaned a little closer and L absently lowered his eyes to B’s mouth,

“Isn’t it the same thing?” Beyond breathed against L’s mouth.

“Yes…” L still managed to respond in his even tone as if not affected.

B’s smirk faded and he licked his lips, his hand had been stationary but it shifted a little further over L’s firm stomach and he felt L’s leg shift a bit beside him…was that L’s version of a squirm?

“I want you…like I always have.” Beyond said very quietly and seriously. L seemed to respond well, smirking in his own odd way,

“It’s the same then…indeed.”

That was as honest as L would be without saying ‘I want you’.

B kissed him again, lips to lips and it was a full kiss even without tongue as their mouths moved together…and L caught up, he responded and pressed his lips against B’s, moving his own against the others with equal fervor. Slowly and close mouthed at first and then deeper, their mouths parting wider…eventually Beyond’s tongue fully slipped passed his lips and L’s face turned hot.

He remembered this…except now he wanted it completely.

Was it wrong that he wanted someone to be this way with? Even for just a few one shot sessions? For L that would be all he could hope in his life, with his way of life and B seemed to be the only person who made his body heat up so intensely. His other experiences paled so miserably in comparison to this and felt forced…he didn’t want to feel ashamed for **needing** this. So he went in for it fully and kissed Beyond back to express his eagerness, tasting the mint of toothpaste with the mixtures of chocolate…it was pleasant just because it was B’s tongue he was tasting.

He did feel a bit dirty. He couldn’t help it…feeling so wanton disconcerted him.

He was aroused and it was starting to flow to his southern area, he was flustered and B’s hand was running under his shirt firmly feeling him up along his torso, his hands pressing firmly into the flesh of L’s pectorals , sides and abdomen…groping…not caressing.

Breaking apart from kissing with a slight wet noise, L licked his lips and didn’t stop himself from kissing B’s mouth again when the other leaned back in, their lips meshing together and coming apart slightly wet and cherry colored, Beyond’s eyes spoke volumes of what he wanted but something else was in his eyes.

“You’ve been with someone?” he asked quietly and L felt the warm fingers trail over one of his nipples and back down over his stomach.

L swallowed and took a quiet breath before speaking,

“Two people…two women…” he said equally quiet.

Beyond seemed to consider this,

“No other man?”

“No.” it was the truth.

Anger flashed in B’s eyes and L spoke,

“You too…don’t think you can pretend as if you’ve not touched anyone since myself.” he accused with the accuracy only L could.

It felt odd for them both…they weren’t a couple and yet somehow confessing these things was hard, it felt like betrayal.

B exhaled heavily through his nose,

“Yes…”

L didn’t ask how many, he didn’t want to know…he didn’t need to know because feeling how B’s body was tensed with jealously and feeling the intensity in his kiss , seeing the want and desperation in his eyes…L knew he was the one B wanted. Ultimately.

There was a certain amount of power he felt in that and he reveled in.

Vanity. He was the important one to B…he was the…obsession. Anyone else was unimportant.

He disregarded the thoughts when B got up suddenly onto his knees on the bed and grabbed L’s waist, pulling him down roughly so he was laying flat, his hands went straight to L’s shirt and pushed it up and over his head, L let him take It off and B’s mouth was on his stomach, sucking his skin and his hands were on L’s jeans undoing the button and zipper. He bit L’s stomach a little harder than was gentle and L bit his lip to stop a small hiss from slipping out from the sharp pinching sensation.

It may have been sore but it worked, he was turned on by it and he was mostly incoherent to everything just with Beyond‘s mouth on him. L had experienced orgasm very few times…but he knew how good it felt and with B’s mouth on him he was really feeling himself ache.

So dirty and unlike anything he ever wanted to feel. Sex with the women had been clinical and healthy…but this was overwhelming, indulgent and desirable…and it felt so good to have B’s mouth and teeth leaving marks on his chest…his tongue running over L’s nipples was  just…what he wanted.

His jeans were open but B made no move to remove them, kissing his way back up until he was on L’s mouth again, their breathing mingling noisily as they kissed again and L felt B take his hand firmly in his own and direct it.

His fingers grazed over B’s flesh and the slight hair on his stomach tingling as they went, B moving to laying partially on his side he angled L’s hand into the loose pants and wrapped the long fingers around his length.

“Aah…” he moaned slightly into L’s mouth when the hand gripped him firmly and started feeling him, moving up and down, L’s mouth not letting up on kissing B and he felt L’s teeth occasionally on his lips.

It was need and L was letting it out.

B loved it.

L couldn’t believe the sweep of arousal that coursed through him when he felt B’s thick hot length in his hand…

He laughed into L’s mouth and exhaled deeply when L’s fingers massages his  package and then moved back up to his erection, L made a sound distinctly like stifled frustration.

But from L it sounded like a short hum and B grabbed his wrist tightly and pulled his hand out, shifting his weight so he was partially back onto his knees, he grabbed L’s other wrist and pressed them into the bed just above his head,

“This time…when I fuck you…it’ll be different.”

L said nothing as he looked up at the younger man and flexed his fingers, B was cutting off the circulation but the arousal in his jeans wasn’t going anywhere.

“This time…I know what I’m doing…”

L very vaguely nodded, his expression never changing much, B let his wrists go and L let out a small sigh of relief. B was practically ripping his jeans down and they came off quickly.

Beyond took his kisses and bites to L’s thighs, the soft inner part and he nipped L slightly over his erection through his underwear.

L was tense again and he’d leaned up on his elbows, B looked up at him as his fingers curled under the waist band of his underwear, he wanted to reassure L that it wouldn’t feel like it had before…it wouldn’t be anything like that…but he  decided rather to show him.

He slipped L’s underwear down and off and then dropped his eyes to L’s erection as he kneeled between his pale legs again. He tasted it and let it fill his mouth…he’d dreamed and fantasized about doing this to L and having it done to him by L but it was so much better than fantasizing was. L bucked for the first time and let a sound slip from his mouth, his breath getting a little shaky.

B didn’t focus his attention there for too long, slipping L from his mouth and kissing his stomach again…he knew he could make like cum with a blow job, he wanted L to experience something that was ruined for him the first time…when B was eager and partially clueless.

“Hmmm…L…you have no idea how much I’ve fantasized about this…” he mumbled against the rise and fall of L’s stomach.

“Beyond…” L said it rather dully as acknowledgment but having laid back down and being so fully aroused, B knew he had to move this along.

“Yes…L…” he leveled himself with L, shifting his knees under L’s thighs a bit to raise and spread his legs.

They kissed again and L’s hands went into B’s hair, B gave no warning as he used some of L’s his pre cum to smooth over the tips of two of his fingers and rubbed them against L‘s entrance. L jerked a bit when B’s fingers touched him there but it wasn’t like before, he didn’t say anything or stop B, he frowned a bit and kissed B harder when the fingers started pressing into him though.

But after a minute and a third finger L shoved B back a bit with his hand on B’s shoulder and grit his teeth as he took deep pained breathes,

“…Beyond…” he sounded upset, it was stinging and bringing back memories of how he’d felt that night, like he was ripped apart…not a pleasant thing to be thinking about when he was so turned on.

“Wait…just wait…” B pleaded, breathing against L’s mouth as he jerked his fingers inside of L roughly.

L shook his head when he remembered how he’d bled and moved to sit up using his elbows,

“No…stop it…forget it…”

B’s face settled in anger and with his fingers probing L deeply on one hand, he shoved L down with his other roughly,

“I said wait…”

L did not look happy, he had to get it right.

He removed his third finger and stretched L a bit more by scissoring him with just two, watching L keep his face steady from making a pained face, he was becoming frustrated himself as he pressed deeper again, until he felt L’s walls tense around him and L’s breath caught.

He lifted his hand off L’s chest and removed his fingers, L frowned as Beyond laid between his legs,

“Should I turn over?”

B seemed more serious all of a sudden,

“No…I want to see your face….” he kissed L’s mouth and then slipped his tongue passed L’s lips as he pushed his pants down quickly and easily off his legs, freeing him up for movement, he positioned himself and started pushing against L’s prepared puckered entrance.

L felt the pain he remembered as B pressed into him but while he expected to feel the searing pain shooting up his spine  the deeper B went he only continued to feel the mild stinging, the kissing came to a lip to lip halt as B jerked himself fully into L and watched him flinch, shutting his eyes tightly.

He didn’t wait to move this time and supported himself on his elbows, pulling out and roughly thrusting back in hard. L’s hands shot up and gripped his shoulders as he exhaled harshly and noisily. B did it again harder and L’s nails clawed into B’s back just to be able to grab onto something.

He did it again, quicker and hard each time…the right angle and L wasn’t able to hold it anymore.

He moaned in a very deep breath as his inner walls tightened around B’s length, his thighs tensing at B’s sides.

B grinned like the devil and with every thrust he pushed deeper, forcing L’s walls to contract as he stimulated L’s prostate directly.

His next moan was shorter but louder and L was trying to stifle the noises,

“Let it out…” B said and slipped a hand between them to grip L’s firm erection and stroke it as he thrust forcefully again and smiled wider at the wonderful friction, his eyes opening and closing.

“Aaaah!!” L shouted and pressed his head back into the bed, his entire body was hot and the pleasure was so perfect.

B didn’t let up, his breathing harsh and teeth grit tightly together as he thrust roughly into L, rocking the bed slightly and hearing their skin smacking loudly together while his hand slid along L’s length in quick strokes…holding nothing back but still concentrating on pleasuring L.

It felt incredible for him though because every time L’s body tensed it was heavenly friction for B, harder and harder to thrust and to hold on to his climax.

L was good at keeping his noises quiet but his breathes were so heavy and quick that they were catching in his throat, Beyond even let a few moans slip.

Harder…so deep L’s face was expressing a painful kind of pleasure as his wet mouth went from B‘s shoulder to his cheek to his mouth.

It went on for barely a minute longer before L let go with somewhat of a deep moan and B felt the warm stickiness between them as L came. He kept moving though, L was frowning, shaking and…was that a whimper against B’s shoulder? Delightful sound.

B didn’t stop moving until the contractions of L’s walls around him became too much and he came as well, breathing heavily and his entire body cramping with the exertion but he felt it just barely since he was wracked with an orgasm that he had only dreamed about.

It had been slow and hard…deep and painful, completely controlled on B’s part, he hadn’t missed L’s sweet spot even once and the intensity of it all was proved by the deep nail marks all along B’s back and L’s orgasm.

L was still shaking and B was trying to catch his breath as L’s hand slid over his slightly sweaty back further down to his sides, fingers twitching a bit and his legs tensed around B’s waist so firmly he couldn’t move.

He sniffed back his exhaustion and shifted so he could see L’s face and the light grey eyes opened to look up at him. L  looked pale, but his ears were red and his expression was exhausted. Beyond was concerned, maybe he shouldn’t have been so…direct every time…maybe L had needed time to catch his breath…he expected L to ask him to move off…just like the first time.

But he didn’t…instead he just closed his eyes again and his hands shifted over Beyond’s back and up into his hair. It surprised B because for the first time…L leaned up and kissed him first. It was weak and a little sloppy but it felt good to B, who smiled against the kiss, he knew he‘d done it right this time.

L knew he was going to pass out.

* * *

 

He took in a deep breathe as he shifted on the bed, feeling warm and very exhausted…L opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear the blurry sleep from his vision. His hotel room came into focus, the neutral beige and peach of a hotel room and the smell of…

He blinked again and brought his arms up since he was laying flat on his stomach, he leaned up on his elbows and glanced at the other side of the bed.

True as the smell he recognized of B’s body from the night before, the younger man was laying almost right next to him and L noticed B’s one hand limply settled on his lower back, the sheets barely covering him as he slept.

He was older and yet he felt so dwarfed next to B, like he really did fall into a submissive where B was concerned in more than just a sexual way. He shifted onto his side to face B and he reached out to pull the white bed sheets more over Beyond’s naked body, leaving only his feet and some of his upper body exposed. He was sore and he could feel it in his legs, hips and his more obvious area, but he wasn’t going to over analyze the night before, it had been what it was…and he’d enjoyed it **immensely.**

He’d felt a little thrown off by it though, he hadn’t expected it to be so…good.

He blushed slightly and pressed his forehead into the pillow beneath him, turning back onto his stomach and looking away from B‘s relaxed face.

He could get used to that.

So long ago he’d been so against this sort of physical contact only because he’d never considered it necessary and on the subject of sex itself, while L had deduced that perhaps at some point he’d try it, he’d never imagined his first time would have been at Wammy’s with his male successor…yet it was.

And here he was, after so many years…and still B was the only person who’d sent such enveloping shocks of pleasure spasming through him. He’d been numb after the initial orgasm wore off and his finger tips still felt numb right then.

He knew of the power of the mind, being attracted to someone whether it was physically or mentally usually enhanced physical and emotional affections or interactions…so if he had to come to a conclusion he’d admit only to himself that he did in fact like Beyond in a…romantic way?

No that was not the correct word…he was attracted to B on more levels than he’d acknowledged as a teen though, the very fact he’d wanted so badly for Beyond to make physical contact the night before meant that subconsciously after all these years, some part of him had desired the other man. L sighed into the pillow, he’d just thought he wasn’t going to over analyze the situation.

He laid back down fully and closed his eyes, staring across the room at the curtains and the faint morning light coming through, he was an adult and he didn’t have to feel bad for wanting sex with someone he was attracted to, he had convinced himself of that the night before and it made sense to him.

He was no longer so inexperienced and clearly Beyond wasn’t either, so they were responsible for what they chose to do, L more so since technically all of this had started because he’d allowed it to. He’d realized after leaving Wammy’s that he was more sexually in touch with himself than he’d thought, not that he’d needed to act on it, but his knowledge and desensitized approach to the basics of sex and contact had always been an easy overlook because there was nothing in it that held mystery.

Except the emotion.

So when he started becoming attracted to Beyond emotionally…the dormant overlooked sexual side of his teenage body had reared its head very quickly like it had been waiting to emerge. He’d suppressed it because it was without necessity up until Beyond came onto the scene…

Beyond was wrong and right somehow…L knew he’d let B get away with…bad things –if he’s suspicions of B’s influence to A’s – _supposed-_ suicide was anything to go by.

Supposed, that implied L suspected foul play and of course he did…

He pushed the thought out of his mind and felt a little nauseous at his own secret weakness and selfishness.

A had been losing it anyway…the pressure of succeeding him sent both A and B over the edge to a certain extent, that was an excuse, A had a reason to kill himself…?

He sighed again as he lay there with his eyes closed and his body aching, Beyond’s quiet breathing could be heard just behind him.

L felt himself slipping back into sleep…

…when he heard a noise. Beyond hadn’t moved from behind him…so…

It was a door and he knew it was the bedroom door even before he managed to pull himself from the drowsy half asleep state, his eyes snapped open and he opened his mouth,

“Quillsh, wai-!” he sat up on his side still feeling a little dizzy as pain rushed up along his back but it was too late…the old man was standing inside the doorway and staring at the scene on the bed.

L closed his eyes and exhaled,

“You could have knocked.” He said sternly and then looked almost angrily apologetic at the other.

Quillsh merely squared his shoulders and continued into the room to the table, setting a tea tray down,

“I shall bring breakfast shortly and more cases that have arrived for you to work on.”

L stared at him as he turned back without looking and walked out, he huffed irritably and got up, legs swinging off the bed as he completely ignored the pain in his body and leaned down to pick his jeans up off the floor.

He winced as he pulled them over his naked lower half, assessing himself with a short once over and was grateful that whatever bodily fluids had been on him were not visible.

He rushed out of the room, hiding his limp quite well and he closed the door behind him, making it in time to see Wammy  about to open the hotel door.

He stopped and turned to look at L, his grey eyes doing a slow look over the slightly taller young man and even across the lounge L felt a little too exposed from that look and his bare torso.

“I apologize…I hadn’t expected you to come so early.”

“It’s 6:30.” Was the dead toneless response.

L mentally berated himself for sleeping later than 5:30 but it was useless, it happened to him occasionally when he slept like the dead and last night he’d been exhausted.

“Well, please accept my apology…I meant no disrespect to you.” No one but Wammy ever received an apology, or a completely sincere one, from L.

It was his hotel room anyway and while part of him didn’t want to be sorry…he still was.

Quillsh sighed and glanced around the hotel room,

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t expected this to happen, not that I thought I’d walk in on the evidence of it.”

“I suspected you knew as much.” L was speaking with his usual low dull tone but his eyes were serious as he regarded Wammy.

“Hm, well…so long as you understand that this can only be a fleeting thing L. There is no room in your life for someone like Beyond…for anyone of such a nature really.” He was being serious too.

As much as it irked L to know he’d never be able to keep B…a part of him was grateful for it too, in the end he was still far too happy being isolated to have something like this as a constant distraction…or so he hoped.

That feeling of longing he’d had just seeing Beyond had been one of the strongest emotions he’d experienced to date.

It scared him a little.

“I understand that and I have no intention it.” He admitted honestly.

“Good.” He turned around, “…breakfast in a half an hour and then I’ll be visiting the orphanage.” He walked out and shut the door just a bit harder than necessary.

L felt his insides shake as Quillsh left and he sighed irritably again, he noticed how overly expressive he was being and gathered his self control, his expression evening out to its impassive look and his hands sliding into his pockets. He walked back toward the bedroom and glanced at Beyond, he was laying on his back now having had his sleep stirred.

L didn’t bother with him right then.

He was adult…as he’d reiterated to himself constantly, he had responsibilities and obligations to his work. Well not really, he generally did what he wanted when he wanted but right then warm scones and hot coffee sounded better than anything…right after a shower.

* * *

 

L had come to appreciate showers more than bathing over the years, it was quicker and cleaner. After washing every inch of himself methodically, he brushed his teeth…again thinking over the toothbrush thing like his OCD tendencies forced him too and he finally left the untidy bathroom an hour later. Without a glance in B’s direction he walked over to his suitcases and like B had done the night before, he started looking through it.

He found a slightly wrinkled white shirt and a dark blue jeans and then some underwear, dressing quickly L then grabbed another towel from the bathroom and rubbed his hair dry as he walked out of the bedroom, if B was awake he hadn’t moved or spoken, so L saw fit to ignore him. He’d never usually be able to just allow someone to exist so casually in the same space as him…considering what the bedroom looked like and how he wasn’t insisting Beyond leave his presence so he could have some peace of mind…

…no, he liked knowing B was in the next room. How odd for him.

He stepped up onto the usual sofa and placed the small damp towel on the armrest before leaning forward and starting his lap tops up, his hair was all over his head and hanging in his face. It hurt a lot to crouch but sitting would not be any more comfortable so he resigned himself to the discomfort.

* * *

 

_“_ _Shut up_ _…”_ _Beyond breathed harshly as he fought with a heavy metal  garage door of the abandoned house to pull it down, it was so rusted._

_“…_ _shut up_ _…_ _shut up_ _…”_ _he repeated and repeated. It was voices in his head_ _…_ _he did hear voices and they were always in the same tone_ _…_

_L_ _’_ _s tone.  Always deep and soothing yet saying such mocking things._

_Questioning whether he_ _’_ _d left anything behind, forgotten anything,_ _…_ _made any mistakes._

_Beyond Birthday never made mistakes_ _…_ _he was a fucking genius! Why did L mock him???_

_No not L_ _…_ _it was just voices_ _…_ _of L._

_“_ _Shut up_ _…_ _!_ _”_ _he breathed again harshly as the heavy door slammed down closed and cast darkness over him. With deep breaths he glanced over his shoulder at the man who was bound and barely conscious, laying among the oil stains  and dirt collected in the abandoned houses garage._

_B had always had a knack for finding little murder hovels like this one._

_He stood up and walked over to the man laying on his side on the floor, hands bound behind his back with wire and his feet as well, B pushed the man onto his back with a heavy boot and saw fear lining the young man_ _’_ _s eyes as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light except  from a small window letting in moonlight barely._

_Fear…shining in the dull moonlight._

_Who cared what the fear was for_ _…_ _who cared what he was  leaving behind by being murdered? Not B_ _…_ _it would end the same way for the poor fucker_ _…_ _just some money from his wallet and no evidence of his body left to be found. When he crouched down the blood smell slipped into his senses, his eyes focusing acutely on the man_ _’_ _s neck and head wounds for a moment before he started rummaging through the man_ _’_ _s pockets causing him to squirm a little, making panicked but futile sounds._

_Beyond only paid attention when they screamed_ _…_ _it was a person_ _’_ _s last dying minutes that they truly held nothing back, it was the best thing to watch someone_ _’_ _s face when they died_ _…_ _because right at the moment they knew it was happening was a only time in their lives that they truly appreciated having been alive._

_“_ _Do you appreciate being alive_ _…_ _?_

_“_ _Shut up_ _…”_ _Beyond mumbled both sentences, one directed at no one and the other to L_ _’_ _s voice whispering that he was insane._ _  
_

_Beyond wasn_ _’_ _t insane_ _…_ _he wasn_ _’_ _t yet and he didn_ _’_ _t want to get there._

_He had too much_ _…_ _mind. He needed less mind, less awareness_ _…_ _ignorance may truly be bliss._

_Because the alternative was to suffer_ _…_ _to have everything of the mind and nothing of life_ _…_ _would literally drive you into yourself._

_He hadn_ _’_ _t even realized he was smothering the man with his hand until the man started jerking a little more violently, Beyond_ _’_ _s long spindly fingers clutching his mouth and clamping his nose as he leaned over him and stared into his face, with contemplative eyes the size of L_ _’_ _s, his knee digging into his stomach to hold him down._

_He didn_ _’_ _t have to kill them to steal from them_ _…_ _he just **wanted** to._

_His nose started bleeding and he saw it drip down and fall onto the forehead of the man who was turning red and white and slowly blue from suffocation_ _…_ _the droplets contrasted dying skin so alluringly_ _…_

* * *

 

Beyond choked on his saliva as he inhaled sharply, hand clutching the bed sheets as he jerked slightly into consciousness and he opened his eyes, glancing down at the bed sheet underneath his head he saw blood and he sat up quickly, ignoring how dizzy it made him. He cupped his nose and felt the warm blood slipping between his fingers.

He wobbled and slid off the bed, rushing naked into the bathroom and slamming the door.

He grabbed the cold water faucet, leaving blood on the reflective silver surface as he opened it and leaned over, washing his face and the blood away from his nose before standing back up and daring himself to look into the mirror.

The blood still ran from his nose, deep red and not quite thick as it settled in the small upturn of his top lip, slowly slipping down the center of his top lip to line his slightly parted mouth. He stared only at his red tainted eyes.

B hated mirrors…they didn’t truly reflect him, they never had because whoever Beyond Birthday had been he no longer existed and the name no longer floating above his head was proof of that.

Was he L now?

Some perverse extension of the real man?

Was he Ryuzaki? He’d referred to himself as such since leaving Wammy’s.

He could taste the blood on his tongue and felt it slipping over his chin in a thin line so he took more water from the still running tap and washed it away again, the tainted pink water dropping onto the clear marble surface top and into the white basin, most of  it swirling away.

Blood loss.

People bled out profusely when cut in certain places…B found that his favorite places were the femoral artery on a women, just because cutting a women’s thigh almost seemed strangely polite to kill her and on a man it was definitely the throat because all of the power, dignity or masculinity was lost when they were spitting up blood and choking back on it in their throats.

He sighed and some of the blood was forced out quicker so he rinsed his nose and mouth again and continued leaning there, eventually it would stop…it always did. He hadn’t bled from his nose in a while.

Beyond knew he only bled when certain emotions and needs arose in him and his brain activity spiked dangerously, forcing his mind to over work…headaches and bleeding resulted. When he killed a whore it was  business…when he took a victim it was pleasure.

But why had he dreamt of that particular kill…?

After a moment he realized that it was because L’s voice in his head had ceased since that night about 10 months back, he hadn’t heard L mocking him…not after he smothered that man and the voice as well.

He shivered and his hands started shaking when he remembered how he’d pictured L being the one he was suffocating, watching L’s eyes close slowly…

It caused him physical pain to remember that feeling and thought, his chest tightening, lips curling back in a sneer. He turned away from the mirror after closing the tap and he wiped away the lesser blood from his nose so it smeared along his pale forearm.

He loved L…he loved him so much it hurt.

But the voices had stopped…long ago.

Now he was in L’s presence and he supposed it made sense such a thing would come up, B didn’t sleep because he hated smelling blood in his sleep…usually.

He closed his eyes and remembered when A had clutched at his shoulder with his free barely damaged hand, his blue eyes watering and panic was clear in his face as B had relentlessly severed the veins and nerves so that A was twitching like he was having a seizure…the entire knife had been covered in blood.

Blood had been tasted that night literally, he remembered how the spray of it had managed to land some on his lips and when he’d licked them afterward while A twitched away his final breathes…he’d tasted it.

He’d never opened his mouth around a bloody murder again…the taste was too final…it almost burned and it lingered too long in his throat.

Death was meant to happen and be done with and that was how B handled it, kill them and make them fucking disappear. He didn’t want to taste their life…the idea made him nauseous right then and he held it down as he wiped the last blood from his nose with his hand.

He turned back to the mirror and opened the taps to rinse the blood away, glancing at his pasty skin and limp hair…his naked body had a few white tissue scars but under the harsh light that was on for some reason…he couldn’t see his stab wound near his hip or the marks of nails that had been stuck into his flesh when he’d dealt with one of his  more feisty victims…

He turned a bit and ran his fingers over the slight scars barely visible against his ribs and sternum.

Would L ask? Had he noticed them?

He looked away from his face that was stained on his forehead and cheek with blood from when he slept and he sniffed, tasting blood in his throat, B slowly swallowed the need to scream.

* * *

 

L had heard a door slam closed in the bedroom and he’d not flinched but merely raised his eyes to glance down the short hall at the closed bedroom door of the hotel room. Looking back down at the new case files Quillsh had left, he paused a moment and let his eyes drift to the half empty tea cup next to his computer.

He’d vividly remembered the taste of B’s mouth and sweat…from when he’d used his shoulder to muffle the noises he’d made.

It was intoxicating and distracting and for this reason L would never have the option of keeping B, he had no options.

Licking his lips absently, L glanced around the neatened lounge and remembered Wammy’s uneasy silence around him while he’d straightened up the room.

He felt like it was just after Wammy’s House all over again…

Then again, it basically was…except worse.

He licked some of the peach jam from the corner of his lip as he reached for another scone with more of the sweet jam and bit into it while he held it between two fingers, he’d been using only one hand to sort through the three boxes of proposed cases and so far his actual work pile had only 22 cases in it out 400 Quillsh had brought with him.

Interesting criminals were hard to find.

After some time and a chocolate éclair L heard the shower come on, the sound was faint but distinctive and again he didn’t pay it much mind, going on with what he was doing between answering emails addressed to Deneuve and Coil from closed cases.

Over a half hour passed before the door opened and L was opening the first case he was willing to see to, fingers wiped on a serviette sitting in an empty sweet plate, he paged through the 34 child victims  of a very sick man, L was impassive as he read it but on the inside he was suitably disgusted…if nothing else.

He really had developed an immunity to feeling things at around the age of 6, so while he could understand the sentiment of disgust and hatred toward criminals, he didn’t actually feel them…just the need to lock them away and hold their crimes and his victory over their heads.

His trophy’s.

No one truly knew this of L…except Wammy to a denied extent and of course…perhaps B saw this too, L didn’t know.

He certainly saw more in Beyond than the other knew, that was for certain.

Beyond sat down and pulled a leg up to his chest as he leaned back on the sofa, a  box of case files  wason the end seat nearest to L’s single chair. He watched L as the other ignored him quite skillfully, starting to type out case notes with one talented set of fingers while he held a police and medical report up between his fingers and skimmed it, he memorized only the most important things, occasionally glancing at the computer as he typed.

“Would you like some help?” B asked as he lifted one of the case files out of the box between two fingers like L, feeling slightly less confident about his mental state made him revert back to a safe place.

L didn’t notice because he was flipping through photo’s and making notes of details in the pictures but he was listening,

“I only have 68 cases to complete…” L said with a dull sigh, which let B know he wasn’t completely on guard and speaking like a machine.

He frowned and looked at the boxes besides the one beside him,

“Is this other stuff done then?” he asked as he opened a new file to look through.

“No. I am selective…those are cases I will not be doing.”

B stared at him…three boxes and L had a small pile on  the floor at his couch to do, B knew he wasn’t lazy with work…so this must truly be the extent of L’s detective status and exclusivity. He’d just opened two murder cases with more that three victims in each and rather interesting murder methods…but L wasn’t even interested.

He was never disillusioned into believing L gave a shit about the victims in these cases, only the criminals, so it fit quite well.

“Could I have more tea, Beyond.”

So much like L, never a request but an instruction…and without hesitation Beyond stood up  to do as told. L spared his back a glance as he went to the kitchen and his mind drifted for a moment to Beyond’s words from the night before.

_“I don’t want to go insane…”_

Yes, he knew quite a bit more about the other than he would mention.

* * *

 

When B returned it was with two cups and he and L drank in silence as L worked and B paged through case after case, letting his own habit of memorizing details come into play and he did some puzzle piecing but not bothering to go further…if it wasn’t good enough for L it wasn’t good enough for him.

Besides, he was getting anxious.

He glanced at L and watched how his grey eyes skimmed over the pages of whatever he was reading, thin fingers shifting documents while barely touching them…L’s very discreet habit of licking just the inside of his lips.

B narrowed his eyes and curled his long fingers around the case file he held,

“When will Wammy be back?” he spoke low and a little testily.

L noticed the tone of voice but didn’t acknowledge it, instead he remembered Quillsh was going to Winchester for the morning and afternoon, Wammy’s House was a topic worth discussing.

“Why did you leave Wammy’s?” L changed the subject of whatever B was thinking about.

B stared at his side profile for a moment and then lifted a new case file out while tossing the other down on the other side of him, the pile was growing untidy,

“Because you didn’t come for A’s funeral…” he said honestly.

L didn’t miss a beat,

“You knew I was not coming back.”

Neither did B,

“I thought such an event would demand your presence.”

Silence…L had stopped shifting papers and he felt Beyond’s eyes on him.

Was Beyond testing him?

Beyond was testing him.

L took a slight short breath and went back to what he was doing and B stopped himself from smirking, some things didn’t change, L wasn’t interested in the obvious. It wasn’t an admission of guilt per say….but really, how much closer did it get when faced with the bare and obvious truths and evidence.

Even in B’s mind, considering L knew more about his mistreatment of A than anyone, it all pointed to him.

But he second guessed himself on how obvious it would be to L  when he realized that he knew he was capable of hurting, mauling and killing…whereas L didn’t actually know that.

“Yes, it was regrettable but we were far away and dealing with a serious case.” L sounded as dead as ever, giving nothing away.

“What if I had died?” B raised an eyebrow and his lips twitched into a smirk , leaning his chin on his own knee against his chest. He wore a pair of L’s blue jeans and a white shirt…another thing L hadn’t noticed or commented on.

“Have you met the new successors?” L changed the subject yet again.

L wasn’t about to answer that question…as far as he knew of himself, if B died he’d feel nothing just as he had for A. He didn’t want to say that, playing the rarely used tact card just to keep the situation from getting tense, not that he minded tense, just not right then.

L didn’t think he was sadistic or masochistic…he wanted to provoke Beyond to get his attention but never to be hurt by him, there was a difference even if it was a little underhanded, he never claimed to be above such a thing.

“Not directly.” B said honestly again, getting any conversation out of L in the past had been hard so he wasn’t going to push L right then to stray from this open dialogue between them.

“What about Mello?”

L was doing the thing where he knew the answer but wanted you to tell him about it anyway…detective thing B supposed.

“Yes…not met per say but I was in his presence for a few minutes.”

“Alone?”

“Yes.”

“What transpired during these few minutes?” never taking his eyes off of his work, not shifting from his perched and balanced position, like a machine.

“I slapped him.” B stated and L looked up at him with wide eyes,

“Did you?”

“Yes…he has a filthy mouth.” B added and closed the case file he was reading.

L blinked once slowly,

“Beyond…you are not permitted to ever touch any one of my heirs again.” L’s eyes were wide and blank, “…ever.”

B looked him directly in the eyes.

Perhaps L had more concerns about B’s treatment of A than he cared to admit?

“I’ll never be in their presence again…so you’ve no need to worry.”

“Never…Beyond.” L stated and his face took on his serious look, where his eyes reflected a certain amount of threat.

B nodded very subtly and L turned his eyes away and he seemed distracted right before he dropped his work and stood up. He left the lounge area, B watched him go, turning his head a bit to see L heading toward the kitchen.

L had just had a little victory…now B wanted one.

He tossed the file away from him and stood up, following L’s path and finding him placing a plate of cake on the counter as the fridge swung closed. B came up behind him and turned L around roughly so he wobbled and leaned against the counter slightly, hands clenching on the counter edge as Beyond’s long fingers clutched his face slightly, making L’s mouth push out a bit and Beyond smiled at him in a devious way.

He kissed L and he used his other hand to grip L’s hair and tilt his head to the side, L hesitated for a second and then his eyes closed and he opened his mouth to let B kiss him, responding when he was given a chance, Beyond was practically choking him with the forcefulness of his tongue.

L was allowing this…wasn’t he?

Or was B taking this?

The lines were blurring…

“Look at me…” B pulled back and L opened his eyes.

If anyone had to see them so close…it would look like two of the same.

Neither of them could ever forget the others face.

“What time will Wammy be back L…” it was a quiet demand.

L narrowed his eyes,

“Much later…” he said despite the pain in his body from the previous night, it had been less than 12 hours yet he already felt that familiar stirring of arousal in his stomach.

Beyond turned him around again and L allowed it at first and then he felt B kissing the back of his neck and undoing the button of his jeans as he stood behind him.

“We will not do this here.” his voice was shaking.

“Yes we will.” B’s voice was not very pleasant.

“Beyond…” he  paused when his zip came down, his pants and underwear were pushed down easily, he let out a deep breath when B started to stroke his slightly hard length,

“Don’t tell me you wont…you will L…” he was saying and smiling, even if L couldn’t see it, “…you’ll do it for me.” he pushed his luck.

He felt L shiver as he continued stroking and slipping his tongue into L’s ear, L’s fingers curling into fists as he leaned on the counter.

“This time its going to hurt…but your still going to enjoy it…”

“…” L said nothing as B’s zipper sounded.

No he was not a masochist…he just really wanted this.

He didn’t know why…but he did. And being L, he wasn’t going to deny himself  anything he wanted.

“Urh…” he made the sound at the pinching feeling of Beyond forcing two fingers into him, L grit his teeth and stared at the counter surface, he wasn’t raw or torn inside, he was just sore and a little swollen and so B’s fingers were quite uncomfortable.

It didn’t last long and L was pressed forward when Beyond’s length replaced his fingers, using his hands on the counter for leverage against the pressure of the other pushing into him.

This was quite a bit worse than Quillsh finding them that morning…L wasn’t thinking about what he was allowing.

And he felt as if he were ripping again, heat and pain filled his body and he tried to move away from B but he was trapped against the counter and a hand clamped over his mouth when B jerked into him twice to fully sheath himself, hot breath was on his ear and B’s hand had stifled his shout of pain.

All over again L felt like he would cry…it was so painful to be penetrated this way…lack of preparation or any kind of lubrication, even the natural sort. He was breathing quite heavily and then he slapped his hand over B’s on his mouth when B moved out and in, tearing…he had to keep himself from screaming as he leaned over the counter.

Two more painful thrusts and then it happened…the pleasure rushed up his spine making him tingle…and again…and again.

L didn’t stop to think about the hand keeping his shouts quiet so he could make the noises muffled, or the fact he was bent over a kitchen counter with his pants around his ankles having sex.

He was red in  the face and completely incoherent as B’s filling length pounded into him from behind, making his swollen anal walls contract and send both cramps and pleasure through L’s legs and body, his fingers were turning white as he pressed them against the counter, being jerked forward with every thrust.

Beyond held L’s waist with his free hand with the other over L’s mouth as he moved , quick and hard, watching himself move  in and out of L’s swollen entrance, gloriously tight.

Fantasies would never…ever…be good enough again…he’d lose his mind.

L’s leg muscles were tensing as he tried to steady his feet on the ground as their flesh smacked together and Beyond leaned over and grunted against L’s clothed back when L’s walls clamped down around him and a deep moan vibrated against his hand. L‘s body tensed and Beyond closed his eyes, tainted red they nearly rolled back into his head as he came inside of L for a second time.

L was his…he grinned against L’s back as he breathed noisily through his teeth.

“You belong to me…” he breathed against the white clothing and opened his eyes to stare at L’s shoulders, his head hung down and forehead pressing against the cool surface of the counter.

L lifted his head but didn’t respond and instead he lifted himself up onto his palms again from his elbows and looked down at the mess he’d made, the cupboards were streaked with his thick white semen in disturbing streaks and some of it was even on the counter.

He felt dirty…why did he want to be taken this way? Why hadn’t he demanded they go to the bedroom at the very least…why, why why?

He let out a shaky breath and frowned, his control and composure lost for the moment as Beyond pulled out of him, it hurt severely worse now and he felt B’s semen leave his body and watched it fall into his jeans at his ankles as gravity took its course.

“I feel disgusting…” he breathed.

B’s words made him shiver with shame,

“That feeling doesn’t last very long…you’ll get used to it.” he breathed out.

Was that how he would be? Would he fantasize about B fucking him in such inappropriate places and in such a painful yet pleasurable way?

…he couldn’t answer himself, afraid of the answer being… **yes.** He needed to be away from Beyond…this was temporary. And still the thought left him feeling as empty  as before when he’d left Wammy’s.

L would never consider the thought that he needed B…or that he…felt more than that.

B was his choice, not the other way around.

L stood up straight slowly and Beyond had already pulled his jeans up when he crouched down, gritting his teeth at the pain and pulling his jeans up. B was standing over him in a way that made L shiver again…whether from disgust or interest he wasn’t even sure anymore, his fingertips were still tingling. When he was standing up straight again and zipping up his jeans, feeling the wetness in his jeans and between his thighs, B took his mind off it with a kiss, expressive in its self in B’s  always desperate  way.

L’s pale hands balanced again on the counter, he couldn’t find his feet right then, he was **not in control** …

…not in control. It angered him…had B really been calling the shots all this time?

Even now?

B was breathing as heavily as L when he pulled back,

“I love you L…” he sounded angry about it, “…you…make me….right…” he shook his head and grabbed L roughly, wrapping his arms around L’s shoulders, one hand deep in L’s hair along with his face and he held L close to him, breathing in his slightly sex sweated scent and natural smell mixed with sweet shampoo.

B needed him.

L’s impassive face was back except he was wide eyed with his chin on B’s shoulder.

_‘Yes…I am in control…’_ he thought as he brought his hands up and pressed them slightly against B’s back, gripping his shirt lightly between his thin fingers and returning the gesture. When B pulled back after a while he kissed L’s temple and his grey eyes met L’s unblinking eyes, all bells were going off in L’s head and B could see his mind working.

He wanted to gut himself for needing L…there was a time when he hadn’t even been sure L felt human emotions…how much of that had really changed? L expressed pain, he expressed anger and irritation…maybe concern and sadness.

Never remorse.

He expressed these things but did he feel them right down to the core like other people did…or did he file them away as a reference?

He already knew the answer as L’s expressed pain was gone and he looking around the kitchen.

L would likely never love anyone…he’d express feelings and maybe affection. He’d express grief if Wammy died, B supposed…but he would never **feel** it, it would never change L at the core…because there was nothing passed the point of L’s flesh…just organs that kept his flesh alive.

L’s brain was a machine and the central hub of the person…nothing…got through to that.

He let his hands fall from L’s shoulders where they’d settled.

“I’ll clean this up…” he mumbled…he was hurting.

L nodded and left the kitchen, not able to conceal the limp after just now, he shuffled away quickly and after some silence the bedroom door sounded as closing and B glanced around for paper towels or serviettes like the ones L had had in the lounge, finding a sealed pack, he ripped it open and crouched down to start wiping away the mess.

There was a time when he told himself L loved him…but even B was passed being delusional.

Now he was too deep into his reality to fake happiness when he was alone, like using L’s voice to tell himself L loved him. No…this happiness with L was exactly that…only when he was with L and yet still…it hurt

But L was his…love or not…he’d slit anyone’s throat for L, even his…own?

He  tasted blood and glanced down to see some blood from his nose dotting the material of the jeans on his knees…he was definately experiencing a certain heightened brain activity and he twitched slightly as he felt the blood trickle over his mouth again, head throbbing as he saw himself back when he was 17, taking a saw through some ones arm…there was no face after so much time…just the memory of the saw chafing bone…and the screaming.

He grinned a bit and wiped the blood onto his sleeve before bunching the used serviettes and standing up. He tossed them into the silver waste bin in the expensive hotel suite and took a fresh one to hold to his nose.

He saw the face of a prostitute as he’d punched her over and over in the face right before stripping her naked and  beginning to cut into her flesh…

It was his last business deal….her face…pleading eyes.

He ran his tongue along his teeth…something about their pain and suffering made him feel that much more like breathing was worth it.

He walked back in to the lounge area and over to the back of the couch he’d been sitting  on earlier, lifting a case file from the box as he leaned against the couch, he opened it and skimmed the information.

B’s small smirk fell away and his mouth twitched into a sneer…in his hand he held his own case file.

5 female prostitutes assumed dead, disappeared, between the ages of 18 and 25,  5 foot 2 general height.

Serial murders.

London, Leads, Reading, Manchester.

Possible unrelated prostitute deaths in a few other cities.

He checked the date…it was dated as being compiled since more than a year ago and L…was putting it in the pile he wouldn’t work with?

A case directly under his nose?

B smirked…he knew L better than he thought, a case with dead prostitutes wouldn’t catch his attention.

He paged through the notes, some other  prostitute witnesses and various statements.

He lifted a particular sheet of paper with the London Police  official document header.

‘As per L’s correspondent Mr. Bennet…” obviously Quillsh Wammy’s English L alias, “…L has compiled notes but decided to drop the case, no explanation was given. We will try to use his notes to…” blah blah.

That was written by the police commissioner of London , L **dropped** the case? The letter to the various British police stations was dated to about 6 months ago. He looked through the folder quickly, some papers falling to the floor as he did so and he found L’s report.

A white page of tiny typed font and at the very bottom was a single L, all the signature he needed.

He skimmed the general area information and possible locations and went straight to the profile.

‘Young male, between the ages of 17 to 21.’

‘Non de script, average  appearance, average looks,  remains unseen or noted by other sexual solicitors or witnesses.’

‘Possible motives vary between poverty, aggression and other similar factors.’

‘Intelligent, murders are concealed and yet obvious.’

‘Patterns of disappearance  reveal London is the return point after 2 to 3 month periods.’

‘Earlier cases of murder might relate as being dated back about 3 and a half years, 1998.’

It was a short report, the kind he’d seen during some tests back in Wammy’s when they were studying L’s cases, it was short notes, the kind L didn’t send as a report…but he’d stopped after that…just ended the case and sent this single piece of paper.

Had he discovered more and…

Beyond narrowed his eyes, he didn’t even know how L had drawn up such a profile…but if this was an outline, then that means L had compiled some sort of  evidence to draw these conclusions.

He knew he was being a little silly to even think it, but what were the chances that L was…ignoring this case because he knew.

Like he ignore talking about A’s suicide…because he knew 

B was just flattering himself, it was a nice thought though. He closed the folder

 


End file.
